My nerves start to skyrocket at the thought of seeing Pawn. How do I even tell him what happened? I get so lost in my own head that I don’t even hear Solo calling my name.
“Tami!” The urgency in his voice scares me, and I whip my head around to see Dana clutching her stomach.
“What happened?” I start running toward the group that’s gathered around her.
Kat is nervously rubbing her back, talking calmly to her, “It’s going to be okay, Dana. Axl, carry her to the truck and take us to the hospital so we can check on her and the baby.”
“Oh my God!” Dana hunches over, “I think I’m having contractions.”
Axl’s face whitens and quickly picks Dana up in his arms. Tank and Kat, along with the rest of us, follow out to Axl’s truck where he's sitting in the back with a crying Dana. “Axl, it’s too early for her to come.”
The truck door is slammed shut by Tank, then he and Kat jump in the front, taking off for the hospital. Quiet falls on the rest of us all, and, if I ever believed in God, I would pray in this moment for Dana and baby Maddison.
Chapter 10
Pawn
“Pawn!” Blade yells over the loud music in the bar of clubhouse. Most of the guys are gone up to Tahoe for Tami’s birthday, but Blade asked for a few of us to stay behind. Since Solo planned the whole thing, I didn’t want to go up there anyway, so I volunteered to stay back.
Dropping my pool stick on the table, I walk over to the Prez and he jerks his head in the direction of his office. I follow him in and sit next to Spider while Blade is shutting the door.
I can tell you that for the entire time that I have been a member of this club, this has never happened, and it’s making my skin crawl. What the hell is going on?
“Brother,” Prez says as he’s taking his seat, “Have you been rolling up and blazing with Feather?” His pointed question about her makes me even more nervous.
“Not for a while, not with me anyway. I think the last three weeks or so she’s sat with us but hasn’t hit it. Why?”
“She can’t drink or get high. Pawn, that bitch is knocked up and we think it could be yours.” Blade’s eyes make no mistake how serious he is. My own eyes don’t even blink as the words are sinking into my head. She’s knocked up with my baby? How?
I sit and try to think over every time I fucked that bitch. Feather didn’t want kids, she always asked if I was wrapped, right? I lean forward, shoving my hands in my hair.
Spider leans forward on his elbows, “She was seen at the hospital and we checked why she was there. She took a pregnancy test and her chart says she’s two months along.”
“Why do you think it’s mine then?”
“We’ve looked into it, man. The last few months, she’s only been riding your dick. None of the brothers have been fucking her. That, and we’ve had her on surveillance, she’s texted and called a number and confirmed it belongs to you. Doesn’t mean we aren’t going to test the kid, man, to check when it’s born.” Blade is confirming my worst nightmare, a club slut knocked up with my kid.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck is right. She wants an abortion, Pawn.” Spider’s voice drops low, “I don’t know what to say to you, brother, this bitch is off. What do you want?”
What do I want? The words circle around in my head. If Tami was pregnant, I would be excited, I really would. How will she respond to finding out about this? The easiest would be to let that cunt abort the baby, but, deep down, it would kill my soul to let her do that.
My thoughts go back to Tami. She is young, she doesn’t want this bullshit in her life.
Fuck.
I sit up, then slouch down in the chair. My head falls back, the defeat taking over.
“Pawn, you don’t need to have this shit squared away right this second, but soon, brother. You know we are here to help.” I lower my head to nod as an answer. I have no words, just a whole lot of confusion and regret.
“You won’t find your answers at the end of a high, brother. Don’t get lost in the haze and ignore this shit.” Spider is right, and it pisses me off that he sees the truth.
I stare at him and tell myself to keep it cool, I’m not mad at him. Spider knows I need a fight, the tough asshole never looks away. He would meet that challenge and take me on, no problem.
