by Dawn Edwards
All week I had been dreading meeting him, and while I never felt like I had cheated on Matt by hooking up with Drew, I felt horrible for even talking to Matt in a public place, as if I were being unfaithful to Drew. Particularly now that we had been spending nearly all our time together and getting physical whenever we had a private moment together. Even though we hadn't actually had sex yet, I felt closer to him than I ever had with Matt. Waking up on Wednesday morning in Drew’s arms, I didn’t want to leave. I almost considered taking a fail on the course I had been working on all summer to cuddle with him longer.
But in the end, he made me see reason and forced me to get ready. He drove me to campus after stopping for a breakfast sandwich and a coffee at a nearby Dunkin’ Donuts. I kissed him a few times more in the parking lot and was nearly late for my exam because of it. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it and hated being away from him for any extended period of time.
Friday, I left the house early to volunteer with Amber and drove around for the past hour, killing time until I had to meet with Matt, purposely delaying meeting him by fifteen minutes, to give him a taste of his own medicine for once.
Matt was already there waiting for me, leaning against a signpost. I was purposely late, unlike my normal punctual self. I had once told him, trying to scold him for his chronic tardiness, that one doesn't make important people wait. My being late was strategically planned to send him a message, and I knew he knew it too. He knew pretty much everything I did was planned with a purpose.
He was holding my favorite iced coffee from Starbucks.
Walking up to him, I didn’t smile. He handed me my coffee, and I accepted with a forced nod of acknowledgment. ‘Thanks. Shall we walk?” I asked, kicking off my flip flops and leading the way down towards the sandy beach.
‘How are you?’ he asked me, looking down to me.
‘How do you think?’ I replied, without looking at him directly.
He looked down to my left hand then back at me with the biggest smile on his face. ‘That’s encouraging.’
I sighed. ‘I didn’t take it off…’
‘I’m so sorry, I’ve fucked up, I know. But what’s worse is how I’ve hurt you. I still can’t get that hurt look on your face out of my mind. It’s killing me.’
‘What’s killing me is that all you want from me is my money and the insurance policy you took out to guarantee it.’
I was so angry with him that I wanted to toss the coffee in his face, but there were too many people around. At least it was windy, and our conversation wouldn’t be overheard.
‘It’s not about money, it’s about being equals,’ he told me. ‘That can’t happen when you hold the purse strings, and I needed something, how else could a guy like me keep you?’ He took a deep breath and looked to the sky before looking me in the eyes. ‘Jessa, I can’t lose you, I’d be nothing, I’d be lost, you are all I have. I love you so much, it makes me irrational, I can’t explain it.’
Shit, he was playing this card again. It used to get me all the time, he knew my soft spot, feeling sorry for him being an orphan.
Except now I knew better. He wasn’t alone at all.
‘That’s not how you made it sound.’ I played my part.
‘I know, and I’m so sorry, I was drunk and mad. I thought you loved me, but when your dad said you agreed to the prenup, and you had never said anything to me regarding it…’
‘You had to know it was coming.’ I finally looked up to him. Was he really that stupid and naive to think he’d just get half of my trust fund?
‘I didn’t, I was blindsided. Where did our communication get lost?’ He tried to reach out to take my hand, but I moved it out of his way and took a step to widen the space between us.
‘And if I had brought it up?’ I asked.
‘We would have talked about it, like partners, like equals.’
‘Ok, so let's talk about it,’ I said, obviously catching him off guard.
‘Really?’ he asked sounding shocked, stopping in his tracks.
‘Yeah, we need to talk about a lot of things.’
He turned to me, and his hands went out, wanting to touch me, but as I looked at them, he thought better of it and put his hands in his pocket. ‘I really want to work this out. I’m so sorry.’
‘Me too,’ I sighed, wanting to vomit at my words. ‘I shouldn’t have been scared to talk to you.’
