His Light in the Dark

by L. A. Fiore

  We were going out tonight, she wanted to party and take her mind off the upcoming wedding, and I suspected Timothy, and I just wanted a drink in a public place where I didn’t have to think about anything except how the hell we were getting home. I hadn’t gone home to change, came right here from the graveyard, so it was closet raiding time.

  Walking down the hall to her room, my thoughts were on what to wear so I was completely unprepared for the sight that greeted me when I opened her door. Quickly pulling it closed again, I tried really hard to get the image out of my head but it was there: a naked Janie with three equally naked men in one bed. Oh God, if her brothers saw that there’d be blood spatter all over the white walls.

  I wasn’t a prude, but I definitely was not as adventurous in the bedroom as Janie, but even for her that was just…oh God. I needed a drink. Pouring a double of tequila, I downed it and waited for the blessed numbness. I hoped like hell she used protection.

  "Yes, they were all covered. Give me some credit.” Janie downed her shot and flashed me her blue eyes. “I’m not a complete twit.”

  An hour later, the visual of her and 'her friends' was still pretty fresh in my head. Why wouldn’t it fade, please fade…go away vision. It wasn’t surprising how easily Janie attracted men, she was gorgeous with blond hair and light eyes. And to that she also was a hell of a lot of fun and apparently in more ways than I thought. She liked sex and made no excuses for it. To each his own but while entertaining herself, I wanted to make sure she stayed smart about it.

  “Just wanted to make sure.”

  “Caught an eyeful, didn’t you? You ever do that?”

  I had just taken a sip of wine, so it went down the wrong pipe at her ridiculous question. She knew damn well that I liked sex with only one partner, not that I had many partners. Two to be exact because hopeless little me was still pining for the one I couldn't have. “Funny.”

  She smiled deviously. “I know that’s not your thing. It’s a hell of a lot of fun though, multiple partners.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.” Fiddling with the rim of my glass, I debated about asking what I wanted but after that scene earlier, far out even for Janie, I gave in. “Have you talked to Timothy?”

  Her smile immediately faded. “No.”

  Anger laced through that word and just under the anger was hurt.

  “Janie, did something happen?”

  “No.”

  “Janie, you know I can tell when you’re lying. What happened?”

  She downed her drink and flagged for another. “Okay. You’re right, I do like him and so I took your advice and asked him out. He said no.”

  Oh. “I’m sorry.”

  “The thing is, he gave me some bullshit line that he really wanted to, but couldn’t. Why couldn’t he? He doesn’t have a ring on his finger. We don’t live under martial law. I’d rather he just be honest and say he isn’t interested instead of lying about wanting to but being unable to. Clearly, I misjudged him and not in a good way, so I’m moving on.”

  “That’s fair, but at the risk of pissing you off, do you really need to move on three at a time?”

  For just a second I saw the same look she often gave her parents, defiance. Her foursome earlier, I’d bet, was more about forgetting than preference. “I’m not judging you, Janie, but sometimes you act before you think and I don’t want you to have regrets.”

  “I don’t, Mia. I may have had the wrong intentions when I went looking for something to take my mind from Timothy, but I enjoyed those men.”

  “Okay.”

  Her attention turned to a guy farther down the bar, just her type: big, brawny and ridiculously handsome. “Speaking of enjoying, I need to go say hi.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  “If you don’t see me, hopefully I’m being given a test drive in the men’s room.”

  “Have fun with that.”

  “If he’s half as good as his looks promise, I most definitely will be having fun.” She climbed from her stool, fished out a few twenties that she dropped on the bar. “Text me if you want to leave.”

  “Okay.”

  “Seriously, Mia, I can tell tonight you’re in the mood to sit and remember your dad, so I’ll leave you to that, but when you want to go, I’ll leave with you. Deal?”

  As crazy as she could be, she knew me so well. “Deal. And thanks.”

  “You bet. Wish me luck.”

  “You don’t need luck.”

