When August Ends

by Penelope Ward

  Chrissy ended up taking Mom home early, and after Marlene left, it was just Noah and me at the table. His eyes lingered on my lips as I licked the remaining salt off the rim of my glass.

  I took my hat off and placed it on his head. “It’s a good thing you’re driving, señor.”

  “That was always part of the plan.”

  Moving my straw around, I smiled. “Thank you again for doing this.”

  Noah grinned mischievously. “I might have one more surprise up my sleeve.”

  “You’re just full of them tonight, huh?” My cheeks hurt from smiling. “What is it?”

  “It’s back at the boathouse. Wanna get going?”

  I nodded. “Sure.”

  ***

  He led me inside. “You need to close your eyes for a little bit, so I can get something set up.”

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  Making myself comfortable on the loveseat, I covered my eyes with my hands.

  “Okay, you can open them now.”

  Noah had lit two candles that formed the number twenty-one. This wasn’t just any cake.

  “Holy shit,” I said.

  “You like it?”

  “Who made that?”

  “You know Evie’s Cakes in the center? I told her what I wanted, and she did it.”

  The top of the cake was a little girl with her hands on a snowy television set—a replica of the famous scene from Poltergeist, the one I’d told him I was obsessed with as a child.

  “This is the most awesome cake I have ever seen in my entire life.”

  “I think we should try it.”

  “Are you kidding? I don’t even want to touch it. We can’t ruin it.”

  “We can cut around the bottom, leave the top intact. But eventually you’re probably going to have to destroy that, too.”

  “No way! I’m freezing it.”

  “You’re gonna leave a Poltergeist cake in your mom’s freezer while you go away to school?”

  “Yes. I’m keeping it forever and ever. Someday, when I’m old and gray, I will still have that thing in my freezer. You think I’m joking, but I’m not.”

  “That’s crazy. I hope you know that.”

  “Well, so am I—a little.”

  “This is true.” He winked. “Well, then I’d better not accidentally destroy it.”

  Noah sliced us two pieces of cake from the bottom part, being careful not to touch the top.

  “I almost brought it to the restaurant,” he said. “But I was afraid something would happen to it. Plus, it would’ve ruined the surprise of everyone being there if you saw me carrying a cake.”

  “You really did surprise me, and I’m kind of glad it’s just us now.”

  I knew that comment was a bit too honest, that it bordered on crossing the line. But it was the truth. I wanted him all to myself.

  “This is the best birthday I’ve had in a long time,” I said. “I know my mother told you my sister died on my birthday. This was the first one I’ve had since then where I didn’t think of her all day. I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

  “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

  “I’ve always felt I don’t deserve to celebrate my birthday if she can’t have them anymore.”

  “The day you were born is something to be acknowledged. Your sister would want you to celebrate your birthday.”

  “I know that rationally. But you can’t always help how you feel.” I took a bite of cake, which was chocolate with a pudding filling. Yum. “I just wish I could have done something to help her. I was young and never thought things were as bad as they were.”

  He nodded to himself as if he’d just figured something out. “That’s why you want to become a psychiatric nurse, isn’t it? Because of your sister.”

  “Yeah. I want to help people feel better.”

  He licked frosting off the corner of his mouth. “You know, sometimes that’s not possible, right? Not everyone can be saved.”

  “I do realize that. But I can try.”

  “Yes. You absolutely can, but you can’t blame yourself for not being able to succeed every time—not for anything that happened with your sister or anything that may happen in the future to someone else. We don’t have control over others’ actions, no matter how hard we try.”

  “Of course. I know that. And I have a long way to go, right? Before anyone can trust me with their mental health?”

  “You’re a strong person, and you have a lot of personal experience dealing with mental health issues from the people around you. So I’d say that’s a huge advantage over most people going into the field.”

  “Wish that weren’t the case, but it’s true.” I stared off. “I’m sorry…this night has taken a dark turn, hasn’t it?”

  “We’re eating a Poltergeist cake. It fits the mood,” he said.

  “That’s true.”

  “Hey, have you ever considered becoming a writer?”

  “Not as a career, but I’ve dabbled in it. Why do you ask?”

  “No reason. I just have a feeling you might be good at it.”

  Hmm.

  Strange.

  Noah looked down at his plate and played with the remnants of his frosting. It seemed like he had something on his mind.

  Finally, he said, “I found out today that Olivia’s pregnant.”

  Wow. His ex-wife is having a baby.

  “That’s pretty big news…”

  “Yeah.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “She and her husband had been trying for a while. I’m happy for her.”

  I wasn’t sure I believed him. “Really?”

  “Yeah…really.”

  “But it must be weird.”

  “It’s a little surreal, but not in a way that takes away my happiness for her. It’s a lesson that life moves on with or without you, a reminder that I should probably figure out my own life at some point.”

  “Do you want kids?”

  Noah sighed. “I wasn’t a very good husband, not sure I’d be any better as a father.”

  I shook my head. I knew in my heart he was wrong. You know how sometimes you can see things in other people that they can’t see in themselves?

