“What the hell is this?” she asked, lifting a sheaf of papers in her left hand.
Eric always kept his office locked, so the first thing out of his mouth was, “How did you get in here?”
She waved a hand. “I had Bea let me in.”
Bea was the assistant director. She had her own office, but also possessed a key to his in case she needed something while he was out. He supposed she couldn’t turn down the CEO, but he didn’t like the breach of security.
“Are you going to explain this?” CEO Amy Chen asked again. Eric knew without explanation that the bundle of printouts was his proposed operating budget for the next fiscal year.
“You asked for a budget proposal, so I gave you one.”
“I can’t take this to the board. You’ve short-changed surgery and sports medicine—”
“For better patient care.”
“For the ER!” she exploded. “For patients who often pay nothing for their care at all.”
“Careful,” Eric said. “You’re starting to sound like someone who doesn’t care about the poor, not a health care professional who understands we must offer care to everyone.”
She waved a hand, unperturbed by his speech. “You know what I mean, Mr. Holtz. Sports medicine is a growing branch of medicine, and surgery is critical to keeping us on the map in health care.”
“I agree.”
She blinked. “So why ...”
“Because the ER is bleeding out. We’re in danger of overworking our staff to the point of critical mistakes. If they don’t kill someone before they leave for better job options, we’ll be lucky.”
She pursed her lips, looking thoughtful. Eric took a seat behind his desk, while she flipped through the budget, reviewing the budget breakdown.
She sighed. “I can’t take this to the board. You’ve been an administrator here for seven years. You must know that.”
“I know.”
“So, you’ll revise the budget proposal?”
“No.”
Her eyebrows arched. “No?”
“I can’t in good conscience push the ER to continue operating under this kind of strain. Had the urgent care clinic remained open, maybe—”
She held up a hand, and he stopped short.
“Give me your resignation by tomorrow. I’ll provide a three-month severance package, and that’s generous. I could fire you where you stand.”
Eric knew this was coming. He’d drawn his line in the sand. But he felt the need to implore, not for his job, but for his principles.
“Please think about the quality of patient care, Dr. Chen. I don’t want to see someone die. I don’t want to see the hospital or its staff sued for malpractice.”
She shot him a glare. “Do not think for one second I don’t consider this hospital’s service and reputation from every angle.” She dropped the budget on his desk. “Can you pass this to Bea without trying to influence her, or do I need to do it?”
“I’ll hand it off. Bea thinks for herself.”
Dr. Chen smiled coolly. “Be sure to tell her about her new promotion while you’re at it. I’ll be in touch to give her more details once your resignation is filed.”
Eric tipped his head, and the CEO swept out of the room. Well, then. Time for that resignation letter. He opened a file on his computer, noting that his hands were shaking. He was unemployed for the first time in fifteen years. What the hell had he been thinking?
Casper’s voice sounded in his head. Life’s too short to make work your whole life. Bad enough if it’s your passion, but if it’s not ...
Eric remembered his words to Casper the night before when he’d called, the words Olivia had said to him countless times: YOLO.
He smiled, heart thumping hard. He only lived once, and he refused to live within the prison of hospital administration any longer.
He was free. He had savings. He’d be okay.
His future was whatever he made it. And he’d had enough what-if games to know what he might want it to be.
He opened a website and booked his flight to Oregon. Then he texted Casper the details of his flight’s arrival.
What the hell, he thought. YOLO.
***
Casper met Eric at the airport, drawing him into a hug with one arm. “God, I can’t believe you’re really here.”
Eric drew back, smiling uncertainly. “I hope it’s okay that I am?”
Casper had invited him, quite enthusiastically, but he’d also been drunk at a wedding reception. Eric hadn’t given that much thought until now, when he realized he’d just flown about 1,500 miles to see Casper — and meet the family. That was a big step. A huge one, considering Casper’s reluctance to commit to a serious relationship.
When he quit his job and realized he could join Casper, everything had happened fast. He’d been high on the endorphins of possibility. Now that he was here, doubts rushed in.
“Of course, it’s okay,” Casper said in surprise. “I practically begged you. But I was surprised to get your message. How’d you get away from work?”
Eric hedged, not wanting to bog Casper down with work talk. “I moved some things around.”
“Well, I’m glad you made it,” Casper said.
People milled around them, following signs to ground transportation, luggage claim and the exit to parking. Casper nodded toward the luggage sign. “Got any more bags?”
“Nah, I traveled light.”
“Let’s go then.”
Eric followed Casper toward the exit. Casper Rollins was always a fun-loving guy, but there was something different about him now. More grounded, perhaps. He seemed relaxed, and it was a good look on him.
Once they were in the car, Casper clasped his face in both hands and kissed him. “I’m so sorry, Eric. I was an idiot.”
Eric swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. He hadn’t been sure he’d ever have this with Casper again. “Not just you,” he said hoarsely. “I should have appreciated what I had and been more patient.”
Casper shook his head, still smiling, but Eric could see the emotion in his eyes. “You don’t have to wait around for me. I want this, and the airport parking lot is not the place for this, I know.” He rolled his eyes. “But I couldn’t get out of having lunch with my parents, and they’re going to ask a lot of prying questions.”
