Ghosted: A Paranormal Romantic Comedy

by Kat Addams

  “They ratted me out,” he answered.

  Scratch. Scratch. Scratch.

  Claire screamed, dropping the flashlight. It rolled toward Big Glug-Glug, who took one look at it and ate it in a single gulp.

  “What the hell did you do that for?” I threw my hands in the air.

  “My soul’s too dark. I needed to brighten it up in there a little. These lyrics ain’t coming as fast these days. I need inspo. That hot little piece of ass you got there might help me out though.” He nodded his swollen face toward Claire, who stepped behind me.

  “Claire, meet Big Glug-Glug, the goblin rapper. Big Glug-Glug, meet Claire, my summoner.”

  “This is fucking ludicrous!” she gasped, still hiding behind me.

  “Hell no, woman. I’m not Ludacris. I’m Big Glug-Glug. My rhymes are straight fresh.” He groaned, lifting his leg and letting out one long-drawn-out fart. “Rat bastards do that to me.”

  Claire recoiled, gagging. Even I felt my Mack Daddy burger rising in my throat.

  I leaned down, whispering in her ear, “Goblins are even more disgusting than trolls, just FYI. But this one might be able to help us.”

  “Good. Let’s get the info and get out of here before I get sick,” she whispered back.

  “Yo, yo, yo! No secrets around here. Snitches get stitches.” He shook his head, shaking loose a fly out of his unibrow.

  Scratch. Scratch.

  “No secrets. We’re discussing what we came here for. We’re looking for a butt plug.” I pressed my lips into a thin line. There was simply no way to ask politely about a butt plug, and given that I was speaking with a dirty goblin, I didn’t much care about manners anyway.

  “Old lady Karen’s nasty blue butt plug, eh? I wrote a rap about that thing once.” He grinned, showing us a mouthful of rotted teeth.

  “I don’t even want to know. Can you just tell us where it might be?” Claire stepped forward.

  “For a price, honey. Always for a price,” he hissed, licking his lips with a slimy, forked tongue.

  “Name it. I need that butt plug,” she said.

  “I want Bruno’s gold chain. Bring it to me, and I’ll tell you where your filthy treasure lies.”

  Scratch.

  “Shit. I hope you’re up for an adventure,” I muttered to her.

  “Why? Who is Bruno?” Her eyebrows pulled together.

  “The bogeyman. The swamp boss. He’s not going to give that chain up easily. It’s magic.” I rubbed my palms over my face.

  “I wouldn’t expect it to be anything else. Of course it’s magic. Goblins, bogeymen, genies, faeries.” She blew out a loud breath through her flared nostrils.

  Her frustration bounced off of me.

  I reached down, patting the top of her head before squinting my eyes and shrinking to my average size. “There. That’s better. Now, I can be on your level and see that pretty face of yours.” I tipped her chin up, smiling to try and lighten the mood, but tears began to brim in her eyes. I put my arms around her and pulled her close. “Hey. I’ll end this for you soon. I’m sorry I turned your life upside down. I’ll get you back to work and richer or more powerful or whatever your command is. I promise. Genies can’t break promises. Now, let’s get you out of here and take you home.”

  FIVE

  Claire

  I hadn’t wanted to go back to the hotel after leaving my mom’s place, but Dylan had insisted on it. When I’d seen that flame burn brighter in his eyes and the firm set of his jaw, I hadn’t had the energy to argue. Besides, I didn’t know the extent of his power. He couldn’t grant wishes, but I’d seen him appear and reappear in a cloud of smoke and grow three times his size in a flash. He could probably do anything he wanted with me. I didn’t want to piss off anyone who could transform me into a toad, a washed-up old hag, or a ball gag to match his set of sex toys.

  I paced the room and tried to gather myself before we set out again. The swamp wasn’t a far drive from Creaky Spring Inn, according to Dylan. I paused in front of the closet door’s mirror, scaring myself. I’d been so distracted with this new normal that I’d completely forgotten to brush my hair, wash my face, and tweeze my brows. I looked like I’d just crawled out of a grave.

