Awaken (Awaken Series Book 1)

by Jaime Guerard

  “You wrote this…for me?” My face was flushing again.

  The chords took form as his fingers gently moved along the strings, bringing the song back. He said as he played, “Even though you weren’t there with me, you did help me Bre, in more ways than you could imagine. Whenever I started to fall into depression I would pick up my guitar, think of you, and slowly the music and words filled my mind. I wrote this song.”

  I was at a loss for words. Here I thought he was avoiding me the whole time, but really, he was thinking about nothing but me.

  “Would you like to hear it?”

  I nodded as he began to expand his strumming and play the most beautiful song I had ever heard. He was so good, the way his fingers glided over the strings. It was effortless. His voice was pure and it had this depth that I had only heard from great musicians. As I listened, I felt like I was floating, his music lifting me. I felt lighter than air. His words, his music filled the air with a heavenly presence. It echoed through the woods and over the water. It filled every part of me and into my soul.

  I didn’t want him to stop, but eventually the song was over. I gathered myself and floated down to the ground and came back to the present.

  “Collin, that was amazing.” Amazing wasn’t an adequate word, but I couldn’t think of a better one at the moment.

  “I’m glad you liked it,” he said, gleaming at my statement.

  “Liked it? I loved it!” I corrected.

  “Well, you inspired it.” Something caught his eye and he reached toward my neck. Placing his finger on the chain of my necklace, he glided his finger down the length of it. “You’re still wearing the necklace I gave you.”

  I pulled it out, holding it in my hand. “I never take it off.” He smiled, pleased. Then, his face dropped suddenly like I said something wrong. “What is it?”

  He shook his head. “My father…he would’ve loved you.” His pained eyes stared at me.

  “I wish I could’ve met him,” I whispered softly.

  He turned his body toward me and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He took both of my hands in his. Releasing one of my hands, I reached up and ran my fingers through his thick, silky hair to comfort him.

  We sat in silence for a long time. This was what he needed, this moment, to process his emotions.

  He was still running his fingers over the top of my hand when he finally said, “I told him about you though.”

  “You did?” I tilted my head to the side.

  “Yes.”

  “When?” I was wondering when he had the chance.

  He answered, “A few days before I was going to leave Rogue River. It wasn’t a long call, but it was one of the last times I…” He couldn’t finish, but I knew what he meant ― it was one of the last times he talked to his dad before the accident. The only other time Collin spoke to him was on the day it happened, just one quick call when his dad told him that he was going to pick him up. “I told him I met someone, someone special. He asked a lot of questions about you.” He smiled as he told me the story.

  “Why are you smiling?” I wondered.

  He chuckled, “It’s nothing bad. If you knew my Dad, you’d understand.”

  “Well, what did he say?”

  “You really want to know?” His eyebrow lifted in an ‘I warned you’ look.

  “Yes,” I said, not sure if I actually wanted to hear it now.

  “Alright.” He smiled again. “He asked if you were,” he paused, searching for the right words, “like the others.”

  “What? What does that mean?”

  He twisted uncomfortably on the rock he was sitting on. “Ummm…it just means that…the girls I’ve dated, the city-type girls…” he breathed out another laugh, “Let’s just say they’re a little…flirty around my father.”

  “So your father thought I was…slutty?”

  “No wait,” he shook his head. “Let me explain. He was comparing you, without even knowing you, to all my other girlfriends. None of them were good for me. My last girlfriend was, well…” He squinted looking up, trying to choose his words wisely. “She was a little overly confident, if you know what I mean. She loved flaunting her body and she dressed to show it off.”

  “Oh.” I looked at what I had on: long pants, sweater and a heavy jacket, zipped up all the way. I stiffened, feeling inadequate.

  “But that’s why things didn’t work out,” he said quickly. I think he saw my sudden reaction. “I couldn’t handle other guys always staring at her, and I’m really not into that type of girl. I want someone who knows who she is and doesn’t have to try to be someone she’s not just to get attention.”

  I was relieved when he said that. There was no way I was dressing like a Barbie Doll just to make him happy. But there was a little part of me that wondered if he was just saying it for my benefit. He did say his dad didn’t like any of his girlfriends.

  “All your other girlfriends? Were there a lot?” A little jealousy crept into that question.

  He pursed his lips together, struggling. What was he going to say? I didn’t want to think of any other girl with him, except me.

  “That doesn’t matter. What matters is we’re together now.” He smiled. “And I’m really glad I had the chance to tell my father…” his face went heavy again.

  When he didn’t complete his sentence, I asked, “What did you tell him?”

  “Nothing,” he responded.

  “No, please tell me.”

  “So how many boyfriends have you had?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

  “Uh-umm, I want to know what you were going to say,” I was firm.

  “Austin was right. You are stubborn.” He breathed out a sigh. “I’ll tell you one day, just not today.”

  I knew I wasn’t winning this, so I let it go, for now.