Eric lifted his eyebrows. “Like?”
Casper shifted to start the engine and reverse out of the spot. “Like, are you my boyfriend? Are we serious?”
Eric started to laugh, then choked when Casper added, “When’s our wedding?”
Casper patted his back with one hand while navigating the lot. He rolled to a stop and had to pay a parking attendant before they could continue onto the highway.
“Sorry,” Eric wheezed, “that took me by surprise.”
“It wasn’t a proposal,” Casper said with a grin.
“I know,” Eric said hastily. “So, what do you want to tell your parents when they ask all these questions?”
Casper reached over and laced his fingers with Eric’s left hand. “I want to say yes, we’re serious.”
“And when’s our wedding?” Eric teased.
Casper smirked. “I think my response to that is, ‘All good things in time.’ ”
Eric grinned, even as his heart lurched in surprise. “Good answer.”
***
Casper parked, and he and Eric met in front of the car while Eric gazed at the large cabin, then the surrounding forest. “This is beautiful. You grew up here?”
“Yeah.”
Eric shook his head. “I don’t know what the hell you’re doing in Ashe when you had all this.”
Casper shrugged. “Med school took me away. Then, it was painful to come back here, so I bounced around the Midwest. Besides, the sunsets are gorgeous there. All that open sky.”
“I guess.”
Eric sounded dubious. Like most Kansans that Casper had met, he didn’t appreciate this home state the way outsiders did. Wide open h
orizons with vivid orange and pink sunsets were mundane to him, while mountains and towering pines were majestic. Casper cast a look at the woods behind his parents’ home and had to admit there was something special about the large forests in his home state, something peaceful in the shushing of wind through trees and the light trills of birds. Oregon still had a place in his heart.
But Eric had a larger piece, and he wanted to be where he was.
He reached out, clasping Eric’s hand, and led him into the house. “Mom? Dad? I’m back!”
He made his way through the large living room, slowing to give Eric time to take in the high ceilings and massive fireplace with wide eyes. Thick log beams supported the vaulted ceiling, and a loft could be seen behind a second-floor railing.
“Casper?” his mother called, coming through from the dining area, which was really just an extension of the kitchen. “You’re just in time for lunch.”
She stopped, a hand flying to her chest. She took in Eric’s face before her eyes dropped to their clasped hands. Casper could feel his palm growing sweaty, but he wasn’t giving up the handhold unless Eric pulled away.
“My plus one’s here,” Casper joked.
“So nice to meet you,” she said, holding out a hand. “I presume you’re the man my Cas was moping over last night?”
“I hope so,” Eric said with an uncomfortable smile.
“Forgive my manners,” Casper said. “Mom, this is Eric Holtz. Eric, my mother, Ada Rollins.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Rollins.”
“Oh, call me Ada. And come to the table. We’ll have a nice lunch, and your father can grill you both.”
“Oh good,” Casper said dryly, giving Eric’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Just what you always wanted, right?”
“I think I can handle it.”
***
Casper’s family was welcoming, but Eric was a little surprised by their dynamics. Casper’s sister and her husband had left for their honeymoon, but two cousins remained, apparently staying at the house in a sort of mini-vacation. All of Casper’s family seemed to treat him as if he took life too seriously, which wasn’t how Eric had come to know him.
“Make sure you have some fun while Eric is here,” his father admonished. “Don’t just hole up in that hotel.”
“You should drive down to the beach while you’re here. It’s not good for swimming, but it’s beautiful,” his mother encouraged. “I imagine Eric would like to see some of the area before you go home.”
“I assumed Cas would give me a tour of the best places,” Eric said.
One of the cousins, Ted, snorted. “He’s more likely to take you to the library.”
Eric cast a look at Casper, who seemed sheepish.
“I get out,” Casper protested. “I’m not the same kid I used to be.” Directing his words at Eric, he added, “I used to be kind of a bookworm. If it weren’t for Kage …”
Casper didn’t need to finish that statement. Eric understood Kage had a major impact on Casper’s life.
“I used to think Casper would turn see-through if he got any paler,” his mother said lightly. “He’d hole up for days in his room to read and study. Only came out when Kage requested it.”
Eric lifted an eyebrow. “No kidding?”
Casper shrugged. “Times change.”
“Yes,” his mother said with a sigh. “I do miss Kage pestering you, though. He didn’t have a scared bone in his body, that one.” Her eyes grew misty, but she smiled fondly at the memories. “He climbed like a monkey when he was little. It’s a wonder he didn’t fall out of a tree and break his neck. I couldn’t have handled it if I was his mother. Lord knows how Julia coped.” Her smile faltered, as if she was just remembering that Julia had to cope with much worse than a child’s injury. “Anyway, he was a little daredevil, that one.”
“He was something special,” Casper agreed quietly.
Eric placed a hand on his leg under the table, silently offering comfort.
Casper smiled. “He was always the life of the party, ready to take on the world.”
