Reckless at Heart (The Kincaids of Pine Harbour Book 1)

by Zoe York

  “Son, you have a wild misunderstanding of my relationship with my daughter if you think I’d get her in trouble for encouraging you to be bold. I’m a bear, not a monster. And Becca’s a grown-up now. So are you. Your getting in trouble days should be behind you.”

  That shut Hayden up, which gave Owen a moment to think.

  Becca wanted Hayden to come in front of Owen and say a few things. Why? He didn’t love the answer that immediately came to his mind. He needed to talk to his daughter—and he had a date with Kerry tonight. Something in his schedule would have to give, and it would be his social life.

  He took a deep breath, hating the way his neck got tight and his back teeth clenched down. It was what it was. Kerry would understand. And maybe his conversation with Becca wouldn’t take long.

  Hayden shifted awkwardly in the silence. “She thinks you hang the moon in the sky,” he finally said.

  Owen’s throat tightened up. That had been a thing when she was little. He wore it on his skin, because he wanted so badly to be that man for her as she grew up. He would do anything for her, provide anything she needed. Hang the moon in the sky and decorate it with diamonds. “Won’t be long before Charlie thinks the same of you,” he said gruffly. “If you hang in there with him.”

  What he wanted to say was, I’ve been in your shoes, kid. I’ve done the right thing. There was nothing right about it in the end. But Owen wouldn’t have heard that back then. Hell, he couldn’t bring himself to think there had been another option. He would have married Rachel even if present-day Owen had travelled back in time and showed him it would end badly.

  He didn’t regret his marriage.

  He regretted that he couldn’t find enough love in his heart to make it work. That he had to watch her be happy without him, happier still with another man, while he twisted with worry and self-doubt, and his own efforts to find happiness had left him feeling empty time after time.

  Empty and dangerous.

  Would Hayden leave Becca in a few years, go away to school to better himself, and take a stranger home every night to try and make himself feel something?

  Would it take him another fifteen years to be open to a real relationship?

  God help him if he did. But Owen had never had to stand in front of Rachel’s father and prove himself, either. They may be walking in similar paths, but they weren’t the same person. Owen hadn’t had a bunch of dickheads making life hard for him, for one thing.

  “Hayden.”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “Don’t call me that. I don’t deserve that. Call me Owen.” He cleared his throat. “Just be honest. With yourself, with my daughter.” He took a leap. “With your coach, too. Be honest. If you need backup for that, I’ll be there. I bet your dad would, too. I hope he would. If your teammates are being dicks to you about having a baby, that’s on them, and I think your coach will want to know. Am I reading too much into the situation?”

  Hayden’s mouth tightened up. “No. That’s accurate.”

  “Son, if you’re done with hockey, that’s one thing. If you’re leaving it against your true desire, that’s another. Has Becca told you to give up hockey?”

  Hayden hung his head.

  Owen knew the answer was no. His daughter wouldn’t. She was stubborn and fearless, and as Rachel had said almost a year before, she was also Hayden’s biggest fan. “I have to get back to work, but I’m glad you stopped by. I hope we can talk again.”

  As soon as Hayden left, Owen texted two people. First, his daughter to let her know he’d had a visitor and wanted to talk about it over dinner. Then he glanced at his watch. It was lunch time. Maybe…

  Owen: What are you up to today?

  Kerry: I’m in the clinic. Currently having lunch in between appointments.

  Owen: Are you alone?

  Kerry: Why Mr. Kincaid, what are you suggesting? (That’s a yes, by the way)

  Owen: I’ll swing by for a few minutes.

  She met him at the back door, and as soon as she saw his face, she let out a sigh. “Are you okay?”

  “Do I look as twisted up as I feel?” He huffed and pulled her in for a hug. “Yes, I’m okay.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Can I take a rain-check on dinner tonight? I need to talk to Becca about something.”

  She kissed him on the mouth. “Of course. Was that all you wanted?”