  “I absolutely beg to differ,” I told him.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yes. You’ve taught me so much about believing in myself and about the world. You’ve lived a diverse life, and you have a lot to offer a child from your experiences. And you’re protective. Plus, you know how I really know you’d be a good dad?”

  “How?”

  “It’s how you treat the guinea pigs, feeding them with chopsticks and always making sure they have enough water and hay. You make sure they each get an equal amount of food. Also, how you treat Teddy. He can be really overbearing sometimes, not to mention he’s super big. Yet you let him climb all over you, slobber on you, because you know it makes him happy.”

  He chuckled. “I don’t do anything. I don’t know why he likes me so damn much.”

  “I can relate to how he feels.”

  Shit.

  Noah stared at me, eyes wide.

  Quick. Say something to distract. I cleared my throat. “So…I sort of have a date next weekend.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  * * *

  NOAH

  My mood went from hot to cold in an instant.

  “Oh, yeah?” I said, trying to seem calm about it even as I felt sick to my stomach. “With who?”

  It didn’t matter what I told myself—my feelings, my reactions when it came to her didn’t lie. I wondered which shade of green I was turning.

  “This guy Jared I went to high school with. He’s in town for the summer because his father is sick. He goes to Harvard.”

  “Harvard…pretty impressive.”

  “Yeah. Neuroscience major. So clearly we have a lot in common.” She rolled her eyes.

  It was getting hotter in here by the second.

  “You like him?” I braced fo
r her answer.

  “Well, he’s attractive and nice. But I don’t know him too well. We weren’t really in the same crowd in high school. I was always with Eric—who wouldn’t have liked me hanging out with Jared.”

  I swallowed. “He’s picking you up here?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “I might want to check him out, make sure he’s legit.”

  “No. You’ll scare him away. Either that or I’ll have to explain you to him, which won’t be easy.”

  “That is easy. You tell him, this is my friend and bodyguard, Noah. He’ll kick your ass if you do anything to hurt me.”

  She laughed. “Bodyguard?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  “I don’t think saying that will go over real well.”

  “Is he a big dude?”

  “Not as big as you.”

  “Perfect, then.” I chuckled. “I’m kidding. I won’t embarrass you in front of your little friend.”

  This whole thing felt like a test. It was the first time she’d be going out on a date since the time she’d gone out with her ex. I didn’t remember feeling like this, like I wanted to kill someone. Anyway, this was my problem, not hers.

  Then, I pulled something I had no right to pull. For completely selfish reasons, I asked, “You sure you should be getting involved with someone who’s gonna be leaving soon?”

  You’re a dick, Noah.

  “Well, actually, I was thinking it might be perfect—no strings—since I can’t do anything serious right now, either.” She shrugged. “I’m leaving, too, so…”

  And that’s what you get, asshole—a nice visual of Heather spreading her legs for a no-strings-attached relationship with some guy who’s not you. That came back to bite you in the ass, didn’t it?

  “I see,” I said.

  “I’m sure you had lots of those after the divorce? Sex-with-no-strings relationships?”

  Is she fucking with me? Or is she seriously considering boning this guy?

  “A couple,” I answered. “But I don’t prefer them. In my experience, if a woman likes you and tells you she doesn’t want anything more than a hookup, she’s lying. Even those relationships eventually turn into something else. I’ve had so-called no-strings relationships that turned out to be hardly that. It’s a bit of a catch-22, though, because any woman I don’t want more than sex with is probably not worth my time anyway. Maybe it comes with age, but I need to feel something more than just physical attraction to truly enjoy being with someone.”

  Her face turned red. “Have you been with anyone since you’ve been here?”

  “I think you know the answer to that. You’ve seen me almost every night.”

  “I guess that’s true. And I intercepted the one whore who wanted to change that.”

  “There was nothing to intercept, because as I’ve told you before, she’s not my type.”

  She cocked her head. “So, what is your type, then?”

  I wanted to tell her the truth, that lately I only had one type, and that was Heather Chadwick—beautiful, young, wide-eyed, honest Heather Chadwick, whom I wanted to protect with every ounce of my soul as much as I wanted to taint her.

  “I don’t have a type.”

  “You just said Kira wasn’t your type. That means you have a type.”

  Shit.

  I did say that, didn’t I? I was losing my mind, and I knew exactly why.

  “I don’t know what my type is…but I know what my type is not. Her.”

  “Okay, fair enough.”

  I’d thought she was done with her inquisition, but then she asked, “So, you haven’t been with anyone in a while?”

  “That’s an interesting way of asking me the last time I had sex.”

  Her cheeks pinked. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  She’s fucking adorable. And nosy.

  It felt like forever. I actually had to think about it. “May.”

  “So the month before you came here...”

  “Yes.”

  “Who was she?”

  “It wasn’t anything serious. Just someone—”

  “Someone you fuck.”

  Jesus Christ. Hearing her say that word made my dick go rigid. I hoped to God she didn’t say it again. At the same time, I wanted her to say it again.