  She had already turned away from me, but in response to that she threw me a look from over her shoulder. “Fucking A.”

  Grinning to myself, I signaled the bartender for another glass of wine. Tomorrow Aunt Dee and I were meeting at Vincent’s for dinner; she had something she wanted to discuss with me. Whatever it was, based on the distress I picked up in her tone, it couldn’t be good. When we were packing up Dad’s house, she had looked sad but appeared healthy. She had just had a physical and had gotten the all clear, or so she said. Financially, she was better than she’d ever been and even her boyfriend I liked a lot. Maybe I was just reading into it, worrying over nothing.

  For the next half an hour, I unwound from a week of hell, thought about my dad and kept an eye on Janie. A tickle fluttered across the back of my neck, the sensation very similar to the one I experienced earlier in the graveyard. Glancing around proved kind of pointless since the bar was packed and dark. Janie had moved from her spot down the bar, so was probably getting her test drive and after her earlier activities. One had to concede that the girl had stamina.

  I had to pee. I’d lose our place at the bar, but oh well. Closing out my tab, I headed to the back where the bathrooms were. Knowing my luck, I’d walk in on Janie again. There was a line, but it was moving, which meant that Janie most likely was having fun in the men’s room. Why was it that only women broke the seal so damn early into the night? Twenty minutes later, my eyeballs were swimming in my skull, so the sight of the nasty toilet was heaven. Taking care of business, I washed up and stepped out into the hall. I thought to scope out the place, but I wasn’t really in the mood for company tonight. Still feeling melancholy from my trip to the graveyard earlier, I just wanted to go home, change into my pjs and watch something mindless until I fell asleep. Pulling out my phone, I texted Janie.

  I’m going home. You stay and have fun.

  I wasn’t expecting a reply, but I got one just a few minutes later.

  I’ll come with you if you want.

  And I knew she would, but I suspected she’d rather stay and since I was going back to my place anyway, there was no reason for her to leave too.

  You stay and have fun. I’ll call you tomorrow.

  A smile touched my lips at her reply.

  Be safe and text when you get home.

  That was her mom’s influence; every time I left their house I had to ring them once so they knew I arrived home safely. Even now, I still had to ring once whenever I returned home after Sunday dinner. It was a tradition I really liked.

  Will do.

  Fall was in the air, the crisp cold wrapped around me as soon as I stepped outside. It wasn’t late, only after nine, so there were still some people moving to and from bars and clubs. Most of the professionals were gone, back to the suburbs with their families for a weekend of mowing their yards, backyard barbecues, and softball games. I’d like that, one-day, settling in a little house in Bucks County with more yard than house. I’d have a swing set in the backyard and one of those little wooden houses for the kids to play in. Kids, I’d like to have a few someday. Hoped that I’d be as wonderful a parent as my dad had been. Of course that required a man and currently I was single.

  Of the few men I’d dated, most were nice but not really my type. I was a stereotype because I wanted a man like my dad. I didn’t want a man afraid to get grease under his nails or the first to run from a fight. I wanted someone who was as loving as he was fierce. I knew exactly whom I wanted, had wanted him for a long time, and some dreams were ha
rder to let go than others.

  A cab came from down the street, so I signaled for it. My apartment was too far a walk for me to make alone. I gave the cabbie the address then settled back on the seat and watched as the city passed by. Before long we were pulling up in front of my building and, unlike where Janie lived, South Street was packed. My apartment was one street over, but I could see South Street from my back window. I liked that, all the people and noise and yet I could close myself off to it if I wanted.

  Dropping my keys in the dish on the small table I had in the entrance hall, I kicked off my shoes, locked up, texted Janie and then showered and changed into my pjs. Begin Again was just starting when I flipped on the television so I settled back and lost myself in the movie. I must have fallen a sleep because when I woke the movie was long over and the nightly cheesy porn, which took over the late night hours on the channel, filled my quiet apartment with moans and groans. Shutting off the television, I grabbed a glass of water and noticed the time. My feet moved me to the back window without my brain really needing to think it.