  Austin? There was a deep sadness accompanying that name. I needed to deal with that situation and make it right. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him before he left, and everyday it killed me not being able to explain things to him. He hadn’t been answering his phone, and each unanswered call cut me deeper. I hated myself for how I spoke to him. I just wanted to tell Austin how sorry I was, and that I never wanted to hurt him.

  “Have you told Austin yet?” I asked.

  “No,” he sighed, “I haven’t.”

  “When are you going to tell him?”

  “Soon. I know, I keep saying that, but it just hasn’t been the right time. It’s going to be hard. Austin and I really got close this past week, and I don’t want to ruin the little bit of progress, you know?”

  I nodded, agreeing with him, but I still wished that it were out in the open. It would make things so much easier for me.

  He looked down. “We talked a lot about my mom and step-dad, and of course my dad, but also some really deep things that I never knew about him.”

  “What things?”

  “Well,” he glanced back to me and rubbed his hands together. “I had no idea he was such a good guy. I mean, he was always just my little, bratty brother, but he really would do anything for anyone, wouldn’t he?”

  “Yes,” I said painfully. “Austin is the most caring and loving person I’ve ever met.” And that caring and loving person is who I crushed into a thousand pieces. The guilt was weighing me down.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “I just really need to talk to him.”

  He closed his eyes, wrinkling his forehead, then looked back to me.

  “You know, he’ll forgive you,” he said in a hushed tone.

  I couldn’t control it, my pain spilled over my eyelids and down my cheeks. “I hope you’re right. I couldn’t take it if he never wanted to speak to me again.”

  He hesitated. “We talked…a lot…about you.”

  I wiped my cheeks. “You did? What did he say?”

  “Um…” he paused and took a breath. “He told me…” He shook his head. “Oh man…”

  “Please tell me,” I
begged.

  He looked away from me. His voice rough. “He told me he loved you. He said he’s always loved you, since you were kids.”

  I gasped. “What?” He told me he loved me when we were outside of the restaurant, but since we were kids?

  “He talked about how much it hurt when you said that you didn’t want to be with him…I can’t believe I just told you that,” he said, frustrated with himself.

  “Collin, you know I don’t have the same feelings for him.” I touched his hand.

  He shook his head in dismay.

  “I’m glad you told me.”

  “No. I shouldn’t have said anything.” His eyes glided up to mine.

  “This isn’t going to change anything.”

  He breathed in deep. “I know the two of you have a history and that you were dating. He told me about the park and all the signs you were giving him.”

  “What signs?”

  “He said that you acted like a couple, holding hands and flirting. I mean, I saw how comfortable he was with you around my parents that first night I was here. Even if I was a stranger, I would’ve guessed you were together.”

  I couldn’t respond to that. I was doing everything I could that night to show we were just friends, but I guess I failed miserably.

  “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not worried about other guys. The truth is, I’m scared I could lose you to someone else,” he admitted. I started to object, but he placed his finger over my lips. “He’s going to fight for you, whether he knows about me or not. He told me about Josh.”

  “Josh?” I asked wondering what Austin told him.

  “In his mind, Josh is his biggest threat right now.”

  “He knows I would never go back to Josh,” I said.

  “I don’t know,” he breathed.

  “You don’t know what?” The last thing either of them needed to worry about was Josh.

  “The way he describes this Josh guy, I’m a little worried myself.” There was fear in his eyes.

  “No…no way. I’ll never, ever, go back to him. He was horrible to me, and I’ll never put myself through that again.”

  Collin stared at me for a long time. “I know I have some competition, but…” he stopped me again from speaking. “But…I will fight for you even if it’s up against my brother. I’ll choose you.”

  He started moving in slowly and I felt my breath lock tight in my throat, unable to escape. My heart was pounding in my chest. He was inches away. I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine. Anxious. Ready. Lust for him overpowering me with each second gone by. I took a deep breath, readying myself for what was to come, for what I had yearned for. I felt his warm breath on my face. His hand glided up to my check and rested there. I leaned in closer. His full lips barely brushed against mine and I felt the heat linger. My stomach jumped with the anticipation of his mouth folding over mine. I swallowed.

  “Collin? You out here?” A voice came from near the house.

  I opened my eyes, as did Collin. We both looked at one another, our faces so close that not even a hand could fit between us.

  “It’s Austin,” Collin sighed.

  I looked up to the house, but from where we were sitting, I could only see the top of the roof. Collin sat back, putting space between us. My heart sank in disappointment.

  “We’d better go.” He stood to his feet. “I’m down here. I’ll come up,” he yelled to Austin.

  He pulled me to my feet, stroking the side of my face.

  “Don’t forget what I said,” he spoke softly, looking deep into my eyes.

  “I won’t. I won’t…ever,” I quietly said back to him.

  I desperately wished I could take his hand, but I knew with Austin up at the house I couldn’t.

  With that, we walked back to the house…separately.

