by Eric Ugland
“Ice? What are you talking about?”
“These things, the rolegurdaüdi, they’re afraid of water.”
“I got that bit. Hence why you’re having everyone run to the lake. But—“
“There’s one in the trees over there.”
“And you want me to do what to it?”
“Something big and painful. Keep it busy.”
“Big and painful or keep it busy?”
“Where’s Essie?” I asked.
“What?”
“I have another idea. Go get Essie, bring her back with you.”
“I—“
“Hurry,” I said, “that thing in the trees is just waiting for the right time to attack.”
“You’re insane,” Tarryn said, but he did turn back toward the group.
A minute or two later, and there was still the blank space where I believed the other rolegurdaüdi to be. The first rolegurdaüdi was still stalking the shores, and Ragnar was doing some impressive swimming back and forth, hurling insults and water to keep the big guy focused.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to keep their attention while over a hundred snacks ran past the rolegurdaüdi into the lake, but I figured I’d come up with something. I had a battle axe out, but decided that a shield might be better. My first fight with the juvenile had not gone well, and I’d been trying to fight with an axe then. Sword and board it was.
Out came my biggest tower shield, a new one I’d grabbed from Zoey’s smithy because the slimes dissolved my last one. That plus the greenskins’ bane, because at least it was magic. Might make it more resistant to things like breaking. Maybe even help it cut through the rolegurdaüdi’s impossibly thick hide.
Tarryn and Essie strolled up, Essie doing a rather shit job at looking like she wasn’t about to shit herself. She stared at the monster prowling the lake.
“That’s the thing?” she asked.
“Rolegurdaüdi,” I said.
“I can’t, I mean, I can’t do this,” she said, her voice shaking. “I—“
“You got this. It’s nothing. Just some spells.”
“I don’t know attack spells.”
“I don’t need attack spells. I want you, if you can, to make a wall or a tunnel or something from here to the lake. Can you do that?”
She was already shaking her head. “No, I—“
Tarryn peeked over, and looked at the distance. “Nah, no way she can,” he said. “Should have brought Mercy. Hydromancer’d have that water ringing the beasts. No problem.”
“She’s five levels lower than I am,” Essie countered.
“Maybe, but—“
Essie pushed Tarryn behind her, and stared at the ground. I could feel pulses of energy coming out of her.
I took a step back to give her space, and leaned over to whisper to Tarryn.
“As soon as she’s casting something,” I said, “fuck up that thing in the trees. I don’t want Essie distracted if that thing attacks.”
Something poked me in the head.
I looked up to see Bear’s brownie face looking back at me.
“I can cast spells too,” she said.
“I know that,” I said, pretending that I hadn’t at all forgotten about her. “What can you do though?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Whatever you can do to keep our people safe while they get to the water.”
She frowned and looked over at Essie. Then she hopped off my head, walked over to the geomancer, and touched her.
Essie started to glow. Bear leaned in, pushing harder, her tiny brownie hand looking so fragile against the tanned skin of the human. The two of them were fairly thrumming with power.
Then the earth started to move. A long round hill started to grow out of the ground.
And there was a huge boom as a series of trees was blown apart.
“That’s the signal,” I said softly.
And I charged.
Completely forgetting I’d told Tarryn I’d be carrying him.
Oops.
Chapter Fifty-Six
There’s always something about running with a sword and shield that makes me want to yell. It’s primal. It’s probably a bit daft, but, then again, so is running with a four-foot long blade. So, you know, while I charged, I also yelled.
The rolegurdaüdi at the tree roared in fury and pain as the trees it was hiding in went up in an explosion of purple flames. The rolegurdaüdi by the water turned and looked at me. I think it smiled. Food was coming to it.
So it charged at me.
And, for good measure, the one in the trees came out of hiding, and started running in my direction as well. It wasn’t really able to hide any longer, what with being covered in licking purple fire, but, the fire also didn’t seem to bother it all that much. It’s not like its hide was blistering or turning black.
Being that both beasts were coming to me, albeit from different directions, I got a chance to compare the two. The one at the lake was larger and darker, and it had two more teeth in his upper mouth. Just going off of traditional earth-based sexual dimorphism, I figured that was the male, and the one who’d been sneaking through the trees was the female. Might have been wrong, but it seemed right at the time.
They both moved impossibly fast for their size, and I was having trouble figuring out where I was going to come into actual contact with them. I thought the male was going to hit me first, but the female was burning across the ground. Both literally and figuratively, since she left a trail of smoking grass behind her. Maybe it was good that a storm was on the way, it’d probably keep the forests from burning down. I really needed to tell Tarryn to stop using fire as a first weapon.
It was probably dropping into that thought that caused the male to get the drop on me.
He’d closed the distance, and as I looked his way, I could just make out the blur of a fist coming toward me.
I got my shield in place just in time to take the blow. Which caused me to rise up into the air and do a little flight routine before slamming into the muddy turf, leaving a furrow as I slid.
