SHATTERED

by S. C. Deutsch

  “Ana, where did you get this?” he asked quietly. “Who gave this to you?”

  “An old lady I met in Penncony. I used to go see her to talk about different things. I brought her pastries, and we would go in the back of her shop for coffee. At some point, we started talking about stuff we probably shouldn’t have. But it never went too far. Until one afternoon. Instead of her usual friendly self, she was nervous. I tried to leave but she made me stay. She told me about the island. About how Atlantica had obtained it. And about an affair between two highly placed government officials that resulted in child who was hidden away. Then she handed me this, telling me the information was extremely important. Finally, she told me never to come back because it was no longer safe. I never saw her again.”

  “Did she tell you who the two officials were?” Rosita asked.

  “No, she refused. Have you heard anything about it?”

  Nobody noticed Jan’s look of alarm and by the time Ana glanced at him, his face had resumed its neutral look.

  “I haven’t heard anything either,” her father said, shaking his head. “Tell me, how did Atlantica obtain the island?”

  “They stole it. They killed the entire population, then razed the buildings, dumping the debris well offshore before turning it into what it is today.”

  “Ana, what did the old lady tell you?” Ana’s father asked, shocked. “What did she say was on it?”

  “All she said was it held information on Atlantica’s military. And that having it was extremely dangerous. She swore me to secrecy. Why is it so important?”

  “You don’t understand this?” Rosita asked.

  Ana shook her head. It was just columns of numbers and letters. She thought some of them looked vaguely familiar but couldn’t figure out what it represented.

  “This is a detailed list of every piece of military equipment Atlantica has,” her father said seriously. “It lists every weapon, every transport, every heli-craft, and so on. More than that, it lists where they are, where the upcoming military exercises will be, and how many troops they have.

  “But the most important thing on this list is also the most dangerous. It lists every known missile left over from the Great War. Both in Centra and Pacifica. And it lists where they are buried.

  “Ana, you’ve been carrying around the means to overthrow the government in your hair.”

  “Show me,” Ana said, pulling the tab over.

  Jan sat down next to her and showed her what it was. The objects were listed by their military names, a combination of letters and numbers. Their locations were given in coordinates. Rosita was able to figure out the approximate locations, having studied maps and coordinates while working in Centra.

  When Jan started listing the locations of the heli-crafts, Ana smiled. The government didn’t have many, no more than fifty or so. More than half were scattered around Centra, the rest in Atlantica. Each sector had at least two, Virmar more. But what made Ana so happy was the discovery that four were located at the Academy.

  The food arrived and Jan placed the tab face down, then gave it back to Rosita after the waiter left. Rosita carefully removed the digi-drive and handed it back to Ana.

  “Keep it,” Ana said. “I can’t use it but maybe you know someone who can.”

  Jan started to say something then thought better of it. He tried to hide his dismay as Rosita handed the digi-drive to Ana’s father.

  “You take it, Piero,” she said. “You can probably get it to the people who can use it faster than I can.”

  “I’ll make sure it gets into the right hands,” Ana’s father replied, pocketing the digi-drive. “This will advance the cause by months, if not years.”

  Ana pulled her plate close, forking mouthfuls of lasagna as she tried to hide the satisfied look on her face.

  “Please tell us your story, Jan,” Rosita said, smiling despite the lack of amusement in her eyes. “We have all shared, except for you. Ana has told us some things, but we know nothing about you personally.”

  Jan coughed, choking on his meal. Taking a sip of water, he cleared his throat and put his fork down. Choosing his words carefully, he started with what he had told Ana already, hoping it would be enough. It wasn’t.

  “Jan, who’s your handler?” Ana’s father asked, watching Jan closely. Jan met his gaze without flinching. Ana stopped eating, placing her fork down carefully.

  “Vice Premier Toma Drake,” answered Jan. He wanted to lie but there was only one other name he could possibly give. This one was the safer of the two.

