The Run Around

by Bernadette Franklin

  Once satisfied they would be all right without me petting them, I took a picture and sent it to Rick.

  My phone rang, and I grinned at the man’s inability to just text me back. Rather than play coy and dodge his call, I answered with, “The dog’s name is Edgar Allan Paw, and the kitten’s name is Lenore. I couldn’t say no. My boss brought them in and the big boy had been abandoned, and he’s an old tired dog.”

  “Edgar Allan Paw?” Rick asked.

  “Well, your pretty girl is named Annabel Lee, and this big old baby is a boy, so he’s Edgar Allan Paw. Lenore was the only other Edgar Allan Poe lady I could think of offhand, so she’s Lenore. They were abandoned together a few months ago, and he cries if he’s separated from his kitten.”

  “You’re a sucker for animals, aren’t you?”

  “Yep. The instant my boss said they’d been dumped together, I couldn’t send them back to the shelter. But in good news, I have an apartment that welcomes animals, and they’ll even pet sit for a small fee if needed.”

  “Well, in good news, I like cats and so does Annabel Lee. Cats don’t usually like her, and that breaks her little heart.”

  “Lenore seems to be rather fond of Edgar Allan Paw. You can’t have my kitten, so you’ll just have to get your own.”

  Rick laughed. “All right. Everything okay? Your voice sounds odd.”

  “I’m hungover because my new landlord insisted on pouring wine down my throat last night. He got my real estate agent drunk, too. He thought we needed it after the other apartment attacked me. It was so bad that my new landlord called my boss and said I might come to work still drunk. I’m not still drunk, but I’m definitely feeling it today.”

  “Your new landlord got you drunk?”

  “I think he’s part Italian or something. I went to the viewing, he brought the wine. But I kicked my real estate’s ass in a game of pool.”

  “You did? Mat said you weren’t all that great at pool.”

  “He can kiss my ass for sparing his weak little ego and pride. I’ll fucking run him around the table next time, just like I ran my real estate agent around the table, and I had to do a fucking jump draw to do it.”

  “What is a jump draw exactly?”

  “There’s a video. I’ll get a copy and send it to you. The bartender owes me drinks because he didn’t think I could do it, and my real estate agent wants me to join her pool league. Last night was a good night. Also, we need to talk so I can plan your wedding.” Reminding us both he had a wedding upcoming would do me a lot of good.

  I could be friends with him. Everything else was strictly off limits, and I would make sure I kept reminding myself of that.

  “My cousin seems to want a church, but she’s open to other ideas. As in, she doesn’t want anything to do with the actual planning of the wedding, and she just wants to show up, get married, and go on the honeymoon. This is creating a rather large issue for the family, as there’s so many of us, and she wants to bring the family, the family friends, and their friends, and I don’t think we’ll all fit in a church. That means your family will also be in attendance, as you’ll be present. Unfortunately, that includes Amy.”

  Oh, well. “There are plenty of large parks that’ll allow a wedding party, I think. I’ll have to think about the reception, though, if there are that many of you. How many of you are there?”

  “Too many. At last count, including you, your brother, Amy, your parents, and a bunch of your friends, there’s a guest list of potentially five hundred.”

  Okay. That put the wedding at substantially larger than my brother’s. In any case, I would not panic. I’d just think about panicking. “How many bridesmaids and whatever the hell you men are called?”

  “That’s where things become even more complicated. My cousin saw your picture and wants you in the wedding party. She thinks you’re adorable.”

  Uh oh. “But I’ll be coordinating the event, Rick.”

  “That didn’t stop you before,” he countered in a rather smug tone.

  Damn it. “Okay. She’s the bride, so she gets to decide. If that’s what she wants, I’ll go along with it. How many in each party?”

  “About seventy-five per side.”

  We’d have to take over a mega church if we wanted to cram in that many people. “I recommend a park or garden for the entire thing, and I think a garden would be easier to arrange a picnic or something for that many people. We might need a freaking stadium with a guest and party list that big. Or an entire yacht.”

