by Eric Ugland
“Maybe they tend to sink,” Amber said. “And didn’t you fight the other one in the rain?”
“Right,” I said, realizing I had done just that. Nothing had happened to the kid in the rain. He’d fought just the same.
“You fought one of these before?” Carpophorus said.
“Yeah, he tore my leg off.”
“Seems like you got it back.”
“Yeah, well, benefit of being me, I suppose.”
“All right,” Carpophorus said. “I’ve had enough of this lollygaggin’ around and swappin’ knitting circle stories.”
He pulled his pack off of his back, grabbed a shorter sword from said pack, and dropped the pack into the water. He gave his sword a quick swing, and I saw it was a gladius.
“You got a round shield in there?” he asked, gesturing to my bag.
“I do. But where do you think you’re going?”
“To give you a reason to get back to hitting those creatures where it hurts.”
“They’ll rip you to pieces.”
“Then you’d better get in there and stop ‘em, eh? Never mind about the shield then. Let’s go play.”
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Carpophorus didn’t charge pellmell out of the water. The old man moved cautiously, leading with his sword and watching the two rolegurdaüdi. They split their focus, the male keeping his stare on me, the female transitioning hers to Carpophorus.
“Fuck,” I said, pulling a round metal shield out of my bag, and then a second. “Guess I’m going in.”
“What should we do?” Bear asked.
“Distract them? Kill them? I don’t know.”
“With what?”
“Tits, I don’t know.” I got a hammer out of the bag.
I ran up to Carpophorus, and passed him the shield.
“Think on their strengths,” Carpophorus said, sliding his arm into the leather straps on the shield. “They think they’re stronger than us.”
“Which they are.”
“Right, but we’re smarter.”
“Not so sure about that.”
“Bah, ‘course we are.”
Both rolegurdaüdi were now coming toward us, with only about ten feet of water separating us.
“Keep the water to your back,” Carpophorus said. “Ready to jump back into it if you need. That’s how we stay alive.”
We got closer and closer.
The female rolegurdaüdi swiped out.
Carpophorus got his shield around, blocking the blow, but the rolegurdaüdi just palmed the shield, picked Carpophorus and threw him over her shoulder. He flew through the air for twenty or thirty feet, then crashed to the ground with a bit of a crunch.
“Fuck me,” I said.
I lunged forward, slammed the hammer down on the female’s foot, then immediately jumped back.
The male swiped at me, but he was off, and wound up hitting his mate.
I darted forward, and swung with the hammer, hitting him in the back of his knee. The hit caused his knee to buckle, and he sunk into the muddy terrain.
A quickstep back, almost to the water, and I looked over to see the female coming for me.
I dropped my shoulder to the shield, making it look as if I was going to accept the charge, but at the last moment, I spun, feeling her claws rake across the shield as she grabbed at thin air. I slammed the hammer down on her foot again before I danced back out of reach of the two of them.
Almost in a single instant, rain fell down in great sheets. Enough that I couldn’t see across the lake any longer. It was one hell of a storm.
The male was still getting his knee unstuck. I started to have the inkling of an idea. Both an idea of why they disliked water so intensely, and also a means of actually winning a fight against the monstrous duo.
For starters, I had to get rid of my weapon, which made me nervous.
But it had to be done.
I threw the hammer at the female as she pivoted toward me. She managed to drop her head just enough that the hammer sailed harmlessly over, landing with a squelch in the mud behind her. But her dodge drained all her momentum, and I managed to get some distance from her.
Reaching into the bag, I pulled out rope and a grappling hook. I’d never had to tie a knot without looking at the rope while I did it before, but I didn’t want to break eye contact with the rolegurdaüdi. If she was anything like other predators, as soon as I wasn’t looking, she’d leap for me. I got a knot tied into the iron loop of the grappling hook, and I hoped, really hoped, that it was the sort of knot that would have done my scout leader proud. Of course, knot tying was never my strongest suit.
I started spinning the hook around and around to the side, just a lazy sort of circle, preparing.
The rolegurdaüdi paused, taking a half step before stopping to watch what I was doing. She narrowed her eyes to follow the hook. I guess she decided it wasn’t something she needed to worry about, because she pounced.
I threw the hook straight up, and then I dove to the ground.
The hook went into the air, and the female rolegurdaüdi flew over me. She caused the rope to go go taut, which caused the hook to come down at speed, and it hooked into the wrinkles of hide at the top of her head.
I dug my heels into the mud and wrapped the rope around my arms, holding on.
She tumbled forward, feeling the rope and the hook and trying to shake it off. I yanked back as hard as I could, and she slipped on the grass. Then I surged forward and sprinted up the back of her leg. I jumped up and over her head, the rope tailing behind.
As I sailed over, she looked behind her, trying to figure out where I was, especially because she’d just felt me on her back.
I dropped to the ground and did a quick loop around her legs, a step in front of her as she turned around to try and get eyes on me.
Two times around. Three.
