SHATTERED

by S. C. Deutsch

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jan mumbled. Shuffling into the room, he looked around carefully. Ana sunk lower, hoping he wouldn’t see her. Unfortunately, Jan spied the empty chair next to hers and made his way over. Dropping into it, he turned to her with a huge smile.

  “Hi. Name’s Jan. What’s yours?” he said, eyes dancing. The rest of the class watched with avid interest. They all knew he spent every meal with Ana and her obvious discomfort was proving to be quite entertaining.

  “Stop it,” Ana hissed, face turning beet red. “You know damn well who I am. And everyone here knows you know it, too.”

  Jan plastered a look of mock hurt on his face, clutching a hand to his chest as if insulted. Ana wished she could become invisible, totally embarrassed at both Jan’s behavior and her inability to keep from blushing. Fortunately, Mis Hyster was not finding Jan’s actions funny and slammed her palm on the table. The vid-recording started, the catcalling began, and Jan dropped his attitude, looking at Ana seriously.

  “I’m sorry about breakfast. I overslept and barely made it to the commissary in time.”

  “I don’t care about that. But you can’t keep being late. It draws attention and even if you don’t care, I do. I want to finish and get out of here as fast as possible.”

  “Then I’ll behave from here on out,” Jan promised. “I just wanted to see you smile.”

  Ana gradually became aware of how quiet it was. The jeering and laughter had completely died out. Glancing around, she didn’t understand why everyone was watching in absolute silence. Until she looked at the vid-recording. And moaned.

  The student on the vid-recording was her. The creatures she was fighting were the dragons. Today’s critique was going to be on her fight to save Snick. She hunched, waiting for the insults that never came. The class stayed eerily silent, all eyes watching Ana and the dragons. Ana glanced at Jan and saw he was watching the fight as avidly as everyone else, leaning forward to get a better look. She lowered her head, not wanting to relive the experience again.

  When the vid-recording was done, Miss Hyster turned it off and stood silently for several minutes. No one spoke, leaving her confused. Her classmates turned to stare, making Ana wish she could disappear. Even Jan was staring, causing her to become annoyed. She stiffened her spine, sitting up and looking straight at Miss Hyster. Catching the instructor’s gaze, she held it until Miss Hyster broke it off. Turning away, her instructor called on one of the other students.

  “Miss Pitta, can you tell me what Miss Swift did wrong?” she asked, leaning against the table.

  “I didn’t see anything wrong,” the girl said, shaking her head.

  “Mr. Ifrit?” Miss Hyster asked, turning to another student.

  “Nothing,” he answered.

  Ana was shocked. Everyone made mistakes. She knew what she should have done differently and didn’t understand why no one else could see it.

  “Come now,” Miss Hyster said. “Everyone makes mistakes. No battle is perfect. Mr. Corvus, did you see anything?”

  Ana looked at Jan, curious to hear his response. Jan kept his eyes in front and Ana wondered if he was afraid to answer.

  “Uh, Ana should have, uh,” Jan said, clearing his throat several times. Ana could see his hands trembling slightly, causing her to smother a giggle. He WAS afraid.

  “Ana should have let the boy fight the dragons himself,” Jan finally answered lamely.

  “Ours is not to determine whether her actions prior to the fight were correct or not. We are only concerned with the fight itself. Was there anything she did wrong?”

  “She should have fought the dragons right away instead of running,” Jan said, giving up.

  “I have to disagree, Mr. Corvus. Miss Swift was quite correct in leading the dragons away. She had already devised a way to give herself better odds. Trying to fight both while still in the glade would probably have resulted in her death. By leading them to the leeches, she was able to neutralize one foe, increasing her odds.”

  Jan nodded and Ana could see red creeping up his neck. She had no idea if it was because he had been shot down or because he couldn’t find anything wrong. Either way, she found it funny and smothered another laugh.

  “Can anyone see anything Miss Swift did wrong?” Miss Hyster asked, her gaze travelling the room.