  Ana gasped, pushing herself slightly away from Jan. Rosita sat a little straighter, dropping her casual attitude. Ana’s father, however, was not surprised at all.

  “And what have you been telling him?” Ana’s father continued. “About my daughter?”

  “Nothing that would cause her harm.” Jan answered, trying to avoid having to give details.

  “Not good enough, young man,” Ana’s father said. “We need to know exactly what the Vice Premier has been told. This is her life we’re talking about.”

  “No disrespect, sir,” Jan said, slipping back to the formal address again, “but I’m well aware of this. Unfortunately, I have to give them something. If I fail to tell them anything, they will come for your daughter. In a way that won’t be pleasant. By having me report back, I’m able to cherry pick what I tell them and can spin it to make it appear different than what she actually said or did.

  “You may see me as a spy. I freely admit I am. But my allegiance doesn’t lie with the government. Yes, I give information to Vice Premier Drake. But I’m using his trust in me to help the other side. And to protect Ana.”

  “Jan, why does Vice Premier Drake place so much trust in you? What did you do to gain that kind of trust?”

  “I made a deal with him. One he couldn’t refuse.”

  “What kind of deal? What did you offer?”

  “Please accept my apologies before I begin,” Jan said, sighing heavily. “There are parts I cannot reveal, for Ana’s sake as well as mine. I’ll tell you what I can.

  “As I told you before, I don’t get along with my family.” Jan hesitated slightly, something that neither Rosita nor Ana noticed but Ana’s father did. “We fought constantly, often screaming at each other where words were hurled without thinking. During several of these fights, things were said that could cause problems for the government. I stored the bits and pieces away, not acknowledging I heard them.

  “At my first debriefing, I wouldn’t answer any questions, insisting the Vice Premier meet me at the detention center. At first, they refused, telling me my continued defiance would only make things worse. So I told them one thing that had been said. And then I told them I had more, but I would only talk to the Vice Premier.

  “Vice Premier Drake was waiting when we arrived. And he wasn’t happy to see me. He demanded I reveal what I knew and when I refused, he threatened me. But his threats were empty. I told him I didn’t care what he did to me. And I told him if he wanted the information I had, he would need to work with me.

  “We spent several hours negotiating. At the time, I had a vague idea that if I could get the Vice Premier to trust me, I would be able to seek revenge. It had nothing to do with saving Atlantica or its citizens, only with getting back at the people who had hurt me. Eventually, we came to an agreement. I gave him the information I had, and he allowed me to spy for him.

  “Do I believe he trusts me? Absolutely not. Vice Premier Drake trusts no one. I’m not even sure he trusts himself. But I’ve made myself very, very useful over the years. And he has given me more and more special assignments that have netted information I would never have gotten any other way.”

  “This information you had. On the people in the government. What was it?”

  “I can’t reveal all of it. But I can say it involved plots to steal information and sell it. Although I later realized those plans were stupid. How would you ever sell it? And how would you hide the extra m
oney?

  “I knew how Atlantica obtained the island. It was one of the things screamed at me. I let that nugget drop first, causing a mad scramble on the ship. Unfortunately, I realized years later that I doomed them all by revealing what I knew. Vice Premier Drake would never have let them live with that kind of knowledge.”

  “But what about the government officials?” Ana’s father persisted. “How did your family obtain the info?”

  “It was their job,” Jan answered promptly. “They were in charge of monitoring the second-tier personnel.”

  “How does this involve Ana?” her father asked, feeling conflicted. Jan seemed honest enough but hadn’t said anything that would cement the trust Ana had in him.

  “Ana, please bear with me,” Jan said, turning to Ana and sighing heavily. “You’re not going to like what I have to say. But please hear me out before you blow your top. Please?”

  Ana barely nodded. She had moved her chair as far away from Jan as she could, pushing it right up against Rosita’s. Rosita had one arm around the girl and was holding Ana’s hand with the other. She whispered in Ana’s ear and Ana gave a nod that was more of a jerk.

