Abandon

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “I’ve opened before. I’ve never co-headlined,” I reminded him. At least Adrenaline was with me. At least Ty was with me.

  “Do you trust me?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” A tear slipped down my cheek. “What if I mess up?”

  “We all mess up. Yesterday, Will forgot every lyric to Be Yours, and it’s the shortest song we have. Just rely on the fans to get you through it if you forget.”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay. I can do it.”

  Later that night, I was halfway through my set when I saw it. One of the dancers for AD2 was leaning against Ty in a way that made my inner tiger want to jump out and pounce.

  I ignored it until a groupie with a backstage pass came at him with a huge hug. He, of course, hugged her back, took a picture, and kissed her on the cheek.

  It was nothing.

  Right?

  I missed the next chord and tried to focus on my music, not on my boyfriend or the free hugs and kisses he was giving complete strangers.

  The song ended.

  All the kids cheered.

  And I quickly went into the next one because I didn’t trust myself not to look to stage left and imagine Ty right there, doing the exact same thing, stealing my focus, my heart, my soul, and making me feel like I was drowning without even being aware of it.

  He was too busy making everyone happy.

  Just like he was too busy taking care of me.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and flashed a smile at the crowd, then kept strumming my guitar. The music helped, it soothed. But even it didn’t take away the sting of a heart that’d been bruised and broken.

  In hindsight, I should have told him why.

  I should have admitted the fear.

  But saying it out loud to Ty meant that it had happened. It was real. And at least I had parents, right?

  At least I had parents.

  He didn’t.

  I had no right to be upset.

  I still was.

  And even after ending the final song for the campers, I couldn’t shake the sadness and loss I felt in my soul as I walked out of the camp and down to the ocean.

  “You did good,” Drew said in a low voice. “Something you need to get off your chest?”

  I stared at the water. “Need and want are two very different things. Do I need to? Probably. Do I want to? Absolutely not.” I kicked the sand and looked down as it blew away.

  “You know…” Drew starting a sentence like that was never good, not at all. “It’s okay to still love him.”

  “Not when I’m the reason he hates me,” I said in a flat voice to keep myself from bursting into tears. Because as many times as I said I hated Ty, as much anger as I felt for him, it was the only way to keep the sadness at bay. The only way to justify the actions I took.

  “Maybe if you actually talk to him instead of inflicting emotional damage first, you guys can get over it.”

  “Ha.” I gave him a funny look. “You do realize you should be looking in the mirror, right?”

  He quickly looked away. “Yeah, well, one of us has been given a second chance. My second chance is already married and pregnant, so how’s that for karma?”

  My heart sank. “You still love her? Angelica?” She was married to Will. It was still a thorn stuck in their friendship, but they’d put it behind them for the band. I liked to think that Drew was over her, but I saw the way he looked at her every single time she and Will were together.

  That sort of pain was impossible to hide, even though Drew tried. I wondered if that was the future I had, watching Ty finally settle down with a good girl, a worthy one, a woman who was braver than me, who fought for him and didn’t force him to fight for her.

  I hugged my legs and rested my chin on my knees.

  Drew didn’t answer me, he just put his arm around me as we sat there and watched the waves crash against the shore.

  A few minutes later, someone joined us.

  Zane.

  And then Demetri.

  I frowned at them both. “Shouldn’t you guys be with the campers?”

  “Alec’s doing just fine.” Demetri jerked his head in Alec’s direction as he stood on the stage and strummed a few chords.

  I made a face. “Music theory?”

  “Those band nerds are living their best life, trust me.” Demetri grinned. “Plus, we have a staff of twenty volunteers and security. He’s fine.”

  “True.” I cleared my throat.

  “So…” Demetri looked over at me. “Is this an intervention, because I love the shit out of those.”

  Zane burst out laughing, while Drew gave me a wide smile.

  “No.” I shrugged. “Just talking. You know, feeling sorry for myself. It’s super fun. Who wants to go next?”

  “Me, me!” Zane raised his hand. “I’m out of marshmallows, I’m sad.”