  Walking back up to the house, I realized I was more nervous than when I first arrived. There was a new entangled element with Collin living here. It would be even more of a struggle to hide this relationship with Collin from Austin. As much as I wanted to tell Austin and not hide behind a façade, I needed to let Collin handle it, for the sake of saving what little relationship he had with his brother. It was very important to me that when all was said and done, nothing would be different between the three of us. I followed closely behind Collin, each step more difficult than the last. My instinct was to act like nothing was wrong, like nothing had changed. I was hoping Austin wouldn’t remember the awful things I said to him. Not likely, considering how he felt about me. If he only knew how much I really did care about him, that worrying about him kept me awake at night.

  Austin had apparently gone inside, because the back deck was empty. This gave me a brief window to run through what I would say. Collin opened the door and let me walk in ahead of him. The kitchen was filled with the sun’s bright light shining through the window above the sink. As cold as it was outside, it was nice to see the sun out for a change. I walked into the living room. The TV was on, and that warm feeling instantly vanished with one look from Austin. His body tensed, and all contentment drained from his face. He was as white as the t-shirt he had on. I expected him to say something to Collin, since he was looking for him a minute ago, but he said nothing. He just sat there, clearly not expecting me.

  I turned thinking Collin was right behind me, but he wasn’t. I was alone with Austin.

  “Hey.” My voice was quiet and shaky.

  “Hey.” He folded his arms across his chest.

  At least he was on speaking-terms with me. I was thankful for that. “I’ve been waiting here for awhile, hoping to talk to you.”

  “Yeah…what about?” He breathed deep through his nose.

  “About what happened the night we took Collin to the airport.”

  “What’s there to talk about?” He sounded slightly curt and despondent.

  “C’mon Austin, don’t do this,” I begged.

  “Don’t do what, Bre?” He snapped, narrowing his eyes at me.

  “You know what. Don’t be like this…” I took a deep breath, trying to steady my voice. “I came here to tell you I’m so sorry for the way I talked to you. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did,” I tried humbly to explain.

  “Oh yeah, then how did you mean it to come out?”

  I expected him to be upset, he had every right to be. I deserved it. I started feeling the heat of my tears rising up. “All I can say is that I’m sorry for hurting you.” Now with full-on tears welling up in my eyes, I just stood there.

  “Well you didn’t hurt me, so I guess you’re okay then.” He resumed watching TV. His face was red with anger.

  I sat and watched him for a moment, irritated that he wasn’t being honest with me. Why did he do that? Why couldn’t he be just straight with me? Didn’t he realize his feelings were written all over him and it was obvious that he was hurt and upset? I’d rather him tell me what a horrible person I was than just say that everything was okay. But he was choosing to ignore it instead of clearing the air. I couldn’t move on like this. The way things were going, it would never be completely resolved.

  “So if you weren’t hurt and we’re fine, then why did you avoid all of my phone calls for the entire week?”

  “I was busy.” His response was cold and quick. He kept his eyes glued to the show.

  “You were busy?” I repeated quietly.

  “Yep.”

  I turned my head away from him, fighting back the tears, not wanting him to see me cry, not that he was looking at me anyway. I took a deep breath. “Austin…all I can do right now is say I’m sorry, and hope you’ll forgive me. You’re one of the most important people in my life and it’s killing me to know I’m causing you pain. I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you.”

  He dropped his head, looking at the remote in his hands, flipping it around and around in a circle.

  I thought I was getting somewhere. “Austin, I’m so sorry.”

  “Bre…�
� He paused, choosing his words carefully. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and I just don’t understand. I mean, was there any time when you wanted to be with me or was I just a distraction for you?”

  “Distraction?” My eyebrows rose in bewilderment at the word. “No. You were never a distraction. You’re one of my best friends and…”

  He cut me off. “Friends,” he breathed, sinking lower into the couch. I stopped talking. His glassy eyes looked at nothing. That word hung in the air and beat at my heart. It was so hard to look at him, knowing how strongly he felt about me.

  “Austin…” what was I supposed to say to him now? Anything at this point would only hurt him more.

  “I don’t know what you want from me now.” He sounded defeated.

  “What I want is for us to get back to normal.” I thought this might at least get us talking in the right direction.

  “Normal?” He laughed in a non-humorous way. “I’m not sure what that means. I thought we were a couple. I don’t know how to go back to whatever you thought we were.”

  “Can we just try to be friends again…like when we were kids, if that’s possible?” I asked softly.

  He looked straight into my eyes very serious, “I’m not a child anymore, Bre, and you’re not either. Things have changed between us.”

  “Please, Austin.”

  “I don’t know.”

  We sat there staring at each other. I could tell he wanted to move closer to me by the way he leaned forward, but he caught himself and sat up straight. He kept his distance.

  “Is it Josh?” he asked.

  “No,” I objected quickly. My stomach tightened.

  He shook his head at my response.

  “I’m telling you, it’s not Josh, I swear.”

  He took a long breath. “Is it…someone else?” His sagging eyes waited nervously.

  My muscles locked and I felt my hands start to tremble. Collin’s face flashed in my head. I should’ve anticipated he’d ask that question but I didn’t, and now I couldn’t respond.

  “Is there someone else?” He repeated the question, his face growing more fearful.

  I couldn’t lie to him, so I said nothing.