  “I haven’t had a serious relationship since the divorce. She was someone I thought I had an understanding with, but like I said, in my experience, that’s a slippery slope. She started to expect more from me. It’s hard to find someone who’s not interested in something more.”

  “Because the women end up falling for you.”

  “Or just wanting more, yeah.”

  “They fall in love with you, Noah,” she said matter-of-factly.

  She could see right through me.

  I needed to change the subject, but I was curious about her, too. This might be my only opportunity to bring it up. Fuck it.

  “Since you’ve given me the third degree, I think it’s only fair I return the favor. What about you?”

  “I’ve only had sex with Eric.”

  Wow. Given how sexually charged she was, that kind of surprised me. But I suspected she wasn’t the type of girl who gave it up to anyone if her heart wasn’t in it—which was why I wasn’t sure I believed her little sex-with-no-strings act at all.

  “So it’s been a long time.”

  She smiled. “Are you thinking the drought explains some of my behavior earlier this summer? Because that wouldn’t be entirely true. I’ve never acted like that before, never asserted myself like that with anyone.”

  That made me happy inside, which was messed-up. Whatever I was feeling, I had to get over it. I couldn’t be anything more than a friend and mentor to this girl, especially now that she was finally on the right path. She looked up to me, believed in me. She didn’t need a grown man who couldn’t control his feelings or his dick messing with her emotions right now. I’d be leaving at the end of the month, and regardless of how strong my feelings had grown toward her, I had to stick it out, not get carried away, and stand my ground, even if I felt that ground crumbling beneath me.

  Oh! I hadn’t given her the present I’d bought for her. Presenting it now would be a good way to escape this conversation about sex. After our talk earlier, I’d worried it might make her sad if it reminded her of her sister. But ultimately, I needed to give it to her.

  I walked over to a drawer and took out the box. “I got you something.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  I handed it to her, and my heart raced as she opened it. I’d searched a long time for the right one.

  When she took the figurine out of the packaging, she covered her mouth. “Oh my God.”

  “I know you said you stopped collecting them some years back. I assumed it was because whatever hope they gave you disappeared after your sister died. Am I right?”

  Seeming a little choked up, she nodded. “Yes.”

  “This one is called Merry Wanderer.”

  Heather ran her fingers along the ceramic. “Oh, I know. It’s famous. I’ve always wanted it.”

  I smiled. “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  This particular Hummel featured a little boy with a suitcase and umbrella, headed out on an adventure.

  “I figured he could remind you of me, the wanderer who passed through town that one summer. So my choosing it was a little selfish.”

  “This is so perfect.” She hugged it to her chest.

  “Don’t ever feel guilty about being happy. Your sister would want you to be happy. Collect the Hummels. Live your life.”

  Tears sprung to her eyes as she leaned in and wrapped her arms around me. Just like the last time she’d done this, my heart hammered against my chest. I was completely aware of her soft breasts pressed against me, completely aware of my body reacting in a way that was absolutely opposite of what should have been happening. I prayed my erection would subside. Heather was too damn astute. She would notic
e that shit.

  She pulled back to look in my eyes. “This really means a lot. Thank you for this entire night. I’ll never forget it as long as I live.”

  I’d never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in my life. “You’re welcome,” I told her.

  She suddenly yawned, and small beads of spit sprayed out of her mouth.

  “Oh my gosh! I just squirted.”

  The moment she realized what she’d said, her entire face froze before it turned beet red. It was like time stopped for a few seconds.

  I sure as fuck wasn’t going to touch her “squirting” with a ten-foot pole, although I couldn’t say I totally minded the visual it brought on.

  “Can I use your bathroom?”

  Ah. She’s going to escape the embarrassment.

  “You don’t even have to ask.”

  “Thanks.”

  After a few minutes, she emerged. “I think all of the alcohol and sugar did me in. I’m not feeling so great. Do you mind if I lie down for a bit?”

  “No. Of course not.”

  Heather made her way over to my bed and sank her head into the pillow.

  My chest tightened at the sight of her. I longed to curl up behind her.

  Instead of dwelling on it, I lifted my ass off the loveseat and forced myself to clean up the paper plates we’d left out. I carefully lifted the remaining cake into the refrigerator so it wouldn’t melt.

  After cleaning everything up, I returned to the loveseat and put the TV on very low volume. Heather was completely out. It was late. Not wanting to disrupt her if she didn’t wake up tonight, I’d just sleep on the loveseat with my legs dangling over the end.

  At one point, Heather moaned. “Noah…”

  I sat up. “You okay?”

  She didn’t respond, so I walked over to her and saw that her eyes were still closed. I’d almost walked away again when she repeated, “Noah…” It was more like a whisper.

  “What’s up, Heather?” I murmured.

  She didn’t respond. I realized she was probably talking in her sleep. She’d mentioned she did that from time to time.

  “Noah…”

  I stayed standing, a foot away from the bed, and looked at her for a while. Just as I’d turned around to return to the couch, I heard her again.