  Demetri shoved him into the sand, while Drew cursed under his breath.

  “So I’ve been thinking,” Demetri finally said after a few seconds of fighting. “This upcoming tour could either suck the life out of all of us, or be really fun. All the wives are coming, girlfriends, fiancées.” Drew’s face fell. “And it would be nice if you weren’t ready to kill Ty every time he speaks.”

  “Yeah, it would be nice,” I agreed. “What are you getting at?”

  “Little suggestion.” Demetri shrugged. “When you’re together…pretend it’s new and see what happens.”

  “Pretend what’s new?”

  “Your feelings,” he explained. “It’s the baggage that’s making everything suck between you guys. Pretend you went and exchanged it for really shiny shit that doesn’t look and feel like ten years ago. You might be surprised. Oh, and I can say that because I was born with baggage, all right?”

  “Maybe,” I finally said.

  “Good.” Demetri put his hand on my knee, reaching across Zane, who gave me a serious look.

  “You mean it?” Zane whispered.

  “I’ll try not to murder him and to…listen.” I gulped.

  “I’m happy for you.” Zane kissed me on the top of the head.

  “Yeah.” Now, I just needed to figure out a way to stay in the condo without pissing Ty off again. I thought about it for a few seconds and then jumped to my feet. “Hey, does Ty still like pasta?”

  “He’s a guy.” Drew rolled his eyes. “If it’s food, he likes it.”

  “Except certain jam flavors.” Zane shook his head. “I mean, who hates jam?”

  “I hate birds so…” Demetri offered.

  “You’re scared of them.” Drew snorted out a laugh. “Big difference. Oh, shit, run!”

  Demetri screamed.

  And I found that I could, in fact, laugh like I didn’t hurt.

  Huh, imagine that.

  Chapter Ten

  Ty

  Demetri: Mayday, mayday, I may…wow that’s so many mays, weird.

  I looked at the text. It had been a long day of teaching, followed by writing sad songs that made me depressed as hell.

  But at least I didn’t have to see her, work with her, watch her laugh, wonder if her skin felt the same against mine.

  Son of a bitch. Where was a mind-altering drug when you needed one? I was able to get my shit together just in time for my first guitar lesson and actually managed to enjoy my day. I forgot how much I loved teaching kids something they were as passionate about as I was. And they genuinely wanted to learn, another bonus. Plus, they looked at me like I wasn’t the devil. It felt nice. Demetri still hadn’t said anything. What? Did he fall asleep? I texted him back.

  Me: Please don’t send warning texts and forget to actually tell me what you’re warning me about.

  Demetri typed back right away.

  Demetri: I was attacked by a seagull today, so sorry if my mental focus is complete crap…I almost died.

  Alec: The kids thought someone was getting murdered. We had to calm everyone down with ice cream. Demetri included.

  Demetri: Thanks,
man.

  Ah, the notorious group texts. I loved them when I wasn’t the subject. I waited for someone else to pipe up.

  Will: Even though I’m not there, I really appreciate the accurate video footage I was sent by Drew. I mean, if that isn’t friendship, I don’t know what is.

  Drew: Baby steps…

  And cue awkward silence.

  Me: Is there a reason for all of this?

  Zane: I’m up, so I talked with your girl. Well, we all did. Demetri called it an intervention of sorts. But really, it was more of a stop being stupid and act your age talk, kind of like the ones we have with you on an hourly basis.

  I sent them all a middle finger emoji.

  And got several back.

  I sighed and pulled my jacket tighter around my body as I made my way to the condo, trying to walk and text at the same time.

  Trevor: I think I made Ty cry today.

  Me: Son of a bitch, that conversation was in the vault!

  Demetri: Conversation? What conversation?

  Lincoln Greene has entered the conversation.

  Jamie Jaymeson has been added by Demetri Daniels.

  Worst. Day. Ever.

  Lincoln was an actor, best friends with all of us, but he was back in LA shooting a film with none other than our other friend, actor and director, Jamie Jaymeson.