The Prez clears his throat and neither one of us look at him. “Your fight isn’t with Spider. He is right, though, and that shit rings true and pisses you off. Look at me, Pawn,” Blade barks and, slowly, I look at him. “This is what is going to happen. You are going to get your life straightened up as much as possible. I need you to keep your cool with Feather until we have all the information and you know what you want. As far as Solo, you, Tami, and now Feather, need to sit down. Hard choices ahead, tough things need to be said, but we will be here for you.”
“Aye, Prez, thanks.” My words feel cold and dead and my body goes on auto pilot. The need crawls over me to get the fuck out of here.
My boots pound down the hallway and through the bar to the front parking lot. I see nothing but Tami’s face the whole way. I see the future I let myself dream with her float away, and feel like a failure because of it.
“Pawn,” my feet stop in their tracks, but I don’t turn around to Spider’s voice. “Brother, you got to start chipping away at this somewhere. You need me to ride with you?”
“I got this,” I growl back.
“You know where to find me if you do. Nothing is lost yet.”
Not another word is said and I hear the door closing shut after Spider walks back inside, leaving me alone. I get on my bike and crank it on, then speed down the freeway with one destination in mind, to go find Tami.
Driving up the road, I see several brothers heading in the opposite direction and worry overcomes my thoughts. Fuck, what happened now? I rip into the parking lot, meeting up with Cowboy. He doesn’t hesitate to tell me before I even get a word out, “Dana went to the hospital, we think she may have gone into early labor.”
“Is that where everyone went?”
“Aye, I’m headed there now. You coming?”
“Let’s go, is Tami there?”
Cowboy hesitates, “Yes, she rode with Solo.” His meaning is clear. If she is riding his bike, then he claimed her. Fuck if this couldn’t get any fucking better. I hope it doesn’t mean what I think it means.
I push ahead and ride with Cowboy over to the hospital. We find everyone in the waiting room, except that Tami isn’t. I storm down the hallways and find the restroom. I walk inside and see her washing her hands at the sink. I watch and wait for her to notice me.
She trips over her own feet when she turns and looks at me staring at her. I look her over as she’s standing there wearing a light yellow sundress. Her skin looks tanned from the sun and my heart squeezes. I already feel the loss.
Her eyes hit the floor, too intimidated to look at the intensity in my face, and I can’t lie that it hurts. I don’t want her to be scared of me, ever. The pain feels excruciating as I step closer to her, but feeling so far apart.
Slowly, I walk over to her, my feet and heart dragging along with me. My hands slide up her arms and trace over her neck, cradling her perfect face. I see tears streaming down. My vision blurs and the pain is stabbing my heart like a dagger. My angel doesn’t have to say the words for me to know. I feel it. Solo is her man. My chest heaves in pain and so does hers.
“Tami.” Her name feels like broken glass in the back of my throat. “It’s okay, angel.”
“Pawn,” she cries, “It’s killing me to hurt you, I don’t want to do it. God, this has been so fucked up from the beginning.”
She doesn’t have the answers and neither do I. “I fucked up, Tami. I waited too long to clean up my shit. Life is a bitch. The timing just didn’t happen for us. Not your fault.” My angel’s eyes close and we share our pain together.
How can something so right be so off? I place a kiss over her eyes and taste the regret. I know she feels
this, too. How can life be so cold when this could have been so good?
Tami’s hands hold onto my wrists and her nails bite into my skin. I want to take her away with me, run away with what we have and away from my problems.
Tenderly, I touch her lips with my own and hold the kiss for a few heartbeats. Tenderness that before now I couldn’t give to her.
I can’t let her leave! My anguish morphs into love, craving her like nothing else in this world I ever have. No drug or booze compares to the love I feel for her. My angel is an addiction I will never get over. My mouth opens and I show her in that kiss all the feelings I have for her.
The taste of salt explodes over my tongue from her tears that mix in. Bittersweet. My grip tightens on her face and I savagely take her mouth. Claiming what I can. Tearing my heart out and our love apart. I finally pull back and whisper softly into her ear, “I love you, angel, I always will.”