  “A yacht could be fun, then there could be no runaway brides, grooms, or the targets of proposals.”

  “We’d need an entire cruise ship if we wanted to do that.” A cruise ship might allow anyone dealing with a proposal to hide somewhere on board. In the target’s shoes, I wasn’t sure if I’d run, faint from mortification at being the center of attention, or wonder why the hell anyone would do something so elaborate to try to get me to marry him when I’d probably just cave at the first sincere and interested man who didn’t trip one of my mother’s triggers.

  My mother had a good eye for people, but Mat had opted to ignore her advice.

  Love did crazy things to people.

  I needed to do better at being a supportive sister, but damn it, I hated how much money she’d cost him. And me.

  I also needed to get over my jealousy issues, and identifying I resented the thoroughbride had run off with my brother helped a little. Why had I gone along with it, anyway? All I would’ve had to do was forgo the ball and chain threats and let her climb out the window.

  If Mat didn’t find happiness with her, I’d spend most of my free time crying over my mistakes.

  Rick made a thoughtful noise, drawing my attention back to our conversation. “The budget won’t be an issue. If it’s possible to get an entire cruise ship, she would really enjoy that, I think. So would her groom. They love the ocean.”

  “And what about your bride, Mr. Fredrick?”

  “I’m thinking more along the lines of staging a proposal, which has been already okayed and encouraged by my cousin, rather than trying to spring a marriage on her. I figure the lady I’m proposing to might want a say in our wedding, assuming she accepts.”

  Huh. I hoped the woman Rick liked recognized how much work he meant to put in with his scheme, and I’d spend a lot of time trying to balance his cousin’s wedding with his proposal. “That’s sensible. Just have Annabel Lee deliver the proposal. It’d be impossible to say no to your dog. She’s really that cute.”

  Rick chuckled. “I see you are in love with my dog, and you haven’t even met her yet.”

  “She’s really that cute. My new old man is that cute, too. I think they’re the same breed. But even if they aren’t, I don’t care. He’s my old man of a dog now. I made the mistake of telling someone I wanted a big, white fluffy dog.” I scratched Edgar Allan Paw behind his ears, patted his head, and sat at my desk so I could get started on my day. On my first break, I’d be giving the hotel a call, notifying them I had two animals, begging them to ignore my pets along with giving promises to pay whatever outrageous fees they’d charge for having them in their room.

  “I’d say you should refrain from making any more impulsive decisions, but honestly, if someone came to me and told me the old dog I had to look in the eyes had been dumped, I’d be going home with an old dog, too.”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t say no after looking him in the eyes. Honestly, I’m thinking this is for the best, because I would try to adopt the entire shelter and cry at all the animals I couldn’t take home with me.”

  Rick chuckled. “There’s nothing wrong with having a soft heart, Hope. I got Annabel Lee because she isn’t suitable for showing, needed medical care, and the breeder wasn’t sure what she’d do with a dog that can’t be bred, can’t show, and would eat a fortune in dog food.”

  “What’s wrong with Annabel Lee?”

  “There’s a lot wrong with Annabel Lee. She has hip and elbow dysplasia, and she�
�s the runt of the litter with some resolvable birth defects. The other puppies in the litter were flagged low risk, and the breeder is really good about trying to prevent health problems in her dogs, but Annabel Lee drew the short lot. She isn’t sure why she has so many issues, but she does. I adopted her because the breeder was considering putting her down; she needed a lot of medical care early in her life. I got lucky with Annabel Lee, though. After the first few rounds of treatments, we got everything under control, so she’s able to lead a happy life. She’s now a very spoiled and beloved member of the family, but part of my contract with the breeder was to make sure she was spayed so the genetic faults she developed wouldn’t be passed down. When I asked why she had problems and the other puppies didn’t, she just shrugged and said it happened sometimes. I got a really good deal on her, though.”