I popped up to my feet immediately and reset myself, getting my shield up and ready. Pain pulsed in my body as it seemed to realize the hit we’d taken. I shook my head and gritted my teeth, tamping it down. No time to think about that now.
The male rolegurdaüdi stared at me, perhaps getting a better sense of his opponent.
Nope, he was keeping my attention.
“LEFT SIDE!” a familiar curmudgeonly voice roared.
I looked left just in time to see the female lunging for me.
I dropped down to a knee, but got my sword pointing in her direction.
She missed me by inches, and ripped the sword out of my hand. Also set my beard on fire.
“TARRYN!” I shouted, purely instinctually.
Despite being massive, she rolled in the mud, and got back to her feet. Which helped the purple fire that had been covering her body sputter and start to go out.
I stood, took a few steps back, and reached into my knapsack to pull out my next weapon. A spear.
The male was moving on me, slower this time. Cautious. He was circling a bit to my right.
His mate held her position between me and the water, more on my left. They were smart hunters, working together.
But I wasn’t trying to get to the water. I checked over my shoulder. My people were hurrying into the tunnel, and had already started emerging into the lake. Carpophorus was there, watching.
“Focus!” he shouted, seeing me looking at him. “Trust your people to do this! You need to stay alive!”
The male took a lunging step further right, and I had to turn my body to keep him in view, but I also pulled up my tremorsense, and now that I knew what to look for, I could track the absence that actually marked the female rolegurdaüdi who was moving up behind me.
I paused for half a second, knowing I needed to make the timing work for me.
She was getting cl
oser and closer.
I spun, and thrust out with the spear, and caught her in the lower leg.
She roared in surprise, and tried to get out of the way. But it didn’t matter, the spearhead didn’t pierce the skin.
I stabbed again, and she just stood there, almost as if she was curious to see what was going to happen.
Nothing.
I mean, the spear pushed against the rolegurdaüdi’s hide, but it didn’t pierce. I looked up to see the rolegurdaüdi’s beady little eyes looking down at me. I could have sworn she was about to laugh.
“Well fuck,” I said.
She roared in response.
I spun and threw the spear at her mate.
He ducked out of the way.
Then I bolted, sprinting for the lake. I needed to rethink my strategy.
Problem was, something grabbed me from behind. And that something was a big fucking monster. The female rolegurdaüdi just snatched my leg as I was running, and hauled me up like I was nothing.
And right there was a serious issue I still had to figure out in this new world of mine. No matter how much strength I gained, unless I gained an equal amount of weight, I’d always be a mere plaything to the bigger creatures.
She brought me up to her mouth, upside down.
I contorted my torso around and got my shield in her way.
The rolegurdaüdi bit down, and the shield exploded at me, spraying my face and body with splinters. I didn’t have much armor on because I had yet to get a set that actually fit. It hadn’t seemed like I needed it with the goblins, and now, I was paying the price.
She looked at me with those beady little eyes again, like she was disappointed in me. Then she opened her mouth wide, and shoved me in.
I got my arms on her lower jaw, and my legs on her upper. When she bit down, I flexed.
It stopped her from closing her mouth.
Also, her breath stank. It was horrible in there.
An aspect made worse when she roared, and flecks of her spit covered me as my whole body vibrated.
She doubled down on biting, and it was actually getting difficult to hold her jaws open. But it was either that or be eaten.
I got an idea. Based off a cartoon, but there was a decent chance it would actually work.
When she bit down hard again, I let my body ‘v,’ and it shot me out of her mouth.
I flew through the air like a beautiful bird. Or, you know, like a brick. I landed in the mud with a squelch, and slid a few feet.
Quick as I could, I got up from prone, only to see the other rolegurdaüdi headed my way while the female tried to figure out what had just happened to her morsel.
I reached into my bag, desperate for another weapon.
“Bludgeon ‘em!” Carpophorus screamed. “Cuttin’s doin’ nothin’!”
Good call. Warhammer time it was. I snagged a warhammer from the bag, and got down in my best batter-up stance.
The male rolegurdaüdi didn’t slow his forward momentum. He was coming in low, using his arms to help power him along the ground.
So I just swung for the fences, hard as I could.
Smack! Right in the kisser.
It knocked him off course, he stumbled sideways a little. But that gave me an opening, and I sprinted for the lake.
I heard the rumbling steps of the rolegurdaüdi behind me, already recovered from my pounding. I knew it was going to be close. I juked left, went right, and dove for the water.
It was not very deep, so I did a little face-planting in the eight inches of water there.
But it was enough to stop the rolegurdaüdi.
I did an undignified crawl through the water until it was waist deep. Then I stopped and looked behind me.
Both rolegurdaüdi were at the shore, growling at me. Or at us.
We were all in the water.
My stupid plan had mostly worked. Of course, we were now stuck in the water with nowhere to go.
But, you know, at least we weren’t food.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
I studied my opponents, and they studied me. The rolegurdaüdi were pacing back and forth, neither one really taking their eyes off me though.