  “She should have killed the dragon that was immobilized by the leeches,” Ana replied.

  Miss Hyster’s head swiveled, and she stared at Ana. As did everyone in the class, including Jan. Several mouths dropped, and every look was incredulous.

  “You’re critiquing yourself?” Miss Hyster asked, amazed.

  “Is there something wrong with that?” Ana asked, confused. “The class is supposed to be about critiquing our performance on the island, right? That’s what I’m doing. I saw what I did wrong and I’m admitting to it.”

  “It’s just that I’ve never had a student criticize themselves before,” Miss Hyster said.

  “Well, they should,” Ana answered flatly. “If you can’t admit your mistakes and are blind to you faults, then you’ll never improve. I realized I should have killed the first dragon while it was immobilized.”

  “And why is that?” Miss Hyster asked seriously, recovering from her surprise.

  “Because I couldn’t be sure it wouldn’t come out of the mud before I took care of the other one. And that’s where I made my second mistake. After I killed the second, I should have gone back and made sure the first was dead.”

  “The chances of the first one recovering enough to come after you or return to attack the boy were almost zero,” Miss Hyster said, forgetting the rest of the class. The conversation now only involved the two of them, the rest of the students mere spectators.

  “Almost is not an absolute. Many people survive the leeches. It would only make sense that the creatures do, too. I should have made sure the creature was dead.”

  “You were gravely injured yourself. And extremely run-down, from what I could see.”

  “Yes, I was. I was exhausted, dehydrated, and malnourished. And I was severely burned. But none of that excuses my lapse. My mistake could have cost me or the boy our lives.”

  “Miss Swift, I’m extremely impressed. Not only did you perform against the Cham-vars better than anyone I’ve ever seen, but you admitted your mistakes and suggested what you should have done differently. Thank you.”

  Miss Hyster pushed away from the desk and bowed. The rest of the class stood, all turning to Ana, and bowed as well. Even Jan showed her the honor, his smile back but his face still awed. Miss Hyster started clapping, the rest of the students joining in.

  Ana wanted to sink into the floor. She didn’t think her performance was special and had only done what she thought would have the best chance of succeeding. She hadn’t been thinking about herself and the respect everyone was showing was, in her opinion, misplaced.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “I’m honored. But it wasn’t that special. Anyone would have done the same.”

  “Miss Swift, you came up with a plan in seconds, drawing on other experiences to help you. The plan you devised was both simple and ingenious. I highly doubt anyone would have performed the same.”

  Ana nodded, not knowing what else to say. Miss Hyster smiled, the first time Ana had seen her do so, then turned to the rest of the class.

  “Since Miss Swift’s performance was almost flawless, despite how she feels about it, there will be no report due. You are excused. Tomorrow, we will watch a new vid-recording.”

  With that, Miss Hyster dismissed the class, giving the students not only an afternoon off but also an extra hour of free time. The class cheered, turning and thanking Ana as they hurried out of the room. Jan lingered, waiting while she gathered up her tab.

  “Miss Swift,” Miss Hyster said, stopping Ana. “A moment?”

  Ana turned and looked at Miss Hyster questioningly. Jan moved to the back of the room, hoping not to be seen.

  “You may stay, Mr. Corvus,
” Miss Hyster said. “I am aware you two are friends, possibly more. I won’t get into how the school feels about romantic entanglements as that’s not my job. But because of your closeness, I am sure anything I tell Miss Swift will eventually make its way to your ears as well. But please do not interrupt.”

  Jan nodded and sat back down.

  “Miss Swift, I wasn’t kidding when I said I was impressed. And I’m going to admit something that does not leave this room. I would never have seen leaving the first Cham-var without killing it as a mistake. You might not realize what you achieved, but I assure you, anyone who sees the vid-recording does.

  “But we have a problem. And I look forward to any suggestions you may have.”

  “What kind of problem, Miss Hyster?” Ana asked, confused.