  “You did? What’s a really good deal for a sweet dog with medical problems?”

  “Her feed and medical bills, mostly. She hates putting a dog down, and since I was willing to play ball with her medical bills, she gave her away for free. She’s a good woman, and she’d never sell a sickly dog to someone. She’s been trying to get me to take her to show where they allow altered dogs, but I think it would be too stressful on her, so I refuse. If it wasn’t for her health issues, she’d be a beautiful example of the breed. Her temperament is perfect.”

  “I see you’re a sucker for animals, too.”

  “You’ve caught me.”

  “I’m just glad my new job and apartment will be friendly for my big old boy and his pet kitten.”

  “I like how you’ve already accepted that Lenore is your dog’s kitten rather than yours.”

  “I just hope we coexist in the same space without problems. Right now, she’s sleeping on him.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll pitch the cruise ship idea to my cousin and see what she says. I’ll mention the park and gardens, too. Honestly, she wants some chapel in New York City, but getting the approvals to do everything would be quite the process, and it has to be booked a year or more in advance. She’s already made arrangements for the Pre-Cana should they decide to go the church route.”

  My grandfather on my adopted mother’s side of the family was Catholic, and he’d wanted Mat and Amy to go through their Pre-Cana, which they’d agreed to in order to keep peace in the family despite having been married in a non-Catholic church. “Your cousin is Catholic?”

  “The church is. Technically, we’re Protestant Anglican, which isn’t Catholic. And I say technically because almost nobody in the family is actually religious. I can’t remember the last time I went to church that wasn’t for a wedding, truth be told. Well, my parents go, but they go to keep peace in the family. I moved to Japan to get out of doing a lot of the family activities, and I only come out of hiding when I absolutely must.”

  “That sounds complicated.”

  “It really is. In good news, most of the family doesn’t care what I do, so I get to handle my business how I see fit without family drama and politics getting into it. I’m only getting involved with this wedding because my cousin is a good person, and I happen to like her groom. Anyway, I must get Annabel Lee loaded up, as we are going to a car dealership today to pick something, and it’s important I pick a vehicle she likes.”

  I laughed at how his dog ruled over his entire life with an iron paw. “Good luck with that. Don’t let her run you around the dealership, Rick.”

  “I’ll try not to. I’ll be heading to New York in a few days, so if you want to start thinking about your first real clue, I’d appreciate some form of hint to help keep my weekends and evenings interesting.”

  “You got it. I’ll send you a text. Have a good trip to the dealership.” I hung up, set my phone aside, and cracked my knuckles.

  No damned hangover was going to stop me from getting through the audit, and come hell or high water, I’d have a good day.

  Thirteen

  Why does this company have such a huge prostitution problem?

  Hell manifested as a set of invoices registering the purchase of adult company under one of the marketer’s accounts, a rather illegal activity in the state of New York. The high water came along in the form of my boss flipping his lid on the hiring company. Within an hour of my unpleasant discovery of the acquisition of prostitutes for clients on the company’s dime, the cops showed up to claim the evidence, and they brought several employees from the company with them. I wasn’t sure why, but I decided against questioning the cops about it.

  The invoices, which had been in the unsorted pile from the not-quite-accountants and only a few days old, cleared them of wrongdoing; they hadn’t even had a chance to see the damned things before it’d gotten into my hands. I could do without the cops leering at me, and I bet my entire face would be burned permanently red before I got through the job from hell.

  Garret, still fuming to the point I expected smoke to roll out of his ears, paced around my office and made disgruntled noises while waiting for the entourage to finish clearing out.

  “Prostitutes!” Garret grunted, flung his hands into the air, and resumed pacing. “And they weren’t even that Meltrew woman’s prostitutes. They were a marketer’s prostitutes. Why does this company have such a huge prostitution problem? How is this even possible?”

