The Run Around

by Bernadette Franklin

  Monday rolled around faster than I liked. Spending the weekend making good on my promises to friends and associates for ensuring Mat’s wedding went well drained me. Next weekend, I swore I would grab a few minutes of peace for myself.

  As directed, I went to the third floor of my new building, escorted by one of the security guards, who unlocked the elevator door for me. Garret met me in the reception, armed with a thick folder, a briefcase, and an access badge for the building. “I was hoping to give you today to settle, but there was an incident this weekend. After going over the staff, I shunted the original project I was giving you to someone else, and you’re getting the new emergency.”

  Uh oh. That didn’t sound promising. “What happened?”

  Garret handed me the folder. “Follow me, and I’ll brief you on the situation.”

  He led me through a maze of cubicles and offices to a small conference room with a sea of folders covering the table. The stacks, which needed a great deal of attention to restore to order, promised I passed through the gates of hell into an accounting nightmare. I regarded the piles with narrowed eyes. “This doesn’t look good.”

  “Every accountant I showed this to said the same. A few of them even cried. Our lead auditor threatened to quit after I briefed her. She’s taking over the load I hired you for, and you’re her new favorite person. I reminded her you weren’t really being given a choice on this one, but she ignored me. I think the relief was too much for her. Daisy couldn’t keep a straight face during the briefing, and she absolutely hates when she can’t maintain professionalism.”

  “She couldn’t keep a straight face?”

  “One of the company’s accountants hired male prostitutes to work with her, and while they’re intelligent, hard-working men, they lack the necessary qualifications to work as accountants. According to the company hiring us, criminal charges will be filed against the woman, but I’m unaware of what the charges will be. We were warned, as there will be an ongoing criminal investigation, and it will ultimately involve the information you will need to audit. We have been issued an entire copy of the accounting files, although the originals will likely be claimed as evidence.”

  Somehow, I kept my mouth from dropping open, but I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening. “Excuse me, sir, but did you just say the lead accountant had hired male prostitutes?”

  “Yes, I did. Having seen photographs of the men, I can easily see how an older woman like Miss Meltrew might find them attractive. We have also been asked to interview the men to find out if they have skill sets suitable for other positions, as the company’s management doesn’t wish to lose hard workers and had no idea the accountant had lied about their qualifications to Human Resources. You’ll have to handle this as well.”

  I could understand why Daisy would want to run from the job. The last thing I’d expected from my Monday was to be in a position to interview male prostitutes for any reason. “I don’t have a lot of experience interviewing anyone, but I will do my best.”

  “It should be simple enough. The folder you’re carrying includes a list of requirements for all open positions at the company, so you’ll just speak to each of the men and find out if they meet those requirements or can be easily trained to meet those requirements. None of those positions require certifications.”

  I could do that. “What’s the scope of my work on this, sir?”

  “You’ll be doing a full audit of the marketing department, which is what this specific accountant was responsible for. Unfortunately, this firm does a great deal of advertising and marketing work, so there are a lot of files that have to be gone over. The other accountants will be able to work with you on anything overlapping with their work. They want us to have a non-biased look at the accounting records before the files are handed over to a new accountant.”

  “Do you want me to treat it as I would an IRS audit?”

  “Ideally, yes. They are uncertain if there was any other illegal activity, so they want an auditor to go over everything and flag suspicious invoices and activity. With the fraudulent hiring of these men, they’re expecting a full IRS audit, but one hasn’t been scheduled yet.”

  Yet. With criminal charges being filed, it was only a matter of time before the IRS decided to get involved and see if there were any low-hanging fruit for them to snatch. “And the police aren’t confiscating files yet?”

  “They wisely copied all of the files before pressing charges.”

  “What are the nature of the charges, sir? I’m just an auditing accountant, not a forensics accountant.”

  “The charges are sexual in nature.”

  “Oh.” I raised a hand and covered my mouth. “Oh. At work?”

  “According to my contact at the company, these gentlemen were working hard for the money. At current, she is being accused of requiring sex work to maintain illegal employment. None of the employees are being charged, as Miss Meltrew has claimed she coerced the men through use of their employment.”

  “What would they be potentially charged for?”

  “Prostitution, if they’re charged. It’s a misdemeanor. But should she continue to claim she coerced them, no charges would be pressed against the employees, and they would be treated as victims. There may not even be a trial. She’s quite proud of her accomplishments.”

  Wow. “Is that all?”

  “If only. Miss Meltrew apparently approached a young gentleman in the accounting department to bring him into her fold. He refused and reported the incident to Human Resources. That’s where we come in.”

  “We’re making sure the accounting work is legal,” I guessed.

  “Precisely. I have no idea what you’re going to find in these files, and there are more boxes on the way. A lot more boxes. She’s been an accountant with the company for three years, so you’ll have to go over all three years of invoices, billing, and anything associated with her specific work. Unfortunately, as she was the primary accountant for the entire marketing department, her work is rather critical.”

  “Okay. I’ll get to work on this right away, then.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Sir?”

