When August Ends

by Penelope Ward

  “He has to be okay. He just has to.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw a woman with long, dark hair. I realized she was Olivia, Noah’s ex-wife.

  She looked right at me. With tears in her eyes, she said, “You must be Heather.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m—”

  “Olivia. I know. It’s good to meet you.”

  “Good to meet you, too.”

  It was amazing how feelings like jealousy could take a backseat in times of crisis. In a strange way, I wanted her here. Noah needed the support and good vibes of everyone who cared about him right now.

  Olivia embraced Mr. Cavallari.

  “What’s happening, Neil?” she asked him.

  “They told me to expect the surgery to last about five hours. We’ve got another hour to go. No one has come out since he went in.” He let her go. “I’m gonna go see if I can find anything out. I’ll be right back.”

  Neil walked away, leaving Olivia and me alone in the waiting area.

  “You got here fast,” she said.

  “Fast as I could.”

  Ming suddenly appeared. “Hey.”

  “Ming, this is Olivia, Noah’s ex-wife.”

  After they shook hands, Ming gave me a look that said, holy shit.

  Ming must have felt awkward, because she excused herself again. “I’m gonna sit down over there. Just holler if you need me.”

  “Okay.”

  “You know, I saw him today,” Olivia told me.

  “You did?”

  “Yes. He seemed fine. Perfectly healthy.”

  “Around what time did you see him?”

  “About noon. I stopped by his house for, like, fifteen minutes so he could meet my daughter. She had a doctor’s appointment in the area.”

  I thought back to the phone message Noah had left me. That was sometime before one in the afternoon. It must have been right after she left.

  “So he didn’t seem off at all?” I asked.

  “No. He didn’t.”

  Olivia looked just as worried as I felt.

  “You know what the last thing he said to me was?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “That I’m a good mother and he’s proud of me.” She burst into tears. “We’ve been through a lot, so that really meant the world to hear.”

  I reached out to hug her. We embraced as two people who needed each other’s support. This wasn’t the time for bitterness or ego. All that mattered was Noah pulling through. He needed us—all of us.

  As I let her go, I said, “He’s always spoken so highly of you.”

  Olivia sniffled. “It was hard for me to hear him admit he’d fallen in love with you.”

  What?

  My heartbeat accelerated. “He told you that?”

  “He did. Is that a surprise?”

  “Well, he hasn’t said it in those exact words, but…”

  Could that be what he was calling to tell me?

  “Well, he most definitely said it in those words today, Heather. He told me he loves you. I’d been questioning his intentions when it came to your relationship, and he shot that down. He’s very protective of his feelings for you. I’d never seen that side of Noah. I thought you might need to hear that right now.”

  “You’re right. I do. Thank you.” We hugged again, and I laughed a little. “This is weird, right?”

  “Totally weird.” She smiled.

  Such a strange mix of emotions swirled through me: joy from knowing that Noah loved me and excruciating fear that I would never get to hear that directly from him.

  Neil Cavallari reappeared, looking defeated. “The nurse didn’t have any new information. She promised to let me know if she hears anything from the doctors.”

  He took a seat across from us and placed his head in his hands. I went to sit down, and Ming moved from her seat in the corner to be next to me.

  We all sat in silence, the sadness and fear in the air so overwhelming you could practically see it. I returned to saying prayers in a loop. It felt like my entire life was on the line. The fate of my future was down that mysterious hallway leading into the operating room.

  Olivia suddenly stood. “My husband just texted. He’s driving around with the baby, and she’s hungry. I’m going to go feed her and come back. Please text me if the doctor comes out.”

  “Okay, sweetheart,” Neil said.

  A few minutes later, someone in blue scrubs came rushing toward us. Neil and I stood in unison.

  He addressed Noah’s father. “The surgery was successful. We won’t know until he wakes up how much neurological damage there was. He was very lucky that the people in the supermarket acted fast and the hospital was nearby. We were able to get in as quickly as possible to stop the bleeding. But the fact is, if damage did occur, treating the aneurysm won’t reverse it. Rest assured that we did everything we could, and his vitals right now are good.”

  “Can we see him?” Neil asked.

  “I’m going to ask you to give us a little bit. Someone will come out and bring you into recovery soon. He’s going to be in the ICU for at least two to three weeks while we monitor him for complications.”

  “How many people fully recover after something like this?” I asked.

  “About fifteen to thirty percent of people escape major difficulties, so that outcome is the exception rather than the rule.”

  Oh my God.

  My fear paralyzed me.

  “What about the other seventy-five percent?” Neil asked.

  “Anywhere from mild to severe brain damage. Once blood enters the brain, it damages the tissue. Brain function is impacted, causing, in many cases, memory loss and cognitive disability. It’s why we acted as quickly as possible.” He must have noticed how distraught we looked because he added, “Some people do go on to live perfectly normal lives without any long-term damage despite rupture. Don’t give up hope. We’ll know more very soon as he wakes up.”

  He placed his hand on Neil’s shoulder. “Someone will be out shortly to escort you back.”

  “Thank you, doctor,” he said.