  “Do you know why none of your battles have ever been shown?” Miss Hyster asked, cocking her head slightly. “Some of the students have had two critiqued already. And one has had three. Yet we never show any of yours. Aren’t you curious why that is?”

  “Sometimes,” Ana answered. “But I was grateful and didn’t want to jinx myself by asking.”

  “Do you have any idea why they weren’t?”

  Ana shook her head. She really had no idea. Jan sat watching, his eyes dark.

  “It’s because your battles are all mistake free. The entire point of this class is to critique mistakes. But if no mistakes are made, we cannot critique them.”

  “But I have made mistakes.”

  “Maybe you see a mistake, but nobody else does. Or will. Your battles reflect something never seen before. Only one other person came close to what you’ve achieved, but that was years ago, and we are banned from showing those vid-recordings.

  “Unfortunately, the complaints from the other students were becoming louder. They were becoming more and more unhappy with your lack of appearance. I held off as long as I could, but ultimately was informed I had to show one of yours.

  “And this is where we have a problem. At some point, I will be told to show another. But again, only you will find a mistake. While this time it caused a measure of awe and respect, next time it could result in something far different. And worse. The other students may resent your abilities, feeling you are being used as the gold standard. They will come after you.”

  “Miss Hyster,” Ana replied, “No disrespect, but they already resent me. One has already come after me. I cannot help who I am. I’m sorry you feel my battles aren’t worthy of critique, but I’m not really sure what you want me to do about it.”

  “Talk to me Miss Swift,” Miss Hyster implored. “Tell me which battle you think might generate at least one critique. Even if we can find one, it might convince the others you are human, just as they are.”

  “Miss Hyster?” Jan said, “I have a suggestion.”

  “Yes, Mr. Corvus?” Miss Hyster replied, irritated at the interruption.

  “Why don’t you have Ana choose one and let me preview it with her. She can tell me where she sees her mistakes. When you show it in class and no one else sees it, you can call on me and I’ll point it out.”

  Miss Hyster mulled it over, then nodded.

  “That might work,” she replied. “But probably only the first time. If you keep finding them when no one else can, eventually someone will tie your relationship with Miss Swift to your answers and realize you’re being fed information. But we can try it, at least for the next one.”

  “Put off showing another one of mine for as long as possible. It may buy enough time that you’ll never have to show a third,” Ana piped up.

  “I had already planned on waiting as long as possible,” Miss Hyster said. “I am not sure I can delay long enough to escape a third.”

  “Let’s handle the next one first and see what happens,” Ana said. “And I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble.”

  “Please do not apologize, Miss Swift,” her instructor said. “While your flawless performances make my job more difficult, watching you is breathtaking. How you fight the creatures is an art. You make it look easy.”

  “Oh, it definitely wasn’t easy,” Ana said. “It was some of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. And it was terrifying.”

  “I know, Miss Swift. I’ve fought them myself and even though it was long, long ago, it’s not something I’m likely to forget.”

  “You’ve been to the island?” Ana asked, surprised.

  “Every instructor has. It’s a requirement for teaching at the Academy.”

  “Then why do you allow the jeering, the insults, that stuff?” Ana asked.

  “It builds character,” Miss Hyster answered matter-of-factly. “Not only do the students need to learn how to admit their mistakes, but they also need to learn how to deal with being humiliated. For many, the positions they obtain after finishing will require them to remain stoic no matter what. And for those that end up in the military, it’s an absolute necessity they be able to handle whatever is thrown at them without crumbling.

  “I’ve noticed you do not take part in the chaos that occurs when the battles are shown. Why is that?”

  “I think about how I would feel,” Ana answered promptly. “I’m more than willing to accept criticism for my actions, but I know how much damage humiliation and insults cause. If I don’t want that kind of behavior directed at me, I won’t direct it at anyone else. I see it as a form of abuse, and I won’t be a part of it.”

  “Well, Miss Swift. I cannot force you to join in. But I do believe you are not doing yourself any favors. If you are not willing to be a team player, you shouldn’t be upset when you are ostracized.”