‘Scared of me?’ He laughed, and all I could do was nod as I didn’t have anything to say. ‘Babe, I love you so much, please, I only want to be with you.’
‘Me too, but things need to change. Things have become so strained between us over the past few months.’
‘I know,’ he agreed, and I was a bit surprised he had even noticed. ‘And I know it’s my fault, and I promise things will change.’
Well, I hadn’t been expecting that. Not that it changed anything.
‘They need to.’
‘Yes, I want it to be like it was when I first moved here, before everything got complicated. Remember the time we drove out to the Berkshires to pick apples that one time? We chatted the entire way, I want that open communication back, I want us to have fun together again.’
He was trying to play with my emotions and use them against me. I saw through him, but just as he wanted to play with my emotions, I was just going to continue to play him, and let him think that I would fall right back into the palm of his hand.
We spent the rest of the afternoon together then had a late dinner. We were having desserts and coffee when I brought up the prenup topic. ‘So, not to ruin our day, but we do have to address it,’ I said looking right at him. ‘To move forward, we have to address the whole prenup issue.’
‘Do we have to tonight?’ he moaned. ‘I just want to concentrate on us, getting back to where we were.’
‘No time like the present,’ I said, and he nodded. ‘So, are you flat-out refusing to sign?’ I asked him, getting straight to the point, not beating around the bush.
‘It’s not about the money,’ he straight-out lied to my face, classy guy. ‘It never was. I moved out here after knowing you on a one-week holiday. I fell hard in love with you. I didn’t know then what I know now about your trust fund.’
‘So, if it’s not about the money, why not sign the prenup?’ I asked him with a raised eyebrow.
‘I want us to be equals, call me old-fashioned or proud, but how can we be equals when…’
I raised my hand at him to cut him off. ‘I can’t help my position or my trust fund, and I’m not going to apologize for it.’
‘You could renounce it,’ he started, making my jaw drop and rendering me speechless for a moment.
‘Give it all up?’ I asked in horror when I regained control over my senses again. ‘And how am I supposed to live? To support myself?’
‘Well, till you’re done school, I’ll support you, provided your father will continue to pay your tuition, because, well, I’m sorry I simply can’t afford that after just buying the condo. But then you will do what the other 99% of people do, get a job, and that’s how you will live. Billions of people around the world live off wages, not everyone has a trust fund.’
‘You do.’ I called him out on the information he had provided to me. I knew the truth. There was no trust fund, there were illegal accounts, that Breton now controlled—but I wasn’t going there. I was playing within the confines of the con he had created.
‘Yes, that’s nearly drained from the condo, and the forty grand or so that’s left is tied up in a retirement investment plan,’ he told me, not able to look me in the eye. It didn’t matter, I knew he had made up the lie on the spot, or perhaps he had been coached on that tidbit also. ‘We can have a great life, we don’t need all that money. We can make it on our own, and I’m sure we will be happier for it,’ he tried to assure me. The lie wasn’t convincing, I knew he wanted my money, so I wasn’t so sure why he was trying to get me to renounce it. He had to know I never would, and he was
making a grand gesture of sorts. Even if I agreed, my father would never go for it.
‘I’ll think about it,’ I said in a low voice. ‘But I really don’t like the idea.’
He paid for the bill and walked me out to my car. ‘So, with the talk of the prenup, does that mean the wedding is still on.’
I looked up to him, alarmed. ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘Are you backing out?’ I knew my voice sounded panicked. I didn’t want him to release the video, though I couldn't help but notice he hadn’t held it over my head at all over the past three weeks we had been apart.
He laughed and took my hand in his quicker than my reflexes allowed me to pull away. ‘Jessa, I want to marry you, I’d never call it off…’ He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘It’s just supposed to happen in a little over two weeks, and you hadn't spoken to me in almost a month.’
‘I didn’t cancel anything,’ I whispered, not for lack of wanting to. ‘Everything is still on schedule, we just need to iron out this last hiccup.’