“And now you do the same,” Eric said.
Everyone stared at him as if he was crazy. He cleared his throat. “Casper is rather, um, spontaneous. He’s been yanking me out of my comfort zone since we met.”
“Oh, I’ve seen his Facebook pictures,” Ada said, tsking. “Cave diving, snorkeling, mountain climbing. Sometimes I think Kage’s spirit must have found its way to bonding with Casper’s when he died,” she said with a laugh. “He’s always living on the edge. Kage would have loved it.”
“That’s actually a nice way to think of it,” Eric mused. “I do think Casper carries a bit of Kage with him wherever he goes.”
“So, how did you two meet?” George Rollins asked, changing the subject.
Eric cleared his throat. “I work at the hospital where Casper has privileges.”
“So, you’re in medicine too?”
“I’m a hospital administrator,” Eric said, aware that he was half-lying. He wasn’t an administrator anymore.
“Eric’s niece is expecting a baby, and he brought her to my office,” Casper added. “That’s when we started getting to know each other. I offered to break him of his terrible workaholic habits.”
His mother laughed. “How’d that work out?”
“Better than I imagined,” Eric said with a wry grin. “I’m taking time away from my job right now.” Permanently, but they didn’t need to know that.
“How long have you two been seeing each other?”
Good question. Where did you start that count, from the first outing together three months ago? From the moment they admitted to being serious, which would make the answer one day? And did you count the time they’d been broken up? Casper saved Eric the trouble and answered for them both.
“Almost three months.”
“That’s a good start,” George Rollins mused.
“Let me save us some time,” Casper said. “I like him, he likes me, and it’s serious. Don’t plan the wedding just yet, but … expect him at future family gatherings.”
His mother beamed. “I’m so happy to hear that.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Things felt awkward when they got to the hotel room. Eric had met Casper’s parents and had been introduced as a serious boyfriend. Casper had apologized for not recognizing Eric’s importance sooner. And yet, it still felt as if things weren’t entirely resolved.
They seemed to be on the same page, but Eric needed to clear the air before he could move forward with a sure heart.
“I think we should talk more,” he said hesitantly, “about everything that’s happened and what we both want.”
Casper nodded, looking pensive. “Of course. But, can I grab a shower first? I just, uh, need to decompress before we …” He motioned his hand between them. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, go shower,” Eric said, a lump forming in his throat. Now that they were here, alone, so many emotions rushed at him that he could use a minute to compose himself as well. “I’ll grab one after you.”
Casper kissed his cheek, then ducked into the bathroom. Eric moved about the room, unpacking sweats and a T-shirt to wear to bed, along with his toiletries for the shower. While he did, thoughts assailed him, many of them doubts.
What if he didn’t really expect me to come here? What if he regrets that I’m here, imposing on his family? Missing me and wanting to commit to a serious, long-lasting relationship are very different things.
The bathroom door opened, and Casper stepped out. His skin was flushed rosy, his hair damp and curling over his ears. Eric felt a rush of longing so powerful, he almost choked on his own breath. He wouldn’t give up this man without a fight.
“Shower’s all yours,” Casper said with a small smile, his eyes catching and holding Eric’s gaze.
Eric grabbed his toiletry bag and approached the bathroom. Casper reached out, grasping his arm when he would have passed him. Eric paused, glancin
g at him. “What?”
Casper kissed him, taking him by surprise. Just a brush of lips, over before he realized it had begun. “Don’t take long,” he murmured.
Eric nodded, then escaped into the bathroom before his emotions could overwhelm him. Casper’s family had served as a barrier to a serious discussion, but now that they were alone, Eric was terrified. He’d been so sure of himself when he’d bought the airplane ticket and rushed off across the country for his man. But was Casper really ready to love again?
He hurried through his shower, needing to wash away the grimy feel of travel even though he would rather be on the other side of the door, with answers — good or bad — anything but the tortuous uncertainty he’d felt since he’d arrived in Oregon.
He got out and dried, then slipped on his clothes before re-entering the hotel room. Casper lay on the bed, one arm casually folded under his head. He wore only boxer briefs, and his body was perfect. Eric still didn’t know how he ever drew the attention of such a sexy man. Even if things didn’t work out, it would have been worth it. Casper had rattled him out of his rut, made him look at the world differently and experience life in a new context. He’d always value that.
He joined Casper on the bed, lying down beside him with an inch of space between them. He reached out tentatively, grasping Casper’s free hand.
“How are you doing?” Eric asked.
Casper’s hand reflexively tightened at the question. He rolled his head to look at Eric. “Better with you here.”
Eric struggled not to drop his gaze. Casper still flustered him, even now. Maybe always. “I hope so.”
Casper’s smile looked rueful. “Believe it,” he said in a low voice. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Eric. I thought I wanted to keep things casual, but I was fooling myself. You’re so damn important to me. I wish I’d seen that before I lost you.”
Eric kissed him, a rush of affection swelling his chest. He didn’t need more apologies. He knew Casper had to come to terms with losing Kage before he could even think of moving on with Eric. He just wanted to know what to expect going forward.
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