The male had gotten his leg out of the huge hole he’d made, and was readying for his own attack on me. I had seconds to finish.
I stopped running around the female. Then I leapt through her legs and started running for the water.
Naturally, she saw where I was going, realized she was still attached to me, and put the brakes on. But I had momentum on my side, so when she put her brakes on, that gave me the oomph I needed to tighten the loops I’d tied around her legs. The rope made such a satisfying zzzooop noise as it cinched. The female rolegurdaüdi toppled over like an AT-AT on Hoth.
I didn’t stop running though. I hauled on that rope as hard as I could, powering along the short shore and into the water. The beast behind me struggled for all she was worth, but was unable to get any purchase on the slick grass. I charged into the water, splashing every which way.
She started to panic as her legs came in contact with the water, struggling but just pulling the rope tighter around herself.
Great noisy roars echoed off the steep mountain walls.
Lightning flashed and thunder crashed.
I stopped and looked back at her.
Tiny eyes as wide as they could go, she thrashed around, trying to get free, trying to get out of the water, and, yet, sinking in the soft muddy soil that made up the lake.
We smaller folk weren’t heavy enough to drop into the silty bottom, but the rolegurdaüdi were massive enough they couldn’t stay up. So even the slightest step into the water meant going down.
The male rolegurdaüdi stayed back on the shore, roaring for his mate. Though it was weird to consider, it seemed like there was genuine concern for her. That he was freaking out that she might be in pain, might be about to be lost.
He even reached out for her, and that’s when I lost it. These weren’t monsters. They weren’t horrible creatures, they were just, I mean, but they were just living the way they always had lived. They were above us on the food chain, but maybe we could co-exist. I’d staked my life in this new world on trying to be a better man, and drowning this creature felt wholly wrong.
“OKAY!” I shouted, �
�okay!”
I ignored my followers, who looked at me like I was crazy. I threw the rope down and stomped back in the water until I got to the rolegurdaüdi.
I smacked the rolegurdaüdi in the face, and looked in her eyes.
“Listen,” I said, “I can kill you. You remember that. But I don’t want to. I want to be friends. Okay? Friends.”
Just for showmanship, I reached my hand out, and I summoned the throwing axe. It soared through the air and smacked into my palm. I used the axe to cut through the rope, and then grabbed onto the big girl’s leg to help get her out of the silt and onto the shore.
The male rolegurdaüdi grabbed his mate and hugged her.
If the heart-wrenching cries before hadn’t been a clear indication of caring and empathy, the hug was.
They separated, and looked down at me.
I stood there, really hoping I hadn’t done something fundamentally stupid.
They looked at me, then they looked at each other, then they looked at me. This seemed like it was a new sort of a situation for them.
“Me too,” I said. “It’s new for me too. Are you, I mean, can you understand me?”
Nothing. But they didn’t attack me, so that was something.
I turned my back to them, and I gestured at Bear to come to me.
She shook her head.
“Get over here,” I said.
“I’d rather not,” she replied.
“I need you.”
“You’re insane.”
“Maybe, but you knew that when you signed up.”
“Not true.”
“Too late now.”
“That’s true,” Skeld said. “I’ll come with you.”
Bear nodded, and climbed up on Skeld’s shoulder. The two walked slowly out of the lake and stood next to me, nearly in between the massive rolegurdaüdi.
“What do you need?” Bear asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Any chance you have something like a speak with animals spell?” I replied.
“You want to talk with them?”
“I do.”
“But—“
“Can you do it or not?”
“Of course I can. I’m a brownie, aren’t I?”
“And I’m a boy scout. Let’s go,” I said, pointing up at the rolegurdaüdi.
“Spell goes on you, Robert Baden Powell,” she snapped back, and I got really confused and interested. How did she get that reference? Did the fairy world, the Feedoheem, did it actually connect to Earth? Before I could ask a follow up, she closed her eyes and put her hands out toward me. A tingly warmth rolled over me.
An icon appeared in the corner of my vision, a green mouth.
“Can you understand me now?” I asked the rolegurdaüdi.
They both took a step back, and looked at each other and then me.
“You speak?” the male said. His voice was loud and uncouth, and it felt weird on my ears. I could see Skeld wincing under the auditory onslaught.
“I speak,” I said. “I would prefer to be friends with you, but I can’t have you hurting me or my people.”
“Friends,” the male said, and looked to the female.
She looked at him, and I think gave the rolegurdaüdi equivalent of a shrug.
“You know,” I said, “like we’re part of the same, uh, pack. You and me and all my friends. We’re one family.”
“Family. Know family. You want be family.”
“Yes. That’s what I want. Be family. With you, her, and then all those over there.”
He looked over my shoulder at all the people in the lake.
“Is many.”
“Sure, but a big family is a happy family.” Which wasn’t necessarily the truth, but it didn’t seem like the appropriate time to engage in a philosophical conversation on family dynamics. “You guys are very big, very strong, and a bit scary. But I’ve chosen to let you live. And, I chose to let your child live, when I fought him.”