‘We will sort it out.’ He leaned in and kissed me. Every fiber in my body wanted to fight it, but I needed to let him.
‘Think about my suggestion, I can't bear to lose you,’ he said as he hugged me good-bye.
I got into my car and watched Matt walk back to his. As I started my SUV, I had an overwhelming desire to run him down, reverse and hit him again, but instead, I drove home.
I unexpectedly found Breton and Drew playing video games in the TV room.
‘Didn’t expect to find you guys in on a Friday night.’
‘The weather was shit,’ Breton said.
‘And we are still suffering from last night,’ Drew added.
They had gone out last night. They had invited me, but I was so exhausted from working all week that I was spent. I had driven them down to the bar, had one drink and left. I had also been feeling nauseous about meeting Matt—now all I wanted to do was shower his touch off me and have a few drinks to forget the whole afternoon and evening ever existed.
‘Where’ve you been all day?’ Drew asked, looking up to me from the game. ‘You missed dinner.’
I couldn’t look him in the eyes; I couldn’t tell him where I was, or who I was with. He may have known part of the truth, but I knew he still wasn’t going to like it much. Breton knew I was meeting with Matt, knew why, and was still insistent that I not go meet him alone.
‘Sorry, I was busy…’ was all I could reply without outright lying. I hated lying, especially to him. He didn’t deserve it. I would tell him if he asked, but I didn’t feel I needed to disclose the information to him at this point.
I didn’t want to disclose where I really was to them all without first debriefing Breton. ‘I’m going to take a shower, I’ll come to join you guys after if you’re still here.’
Chapter 30
DREW
I WAS SITTING AT THE dining table with the usual Thursday crowd. I was uncomfortable and didn’t want to be there, as Jessa and I weren’t talking at the moment. Or to be more precise, I wasn’t speaking to her—I was hurting and needed space, which up until dinner tonight, I’d had, but this was the only time I’d had all week to discuss plans with Steve.
I had been getting a lot of calls and emails from some of his friends and business associates to do work at either Boston homes, summer homes or businesses. My priority was to him, and I let him know this, but I wanted to look at timelines and projects for the fall and into the winter.
He was pleased that I was getting work and encouraged me to take on some projects in the fall to build up my portfolio and local references.
He was a great guy, telling me that when the weather was too bad to be working outside on yards, I could work on Jessa’s summer house. It was winterized so I could move in there whenever I was working on the Cape and working on the house.
It was another reminder of Jessa and Matt, it seemed I couldn’t escape them. Even when discussing other jobs to get me away from seeing her, she was pulling me back in. Like two magnets, our pull towards each other was hard to fight.
'The seamstress will be here at 10 tomorrow morning,' Colleen said halfway through dinner, reminding Jessa; unbeknownst to her, her words drove another nail into my heart.
I knew the situation, but I wasn't happy with it. During the weekend, Jessa had told me that she and Matt were heading out for the weekend. Needless to say, I kind of lost my shit at the news.
It was Sunday evening, Jessa was lying naked, curled into my side, her leg over mine after an evening of exploring each other’s bodies.
She had been quiet all weekend since coming back on Friday evening. She didn’t say where she had been, but I had assumed she was out with Amber.
‘You’re quiet,’ I said in a low voice, trailing my fingers over her bare back. ‘What’s on your mind?’
She was quiet a while, and I thought she wasn’t going to speak. Were it not for her roaming her fingers over my abs, I might have thought she fell asleep.
‘I’ve spoken to Matt.’
I stilled, holding my breath for her next words. When they didn’t come, I prompted her, ‘And…’
She took a deep breath before she replied, ‘He’s planned a weekend away before the wedding to smooth everything over and come to an agreement on the whole prenup situation.’
‘You don’t need to go away to smooth everything over. Besides, what’s to smooth over?’
Was this why she had been so quiet this weekend? Did she speak to him Friday, had she been holding the information from me all weekend? Was tonight one last attempt to try and get me to make love to her before the wedding?