Tami gasps in surprise and, a moment later, comes up onto her tiptoes and kisses my cheek, holding herself up by my cut, “Eric, I love you, too, always and forever. You have so much pain inside I wish I could have been the woman that could help you. But I think this journey for now, that is your own. The timing just didn’t happen for us.”
Slowly, she lowers, and our eyes can’t let go because this is good-bye, at least for now. “You’ll be a great boyfriend though, I know it.”
I take her hand and kiss the top of it, then place it above my heart. She takes my hand and does the same, placing it over her heart. I feel her heartbeat and her chest is heaving like mine from the shattering pain.
She lets go and our hands catch between us as she slowly steps away. With each step, I fight the urge to tug her back and refuse to let her leave. But I know it’s the right thing to do, I can’t be selfish and hurt her by keeping her. I’m not ready yet.
Eventually, our hands fall away from each other, and she walks backward, facing me until she reaches the door. Her hands clench with indecision before she finally grabs the handle. Her face looks to the floor before she finally opens the door and walks out.
I see Solo standing there with open arms, and she runs to him, throwing herself into his body. And the door shuts on us, on my love.
Anger rises at my life and what it has become. My fists raise and I punch the mirrors in front of me, detesting the man that’s staring back at me now! I hate this man and I hate his life. I want to kill him. Glass shatters, and the blood from the cuts drip and splatter on the floor.
Cowboy and the prospects, along with Solo, race into the bathroom and grab me by the arms, pinning me and my rage to the opposite side of the bathroom, against the stall. The room shakes with the movement of our weight.
“Get off me!” I roar at Solo. “She’s yours, let me have my pain, motherfucker, you can’t have that too, Solo, fuck!”
Solo steps back, my words punching him in the face. “She is everything to me, too.”
“I know, Pawn, brother, we both can’t live without her. I don’t know what the fuck to do either,” he roars back.
“I would kill you for her. I want to kill you for her!” He pushes at the brothers to get to me. “I hate that I had to kiss her goodbye today. I don’t get to touch her again because you are better for her than me.”
Solo’s manic laugh echoes in the bathroom, “Fuck you, Pawn, because I will kill you if you ever touch her again. You chose who you are, and never gave a shit to be different or better. Not even for Tami.”
“Enough!” Tank storms in and shoves Solo out and the rest follow. It’s become clear that we went too far. Tank’s anger is rolling off him in waves. He steps right into my face, his large body towering over me, trapping me. He jabs his finger into my chest, “You. Me. Ride. Right the fuck now.”
He shoves me through the door by my cut, and I follow the fucker out, leaving all this pain and blood in the bathroom stall where my heart stopped beating.
Chapter 11
Tami
The entire Battle Born crew that’s present at the hospital comes running down the hallway from the direction of the waiting room. The sounds of glass shattering are coming from the bathroom I just left Pawn in. Solo lets go of me and runs inside.
When the door opens, all I see is Pawn swinging his fists into the mirrors. I see blood splattered across his face and I start crumbling to the floor. Kat’s arms circle around me, and she holds me up, carrying me back to the waiting room.
Once we’re there, she sits me in a chair next to hers, and I fold over her lap as I'm sobbing my heart out. Kat runs her hand over my hair and back. “You got to find the strength in there to fight. Fall apart for a few moments, allow yourself that.”
Patiently, she lets me cry for a bit longer. I drag myself up and off her lap to look at her. I really see Kat for the first time since I’ve known her. I see the same heartbreak in her eyes, or maybe this is the first time she lets me see the same in her that I feel inside. Pain.
She grabs my hand, “You can do this. You can beat anything, have whatever you want.”
I shake my head at her, “I can’t have them both, Kat. Who was that? That was not Pawn in that bathroom. His rage-” I take a pause as I feel the fear going up my spine, “that’s not the man I know in there.”
“Oh, my little pound puppies are so lost. You were always a little lost like the rest of us. And that’s the truth.” Kat stops and thinks a minute, her eyes tracking back and forth. “Maybe we all are seeing the real Pawn for the first time. That doesn’t always mean everything won’t work out, just not like you thought.”