  “I need you to go to the company’s offices today and interview the men, find out what work they were actually doing on the files, and poke around their digital records. The briefcase has a laptop in it for your use, and you’ll have someone with you to help you get the digital records. These are only the paper records.”

  I reminded myself I was receiving a huge pay increase to deal with odd auditing and having to interview male hookers. Honestly, interviewing male hookers would be a highlight of my year, and I might change my mind about giving my brother the cold shoulder just so I could tell him I was having lengthy talks with attractive prostitutes.

  So much temptation, so little time.

  “All right, sir. I can go get my car. It’s parked at the hotel, as it’s a pretty nice day. Can you give me the address, and if there’s somewhere specific I should park?”

  “There’s a parking pass for you in the briefcase, along with where you can park in the garage. I’ll need you to give me a description of your vehicle for their security.”

  “I drive a silver Mercedes accented with blue glitter,” I announced, unable to keep the pride out of my voice. Then, as I doubted he’d believe me until I showed him a picture, I dug out my phone and showed him my car. “She’s my present to myself. She’s used, but I took her to a body shop, and I liked the glitter. She has glitter accents inside, too.”

  “I find myself shocked to admit that looks really nice. Just don’t tell anyone I said that.”

  “A gentleman friend of mine really likes the paint job, too. I think he’s debating getting a car like mine for himself.”

  “I’m debating getting one for myself,” Garret admitted. “Do you mind if I send the photo over so they can see the vehicle?”

  “Number to send it to?” He gave me his cell number, and I sent him a copy of the image
.

  “I’ll make sure security is aware of which vehicle is yours. Just report to the security desk when you arrive, and they’ll send you to the right floor.”

  “Will my badge get me into the building after hours?”

  “Yes, but if you’re at their building until five, just go home. Today, get a feel for the job. You can do the serious number crunching tomorrow.”

  “Do you want me to take the laptop home with me?”

  “It’ll give you the freedom to work from home as needed, and you can sync any data you need to on your desktop here. The tech department is currently working on setting up the machine, and it should be ready for your use by this afternoon.”

  I refused to wonder how bad the audit could be. With a bunch of uncertified prostitutes doing accounting work, I expected there would be a lot of problems with the numbers, the recording of invoices, and so on due to poor accounting work. No matter what, I wouldn’t laugh or cry. “That sounds perfect. If I’m at their offices until five or later, I’ll go home and prepare to handle this in the morning. Will the conference room be closed off until I can start sorting through everything?”

  “The documents will be moved into your office, which will be locked. The receptionist will have the key for you, and she will show it to you when you get in. That’ll let us put everything you need in there so you can work efficiently.”

  I checked my phone. “I’ll be able to work as late as six, but then I have to meet with the real estate agent anyway, so I’ll just use that extra hour there unless I run out of things I can do efficiently there.”

  “Good luck on your apartment search. I have to get back to work, but if you need me, I’ll be at the end of the hall.”

  I took that as a dismissal, regarded the chaotic mess of papers with resignation, and took the few minutes to familiarize myself with the folder, explore the contents of the briefcase, and otherwise brace myself for the oddest work day in my entire life.

  In the heart of Manhattan, Tallont Marketing Services took over two floors of a skyscraper in dire need of renovation, and the elevator worried a few years of my life getting from the garage to the lobby. Getting to the third floor knocked off another few years, and I would do anything to avoid having to return to the decrepit building. With my heart rate in the mile-per-minute territory, I headed for the receptionist, a younger woman who regarded me with a concerned expression.

  In her shoes, I’d be stressed, too.

  “I’m Hope Kensingvale.”

  The woman sighed and relaxed. “The auditor?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thank goodness you’re here. It’s chaos. Everyone’s going nuts. The cops are here, half the accountants are about to have a meltdown, and they just said to wait for you to come to help us sort this mess out. I’m Jennifer. I actually work in marketing, but our regular receptionist had been hired by Miss Meltrew, so he’s in the back with everyone else. I’ll ask Nancy to take over the reception while I show you around.” Jennifer hopped to her feet and hurried to the glass door leading deeper into the office. “William is the most senior of Miss Meltrew’s hires, and they asked me to put you in touch with him first.”

  It would be an interesting morning, and I’d need a vacation before lunchtime, assuming I could spare the time to find something to eat. For some reason, I doubted I’d have the time. I hoped my smile would put the woman at ease. “That sounds fine to me. Do you have a private conference room or office I can use for today?”

  “I’ve been told to take you to Miss Meltrew’s office. You can use it. Everything has been unlocked for you. All of the files are in her storage closet, which is attached to her office. We had no idea they didn’t have the qualifications.” Jennifer wrung her hands together and guided me down a long hallway to a junction. She turned right and gestured to the open door at the end. “That’s her office. It’s pretty crowded in there right now, but everyone will clear out so you can talk to William.”

  Straightening her back, Jennifer stepped into the office. “Miss Kensingvale from Cercson Investment Group is here about the audit.”