  On the weekends, just after two in the morning, Cole left the club by way of the back door. The first time I saw him leaving Tickled Ivories, I had been pissed at my dad’s ruse. In time though I understood that Dad had just been being Dad. He wanted me to have my freedom, but he also needed to know that there was someone nearby watching my back.

  Cole usually left the place alone, but there had been a few times he’d had a woman draped over him like an animal pelt worn by marauders in the days of old. I couldn’t blame those women because the man was just perfect and yet jealousy twisted through me that he gave them his time but he wouldn’t me.

  Closing in on thirty, he was definitely aging well. With his dark hair shaved into a buzz-cut, it forced you to focus on his hauntingly beautiful face, one made up of angles, though his lips were surprisingly soft in comparison and his eyes: a brilliant and piercing blue. He preferred wearing faded jeans and tees; sometimes he wore a leather jacket and sometimes a hoodie.

  My heart leapt when the door opened and out he walked. Moving deeper in the corner so he couldn’t see me, I just stared. The floodlight over the door made viewing every one of his perfect features very easy. He was alone tonight; his leather jacket opened to expose the black tee so tight it looked like a second skin. His lowered head tilted slightly in my direction and, being a bit fanciful, I imagined he thought of me before he started down the street; his gait that of someone who was not only comfortable in his surroundings, but had no fear of them. I could admit to myself that I was in love with him.

  Vincent’s looked just the same and the man himself, even at seventy, still worked the kitchen. His loud and colorful voice was almost like ambient sound now, its pitch and cadence as familiar as the red and white-checkered tablecloths and the glass vases filled with fresh-cut flowers.

  Aunt Dee was off, her normally bubbly personality subdued. And when I saw the furrowing of her brow, I reached across the table for her hand. “Are you okay?”

  Her cat eyes focused on me. “I’m sorry. I am distracted. There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

  “Are you sick?” That was my greatest fear, losing Aunt Dee too.

  Surprise flashed over her face. “What? No, no Mia honey, I’m not sick.”

  “Thank God.”

  “I’m not really sure how to broach this, so I’m just going to dive right in. Your mother has been in contact with me.”

  “My mother? What? When?”

  “Repeatedly since your father died, but I’ve been dodging her since she gave up her rights when she walked out.”

  “I absolutely agree. What does she want?”

  “She won’t say, just that she’d like to meet you. I guess she’s thinking now that Mace is gone, you’ll be more open to getting to know her.”

  “For what purpose? She never cared about me growing up, so why would I care now?”

  Aunt Dee shrugged. “It’s completely up to you whether you meet her or not. I’m just sharing with you what I know because I’m not comfortable keeping you in the dark.”

  “And I appreciate that, Aunt Dee, I really do, but I have no wish to meet my mother. I don’t know her, and I’m fine with that.”

  Relief washed over her expression. “Okay. Then that’s that.”

  “You thought I’d want to see her?”

  “I wasn’t sure, despite the fact that she’s a douche, she is your mom and with Mace gone…I wouldn’t have tried to stop you if you chose to see her, but I know your mom and everything she does is self-serving. Even this, I’m sure there’s more to it than her wanting to meet you.”

  “Agreed.”

  Aunt Dee was noticeably more relaxed, was actually quite a different person from the one who entered Vincent’s with me earlier. She had really been fretting over my response to Cynthia’s request.

  “Aunt Dee, she never came to Dad’s funeral, so as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing she could do or offer that would entice me to meet her. She made her choice, the wrong choice, and now she’s got to live with the consequences.”

  “I couldn’t agree more. So now that that’s a non-issue, let’s eat. I’m starving.”

  Tickled Ivories was pretty packed for a weeknight, though I suspected it was the jazz ensemble with their soulful sound that drew the crowds. Sipping a glass of wine, I looked around the place but my thoughts were on what Aunt Dee had shared the other night regarding Cynthia. She was like a bad penny, always popping up, which was odd because she had been the one to walk out. For someone who didn’t want anything to do with her family, she sure as hell had a tendency to seek them out.