  “Jeez Louise! Why didn’t you tell me I looked like a hot mess?” I put my head in my hands, hiding my face that desperately needed a swipe of lipstick, a curl of lashes, or a face transplant with someone way less tired.

  “What? Louise? I’m Dylan. And besides, you look fabulous. But …” He sat on the edge of the bed, brushing crumbs off the sheets.

  “But what?”

  “But you aren’t dressed for the swamp. Or The Cave rather.” He clasped his chin between his fingers before snapping. “Aha!”

  “What do you mean, I’m not dressed for a swamp or cave? Do I need wading boots and camouflage?” I put my hands on my hips. I wanted to get out of here and get this show on the road. I needed that butt plug.

  “Hardly. Close your eyes. This might get bright.”

  He held out his hands and wiggled his fingers, sending a flash of bright light through the room, blinding me. My body spun around more times than I could count.

  I gasped, digging the base of my palms into my eye sockets. “I can’t see! And I’m dizzy! What the hell?”

  “You can open your eyes now.” He pulled my hands from my face.

  I stood still, my vision slowly adjusting through the cloud of smoke swirling around me. A chill raked across the back of my thighs, sending shivers up my spine.

  “Eh?” He nodded his head up and down in an exaggerated movement while pointing at my outfit. “Now, you fit in.”

  I looked down at the black vinyl boots, the black vinyl corset, and the black vinyl booty shorts clinging to my bare skin. Fingerless spiked-leather gloves reached up to my elbows, and a heavy gunmetal chain hung around my neck. I clasped a long, roped whip in my palm.

  “What the fuck is this shit, Dylan? Fix it. Turn me back.” I cracked the whip above his head.

  He recoiled, grabbing his sides in a fit of laughter.

  As a child, I’d imagined myself in that Cinderella moment when the fairy godmother conjured a beautiful ballgown for her—a ballgown, not a dominatrix outfit.

  “You look sinful,” he growled, pulling me into him. “Just one last thing.” He flicked the top of my head, sprouting two curled black horns from my scalp.

  I blinked, turning back toward the mirror. I pricked my finger on the sharp tips of my horns to check if they were real.

  “This isn’t funny anymore,” I cried.

  “Actually, it is. But it’s not just fun and games. You have to fit in or else we’re toast.” He licked his lips, focusing on my breasts that spilled over the tight corset. “Tonight, I’m just a genie bringing my sexy succubus to The Cave. You wouldn’t gain entrance as a human, and it would arouse suspicion. Besides, you look edible.”

  “Am I a part of some type of sex trade or something? What’s The Cave? I thought we were only stealing a chain from the bogeyman?” My heart began to race.

  “There you go, getting anxious again. I can feel it.” He straightened his back, grabbing my hand. “I told you, I’ll keep you safe. This is part of that. Just trust me on this. It’s hard to explain until you see it with your own eyes. You wouldn’t believe me.” He shook his head, turning toward the door. “I’ll go down and distract the workers while you sneak in the car with your dominatrix outfit. I know how you’re afraid of what these small-minded townsfolk will say. Wait for me out front. Give me five minutes. When you hear my signal, run and start the engine.”

  “What’s the signal?” I spit out, crossing my arms over my chest. I accidentally popped a boob out, causing Dylan to moan before I could quickly stuff it back into my tiny top. “Get it together. It’s just a boob.”

  “Right. Just a boob.” He adjusted his pants. “Um, not sure yet on the signal. But you’ll know it when you hear it.” He disappeared in a cloud of blue vapor before I could ask
him anything else.

  I glanced at my reflection in the mirror again, admiring the shiny vinyl. I never wore much of anything besides jeans and T-shirts or the occasional summer dress. But this outfit looked hot, and that feisty side of me that had long since disappeared began to awaken again. I ran my palms down the slick material, turning this way and that. My jaw dropped as I noticed a tail swishing out from behind me, posing in the air like a snake on the verge of striking. I grinned, distracted by my new toy when I heard the signal.

  Someone was loudly beatboxing into a megaphone.

  I groaned, grabbing my purse, my keys, and my tail before making a run for the car. I flew past the empty lobby and out the door. Dylan popped up behind me, quickly following on my heels. We reached the car, hopping inside before anyone spotted us. I turned the key in the ignition and floored the gas pedal, peeling out of the parking lot. We made it down the street before we both caught our breath.