  A professional remained calm in any situation, but I suspected my boss’s patience had finally snapped due to the unexpected illegalities. Embezzlement and other financial crimes tended to crop up often enough in our line of work, but the hiring of prostitutes was a new one.

  While technically prostitution counted as a class B misdemeanor and offering prostitution services counted as a class A misdemeanor, the invoices didn’t indicate the age of the prostitutes, in which case the employee—and possibly the company—could face a class E felony.

  Ugh. I remembered way too much about the various sexually oriented crimes that a company could get dinged with if their employees developed certain tastes. Assuming I escaped from my current assignment unscathed, I’d take the time to do something fun, such as enjoy evening strolls with my dog. I’d have to see if I could train the kitten to walk with my dog, as I didn’t want Edgar Allan Paw to have to deal with separation from his best friend again.

  “I’d say I’m sorry I found that, but I’m really not. I suspect Miss Meltrew may have bailed while she could, understanding there’d be trouble around the corner. These invoices were in the pile that hadn’t reached her collection of assistants. They don’t have any of the notations her assistants used when checking them, nor were they registered in their spreadsheet yet. I was inputting them into the system for auditing when I noticed the line items.”

  “Who is stupid enough and audacious enough to openly write that the invoices are for prostitutes? They even used their stage names on the invoice.” Garret groaned and flopped onto my couch. “This is a nightmare. How are Edgar Allan Paw and Lenore settling in?”

  “They seem okay so far. Neither hate me, and I’ll take that. I’m seriously considering taking my lunch break to look into buying them a lot of toys and things for the apartment. I’ll need a bed for them, as I don’t want his old bones having to deal with the hardwood floor, but they’re heated in the new apartment, so maybe that’ll be good for him. As for the nightmare, it isn’t all bad. The accounting itself, except for this one individual’s illicit acquisitions, seems to be mostly in order. I don’t know why this person thought it was okay to use company accounts to make these purchases.”

  “To pass guilt to the company in revenge? This is going to cause them a lot of problems.”

  If the employee took the fall rather than the company, it would create some scandal and some news, but I doubted it would do much damage to them—assuming they did a good job mitigating the fallout. “Well, their accounting will be sorted otherwise. If you hear me laughing later, it’s because I’m working through the varying stages of acceptance about this job. I now understand why the other accountants ran away
.”

  “Yeah. Every now and then, we get something weird. I hadn’t expected the weirdness to spread, though.”

  “I guess the marketer decided if Miss Meltrew could hire prostitutes, so could he.”

  “That’s a frighteningly plausible thought. You deserve lunch for putting up with that. How does pizza sound?”

  “Pizza sounds good. I’m just going to hope I don’t find anything else unique in these invoices. I did check through all of that one’s outstanding invoices, so it would be for a new marketer if something crops up.”

  “Hopefully without literal crops.”

  I snickered. “Hopefully not. If I do find any invoices for literal crops, I will hope there’s an associated employee perks party involving a stable. Riding crops could be justified in that case.”

  “Hell, if that marketer had been smart, he would have disguised his prostitutes as rides at a local stable for client enrichment.”

  Huh. My boss had a good point; that would be a decent way to hide illegal activities, especially if the marketing department did enrichment activities with their advertising firms often. “Don’t give any marketers bad ideas, Garret. I might have been caught by that one. It’s not unreasonable for companies to do weird things like that to build corporate relationships.”

  “I have an entire list of weird things we’ve found that were used to hide illegal activities. No one has actually used the stable idea yet, though. But after one of the accountants pitched it during a brainstorm, we’re all on the lookout for oddball invoices that might be hiding illegal activities.”

  “When I became an accountant, I never believed there’d be so many unique perils associated with my job.”

  “Well, you’ll appreciate the McCarthy file. It’s fairly normal, although there are a lot of medical receipts that need to be checked over. Honestly, I don’t think you’ll find anything, but they were worried it was complicated, and they’d rather file the corrections before they get audited—if they get audited.”