A Novel Christmas

by Lynsey M. Stewart

  I held out my hands, tilted my head to the sky and lit up as I felt the tiny bubbles of foam hit my face. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t real snow or that I wasn’t at home for Christmas helping Mum make the stuffing or whipping the cream to top the trifle. None of that mattered because Drew had brought Christmas to me, a new kind of Christmas. He’d tried to alleviate the homesickness and helped me remember why this time of year was so special, and that meant everything to me.

  ‘There’s more to it than just snow,’ he said leaning against the car, watching me twirl around and dance.

  ‘Really? This isn’t it?’ I heard him chuckle as I tipped my head.

  ‘This isn’t it,’ he replied taking my hand. ‘Come on.’

  He led me down a path to what looked like a visitor’s centre, and after paying for two tickets, he handed one to me.

  ‘Minack’s Christmas Cracker. You’re taking me to a show?’

  ‘Not exactly a show, but more of a Christmas celebration,’ he replied. ‘I first came here when I was nine or ten to see a children’s version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I’ll never forget it. The backdrop. The scenery. The noise of the waves lapping along the beach. It was…atmospheric. It created wonder and imagination for a little boy who loved nothing more than to read. Seeing the book brought to life was life changing.’ He’d never been sexier. That magical glint in his eye, the happiness of his memories causing his smile. The fact that he loved reading from a young age made him insanely more likeable and I wasn’t even sure that was possible. ‘They rarely have productions in winter because of the weather conditions, but this year they’re having Christmas carols with the Salvation Army band. Mulled wine and mince pies all round. You up for it?’

  He opened the glass doors and watched my face as I took it in for the first time.

  ‘Oh…oh my goodness, Drew. What is this?’ I started walking down the steep stone steps, unsure of where to look first. Lights were shining, illuminating the shore as the afternoon sun slipped into darkness. The coastline pulled me in, the sound of the waves crashing in front of us, dipping down to a vast expanse of coastline, creating an amphitheatre out of the disorderly rocks.

  ‘I knew I had to bring you,’ he said, following me as I meandered down the winding path to the huge stone structures. They were overwhelming and imposing, ornate and beautiful, carved out of nature and wilderness to create what could only be described as a scene so astounding it took your breath away.

  ‘Who made this? It’s…magical.’

  ‘A lady called Rowena Cade. She carved it out of the coastline. This was her garden. Can you believe that?’ He stared out across the sea, lights dancing on the waves, the line of rocks forming a dark archway almost like it was protecting the beaches below us. ‘She joined an amateur dramatics society when she was struggling with the isolation of living at the very aptly named Land’s End. They needed somewhere to put on a show and she offered them her garden. She made the stage there.’ He pointed to a stone circle at the bottom where the brass band had started to set up their instruments. It was surrounded by steps and what looked like a succession of balconies that got progressively smaller as they climbed. ‘See the first balcony?’ I nodded as he pressed himself behind me, his hand on my shoulder, the heat from his body making me so aware of my own. ‘That was created especially for the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. Amazing. Shakespeare gets his own spot.’

  I pulled him towards the rows where people had started to gather, wrapped in blankets and drinking steaming cups of hot tea. Only grass provided the comfort you would expect from a cushioned seat in a traditional theatre and Drew laid out a blanket, offering us more protection from the cold weather. He handed me a cup from the top of the flask, twisted off the top and poured me a drink. I wrapped my hands around the plastic, enjoying the warmth of the liquid against my hands. The steam rose into the air, dancing and swaying in the coastal breeze. I smiled. Life felt good.

  ‘There’s something special about Cornwall, isn’t there?’ I said, listening to the notes travel as the brass band started to warm up.

  ‘Loved it since I was a kid,’ Drew replied.

  ‘I was fascinated with the stories associated with it. King Arthur and Merlin. The Pirates of Penzance. There was always somewhere magical to visit. So much…atmosphere.’

  ‘My mum was very spiritual. Cornwall felt like home to her. She liked the contrasts of it being wild and windy, telling tales of shipwrecks and washed up mermaids, being on a rainy beach under an umbrella, and describing the sea as being such a vivid turquoise in the sun that you had to keep reminding yourself you weren’t in the Mediterranean. She said it always caught you off guard. Left you guessing. She liked that.’