  And now that everyone’s caught up...

  Lincoln: Saw the video. I thought Demetri was going to shit himself. Also, I’m guessing I was added because we have more juicy Ty/Abby updates?

  Jaymeson: Juicy. I really appreciate the play-by-plays, Zane. Truly.

  Me: I’m so glad you’re all entertained by my life. Don’t you have wives? Kids? JOBS?

  Demetri: Trevor made Ty cry, and now you’re all caught up. Ready? Discuss!

  I was almost to the condo. A chill wracked my body as I imagined sitting in my room alone tonight. I was alone a lot, why was tonight any different?

  Because Abigail had reminded me what it was like to be part of something special. Something real. Damn it, Abs. Why now?

  Alec: He’s still in love with her.

  Trevor: Nooooo, really?

  Drew: For what it’s worth, she was sad today too…thus the intervention. She may, uh…try to mend the broken fences.

  Zane: All the fences.

  Demetri: Let’s hope she uses something other than superglue, though from our convo, I think it’s going to be a good night for you.

  Lincoln: I saw her last year at the Emmys, she looked good.

  Jamie: She helped on the soundtrack to my last movie and gave free puppies to a few of the kids on set.

  Me: If this is your way of trying to convince me she doesn’t hate the world, it’s not working. I already know she likes everyone but me, thus the reason I wasn’t enough for her to stay.

  And…silence. Way to make it awkward, Ty!

  I groaned into my hands and looked down at my phone.

  Someone was typing.

  Drew: Just…try.

  Alec: Do it for us.

  Demetri: Do it for the fans.

  Jamie: Do it for the puppies.

  I smiled at that.

  Me: I hate all of you.

  Zane: Bullshit, you love us.

  Me: I’m almost back to the condo, the lights are on, I think I’m either being robbed, or you should have been more clear with your warnings. Is she still there?

  Trevor: Quick, Demetri, a bird, duck!

  Demetri: Gotta go!

  I glared. And…silence.

  No more texts.

  Nothing.

  Me: Bastards.

  I slid my phone back into my pocket and jerked open the lobby door, making my way down the hall towards the elevator.

  I knew before I even got into the condo.

  She was there.

  I could feel it in my skin, burned onto my heart.

  She hadn’t left.

  I couldn’t decide if I was happy, nervous, sad, confused, or all of the above.

  I ran my key card over the door and pushed it open.

  And there she was.

  My nightmare.

  My love.

  Von Abigail, or to me, just Abs, jeans-clad ass high in the air as she pulled something out of the oven. Her hair was piled on top of her head, all wild and carefree, her makeup was light, her lipstick dark red. She wore a crop top that said Tokyo that had little cutouts to reveal more skin than my eyes were prepared for.

  “Please tell me you wore something more appropriate for the kids,” I grumbled as I made my way into the condo and dropped my bag on the couch.

  My stomach growled as I greedily looked at the spread of garlic bread, spaghetti, and some sort of salad with nuts on it. Next to that, a glass of wine.

  Wine?

  I narrowed my eyes. “Giving alcohol to an addict.”

  “Alcohol was never your problem. Filling that void in your soul was,” she said under her breath and then looked up and flashed me an apologetic smile. “Sorry, it just came out.”

  “Happens,” I said gruffly. “And also accurate.” I pulled out a barstool. “Are we having company?” I reached for the garlic bread, only to get my hand slapped. “Ouch!”

  “It’s not ready yet.” She pointed a knife at me. Ah, memories. “And, no, I did this for you as a thank you for letting me stay last night.” She cleared her throat. “And for maybelettingmestaytonighttoo…”

  “Yeah, you’re going to have to talk slower. Repeat that last part.”

  “For letting me stay tonight, too.” She was so damn quiet, I still didn’t catch it. I was worried it was what I thought it was. Was this why the guys had warned me?

  “Abs.” I groaned. “Look at me and say it again so a normal human can hear.”

  “You’re not a normal human, ergo, I have to try all possibilities.” She opened her mouth.