  Maybe Aunt Dee was right; maybe now that dad was gone Cynthia’s maternal instinct kicked in. I didn’t really think that was possible, but then the impossible had been known to happen. I wasn’t interested, whatever her motivation. She had been a nonentity for me my entire life; there was no reason to welcome her now, especially when doing so felt like a betrayal to Dad.

  A tingling worked down my spine, my focus shifting to my right where a dark figure sat in a corner. I couldn’t see his face, but there was no denying that the body belonged to a man. How I knew he was watching me, I couldn’t say, except for the delicious sensation that moved down my spine like a lover’s caress. Not being one for one-night stands, it had been a long time since I had had sex and if the man in the corner could stir my blood with just his eyes then what could he do with the rest of him? The thought was so intriguing and erotic I almost approached him to learn just that.

  For the next hour my body burned from his stare and an ache had started between my legs that begged to be eased. Women approached his table, none of them lingering long, and through it all I felt his eyes on me. I was tempted to approach him, but with how badly my body ached I'd likely end up doing something I’d regret. Settling my bill, I started to rise at the same moment that he did. Seconds felt like minutes as I held myself perfectly still and waited for him to step into the light. The minute he did, my knees nearly buckled under me. It was Cole. Those blue eyes were staring right into mine and though his expression gave absolutely nothing away, I felt branded as if he was silently staking his claim. And what the hell was that all about? In the next second, he turned and walked away only to disappear into a room in the back of the bar. I followed him, knocking before just walking in. He stood behind a desk, his focus out the window. His head snapped around, his eyes speared me from across the room.

  “What was that?” I asked without preamble.

  “Mia.”

  Anger replaced confusion because this man was driving me crazy. “You want your distance from me, but you stare at me like that?”

  “Would you like a drink?”

  “No, I’d like to know why if you’re so determined to stay away from me, you would tease me with looks like that?”

  Silence followed.

  “Nothing? You’ve got nothing to say? That night in my dorm, you wanted m
e as much as I wanted you. That, out there just now, proves that you still feel it and you’re lying to yourself if you think you can fight it. It’s been simmering for a long fucking time.”

  The fingers of the hand wrapped around the decanter turned white and his jaw clenched, but he said nothing.

  “Whenever you’re ready to act on that stare you just gave me, to finish what you started in my dorm that night, you know where I live.”

  It took me a few minutes to get my legs to work before I not so gracefully exited the club.

  Janie and I were having lunch, but I wasn’t the best company because my thoughts were on last night and Cole’s heated stare that held such promise. “Why, Janie? Why is the man fighting it? Last night he stared at me like I was naked, on a sacrificial table, and he wanted to claim the sacrifice.”

  “Don’t know, clearly he’s conflicted. Maybe you should jump him and see what happens.”

  “As much as I’d love to believe he’d actually act on the heat I saw in his gaze last night, it’s more than likely that he’ll instead remove me from his person, keep me at arm’s length, pat my head and walk away without a word.”

  “He really has you in a knot, doesn’t he?”

  “Yeah, but it’s about more than sex. I’ve known him for so long, he’s a huge part of my life and yet for most of it, I’ve felt like the kid with her face pressed up against the glass of the toy store. Staring at something I want and it always being just out of my reach. He’s determined to keep me from him, so I really should let him go and just the thought of that hurts like hell.”

  “You need to fuck him to get him out of your system.”

  “Janie!”

  “Seriously, you might be confusing lust with something else.”

  As crude as she could be, maybe she was right. Maybe if I slept with Cole, I’d get him out of my system, but if what we’d done in my dorm was a prelude to what I had in store, I wouldn’t be getting him out of my system. I’d likely become addicted, creating a cult just around him, spending my days worshipping him and hoping my nights were filled with him filling me, repeatedly. I took a large gulp of my water to soothe my suddenly dry throat.