Reckless at Heart (The Kincaids of Pine Harbour Book 1)

by Zoe York

  January.

  Shock roared in Owen’s ears. Adam had warned him this was coming, in every way he could, and yet he still felt blindsided. Denial was a hell of a drug. But as his mouth flapped open, as he watched Will shake hands with their baby brother, as Josh pumped his fist in the air and Seth looked sideways at Owen in concern, the tingling subsided and he was left with a warm, unexpected feeling.

  Pride.

  “Shit,” he said. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it, and then you went and did it like a boss anyway.”

  He stood and held out his arms. Adam came around and gave him a bone-crushing hug.

  “You’re going to be great,” Owen said his voice rough with emotion.

  “Thanks.” Adam squeezed him back. “That means everything. I’ll be safe, too, I promise.”

  He better.

  Owen cleared his throat as Adam moved on to Seth, then Josh.

  Adam’s timing had been bang on, because as soon as they finished congratulations, a pretty young blonde woman wearing snug khaki pants and an Eco Guide hoodie came in through the double doors. She glanced around and raised her voice. “I’m looking for the Kincaid party for the owl prowl.”

  Adam waved his hand. “That’s us.”

  An owl prowl? Owen rolled his eyes. His brother had fallen for the pretty guide, he’d bet money. But this was better than strippers. It wouldn’t stop him from pointing out that the army usually paid him to do this in night reconnaissance exercises, though.

  “Come on, boys. Let’s go find some nocturnal animals.” Adam flashed the guide a wicked grin. “We’re all yours.”

  Owen just hoped he wouldn’t twist a damn ankle.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Kerry spent Saturday night and Sunday morning at the hospital. She sent Owen a text mid-morning warning she might not make his Thanksgiving dinner, but soon after she sent it, her client’s labour sped up.

  Bodies were wonderful, mysterious things. She helped bring a sweet, tiny slip of a little girl into the world just after one in the afternoon. After getting mom and baby settled into the postnatal ward for the day, under the watchful eye of a nurse, Kerry headed for her car, and drove north.

  She would never tire of deliveries. She liked every part of her job, except saying goodbye to patients at the end of their time in her care, although even those had a note of celebration. But the rush of labour and the triumphant success of deliveries were by far her favourite. They made the long nights and weekends spent on call worth the sacrifice.

  When she got to her apartment, she made an emergency espresso, threw herself into the shower, and changed into something pretty but comfortable, because Owen had warned her there might be some touch football played. Then she grabbed the bottle of wine she’d bought for the occasion, took a really deep breath, and headed to Owen’s house.

  Cars lined the street. Two vintage cars, one of which she recognized as the beater Owen and his brothers worked on sometimes. That’s Will’s, she reminded herself. The black shiny one would be Josh’s. She’d seen his garage coming together on her walks down to the harbour, but they hadn’t met yet. Two pickup trucks completed the parade of vehicles, and she pulled in behind one that had a custom H0CK4 license plate.

  She could bet money that would be Hayden’s. She’d never gotten much of a bead on him in the few appointments he attended with Becca, but he’d shown up for the birth and she knew the young woman loved him. For both of their sakes, and Charlie’s, Kerry hoped he wasn’t as one-note as he sometimes appeared.

  When she knocked on the front door, it was Becca who answered. In the last month, the young mom seemed to have aged a couple of years in a really good way. She looked all grown-up, and in her arms was a bright-eyed boy who had changed so much.

  “Charlie!” Kerry exclaimed. “Look at both of you, oh my goodness.”

  Becca gave her a hug, then traded the baby for the bottle of wine. Charlie was easily twice as big as when he was born, and he followed Kerry’s face very carefully as she made cooing faces at him. “I have been thinking of you, little man. It is so nice to see you.”

  He burbled and blew her a spit bubble. The highest of compliments. She held on to him as Becca introduced the uncles Kerry hadn’t met yet—Josh, the mechanic, and Seth, the pilot.