  ‘Living on the edge,’ I said. ‘Not afraid to take risks. I wonder who you take after?’ He pulled in his mouth, gave a brief smile and looked out across the sea.

  ‘Thank you for bringing me here,’ I said, watching more people settle on the grass. They pulled their bodies in tight to protect themselves from the bite of winter, but I wanted the cold air on my face, wanted to feel its sting on the tip of my nose. It made me remember this was real, and for tonight, Drew was mine.

  ‘My pleasure, Cal,’ he replied.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon in a Christmas daze, singing carols, helping to pass around mince pies, talking, laughing, chatting. People were offering cakes and biscuits from their picnic baskets. A sense of community, loneliness banished, thinking about how the lady who put this place together with her bare hands must have felt once she embraced the theatre group and made friends. We watched actors play out a scene from A Christmas Carol, Drew smiling as I mouthed the words along with them, and our cold fingers and toes melted a little when children from the local school acted out the Nativity. I put my arm through his, leant my head against his shoulder, caught him watching me more times than I could count, and wondered if today would be the day he’d finally give in, ignore the voices in his head and kiss me.

  After a final sing-song of ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’, Drew stood, held out his hands and pulled me up. I’d lost sensation in one bum cheek and was unsure if I’d ever feel my toes again, but none of that mattered. I would have stayed with him on that damp little grassy seat forever.

  ‘Did you bring Meghan here?’ I asked, trying to imagine what their life was like before it all went wrong. What did they ever have in common? What were the connections that drew them together? Did he fly her to magical places and make it easy for her fall in love with him day after day?

  ‘No. Never,’ he replied.

  ‘Have you ever brought a woman here?’ I asked, smirking.

  ‘Oh yeah. Used to all the time. Every other week.’

  ‘You’re talking about your mum, aren’t you.’

  ‘Yep,’ he said, his mouth jerking to a grin as he closed his eyes in mock embarrassment. ‘Didn’t think I’d be here with the most beautiful girl on the island though.’

  ‘That’s not saying a lot,’ I replied, unable to drop my smile.

  ‘I was going to say the world, but it sounded cheesy in my head.’

  Oh yeah, we were definitely getting it on tonight.

  He walked in front of me, possibly trying to skate over the comment that slipped through the cracks of his determination to keep me at a safe distance. He pushed the door, holding it open, but I stayed where I was, dropping my eyes to his feet.

  ‘Can I have one more minute? I just want to watch the sea a little more.’ I walked back to the railings, held on to them and let the wind fall through my hair.

  He stood next to me, his hand lightly touching mine.

  ‘You didn’t answer me earlier—’ I said, pretending to look at the view but really glancing at the stunning man next to me, ‘—about the meaning of Karensa. Why was it so hard for you answer?’

  He didn’t reply at first, just looked out to the distance.

  ‘Not hard,’ he replied simply.

  I turned to
him, my hip leaning against the railing. ‘Why Karensa? What does it mean?’

  He looked at me now, bold and strong like his eyes were full of what he wanted to say, how he felt.

  ‘It’s Cornish in origin. A girl’s name. Karensa.’ His eyes never left mine. ‘Meaning love.’

  I studied him as he returned his attention to the sea, and tried to ignore the sound of harps and beautiful voices in my head reciting clichéd passages from the romance novels I loved. He believes in love! Underneath it all, he has the heart of a poet. Love will win above all else! Oh, Drew. Beautifully sweet, Drew and his perfect declaration of a time when romance meant something to him, when he was open to love, so much so he named his legacy after it.

  ‘A girl’s name?’ I replied, my voice dreamy. ‘How beautiful.’

  ‘Costentyn, the name of the island, is Cornish for constant. Standing firm.’ Just like him. ‘A little bit more Cornish magic for you,’ he said backing away but beckoning me with his hands to follow him. I followed, taking my notepad out of my pocket and jotting down Karensa. Meaning love and there it was, a flash of inspiration, a light-bulb moment, without any doubt.

  I had the name for the heroine of my book.

  Kari. Short for Karensa. Meaning love.