  “I’m no longer upset, Miss Hyster. I was but now I don’t care. I just want to finish my studies and move on.”

  “Very well, Miss Swift. I won’t try to convince you otherwise. Thank you for your assistance. And again, I am awed by what I’ve seen. I believe you will excel at whatever life has in store for you. You may go.”

  “Thank you, Miss Hyster,” Ana said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Mr. Corvus,” Miss Hyster said, turning to Jan. “Make sure you are on time please.”

  “Yes, Miss Hyster,” Jan said, rising and bowing slightly.

  Waving her hand, Miss Hyster shooed them off, opened her tab, and quietly dictated something. Jan and Ana fled, Jan grabbing Ana’s hand as they ran towards the stairs. Reaching the second-floor landing, Jan pulled Ana close and kissed her. Ana pulled away, eyes darting around.

  “Jan, the halls are monitored!” she whispered fiercely.

  “I don’t care,” Jan declared. “Ana, what I saw you do today was magnificent.”

  “Jan, stop,” Ana said, pushing him away when he tried to kiss her again. “You knew I fought the dragons. Snick told you.”

  “Yes, but nobody saw you do it. You never told Snick what happened. I knew the fight was tough. Snick told me you came back in bad shape. But what you did was unbelievable.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about any of it. I want to put it behind me.”

  “We all do,” Jan said sympathetically. “But the Academy is going to make you relive it. And you need to realize that you are good. Really good. Possibly the best.”

  “I’m not. I’m just lucky. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

  Ana pulled away and started marching down the stairs. Jan quickly caught up, wrapping an arm around her.

  “Then I’ll stop talking about it. At least for now.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What would you like to do? We still have time before the next class begins.”

  “I want to know if you are going to surprise me by showing up in any more of my classes.”

  Jan laughed, amused at Ana’s obvious annoyance. Ana shot him a dirty look and continued to the main floor. The weather had turned nasty, and she could hear spatters of intermittent rain striking the glass when she settled on one of the many couches scattered around. Dead leaves skittered across th
e walk and she checked the weather, hoping it would clear before she had to cross the campus later. The report said the showers would end by early evening and the temperature was going to drop. Ana sighed. Tonight would be the first time Jax would need the little jacket and pants and Ana didn’t think her companion was going to be very happy about it.

  Sitting next to Ana, Jan opened his tab as well. Bringing up his schedule, he showed it to her. She looked it over, grateful he wasn’t in every class with her. Smiling, she handed the tab back and closed hers as well.

  “We have two other classes together,” she said. “I hope you’re good in math. I desperately need help there.”

  “Ana, why are you in upperclassmen classes?”

  Ana had forgotten that Jan didn’t know about her being pushed ahead. Sighing, she repositioned herself.

  “I’m not really sure, she said softly. “Before I arrived, I had only been told I would be younger than anyone here. I came in expecting to go into the lower courses. When I got here, I was told I was being placed in upperclassmen courses. But I was never told why.”

  “This is not good,” Jan said, frowning. “I’ve never heard of anyone being sent directly to upperclassmen courses. Everyone admitted has to start with the lower classes, proving themselves before advancing. Are you doing lower courses online at the same time?”

  “No. I’ve taken remedial classes to try and catch up. But I haven’t gotten any extra help or been offered any.”

  “Something serious is going on here. We need to find out why they are in such a hurry for you to finish.”

  “Jan, I don’t know what you want me to do. Everyone keeps saying that what is happening to me is not good. That it’s serious and needs looking into. But then they expect me to supply the answers. Honestly, I can’t. I don’t have the time and I have to watch everything I do or say. I just want to finish and move on. Whatever comes after, I’ll deal with it then.”

  “Ana, I understand what you’re saying. And I sympathize. But you’ve been handpicked and it’s obvious you’re being groomed. The person who took a special interest in you did so for one reason and it certainly isn’t because they care about you. You need to start thinking about what they want. You need to be prepared.”