  I followed the marketer into the office to find chaos. Twenty people, including a pair of amused cops, crammed into a space ten might be able to fit without sitting on each other. I pegged the only woman in the room to be Miss Meltrew, an elderly woman likely ready to retire at any day.

  She looked me over, and she licked her lips. “My, aren’t you a pretty one? You’re going to make this a memorable arrest. How’d a sweetheart like you get suckered into something like this?”

  Okay. I could handle the situation without becoming offended, annoyed, or laughing. “Thank you, Miss Meltrew. My business here is a private matter.”

  “Of course it is, sweetheart. You wouldn’t make a very good auditing accountant if you sang like a canary to the person you’re auditing. Don’t you worry yourselves at all, my pretties. She’ll tell you what I told you; your work is pristine, my work is pristine, and you’re all as smart as you are handsome.”

  I allowed myself to glance over the men crammed into the room, and I couldn’t fault the woman’s taste in men; while some were dark and others weren’t, they all brought some form of physical beauty to the table. One took bodybuilding to a rather extreme level, while others could easily play the part of an elf in some movie with little work from the makeup artist.

  A few of them would give Rick a run for his money in the looks department.

  They probably made a fortune as prostitutes, and I wouldn’t blame any woman for wanting to cut one of them a check.

  Hell, if I could afford a misdemeanor, I’d consider cutting one a check. On second thought, I wouldn’t. I’d just think about it.

  Assuming I had the time for a man, I wouldn’t share him, and I expected loyalty in return. Players or prostitutes wouldn’t work for me.

  The grinning cops would be my next obstacle, and with the amount of work piling up on my day, the faster I got them out of the space I needed to work in, the better off I’d be. “Officers, I need to speak with a gentleman named William. Do you require his presence?”

  The two, seasoned if I judged them by their age and worn appearances, exchanged looks. At a subtle nod from the darker haired one, the other replied, “Not at all. If you’ll come with us ma’am, we’ll handle the rest of this at the station.”

  “You should cuff me.”

  Somehow, I kept from laughing. I concentrated on my breathing, counting to ten while wondering what had made the woman snap so hard she wanted to take on the entire NYPD.

  “Please come with us, ma’am.”

  “I see you’re going to play coy. We can talk about it in your car,” the old lady announced before striding for the door. I stepped to the side to give her plenty of space and stay out of her reach. Some types of crazy I didn’t need in my life, and hers counted. If I could have a fraction of her crazy, in the form of a dedicated, hot man, I’d accept, but until the day I snapped in earnest, I’d keep my nose clean and my hands off the local prostitutes.

  New York sure did have some nice prostitutes, though. Damn.

  I waited for the cops to leave with Miss Meltrew before turning to the gathering of men, all of whom watched me with open curiosity. “Well, then. Which one of you gentlemen is William?”

  The bodybuilder dressed in his rather tight suit smiled and raised his hand. “I’m William, ma’am.”

  Jennifer escaped while she could, and after a moment of thought, I closed the door behind her. “I was told you’d be the best person to talk to about the audit, and I was asked to speak with you alone first. Is this all of you?”

  I wondered how they’d interpret my question.

  William chuckled. “If by all of us, you mean Lana’s hires, we are. She warned us this would happen when there were changes in HR and an HR audit.”

  Ah-ha. That explained a lot. “That exposed your lack of the proper certifications to work as accountants.”

  “That’s right, but we di
dn’t do much of the accounting work. Lana did it all. We just did what she told us to. It worked well. She handled the accounting, and we made sure everything was nice, neat, and orderly. You’re not going to find any issues with our part of things.”

  “Well, I’ve been asked to find out what you’re good at and pass recommendations on. They wanted a non-biased individual handling the interviews. Unless you go to school and pass the various tests, you can’t legally act as an accountant. That’s really the issue here. You’ll probably have to take your original hiring agreement with HR and discuss it with them, but considering I was asked to figure out what you are good at, you’re valued employees. Really, I’m just an accountant, but I’m good at solving problems and working with numbers.”

  I had a few questions for Garret, which I’d ask tomorrow, assuming I survived my meeting with a room full of hot male prostitutes. Given an opportunity, I bet the group could catch the attention of every damned woman in the city.

  William glanced at the other men, who either shrugged or nodded.

  I needed more friends I could communicate with without saying a word.

  “We didn’t do anything we didn’t want to do,” William announced.

  Well, that was more than I wanted to know about their relationship with their now ex-boss. “I’ll let HR worry about that. My job, right now, is to make sure each of you shine in terms of your actual skills. So, what do you gentlemen bring to the table?”

  William brought attention to detail, extreme flexibility, an insane amount of strength, and a wicked sense of humor to any table he was invited to. The rest of the men gave me very similar answers. After thirty minutes wasted on innuendo, explanations of sexual positions I couldn’t evict from my head, and more enthusiasm over updating their resumés than I could readily handle, I determined Miss Meltrew had groomed a sexy army of meticulous secretaries who could count to ten without help and could handle even complex spreadsheets.

  Given an opportunity, enrollment in the appropriate school, and some time, they’d likely make excellent accountants.