  I clapped a hand over it before she could get any words out. “If you start speaking in another language, I’m eating the bread and then putting spaghetti in your bra.” I leaned over and took a peek. “No bra. Right, too constricting. Okay, I’m putting it in your thong.”

  Her eyes heated.

  My hand felt that heat.

  “Shit.” I pulled my hand away. “Must you torture me? You aren’t wearing underwear, are you?”

  She gulped. “My jeans are too tight. And before you make some offhand comment about my ass or eating habits, remember, I’m holding a knife.”

  I held up my hands in surrender. “I like your ass. Hey, do me a solid. I forgot what it looks like, give us a turn?”

  She scowled.

  I burst out laughing. “All right, so what were you saying before I got distracted by boobs and ass?”

  She actually blushed.

  How I was able to have a normal conversation without launching my body across the breakfast bar was a miracle that deserved an Olympic medal or least a nod toward sainthood.

  Abs took a deep breath. “I would like to discuss the possibility of me staying with you for the next few weeks.”

  My jaw dropped. “Did you just…ask instead of tell?” Why wasn’t she yelling? Why wasn’t I threatening? Stunned, I just stared at her.

  She gulped and looked down at her hands as she wrung them. “I figure I can cook our meals to make up for it and also pay for half, even though I know you’re loaded, blah blah blah. It would make me feel better.”

  I still couldn’t speak. I just stared at her with suspicion in my soul. Then again, she’d put the knife down, so this really wasn’t a threat, was it?

  I pointed at the food. “And this…this happens every night?”

  “Every night.” She grinned.

  “Real food?” I felt my eyes start to water. Damn those allergies to hell. Seaside really needed to do something about the air vent systems. But, come on, real food!

  “And…” She rounded the corner. I watched the sway of her hips like a man starved, because, duh, I felt starved almost every day of my life. I hat
ed eating out with a passion. “I’ll even take suggestions.”

  I reached out to her before realizing what I was doing, put my hands on her hips and pulled her in between my legs. “What’s the catch?”

  “No catch.” She put her hands against my chest, her palms flat. My throat went completely dry. “Just let me have a bedroom, and I promise I’ll offer earplugs if I really do start to snore.”

  “Start?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Fine, when I snore.”

  “Better.” I didn’t want to let go.

  We were at another standstill.

  “So?” She licked her cherry-red lips. “Is that a yes?”

  “Depends. Did you or did you not drug my food?”

  She laughed. “Guess you’ll have to try it to find out.”

  “I can see Dateline now. Ex-girlfriend kills member of Adrenaline: death by garlic bread.”

  “Meh, I’d probably put it in the sauce.”

  I eyed the sauce with suspicion. “That’s not helping.”

  She rolled her eyes, reached over my body to dip her finger into the sauce and licked it right off. “See?”

  “You could have a tolerance,” I pointed out.

  She took another swipe, then dipped her finger in again. This time, I caught it and brought it to my lips and licked it off.

  I couldn’t decide what tasted better, her skin or the sauce.

  Her eyes dilated.

  I dropped her hand. “Fine, on one condition.”

  “What?” She looked ready to hug me. I felt my body lean toward hers in anticipation.

  “This counts as our ceasefire. You tell the guys that you staying with me means I don’t have to report back with what we did for our three hours a day, all right? We are officially all even.” I held out my hand.

  “Three hours a day?” She tilted her head.

  I sighed. “That was my deal from the guys, I had to try.” I made air quotes. “But this is better because I get food, also my hand’s dangling between us like a rejected modifier, yes or no?”

  She nodded her head, then took my hand.

  And then I pulled her into my arms and gave her a hug. “Thank you for asking.”

  She sagged against me, defenses gone. I wondered what it would be like to finally have that girl back, the one who didn’t attack first and ask questions later. She’d always had a temper, but as years went on, it had turned into this I-hurt-you-first-so-you-don’t-hurt-me thing. It was the cause of so many arguments, and she never told me why. I always blamed myself.