  “Like my rap? Think I can sell it to Big Glug-Glug?” Dylan asked between heavy breaths.

  “I thought you were going to whistle or meow. You know, like a normal person,” I answered.

  “But I’m not a person. I’m a genie. Ta-da!” He snapped his fingers.

  My chest flew into the steering wheel as two enormous claw-tipped wings emerged from my back, stretching out into the front seat and smacking Dylan under his nose.

  “Oh. Didn’t think this through,” he said, clutching the dashboard as I swerved into a ditch.

  “You could have gotten us killed! I can’t drive like this!” I grabbed my wing, desperately trying to stuff it down behind me.

  I’d always wondered what it would feel like to have wings. I’d sometimes imagined myself with beautiful butterfly wings or angelic fluffy, feathered ones—not demon wings complete with demon horns.

  “That’s fine. We’re here anyway. Told ya it was close. Just straighten the car out, and let’s go. You have to relax, and your wings will settle.”

  I snarled, reversing the car and parking it alongside the ditch in short, jerking movements to emphasize how pissed off I was becoming. I was never much one for vocal confrontation.

  “I had to give you wings, Claire. You’re a succubus. They have wings, and we can’t blow your cover. You can’t look like a human. You already smell like one.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? What do I smell like?” I pushed the door open, struggling to get myself out of the car.

  “To me, you smell like raw, human emotion. Sweet breaths of life. And pure, carnal sex. You’re the most delicious-scented human I’ve ever smelled. But to them, you’ll probably smell like a mortal. Like death lingers on your shoulders.” He walked over to me, grabbing my wings and pushing them down. “Relax.”

  I flapped them in response, sending my feet flying a few inches off the ground before I crashed back down into the mud.

  “You’re as stubborn as your great aunt. That’s for damn sure. Follow me and put those things down. I don’t have time to teach you how to fly. I’m not sure how long my magic will hold. I’ve only magicked another human twice before, and it didn’t last long.”

  He grabbed my arm, pulling me through a thicket and into an overgrown meadow. The long blades of grass swayed in the wind, hitting me under my chin and tickling my collar. The sky grew darker with each step I took until I could no longer see much of anything in front of me.

  “I’m not stubborn! Not really. I just can’t believe I’m on a quest to find a magic butt plug,” I huffed, clutching my hand around Dylan’s bicep and slowly following behind him. “I used to love fairy tales. I read about them all the time as a child. I wanted to live in those worlds. Now, I realize how dumb that was. I mean, look at us. We’re out here, in the middle of nowhere, heading toward a cave I didn’t even know existed. And why is it dark all of a sudden? It was daylight when we got out of the car. I can’t see a damn thing now. Oh. Spooky, spooky.” I fluttered my fingers in the air, mocking my ridiculous situation.

  “Shh! You don’t know what’s lurking out here,” Dylan said.

  He moved his palm back and forth, magically bending the grass apart and creating a path for us to walk through. We stopped at the edge of a swamp. My boots began to sink quickly in the sticky mud. Dylan’s eyes blazed bright enough for me to notice a path of jagged rocks sticking out of the water.

  “Stereotypical. We have to hop the stones to get to a magic cave where this bogey-douche lives. You know, I always thought this town was lame, but this takes the cake. At least throw a dragon in there or something.”

  “Hell no! We’re not fighting dragons. Besides, I don’t think a stone path is stereotypical. Neither is Bruno.” Dylan motioned for me to follow him, hopping from one stone to the next.

  “What? He isn’t a hairy monster who lives under my bed?” I rolled my eyes.

  “Does this look like under your bed?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  “I know your first taste of the magical realm was me. And I admit, I’m a catch. I can show you my magical world,” he sang before clearing his throat. “Sorry. Old habits. Anyway, like I was saying, I’m fun, I’m playful, I’m sexy. But I’m not harmless. And neither is anyone else, friend or foe, that you’ll come across. Big Glug-Glug back there can eat you in two bites. He looked small and gross, but goblins can unhinge their jaws like a snake. And their stomach acid can burn their victims up in seconds. It’s pretty disgusting. I watched one swallow a centaur once. That was a nightmare I try to forget.”