  We held each other, and I whispered, “He’s alive. We’re so lucky.”

  So many thoughts flooded my mind. No matter what happened, I was in this for the long haul. I would never leave Noah’s side. I didn’t care if he couldn’t remember me or couldn’t speak. I was here to stay.

  A nurse appeared. “Both of you can come back, provided she’s family.”

  “This is my daughter, his sister,” Neil said without hesitation.

  “Follow me,” she said as she led us down the hallway.

  “Thank you,” I mouthed to him.

  My heart felt like it started beating again at the sight of him. Noah was still asleep, hooked up to an IV. It was a relief to see that he looked pretty normal, albeit unconscious. His chest rose and fell, and I was never so happy to see someone breathing in my entire life.

  Tears stung my eyes as I asked the nurse, “How long until he wakes up?”

  “It varies. It’s taking him a while, but that’s not uncommon.”

  She wrote something down in her chart as if this was business as usual. I wondered if she realized this moment was the hardest I’d ever experienced, that for me, the world had stopped moving every second he wasn’t awake. I didn’t know whether the love of my life was going to be okay, whether he would even remember me. I didn’t know what I would do if Noah couldn’t speak. No matter what, I would be here. I needed to be strong for him.

  Neil reached for my hand as we sat and waited for Noah to wake up.

  An indeterminable amount of time went by before Noah finally opened his eyes. His dad and I leapt from our seats when his lids fluttered.

  His father spoke first. “Son…it’s Dad. I’m here. Heather’s here, too.”

  “Hi, baby,” I added. “I’m here, and I’m never leaving.”

  Noah blinked.

  I knew it would take a while for him to fully come to, but
the longer he wasn’t saying anything, the more fearful I became.

  I rubbed his shoulder. “It’s okay. Take your time. There’s no rush.”

  “You’re going to be okay, son. I just know it.”

  I lay my head next to his and began to pray silently. The sound of his breathing grew louder.

  When I looked up again, his eyes were almost fully open, and he stared blankly back at me.

  Oh my God.

  Say something. Please. Anything.

  “Hi…hi,” I whispered. “You have no idea how happy I am to see those beautiful eyes of yours. I love you, Noah. I love you so much.”

  He didn’t respond, but a lone teardrop fell from his eye. He could hear me. But could he understand? Did he want to speak but couldn’t?

  I hadn’t wanted him to see me upset, but I couldn’t help it as my own tears fell.

  “It’s okay, son. Everything is going to be okay.”

  I reached for Noah’s hand and held it. “We’ll be here with you every step of the way. Your mom is coming, too…and your brother. And Olivia is out there. Oh my God—she and I actually hugged. That’s how much we both love you.”

  Please say something.

  Please.

  I kept talking to him. “I’ll make a deal with you. When you get better, I’m going to let you listen to every embarrassing song on my phone. You know I vowed never to let that happen. But you know what? It will be worth it. And I can’t wait to hear you make fun of me.”

  For the next half-hour, Neil and I stayed at Noah’s bedside, offering words of encouragement in a desperate attempt to get him to say something—anything.

  Then everything went silent for a while. I turned away for a moment, stepped over to the window to clear my head.

  “Hea…”

  I whipped back toward him.

  Noah pushed the words out. “Hea…Heather…”

  “Yes!” I rejoiced. “Yes. It’s me! I’m here with you.”

  Neil let his tears fall for the first time since I’d arrived. “Dad is here, too,” he said.

  Noah’s voice was groggy. “Where am I?”

  “You’re in the hospital. You had surgery on your brain,” Neil answered.

  Noah turned to me and asked, “Wha…what are you doing here?”

  “Where else would I be?”

  For several seconds, I waited with bated breath for his response.

  He swallowed. “Vermont?”

  Neil and I looked at each other. Vermont was such a simple answer, but it meant so much. It meant his cognition was there. It meant everything. It meant Noah was probably going to be okay.

  “Do you remember anything that happened?” I asked.

  It took him a while, but he finally said, “I remember I love you.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  * * *

  NOAH

  In a strange way, Bonnie and Clyde saved my life.

  If I hadn’t gone to the supermarket that day to buy their food, I might not be alive. The store near my house never seemed to keep the kale they liked in stock. So I’d gone out of my way to the market across town. It happened to be right around the corner from the hospital. My surgeon was convinced if more time had elapsed before the operation, I might not have made it, or at the very least I would have had brain damage.

  Thank God I wasn’t driving when it happened. And if I’d been home alone? I probably would have died. It was never easy to think about that. But I refused to dwell on what might have happened. It would have been easy to let all of the “what ifs” flood my mind, but I had too much to live for.

  It had been three weeks since they’d admitted me, and I was finally set to be discharged today. I was more than ready to go home. Keeping me here was standard protocol, though, because of the high risk of complications after surgery.

  I remembered very little about the moments before my aneurysm ruptured—aside from the urgent need to talk to Heather to tell her I loved her, and a headache. Other than that, I didn’t remember anything until I woke up and found Heather and my dad hovering over me. It had taken a while to realize I wasn’t dreaming.