‘You know it’s to keep up the charade,’ she told me, looking up to me for the first time. ‘I’ll just be gone two days this weekend.’
'Like hell, you will!' I yelled at her.
'Drew,' she reached out to me and I pulled away from her. We were lying in my bed in the guest house. 'You know I don't have a choice.'
I sat up and gathered my boxer shorts from the floor then put them on. We had just spent the past two hours getting busy, but I refused to have sex with her still. And this right here was exactly why.
I bent over, picking up her clothing and tossing them at her. I wished for once she could put me and what we were trying to establish as a priority. Sure, I was being petty and selfish at the moment, but I didn’t care. I was fucking mad as hell.
‘Drew,' she sighed, looking at me hurt. ‘You’re mad at me?!”
I nearly laughed. ‘No, I’m fucking thrilled that you’ll be sleeping with your fiancé next weekend.’ Even as I said it, I heard how utterly ridiculous it sounded. I saw the hurt in her eyes. 'Don't look at me like that, this is all your making.'
'That's not fair.'
'No, what's not fair is that I just had my tongue in your pussy, and then you tell me you are going to spend the weekend with your fiancé, who you insist you don't want to be with.'
She was contrite enough to blush at my words, as she should have been. She knew they were true, even if they were crude and cruel.
'He's the last person I want to be with, you know that I only want to be with you.'
'You have a funny way of showing it. You have strung me along all summer, and for what, to play me like a fool?'
I was done with all this. I wasn't going to settle for being her boy toy and an afterthought. She was due to be married in less than two weeks. What happened then?
No, it was better to cut and leave now before we are caught or before I gave in and slipped inside of her. It was so hard to hold back tonight. She had insisted I take off my boxer shorts, she wanted to feel me, stroke me, play with me. And fuck if it didn't feel good.
She rubbed her wet pussy all over my hard cock when she straddled me and kissed me, sucking my tongue, nipping my lower lip.
One slight angle adjustment and I could have been inside her. How fucking hard it was to only let her slide her wet folds along my length.
I was getting hard ag
ain just thinking about it. I needed to get away from her before I said or did something I would later regret.
'Well I’m done, Jessa.' I walked out of my bedroom into the living room to gather the sundress she had on earlier. Tugging back on my jeans, I walked back into the room where Jessa hadn't made any effort to get dressed yet. 'Here.' I placed the dress on the edge of the bed, unable to look at her. I took a clean shirt from my drawer and a pair of socks.
I walked back out of the bedroom, gathering my phone, wallet, and keys. If she wasn't going to leave, I'd remove myself from the situation. I should have done it long ago. In fact, I shouldn't have ever pursued her in the first place.
I hated Matt with every fiber of my being. I wanted to drive into Boston and smash his fucking laptop to put an end to this blackmail once and for all.
But I figured it wasn't that simple or Breton would have done so already. The file could be stored somewhere or encrypted or whatever the fucking technical terminology was. All I knew right now was that I was pissed at him for the blackmail. Pissed at myself for getting involved and allowing myself to fall so hard for her. None of this was her fault, yet here I was taking it out on her; right now, I was no better than Matt was. Maybe that was going a bit far, but still, I didn’t want to take it out on Jessa—regardless of how pissed I was.
I drove to a bar where Breton and I often went to meet up with his friends. Thank fuck none of them were here at the moment—Sunday nights were typically slow. Lisa was working bar; I knew Breton also knew her, but she was always working behind the bar and didn't often have the time to hang out with us.
'Hey,' she greeted me with a smile, running her eyes over me as she always did. It sometimes annoyed me when chicks did this. Now I understood why women hated being catcalled; it was uncomfortable. I felt like I belonged to someone else, even if that someone else was engaged to the world's biggest asshole and didn't deserve her.
That someone else was going to get her all alone for an entire weekend. Fuck. Would she have sex with him?