The male nodded.
“You fight. Not run.”
“That’s me.”
“And we become family?”
“I mean, I’m asking you to join my family, yes.”
“And you no kill?”
“No. I don’t kill my family. I help my family.”
“You help. Food?”
“I can bring you food if you need.”
“Might need if no eating other family.”
“You can eat all the goblins you want,” I said. “Just none of my people. Our family.”
“Who is people? Who is family?”
“To start,” I said, “all those over there.”
I pointed at the people who were very clearly quite miserable in the lake.
“But there are more,” I said.
“Big family,” the rolegurdaüdi said.
“We are. But you would be a welcome addition.”
He grunted, which was still really loud.
“You strong. Smart. You family head?”
“I am.”
He gave a wide smile, and his tongue fell out the side of his mouth a little.
“Like family,” he said, and I think he tried to pet me.
Congratulations! You’ve completed a HIDDEN QUEST!
Secure the Valley I
Dangers untold and hardships unnumbered fill the valley. You must secure and make it safe before you can claim victory.
Well how about that?
“All right,” I said. “How about we meet the rest of the family, and I’ll let you know what we’ve got planned for this little spot of ours.”
I waved the rest of the group over. Oddly enough, no one came.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
It took a while before anyone was willing to leave the safety of the lake and meet the rolegurdaüdi. But once there was a modicum of trust, the rolegurdaüdi were actually pretty nice creatures. After an examination from Bear, we discovered they were sick from the rotting things inside their cave, and, in a sense, it was good we’d come when we did. Bear started working on a treatment regimen for the two while I tried to ignore the fact that I’d been fighting sick and weakened rolegurdaüdi and almost died.
Carpophorus, for his part, was rather injured. He had a few broken bones, and while I wanted him to go back to Coggeshall proper, he refused, saying that he needed to stay with his soldiers if there was any hope of the kobolds becoming an actual fighting force. I didn’t feel like fighting him, so I told Ragnar and Skeld to watch over the old man as best they could.
I had a quick meeting with Essie, going over potential designs for the fortress, initially thinking we’d be able to get some cool magic going and have a fort just rise out of the water while we were camping there. But after a short talk where Essie pointed out a few unpleasant realities about magic, it was evident that neither one of us knew enough about fortifications and I knew too little about magic to make any real decision. So we decided it would be best to send for Lee and Harmut on Air Fritz.
We got tents up, fires going, and had food cooking. The kobolds and a horde of prinkies went over to the rolegurdaüdi cave, and began a clean out.
And as the rain let up with night falling, I watched blips of light popping up in the distance. I was hopeful they were just fireflies, but considering the blips didn’t move, I figured they were fires. Someone was coming. And from the west, which meant it wasn’t Mahrduhm.
“Fuck,” I said, pointing out what I saw to Amber. “Are those campfires?”
She stared out in the distance, then nodded, “I think so. Do you want me to check them out?”
I was about to tell her yes when there was a great wind that nearly blew Amber off her feet.
Fritz landed with aplomb, and there was some eyeballing between Fritz and the rolegurdaüdi. A size-off, if you will. In my eyes, at least, Fritz won.
A lithe human woman dropped off the side of Fritz and ran over to me. She handed me a note.
You are needed here for a quick meeting.
Please come at once.
-Nikolai
I sighed.
“Hold off on leaving the valley,” I told Amber. “Let everyone else know where I’m going.”
She nodded, and darted off.
I climbed on Fritz, and gave him a good scratching on the back of his head. He made a noise that was a bit like cooing and purring mixed with something really scary because he was horrifying and huge. Then he launched us into the air, and we winged our way across the valley on Air Fritz, flying through the freezing rain.
Once at Coggeshall, I went straight to Nikolai to give him the rundown on where we were at.
He listened, impassively.
“There’s a representative from Prince Valamir headed to meet with you tomorrow,” Nikolai said. “It would be prudent of you to appear as if you are actually nobility.”
“So, like, shower?”
“That would be a good start. I’ve asked Eliza to meet with you on the morrow. She will guide you in certain matters of etiquette. I expect you might need a series of lessons with her.”
“Do I have to?”
He frowned at me.
“I’m kidding,” I said. “Oh hey also, we have some new members of the family.”
“What family?”
“Coggeshall.”
“You adopted someone?”
“I mean, I guess that’s technically the right way to phrase it.”
“What? Who?”
“They’re these really big mean monster things that tried to kill us, but they’re actually kind of cuddly and caring once you get to know them?”
“Sounds like you.”
“You think I’m cuddly?”
“Why did you adopt them?”
“It didn’t seem right to kill them.”
“You’ve been dealing death since you stepped onto this world. Why stop now?”
“Isn’t it better for me to stop at some point?”
“I just don’t want these creatures to become a problem.”
‘They’re not going to be a problem.
“How do you know?’
“Belief. They’re happy to be part of the family.”
“Are they sentient?’