  Chapter 20

  Cal

  ‘See, I’ve got you home safe and sound,’ Drew said as we pulled up to the cottages.

  ‘I’m grateful.’

  ‘You’ll trust me next time?’

  ‘Next time? I need to recover from this date first!’

  ‘I guess it was a date,’ Drew said softly.

  Blake had driven us back to Karensa in silence, Drew scrunched into one side of the car and me in the other. Nervous glances were often exchanged, but it was like he was hooked up to a device that would give him an electric shock if we touched. I knew he’d returned to battling his demons, the result of offering me a perfect date night after our sexually charged encounter from earlier in the day. All roads pointed to rounding off the night with sexytimes to rival my novels. But sexytimes at this stage in our friendship would change everything, propel us into something more than we’d already become, and that was the reason for his leg shakes and deep sighs.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, hoping to clear the way for easy conversation.

  ‘Nothing,’ he replied, smiling briefly, trying to reassure me that everything was fine when I knew it was anything but. Drew’s smile had left him just before he expertly landed the plane, and jittery was the only word I could use to describe his body language.

  ‘Thank you for today,’ I said, wanting to be honest. ‘I had a wonderful time. I feel inspired. I might spend the rest of the evening getting lost on Pinterest looking at Christmas decorations and how to make 3D cards.’ His head snapped round like he was trying to make sense of my bouncy, everything’s fine, completely normal sentence. Was it the reference I’d made to spending the rest of the night doing something that didn’t involve him thrusting me to orgasm and was it shocking because he actually did want that too?

  Oh, please want that too.

  ‘Oh…right. Yep. OK,’ he replied, scooting out of the car as soon as it parked like Blake was about to blow the doors off. I waited for him to open my side, but Blake beat him to it. When I got out, Drew was unloading the boot, putting the picnic basket outside his front door. I saw him reach for the keys in his pocket, his hand stopping and hovering three times in succession before he finally decided not to end the night just yet.

  ‘Thanks, Blake. You can go now,’ he said. Blake nodded his head and smirked behind his hand.

  ‘That was great driving, Blake. Smooth.’ I rolled my hand and said goodbye. Once the car reversed, we were left in a stand-off, Drew on one side, me on the other. He had his hands dipped into his back pockets and I wrapped my arms around myself to stop the winter chill. Or perhaps it was the Drew effect. Spine shivers and goosebumps.

  ‘So,’ Drew said.

  ‘So,’ I repeated.

  ‘Feeling more Christmassy?’

  ‘Christmassed out,’ I replied, inventing a word I’d probably never use again.

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Great.’

  ‘Excellent.’

  ‘Fab,’ I replied.

  ‘So then…’

  ‘Yes?’ I asked, hopeful that on the next breath his mouth would be on mine.

  ‘I’d better go in,’ he said rather disappointingly.

  ‘Would you like a hot drink?’ I asked quickly, pointing over my shoulder to the cottage.

  ‘Yes,’ he replied hastily before shaking his head. ‘Actually, I’d better see to Archie.’ He nodded firmly. ‘He’s probably got the bladder the size of a football by now.’

  ‘Lovely. Thanks for sharing,’ I smiled, trying to ignore the sizzles of hope fizzling out.

  ‘Cal?’ Drew said, sighing and rubbing his forehead with his fingers.

  ‘Yes,’ I replied, trying to read his thoughts, get a measure of his thinking, see into the battle he was having with himself.

  ‘I had a great time today.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘About earlier,’ he said.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Are we OK?’

  ‘I’m OK if you are,’ I replied.

  He blew out a heavy breath. A look of defeat crossed his features as he pulled out his keys only to push them back in his pocket again.

  ‘Cal.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Part of me wants to run to you, but there’s still a tiny part that’s fearful.’ He pinched his fingers and scrunched his face. ‘I hate that part. Really fucking hate it.’

  ‘I hate it too.’

  He sighed like he was trying to balance his body through a pain that was tearing him apart inside. His body language screamed I’m conflicted.

  ‘Can I say something before you go? Just to see if it would help to blow the fear away?’ He nodded and I took a deep breath. ‘Earlier today, if Blake hadn’t knocked on the door, I’m pretty sure you would have kissed more than my thigh.’