  Not at all. “I have twenty-three minutes.” His fingers tangled with hers, bringing her hand to his chest. “I thought we could spent at least seventeen of them making out.”

  By four in the afternoon, Kerry was done with her day. And hungry, because her lunch had been abandoned for something even better than a salad. Since she was suddenly on her own for dinner, she headed to Mac’s. Apparently late afternoon was the time to come. The parking lot was nearly empty and inside she had her pick of booths.

  In the corner was Adam Kincaid, brooding over a cup of coffee. The twisted look on his face reminded her of his oldest brother, and her heart softened.

  “Do you want some company?”

  He glanced up, ever so quick, then glared back at his coffee. This wasn’t like him, at least not any version of Adam she’d ever seen before.

  “Sorry for interrupting.”

  But before she could step back, he jerked his head up again. “No, stay.” He dragged in a long, sobering breath. “I’d love company.”

  She slid into the opposite side of the booth and grabbed a menu. “Can I ask what has you all out of sorts?”

  “Can I swear you to secrecy?”

  That made her pause. Could he? “Secret from whom?”

  “My brother.” Adam held her gaze. It was a knowing look, but also an understanding one. It wasn’t a secret that she was seeing Owen.

  Just how tender her heart was towards him, though…that might be a secret still. But if she read between the lines correctly, it was one Adam had her number on. She took a deep breath. “It depends. Is it about Becca?”

  Adam shook his head vigorously. “Hell no.”

  “What’s going on?”

  He shoved a folded piece of paper across the table at her. When she opened it, it took her a minute to process what she was reading. “You’ve been accepted into an accelerated fire school program?”

  “It starts in January. I applied late, and was sure I was way down the waiting list. But…” He wiped his hand across his mouth, then gave a shrug, his expression incredulous. “I guess I got lucky.”

  “Adam, this is great.” She set the letter down and looked at him, really looked at him. “Isn’t it great? Does Owen not know that you applied?”

  He made a face. “No. He knows I want it, though. But I didn’t think I’d get in until next year, and now suddenly it’s around the corner, and…”

  “Ah.” She wasn’t sure she should get involved in Kincaid business. The old Kerry wouldn’t have. But if this was yet another thing Owen would be dealing with, she wanted to know. “Are you going to tell him soon?”

  “As soon as I work up the courage.” He slid the menu over to her, ending that part of the conversation. “I’ve already ordered.”

  She flipped it open, but her thoughts were stuck on all the different worries Owen had to juggle. It was a minor miracle they’d had so much time together in the last week, but that wouldn’t be standard.

  I miss you during the day. He’d said it, but she was thinking it at the same time. He’d stirred up feelings she didn’t know she was capable of having. This fling was already deeper and more intense than she usually allowed her dating life to get, and it had happened in such a short time—if you didn’t count the months of longing when he’d been off-limits and grumpy.

  Maybe she needed to shift her perspective on the start and end dates of their relationship. It wasn’t like they started at zero when he asked her out. That had been a culmination in and of itself—taking their relationship to the next level, a healthier, happier one to be sure.

  “Do you know what you want?”r />
  Kerry snapped the menu closed. Not only did she not know what she wanted, she was terrified to look at that question too closely just in case she didn’t like the answer. But the waitress wasn’t talking about Owen. Food—she needed an answer about food. “What’s the soup of the day?” Kerry asked, trying to buy some time and play it cool.

  “Tomato bisque.”

  “I’ll take a cheeseburger—Swiss cheese, please—and a Greek salad on the side.”

  “Sounds good. Anything to drink?”

  “Lemonade?”

  “On it.”

  The waitress left, and Kerry glanced across the table at Adam. “Is that why you weren’t all over Lore’s plan for a co-ed indoor soccer team for the winter? You had high hopes you wouldn’t be here?”

  He looked impressed. “You have a sharp memory. I said that once, months ago.”

  “Soccer has become the central tenant of my social life, what can I say?”