  “What’s so scary about you? You said you’re not harmless. I doubt you’d hurt a fly.”

  I lost my footing, slipping on a rock. He turned in a flash, caught me in one arm, and pulled me into him. I gasped, clinging to his shoulders and heaving against his chest.

  “Careful there, princess. Just one slip into that murky water, and you’ll be sick for weeks. As I said, don’t let anything fool you. Nothing is harmless, especially Morningwood.” The fire in his gaze grew brighter, causing me to shield my eyes before he turned away.

  I hesitated, wanting to know more about his powers and what caused him to be so scary, according to him. But a faint bassline thumped through the swamp, and neon lights flashed in the distance, distracting me from caring.

  “What’s that? A party?”

  My wings fluttered behind me, causing me to slip again. He reached out, steadying me.

  “That’s The Cave.” A devilish grin played across his face.

  “That’s The Cave? Like Bogey-dude’s place? What is it, a nightclub?” My eyes grew wide. I’d prepared myself to navigate a dark, disgusting, damp, moldy cave—not a disco rave.

  “That’s exactly what it is. Bruno owns it. He is literally a boogie-man. As in get down on it. The Cave is the most popular club in the South—or it used to be the last time I left my dear ol’ dildo. You’ll see. Be prepared to see some wild shit. But”—his eyes flared—“stay close to me. Don’t you dare leave my side. Remember, this place and these people aren’t harmless. Let me do the talking with Bruno.”

  I nodded silently. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. Things kept growing weirder and weirder, and I couldn’t tell if I felt more nervous or excited. A magical nightclub sounded like fun. But it also seemed like trouble. I wasn’t good at either of those things.

  “Oh, and one last thing. Sorry for this, but—” He puffed a cloud of stale smoke in my face.

  I gagged, grabbing my sides and heaving before the vapor disappeared.

  “What was that for?” Tears streamed down my face. I tried to pat them dry with my vinyl gloves, but it was useless. I only slicked the wetness down my cheeks.

  “You smell too lovely, babe. Better safe than sorry. The scent will wear off with my magic. Come on. Let’s go before that happens.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the music.

  I hopped from rock to rock, following him until we stood before a giant cave. At the top hung a neon-green sign that read, The Cave.

  Original, I thought. />
  Peering over his shoulder and leaning toward the mixture of sounds coming from inside, I heard laughter, moans, screams, and a shrill noise that jarred my jaw, causing me to clench my teeth.

  “Banshee. Tune it out. You ready?” He gazed down at me. His eyes blazed, burning my face like I’d opened a furnace … or looked toward the sun.

  “I think so.” I gulped.

  “You asked me what I could do that was harmful.”

  He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to face the path we’d just crossed. The entire swamp lit up in a quick flash of fire, painfully heating the vinyl against my skin. The blue flames disappeared before I could blink.

  “You’re safe with me,” he growled.

  I bit my lip, realizing another stereotypical cliché in my new fairy-tale life. I was beginning to see Dylan in a whole new light.

  SIX

  Dylan

  My last encounter with Bruno had ended in disaster, thanks to Karen.

  She’d heard about the infamous bogeyman and wanted to see his skills for herself.

  She drove us to The Cave on a sudden whim. We arrived and meandered our way through crowds, heading toward the back of the club, where he sat, surrounded by a pack of werewolves. We sat across from his table, downing fire cider and spooky juice while trying to figure him out. Karen studied his actions while I studied the dancing faeries flying through the air in front of me.

  I couldn’t help it. They seductively swung their hips back and forth, distracting me from the odd performance onstage. The crowds had gathered around a creature I’d not seen before. He was as tall as a giant but as dark as a demon. He had human features, but something ethereal lurked underneath his skin. He emerged from behind a curtain, wearing nothing but a robe. His feet seemed to glide across the floor as he danced in tune with the music. He paused, as if waiting for a cue. A long-legged elf, also dressed in only a robe, joined him onstage. She was a night elf with moonlit eyes and skin the color of twilight. Her ears stuck out from behind silver-hued locks.