Those of us in the water were gathered in something akin to the council. Ragnar was on my shoulder, Bear on my head. Tarryn and Essie were standing next to me, while Skeld and Carpophorus were on the other side.
“Any ideas?” I asked.
“Move faster and hit harder,” Carpophorus said.
“Why didn’t I think of that?” I asked. “I can’t cut them and they don’t really seem to care when I hit them.”
“Fire did nothing,” Tarryn said.
“What other spells do you have?” I asked.
“Lightning?”
“Want to try it?”
“Sure.”
He took a few steps away from me, did a little fancy hand work, and a great big bolt of lightning shot from his hands right at the nearest rolegurdaüdi. The lightning hit with an audible crackle. For a moment, electricity seemed to dance across the hide of the giant monster. Then it went into the ground.
Steam rose off the creature. It looked pissed off, but it didn’t seem to faze the rolegurdaüdi any more than that.
“Something else?” I asked.
“I’m thinking,” he said. He looked tired. Big spells.
“You got anything, Bear?” I asked.
“I could try to charm one of them,” she said after a moment’s thought.
“Would they fight each other?”
“No, but they wouldn’t fight us. Unless, um, you started fighting one of them, and then they’d probably start going after you again.”
“I mean, I appreciate the thought, but it doesn’t really alter our current situation.”
A crackle of thunder reverberated around the valley.
“Might be wantin’ to do something soon,” Carpophorus said. “’fore we all get electrocuted by the real god of lightning throwing bolts at us.”
I sighed. This was shaping up to be a shit day. I couldn’t even throw myself at the monsters with no regard for my personal safety, because I still didn’t know if Mister Paul was going to be able to bring me back. I could be killed, like really killed. I mean, better that happen than the rest of my people get eaten, but unless I managed to take the rolegurdaüdi down with me, it wasn’t worth it. I could try and get one of them to eat me, not the hard part of the plan, and then try and cut my way out from the inside... but what if their insides were as tough as their outsides? Then I’d just be giving the fuckers a free meal. These were creatures I couldn’t best with strength. I needed to outthink them.
We were fucked.
“What do you have in the bag?” Skeld asked.
“The unfillable knapsack?” I replied. “A ton of shit. Random shit. Probably stuff I shouldn’t just empty out into a lake.”
“You might have something in there that can turn the tide against these things.”
“What if there isn’t anything that can do that?” I asked.
“There’s no creature that is immune to everything,” Tarryn said.
“What about a dragon?” I asked.
“Dragons be tough,” Carpophorus admitted. “Ornery creatures without any flaws. I hate even the idea of fighting one.”
“Have you?”
“Once.”
“And?”
“We killed it.”
“So they aren’t immune,” Tarryn said.
“Took three Legions. We came away with half of one.”
“So, maybe we need a Legion or two,” I said.
“You want a kobold charge?” Carpophorus asked.
“You think that’ll work?”
“No, but it’ll be better than standing in this water while you do nothing. I hate wet feet.”
“You aren’t the most helpful sort,” I said.
“I’m not known for tactics so much as instructing those in the arts of combat and warfare.”
“And t
his isn’t combat?”
“Combat would be going out there and fighting the fuckers. Tactics is trying to figure a way out of this mess without fighting the fuckers unless you absolutely have to.”
“So what do I do?”
“I told you what to do: hit harder, move faster. You’re playing into their strengths so far. Can’t go toe to toe with those beasts, they’re too strong. Too big.”
“See, that’s what I don’t get, my strength is over 100.”
“So?”
“Shouldn’t that mean I’m as strong as them?”
“A rabbit with strength a thousand will still get creamed by a dragon with strength 1,” Carpophorus said. “People think the numbers mean everything. They forget how much is still outside the character sheet.”
“But, I mean, I,” I stammered, trying to get my brain into gear. There was just so much I didn’t know. Not just about the rolegurdaüdi, but about myself. And the world.
The world came off like a game, but a game was built from the ground up as something to be played. There is a sense of balance and purpose in a game. But here, that was gone. This was a real world, and there were certainly issues with balance in the real world. In this real world and the last one. Some creatures just had more than others. Some were bigger, stronger, faster, smarter. In this case, it seemed like these things were bigger and faster. And that just seemed unfair. But that was life. If this were a game, these rolegurdaüdi would have some innate flaw I could exploit and destroy them. And yet, I couldn’t see it. I knew I had one surefire thing in the bag. I had the taming thing I got from Mister Paul. Provided the creature wasn’t a sentient being, it would be my pet. But there was a real issue there, because these rolegurdaüdi seemed awfully smart. Smart enough that they might fall under the other side of things. Was this the moment to break out the one-time taming only? Then there was the water thing. Sure, they hated water, but did it do something to them? Did it burn them? It didn’t seem possible. I mean, if they stayed out when the rain came—
“Can anyone make the rain come faster?” I asked.
“The what?” Bear replied.
“I want to see what happens to them when it rains. I’m hoping there’s a reason they hate water.”