  It was better that I hadn’t been aware of what was in store for me that day. If I’d known my head was going to be sliced open, and that fifty percent of people don’t survive a ruptured aneurysm, I probably would have had a heart attack—especially since at the time, I hadn’t had the chance to tell Heather how I feel.

  The first week after my recovery was the toughest. People visited, but I still felt really out of it. Heather was my rock through it all. She’d left everything behind in Vermont to stay by my side. I couldn’t even argue with her decision because I didn’t know how I could get through this time stuck in the hospital without her.

  There were no words for how grateful I felt to be alive. My memory was unaffected. My speech and motor skills were intact. Basically, I was a living miracle. I hadn’t lost function, and in fact I’d gained something: a new perspective.

  I could no longer waste my life in any way, couldn’t get stuck because of indecision or fear. Every day, every moment needed to matter.

  Heather had been sleeping at my house and spending each day at the hospital. My mother and brother had also been staying at my place. They’d just left to go back to Minnesota yesterday, so Heather had gotten to know them really well. I no longer had to wonder how my family was going to react to her. They’d fallen in love, just as I had.

  My beautiful girlfriend beamed as she walked into my hospital room. “I just got word from the final professor I’d been waiting to hear from that I can complete my last few assignments from here. I won’t have to go back to school to get full credit for this semester. I won’t lose anything.”

  Sitting up on the bed, I leaned in to kiss her. “That’s the best news. We can drive out there and get the rest of your stuff in a few weeks.”

  “Whenever you feel up to it. It’s no rush. Ming says she’s not going to get another roommate until the fall. So my stuff will just be sitting there until we get it.”

  “I owe that girl an entire case of baby powder.”

  ***

  Walking into my house after being gone for nearly a month felt freaking awesome. And it seemed more like home than ever, because Heather had put her touches on it. There were fresh flowers on the table and some candles scattered around.

  It felt like I’d missed so much, like I’d come back from the dead.

  I got emotional when I looked over at the cage—a new and much bigger cage—and saw it filled with four guinea pigs—Clyde and three babies. Bonnie had died giving birth. Evidently that was typical with older females. I’d barely cried over my near-death experience, but when I found out Bonnie hadn’t survived her labor, I’d lost it. Heather had been the one to break the news. She’d gone to my house for the first time shortly after my surgery to feed them and realized the babies had been born. Soon thereafter, she’d discovered Bonnie wasn’t breathing.

  “Hey, little guys.”

  “We still have to name the babies.” Heather was suddenly in tears.

  She’d been pretty good about not losing it lately. I think she was just happy to have me home.

  She rubbed my back. “Feels good to be home, huh?”

  “It does, but mostly because you’re with me. I couldn’t imagine walking in here alone after all this.”

  We lay together on the couch for a while. I had a lot on my mind that I needed to let out. I hoped she didn’t think I was crazy after what I was about to propose.

  I took a deep breath. “Everything I thought I knew about how life is supposed to work has gone out the window,” I told her. “I never realized how fast things can change. I pushed you away because I thought that’s what was right for you. But if I’d died on that operating table, I would have thrown away the only time we’d ever have together—those months you were in Vermont.”

  She moved to straddle me. “Don’t think about the what-ifs right now.”

  “I ha
ve to, only because it’s related to what I’m about to say.”

  She kissed my nose. “Okay.”

  “I didn’t go with my gut when I left you back in New Hampshire. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Leaving you never felt right. I thought the way for you to live your best life was to experience it apart from me, but maybe it should have been with me. Maybe things don’t always have to be by the book. Maybe we need to go by what feels right.”

  “I never had any doubt that I belong where you are.”

  “I know you didn’t.” I caressed her cheek. “I’ve had a lot of time to think while stuck in that hospital. I asked myself, what would I want if I knew my time was limited? Because it very well could be. Aneurysm or not, none of us knows for sure if we’re guaranteed a lot of time on this Earth. I decided what I want more than anything is to travel the world with you. I want to show you some of the places I’ve been, experience them again with you, and then discover new places together. Maybe it’s not college in Vermont you need. Maybe traveling with me is how you can sow your oats.”

  “Wha—” Heather began.

  But I forged ahead. “When I was lying there, recovering in that bed, I realized I haven’t done nearly all of the things I want to do. And I’ve lived a pretty good life. In the end, all we have are memories. I don’t have nearly enough memories with you. I want to make some. What do you say? Will you go on an adventure with me?”

  “Really? Are you sure? I mean…how can we afford it?”

  “I made some smart investments in my twenties. I have a lot saved up—probably at least fifty grand to play with before I’d even feel a dent. We can set a financial limit and stop when we’ve reached it. Then we’ll come back, and you can enroll in school here, if that’s what you want.” I tried to read her expression. “If you think it’s too reckless, we don’t have to—”

  “This sounds like a dream. I just can’t believe it’s an option.”

  “It’s very much an option. And I hope you’ll say yes.”

  After several seconds of silence, she said, “I would love to travel with you. The answer is yes!”