  “Owen’s in the kitchen,” Adam said. “He was just threatening to kick us all out into the backyard because we take up too much space, but now that you’re here, he’s going to be nice again.”

  “Is that right?” She laughed as she carried Charlie into the kitchen. “Let’s go find your grandpa, shall we?”

  “I heard that,” Owen said when she appeared in the doorway.

  “Which part?”

  “The part where you called me grandpa.”

  She wiggled Charlie at him. “I remembered how much you liked it in the hospital.”

  He leaned in and bussed his grandson’s cheek, then shifted and gave Kerry a softer, welcoming kiss on the mouth. “I do like it,” he whispered. Then he straightened his apron—clearly a present from Becca at some point, because it said Dad Cooks It Best on it. “You’re just in time. I was about to carve the turkey.”

  “Ooh, lucky me. Can I help?”

  “You can keep me company while the boys finish setting the table.” He raised his voice. “Hayden!”

  The young man appeared promptly in the doorway, his broad shoulders filling it. His gaze went straight to Charlie, who burbled happily. Someone loved his daddy, that was for sure. “What can I do?”

  “Take the stuffing and potatoes to the table, please.”

  Kerry and Charlie went to the far side of the kitchen and got out of the way as the counter was cleared of bowls mounded high with food. She watched as Owen carefully carved the turkey and arranged it on a platter, issuing directives to his daughter’s boyfriend like the drill sergeant she knew he sometimes was. Before she knew it, everyone was gathering in the living room again, where the couch had been pushed up against the window to make room for an extra long table extension. Becca sat at one end, Hayden beside her and then Seth and Josh finishing that side. Owen was at the other end of the table, next to Josh, and Kerry sat next to him. Adam took the seat next to her, and Will sat beside him, stealing Charlie on his way to his chair.

  They played musical baby as the bowls of food were passed around, and once everyone had a full plate in front of them, Owen raised his glass in a toast.

  “Happy Thanksgiving,” he said, his voice rich and warm. “I say this every year, but I am grateful for this family, and I mean it more this year than ever before. Each and every one of you is special to me. Now eat up.”

  Kerry pressed her lips together, unexpectedly emotional. That wasn’t the plan. The plan was cranberry sauce and artisanal turkey, and being grateful for the sweetest, sexiest friendship she didn’t see coming. Nothing more. “Here here,” she said as they clinked glasses.

  After they’d all made the right noises, because every single bite was delicious, the conversation went from the formal toast to little noisy pockets of conversation at every corner of the table. Owen asked Kerry how the delivery went, and she gave him the briefest of highlights. She asked about the dry brine, because holy cow did that make a difference to the taste of the bird, and then he shared that Adam had gotten into fire school.

  “Really,” she said, turning to give Adam a big yay, you told him! smile.

  Adam grinned. “Kerry already knew.”

  Owen laughed. “What?”

  She made a face. “Yeah, he told me a week ago. I caught him at the diner, stewing over the admission letter.”

  Owen scooped her hand in his and kissed her fingers. “And you kept his secret?” She nodded as Owen smiled at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling in approval. “Good girl.”

  It was the kind of thing she might have bristled at from another man, in another setting, but from Owen, knowing he appreciated her respecting his brother’s personal space, it warmed her to her core
.

  At the other end of the table, Seth was telling Becca a harrowing tale of a rough landing, and she just kept shaking her head. “Nope, nope, nope. That’s insane, Uncle Seth! I can’t believe you.”

  Hayden said something about it putting the risks of hockey in perspective, and then Kerry’s attention was dragged back to Owen.

  That’s how the whole meal went. Snippets of conversation, and then she’d find herself staring at the host, the patriarch of a misfit family. A big man with bigger feelings, she thought.

  They took a backyard break while Becca and Hayden cleaned up before dessert. Kerry gamely joined in as they played three on three touch football. Owen was on the opposite team, the quarterback, and she did her gamest best to cover him despite the fact he was twice her size. In the end, she resorted to dirty tricks—dirty talk, muttered under her breath, about the fact she was free for the night and all the things she planned to do to thank him for the delicious meal—to distract him from his goal.