  He nodded. “That was why. But you might be able to convince my brother Josh to play.” He paused. “Or Owen?”

  The thought of Owen negotiating the politics of a team sport made her giggle.

  “No, not Owen,” Adam said.

  She shook her head. “He’s got a lot on his plate, anyway.”

  Adam frowned. “Not that much. Don’t be scared off.”

  That surprised her. “I’m not.”

  “You’re good for him.”

  “I’m—” She was speechless, that’s what she was. She hadn’t really been prepared for the conversation to go there. It was very small town, and she suddenly felt naked.

  Adam read that immediately, and leaned back. “He hasn’t said anything. It’s just an observation.”

  “One that maybe you’ve talked about with others?” She asked it lightly, but she wanted to know.

  Adam grinned. “In passing.”

  In her head, Kerry heard Lore telling her it was never boring on the peninsula. That had certainly proven true.

  She glanced toward the kitchen. “My cheeseburger could arrive any minute now, I’m just saying.”

  Adam laughed, and at least that was better than the tight, sad face she’d seen when she walked in.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When Owen got home, Becca was in her room. It smelled like dinner was under way, something warm and fragrant, and he could hear his daughter talking to her son.

  “Yes, you show me how you can stretch. Just like that. Kick those legs. Can I get a smile? Can I make you smile? Awww. I love you, too. Yes I do. Yes I—” Owen didn’t want to interrupt the cuteness, but Becca sensed his presence in her doorway. She glanced over at him. “Hey.”

  “Dinner smells good.”

  She nodded. “I think it will be.”

  “You’ve been making some amazing things lately.” Why did this conversation feel so awkward? Owen hated how the words clogged in his throat. You’re all grown up. Suddenly. I see you.

  “I paid attention last year when I was working banquets. Some things stuck.”

  “You think maybe you’ll want to try cooking as a career?” Even as he asked it, Owen knew it was the wrong question.

  Becca gazed down at Charlie. “I don’t know.”

  A polite answer, or a deflecting one, because he was pretty sure she did know—she had hopes for Hayden to carry the load.

  No point ignoring the elephant in the room. “Hayden came to see me today.”

  She nodded. “He told me.”

  “You didn’t tell me you wanted me to talk to him.”

  “And have you charge over to his parents’ house and cause a big thing?” Becca shook her head. “No. And he needed to do it on his own. He’s really struggling, Dad. But he’s being honest about it, and I dunno, but I think that’s worth something.”

  You don’t know. That’s exactly the problem. But Owen didn’t want to shut down the conversation even before it got started. “Tell me more.”

  “He wants to get a full-time job and give up hockey.”

  “He doesn’t want to give up hockey, Bec.”

  Her face twisted. “He feels like he should.”

  Owen knew that feeling well. “He could. But he will always wonder what would be.”

  “If he gets a job, we can get an apartment together.” There was so much hope in her voice, it killed Owen.

  “Is that what he’s told you he wants?”

  Another nod.

  “It’ll be hard.”

  “I know.”

  “Is he going to try to get more hours at Mac’s?”

  “No.” She played with the blanket as Charlie squirmed. “That was a temporary thing. He has to get out of his contract with the team first before he starts job hunting.”

  “How temporary? He was there this morning when your uncles and I went in for breakfast.”

  “Frank is letting him work a few more weeks. I don’t know exactly. We haven’t made a firm plan yet, it’s just talk. I told him, I wouldn’t make a plan until he got things straight with you.”

  It wasn’t for Owen to give the green-light to their relationship, though. It couldn’t be his responsibility, even if he wanted it to be. He always wanted to shoulder the risk others took, that was a hard lesson he’d had to learn. But this was Becca and Hayden’s call to make, not his. “It was good of him to come and talk things out with me, but you two need to be clear on what you want. I told him that, too. I told him he needed to be honest with everyone. Have you thought about what might happen if he doesn’t get a job? What if he focused on hockey until it ran its course?”