  “When Ana and I had our first conversation, the one at the camp, I realized immediately she was what the government was looking for. My job as camp leader was to report back on any detainee that had the traits the government wanted. I often watched as they went through their ordeals, reporting on how they did. Very few escaped my surveillance since most stuck close to the beach and the path. Sometimes, I might learn a little more if they were bought in with injuries, as Ana was. But most of the time, my reports were based on what I saw. The government relied heavily on my observations, feeling that those monitoring the island were often biased.

  “Ana was unique. I had seen her fight with the cat and was impressed, already planning on telling the government how good she was. But then she came into the camp a day before her departure. I now had a once in a lifetime chance to sit and talk with a detainee from the older group. One that was already more impressive than any I had seen. I saw an opportunity and I took it.

  “But I had an ulterior motive. By that time, I was also working for the opposition. I told the government who I felt fit their requirements, but I also reported back to my superiors on information I obtained. Up until Ana’s arrival, I never said a word to them about any of the detainees. It wasn’t relevant to the information my superiors sought.

  “When Ana came into the camp, I not only saw how she might be beneficial to the government, but also how useful she could be to the opposition. I wanted to bring her in immediately but knew I had to have it reviewed first. There was no way my recommendation would have been accepted based on one fight and one conversation.

  “So I gave Ana information I knew I shouldn’t. I wanted her focused on her vow, knowing it would get my superiors interested. Which it did. In a huge way.”

  Ana was trembling with rage. Rosita tightened her grip, but Ana shook it off and rose, eyes spitting fire. Rosita put one hand out, trying to restrain her. Ana pulled away and stalked to Jan’s chair, glaring as she shook with fury.

  “YOU USED ME!” she cried, barely able to control herself. “You played me, just like everyone else has. You made me angry, angrier than I already was. And you used that anger to get both the government and your superiors interested. You never cared for me. You only cared about how it would help you and your damn superiors.”

  Ana was crying, tears of rage and heartbreak pouring down her face. She had trusted Jan and now he was shattering her heart again. Ana wanted him to go away. Far away. And she wanted to go home.

  “Ana, please,” Jan pleaded desperately. “I warned you it wasn’t good. But I also asked you to hear me out. There’s more. I can’t excuse what I did but I’ve spent my time since trying to make-up for it. Please let me finish.”

  Ana was still crying. Untying the bracelet, she placed it in front of Jan and returned to her seat, burying her head in Rosita’s chest. Jan glanced at Ana’s father, who had a murderous look on his face, and he wondered where he would be sleeping tonight.

  Ana eventually stopped crying, Rosita helping dry her eyes. Whispering, she hugged Ana tightly, then gently insisted she turn around. Ana did as Rosita asked, but kept her eyes in her lap, refusing to look at Jan.

  “After Ana left the first time, I couldn’t get her off my mind,” Jan said quietly. “I thought about her constantly. And it wasn’t because of how impressive she was. Or how she could provide a huge service to my superiors.

  “No, I thought about Ana the person. The girl who decided her life’s mission was to save children she didn’t even know. Who was willing to do it even if it cost her everything. She was making the ultimate sacrifice. I was ashamed of what I had become. I could convince myself that what I did, I did for Atlantica. But I knew I’d be lying. I was using innocent children to obtain information for people who didn’t care what it cost. And I was condemning some of them to a fate worse than what they had already endured. After weeks of sitting on the beach all night, it hit me that I had done the same to Ana. By reporting on how unique she was, I had condemned her to my fate, or worse.

  “I also remembered who Ana was. Something about her struck me as familiar that day in the camp. But it took those long nights, staring into the distance and hating myself, to remember. And when I did, I broke down. I had condemned the girl I believed was the only person who could ever understand what my life was like to a fate worse than death. And so I made a vow myself. I vowed I would do whatever I could to make it right. To try and protect her. And to help her save the children, although I haven’t told her this yet.