  I watched as he lips lifted into a smile.

  ‘I was a breath away from somewhere far more intimate,’ he replied, fighting to keep his breath steady. He smiled instead. ‘It was awesome.’

  I bit my lip.

  ‘You were with me, Drew. There was no fear.’

  ‘The fear excites in equal measures it terrifies,’ he replied, his breath hitching. He stepped forward, pushed my hair behind my shoulder. ‘Perhaps it was a good thing we were interrupted.’

  ‘No,’ I whispered, brushing our fingers. ‘Never good.’

  ‘I’m still trying to make up my mind.’

  ‘Let me help you,’ I whispered. His hand found my waist pulling me towards him in that melty, needy way I’d written about so often and longed for in my real world.

  ‘I want to give you all of me, but I’m not sure I can.’

  Take me, I’m yours.

  ‘Stay with me tonight.’

  ‘Archie,’ he replied, lacing our fingers together, letting them go. One word. A million excuses.

  ‘Bring him with you.’

  ‘I can’t,’ he rushed out. ‘I mean…he likes his home comforts…loves his…rug.’

  ‘Sure. Rugs are vitally important to dogs,’ I said stepping back, missing his hands as they fell away from my waist, unable to go through rejection again. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Wait,’ he shouted as I headed towards the cottage. ‘I go backwards and forwards with the sensible arguments as to why I should stay away, but the want, Cal…it’s always there. I can’t leave you alone.’

  ‘Then don’t!’

  ‘It’s not that easy.’

  ‘It should be,’ I replied. ‘After today. It should be.’

  I stood back, ready to pull out the white flag and surrender to his let’s just be friends excuses. I couldn’t stop the disappointment in my tone; it was threaded through my words, but fuck, I was tired of this.
/>   ‘Goodnight, Drew.’

  I could hear the quickness of my steps against the ground, the drive of my mission to get back to the cottage when all I wanted to do was pray that I would feel his hand on my shoulder as he turned me around with a fire, a need to have me so deep, nothing could stop us. Instead I pushed the key into the lock, my hands shaking. Everything fell into slow motion, the twist and turn of the key, the shoulder bash to open it. Stepping inside, wiping my feet, turning to shut it, and then the frustration leading me to shout out at the top of my lungs.

  ‘Argh!’

  Then silence, apart from my heartbeat.

  And finally…Drew’s voice.

  ‘Cal,’ he mumbled through the door. ‘Are you alright?’

  ‘Balls,’ I said under my breath, looking into the mirror and blinking three times in the hope I would magically disappear. If he’d heard me—kill me now—that meant he hadn’t left and maybe that meant he was still undecided and maybe, just maybe…’

  I opened the door.

  ‘Hey,’ I said, leaning against it nonchalantly in an attempt to pull back some control rather than hand him my sobbing soul.

  ‘I thought I heard something.’

  ‘Oh. Yes. The door. It still needs something…squirty,’ I replied making the actions that looked a lot like I was squeezing a dick.

  ‘Right,’ he replied, his eyes following my hand actions. His throat bounced. He took a step closer. So did I. Couldn’t help myself.

  ‘Is that all?’

  ‘I can’t end the night like this,’ he whispered.

  ‘Please. Don’t do this again,’ I said, a tear escaping, finally showing the full magnitude of my feelings for him.

  ‘Do what, Cal?’ he whispered.

  ‘The backwards and forwards, “She’s so beautiful. The most beautiful girl on the island, but I can’t give you anything” spiel.’ I knew I was mocking him, but I didn’t care. ‘Don’t come to me drunk, wanting to play chess or stand at your window and strip, tempting me to touch myself with your chiseled body and humongous cock.’ He looked serious but didn’t stop me so I carried on. ‘Stop throwing me those glances you think I don’t notice and the faraway looks that make me wonder what’s going on in that head of yours apart from, I need this woman like I need my next breath.’ He nodded. Rubbed his scuff. ‘I see it all, Drew, and I can’t take it anymore. The nice words, the food, the kissing of my thigh! You kissed my bloody thigh! I want to leave this island sane, so, for the rest of my time here, please leave me alone. It will be better for both of us.’