  “He won’t pick hockey over Charlie.” Her chin jutted out, her eyes glittering. “He’s Charlie’s father.”

  “He’s hurt you more than once.”

  That stopped her, but only for a moment. “Maybe Charlie and I need our own space either way.”

  “I would understand that, if that’s what you want.”

  “It is. For me, and Charlie, and Hayden.”

  She was so steadfast in her support of him. Owen shook his head gently. “That kid doesn’t deserve you.”

  “That kid is the father of my child, so enough with the growling.” His daughter’s voice sharpened to a knife point, and Owen froze. “He came to you and told you he fucked up. He’s doing the work to be there for us. But more importantly, I want to live with him. I want to give him that chance, and I don’t need you to judge me for it.”

  Owen had never been more uncomfortable in his oversized body than in this moment.

  “You wanted more than this for me.” She looked at him, square in the eye, as she said that.

  He couldn’t lie to her. “Yeah. I did.”

  The right corner of her mouth lifted in a sad smile. “This is all I want for myself right now.”

  “That might change in the future.”

  “Did it change for you?” She might as well have asked him if she wasn’t enough for him.

  His inhale was rough and ragged. He didn’t want to answer that question.

  “Dad, I don’t feel shortchanged by this life we have. For a while now I’ve wondered if you thought I did, if you thought maybe you didn’t give me enough of something. But… Do you feel shortchanged?”

  He couldn’t breath.

  And he couldn’t tell her to stop. This was her life to examine, too. His life was her life. Fuck.

  “It’s okay.”

  A tear slid down his face. Fuck. “No it’s not.”

  “Yeah.” Her voice went quiet. Impossibly soft. “You’re free now. You can do whatever you want."

  “Becca, I like having you and Charlie here.” It was the God’s honest truth, and it took him by surprise. He didn’t doubt she wouldn’t believe him. He hadn’t given her any reason to.

  “But you also want your own space. You’ve never had that. I see you.” Her soft words were an echo of his own observation when he got home. For so long, it had been just the two of them, a dyad surrounded by a larger, loving family. But when it came r
ight down to it, day in day out, Owen had been the role model for Becca. He’d taught her to watch and take note, and she’d used it to see right through him.

  Regret filled his mouth, his throat. “I never wanted to make you think…”

  “You didn’t.” She smiled softly. “You taught me that it’s possible to be very happy with a compromise in life.”

  “You aren’t a compromise.” His heart was breaking. Actual, shattered pieces fell apart in his chest, spearing him sharply in the most random of places. “I’m so sorry I ever gave you that impression.”

  “Life is nothing but compromises, because we can’t have everything we want. That’s just not how it works. We can’t gorge ourselves on happiness. There are costs, and they are worth it. That is what you taught me. Right?”

  He nodded numbly.

  “You’ve always been there for me. Don’t stop now.”

  Fuck. That was the thing, right there. He didn’t get to pick when he was on Team Becca. “I’m sorry, kiddo. You’re right. If Hayden makes you happy, then I’ll deliver you to him myself.”

  “I’m not moving out tonight.”

  “Oh, thank God.” He heaved a rough exhale in relief and hauled her into his chest. “Come here.”

  “Already here,” she mumbled against his shoulder.

  “I love you so much,” he whispered into her hair. “I’m always on your side. Whatever you need.”

  A few hours later, Owen was lying alone in the dark, not sleeping but not worrying—exactly—when his phone lit up.

  Kerry: How’d your evening turn out?

  He’d told her he needed to talk to Becca and then…nothing. Should he have updated her? But there was a different relationship there because of the midwifery, so maybe boundaries were better.

  Owen: My daughter is all grown up. We had a good talk. She amazes me.

  Kerry: Yay.

  Kerry: Are you in bed now? Was it too late to text?

  Owen: Never too late. And yeah, trying to sleep. Sort of. I was wide awake, though. How about you?