  “Pretty words, Jan,” Ana spat. “But why should I believe you? The amount of lies you’ve handed out could fill a transport ten times over.”

  “Ana, I can’t make you believe me,” he responded sadly. But his temper was also rising, and it began to show. “I can only ask you to. But don’t you go talking about my lies. You’ve done your fair share of lying yourself.”

  “I lied to keep others safe. You lied to make yourself look good.”

  The pair had forgotten the other two at the table. Rosita and Ana’s father glanced at each other. Turning in unison, they watched Ana and Jan quarrel, trying hard to keep their faces neutral.

  “In the beginning, yes. But my lies since you came back the second time have been to protect you. Nothing else, Ana. You.” The fire in Jan’s eyes now matched Ana’s. And it was frightening to behold. Ana had never seen him so angry and drew back slightly. But she wasn’t about to back down, not when he had broken her heart again.

  “As I said, pretty words,” Ana said hotly. “But I have yet to see proof of it.”

  “Really?” he retorted, drawing the word out. “So tell me then. Why did I offer to have you leave with me? And why did I follow you to the Academy when you refused? Please tell me. I really want to know.”

  “You already told me why you followed. To spy on me.” Ana hesitated, having forgotten his offer.

  “Yes, and I told you I did it so I could get close to you. It was the only way I could be near you. But had you taken me up on my offer, we never would have ended up at the Academy. And you wouldn’t be caught in Vice Premier Drake’s snare.”

  Jan sat with his arms folded, eyes still flashing. Ana hesitated again, then started to sit, not realizing her chair wasn’t there. Rosita quickly slid it over, catching Ana before she fell. Ana looked down, placing her hands in her lap. She had done it again. Let her temper take control. Not thought things through. She knew she had every right to be angry, but Jan was trying to make it right.

  “Ana, I’ve placed myself in the viper’s nest,” Jan said, leaning forward. “I told you my superiors are concerned the government knows what I’m doing. It’s why I was told to leave.

  “And now I am going to admit to another lie. On the beach that morning, I told you my superiors said to take you with me. They said no such thing. I decided you were
coming. I was terrified of what you were headed into. I told a lie to try and keep you safe.”

  “And what would you have done if they refused to take me, Jan,” Ana whispered. “Would you have left me behind?”

  “I can’t believe you would think that, Ana,” Jan said, taken aback. “If they had refused, I would have stayed with you. I could never, ever, leave you behind.”

  “Jan, why didn’t you tell me this before?”

  “Because of exactly how you reacted,” Jan said, sighing heavily. “I was too afraid of losing you. You’re right. I should have told you. And I kept telling myself I would. But I was afraid I would never see you again.”

  Ana started crying again, burying her face in her hands. Her relationship with Jan was a mess. They had lied to each other so many times she wasn’t sure they could ever make it work. How many more of these fights would happen before one would kill their feelings for good? She wished she could go back to Flaga and talk to the boy who had watched her all those years ago. Maybe then, she wouldn’t be sitting here, terrified of losing someone who had come to mean the world to her.

  Jan was silent, his face drawn. Several times, he started to move, stopping himself for fear of being rejected. Rosita saw what Jan was doing and pushed Ana’s chair forward with her foot. Rising, she took Ana’s father’s hand and left the table, allowing Jan and Ana some privacy.

  Jan scooted forward and took Ana in his arms. Holding her close, he rested his head atop hers, uttering soft words of endearment. Ana continued to cry softly, pushing her head against his chest.

  “Why do we keep doing this Jan?” Ana whispered. “Why can’t we just have a normal relationship?”

  “Because nothing about our lives is normal,” Jan replied sympathetically. “I can’t say if you would have come to Vice Premier Drake’s attention without my interference. I believe eventually you would have. But I made it a thousand times worse. I can spend the rest of my life trying to make it right, but that doesn’t change where we are. I am sorry, Ana. So very, very sorry. If I could take it back, I would.”