  He still made the throw, and Josh scored a touchdown for their team.

  Kerry’s team came back, though, and it was tied up when Becca called them back in for dessert.

  “The best possible finish,” Will said diplomatically.

  Owen caught Kerry with a big bear hug from behind. “We’ll continue this later,” he whispered in her ear.

  She looked forward to it.

  Owen’s family left in waves. The brothers first. Josh, because he had work to do in the garage, and he took Seth and Adam with him for free manual labour. Then Will, after he helped pack up leftovers for everyone.

  And finally Becca and Charlie in his bucket seat, being carried by Hayden.

  “I didn’t really get enough Charlie cuddles,” Kerry said once everyone was gone and Owen had pulled her onto the couch for a grown-up cuddle of his own. “He’s very cute. And everyone got along…”

  Owen chuckled. “Is that a sideways observation that I didn’t growl too much at Hayden?”

  “Maybe. I mean, I noticed some growling, but…” She giggled at the look on Owen’s face.

  “He’s all right. He’s trying.”

  She nodded.

  He searched her face. “Is it okay if I talk about Becca stuff with you?”

  “Sure. I’m not her midwife anymore.”

  “It’s not like therapy, where there will forever be a complicated relationship?”

  “You weren’t my client, Owen. Tell me about you.”

  “Okay.” He scrubbed a hand over his face.

  “Was today hard?”

  He considered the question long enough Kerry wondered if he wasn’t sure. “No,” he finally said. “It’s not hard to see her with Hayden. And the kid is trying, I give him full credit for that. If anything is hard, it’s trying to mind my own business. Which I know that’s what I need to do, now.” He took a deep breath. It filled his entire body, his shoulders lifting and spreading wide before he exhaled. “It’s hard to be rational as a parent, especially when your kid suddenly grows up.”

  “You’re doing a great job.”

  “You know I don’t always, though. I worry that I’ve fucked her up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Did I teach her that men aren’t always open about their feelings? That it’s okay if they’re gruff…?” He shrugged. “Or, you know, a straight-up rude asshole.”

  “You?”

  “Me.” He caught her hand as she tried to poke him. “It’s okay. I know you thought I was a jerk.” She bit her lower lip and tried not to smile. It was hard, because he was so earnest, and he kept going. “You called me a Neanderthal.”

  “If I recall correctly, you opened that door by declaring yourself not a Neanderthal, and I found that funny. You aren’t a jerk. And I think with the people closest to you, you’re very open about your feelings. I bet Becca sees that more than you think, because you’re so gentle with her. You’re a hard nut to crack, Owen Kincaid, but once someone gets in, you’re pretty soft on the inside.”

  “That sounds like a compliment.”

  “It is. You have become such a special friend. More than a friend,” she hastened to add. She wriggled closer and lowered her voice. “A lover. I’m so happy, and you’ve been a big part of that. So take the compliment, please. This fall has been exactly what I needed. I was in such a weird place over the winter and spring.”

  “Anything you want to talk about?”

  She made a face. It was easier to listen than to open up.

  He laughed. “It’s fine.”

  No, he’d shared. She took a deep breath. “Are you sure?”

  “God damn it, woman, yes. I just bared my heart to you. Bring it on.”

  “I feel like I need to put some content warnings on what I’m about to say. Hear me out, okay?” She rolled away, just to have enough space between them. “Like a lot of people, I sort of tripped over my biological clock as I entered my thirties. It took me by surprise, but I’m rolling with it. I’m not in a rush to have kids or anything like that, but they’re on my mind now. That pre-dated moving here, to be clear. But dating stopped being fun. It was a wild ride that veered between looking for a partner to raise kids with and feeling like I needed therapy to debrief on why I was clearly choosing people I would never have kids with. So moving here was a bit of a break from all of that, but I spent probably the longest celibate period in my entire life wondering if I wanted to freeze my eggs and how I felt about raising a child by myself.”