“What?”
Before Kat can answer, Solo barges into the waiting room. He steps in front of me and falls to his knees at my feet. “Tami?”
My hands run over his broken, worried face. He searches my eyes for answers that I don’t have. There is only one thing I know for sure. “We will figure this out, Solo, you and I.”
He leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. He gets up from the floor to sit in the chair next to me and holds me to him with one arm around my back. It feels like half of my heart is floating around there, and I pray that Pawn finds his way.
Kat eyes me with a knowing look. Somehow, she reads me, and worry is evident on her face. She had warned me, and this mess, I willingly walked into.
We hear the whoosh of a door opening and see Axl quietly walking into the room, looking extremely tired and exhausted, not seeing the look on our faces or having a clue of what just happened.
“Dana and Maddison are okay.” He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a sigh of relief, lifting his face up to us. “They got the contractions to stop. Dana’s diabetes caused by the pregnancy flared up badly, but it is under control now. They are going to watch them for a while longer, but she’s on bedrest until Maddy is born. She’s pissed about that, but we are happy that the baby is okay. Dana is asleep now, you guys should head out.”
Kat stands first. “I’ll drive back up in the morning, call me with whatever she needs.” She walks over and squeezes Axl’s shoulder but looks over at us before leaving. “Call me, Tami, if you need me.” And then she’s gone.
Solo and I automatically stand and say our goodbyes as well, then head back over to Vegas’ family vacation house. With heavy hearts, we walk in and sit on the couch, looking out at the lake and the starry night.
“Solo, I have to tell you something.”
“I know, Tami, you care about him too.” The pain we feel is so unfair.
“Yes, I do. But do you believe in fate? Even though I feel that, Solo, I know you were meant for me and our timing right now, it is perfect. Does that make sense?” I wish I could fix this. Make this right for all of us. “It feels wrong to me that Pawn is hurt, Solo. I feel like a piece of me broke with him. We can’t leave him alone either. My heart breaks for him and what has happened. How is that fair to you, because I can’t do that to you or us either!” I beg Solo to hear not only the words but the regret that I’m feeling.
; “You aren’t leaving me, Tami. We aren’t figuring this out tonight, but we will, like you said, together. Give us some time to figure this out?”
I crawl onto his lap and wrap my arms and legs around his body. This is the only place that feels like my home right now. “I’m never leaving you.”
Solo’s voice drops low, “Don’t ever touch him again, Tami. If you stay with me, you will because I am your man. You don’t touch another man. I can’t take another man, even Pawn, touching you again. That shit will break me.”
He pauses and captures my eyes, not letting me go, his meaning clear, he knows what happened in the bathroom. “I will kill him for you just like he would kill me for you. If we keep playing this game, one of us will die at the hands of the other. We are thieves and killers, you need to remember that.”
“I know that, it ended today.”
It is the truth. The timing just wasn’t meant for us. The stars didn’t line up in our favor, but, in another life or another time, it probably would have happened.
Maybe I’m addicted to saying goodbye and daydreaming of different outcomes. Is that my addiction? No, I could never say goodbye to Solo. He is everything to me.
Solo grips my face and repeats, “I will kill him or any man that touches what’s mine.”
He slams his lips against mine, a reminder to both of us of the promises we’ve made to each other. A life others only dream of, a love that’s only once in a lifetime.
He rises from the couch and carries me to the bedroom where we dominate and reassert our love and commitment to each other. I let the what if’s go and, in the dark, I whisper words of my devotion to this man.
Fuck the what if’s.
∞ ∞ ∞
Solo
I watch Tami as she’s lying on the bed, deep in sleep after we wore each other out. The sheet is covering her naked body for the most part, and her beautiful blonde hair is fanned out on the pillow. My eyes roam her curves and silky skin that is highlighted by the moonlight.
Always & Forever (Battle Born MC Book 4) Page 7