  He took her hand again. She liked the warmth of his skin against hers, the safety in his big fingers reaching for her when she was vulnerable. “And here I am talking about how I fucked up my kid.”

  “You didn’t, though,” she reminded him. “Anyway, that’s my baggage. It’s been a lot of fun to ignore it this past month.”

  “That’s what it is, isn’t it? We all have baggage. I have a whole mess of feelings around what shoulda, coulda, woulda happened if Becca hadn’t gotten pregnant with Charlie. I told you I had a little countdown clock in my head to when she’d move out and go away to school.”

  She nodded. “Your plans to live a wild life.”

  “The Great Bachelor Plan. Yeah. Because…and this isn’t my finest hour, so don’t judge me. I—it never really worked out well, me and dating, while Becca was little.”

  Kerry thought back to their first date, when they’d talked a bit about that. “You’ve said that before.”

  “I guess I wanted a re-do on that. Just in an older, wise kind of way.”

  “What am I, chopped liver? You’re doing that now, and I have to say, as the recipient of your older, wise attempt at dating, I think it’s going very well.”

  “You’re more than dating,” he confessed. “You’re—this—I jumped into the deep end. I was going to wade in, get my toes wet.”

  “Keep it casual?”

  “When you say it like that, it sounds shallow.” He slowly shook his head. “I don’t know if what I wanted was legitimate, or if that was fear talking. But I had a plan, and it got blown out of the water. That rocked me for longer than I like to admit, because I was so afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “Watching Becca repeat the hardest years of my life.”

  “What was the worst that could have happened when you were her age?”

  He barked out a cold laugh. “Losing custody of her. That was my greatest fear, you know, right up until her eighteenth birthday. Losing her.”

  “She’s a grown-up now.”

  “Barely.” He dragged in a breath. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I just felt like once I moved back here and Rachel and I split custody—and then once she got re-married, and she and Hudson had more kids—everything felt constantly precarious. Like any second they would decide they wanted Becca to live with them full-time, because it would be a better home life. Even though Rachel told me over and over again that she appreciated how much time I wanted with Becca, it never really sank in.”

&nb
sp; “And Becca adores you.”

  “Being worshiped by your kid doesn’t make you a good parent. Letting your kid party as a teenager doesn’t make you a good parent. Your kid getting knocked up just the same way you did definitely doesn’t make you a good parent.” His voice cracked. “I am not a good parent, Kerry, and I’ve known that since the minute she was born. I spent eighteen years waiting to be called on that shit.”

  “That’s a huge weight.”

  “I never said any of that out loud. Not to anyone.”

  “I’m glad you told me.” She climbed on top of him, straddling him, and presssed her forehead against his, trying to show him with her body how much she liked him, exactly the way he was. How much she wanted to be close to him, always, but especially when he shared scary stuff. That none of his fears were scary to her.

  “I’ll be a better grandparent,” he said softly, and it broke her heart.

  “You are a great dad, Owen.”

  “Eh,” he said. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, I guess. Can we pretend I didn’t just dump all of that on you?”

  She shook her head with a smile. “Nope. I liked all of it. It’s good to say our fears out loud.”

  “I guess.” He rubbed his hands over her hips. “Do you want to sleep over?”

  She let him change the subject. She let him grind her body against his and take the intimacy she was so willing to give him. She nipped at his lower lip. “All night?”

  “All night,” he repeated. “I want to reach for you in the middle of the night and find out you’re slick for me.”

  She shivered. “I didn’t bring my toothbrush. Or my pills.”

  “I have a stockpile of toothbrushes. What time do you have to take the pill?”

  “Eight.”

  His mouth brushed against her neck, his tongue strong and sure. “I’ll get you up. Or we could go and pack you a bag now. Or I could come to your place. Or you could tell me to shut—”

  “Shut up,” she whispered, tightening her fingers in his hair as he kissed his way onto her chest. He tugged down the neckline of her tee, finding the curve of her bra. More shivers as he grazed the line where bare skin met see-through gauze, then roughly covered her whole breast with his hand. Her nipple beaded hard against his palm.