“He’s renting a chunk of a skyscraper in Manhattan. I don’t know where he lives in the area, but he said he bought a place. I’m trying to avoid thinking about that. Amy wants to buy a house soon because of the baby.”
“Where is Amy, anyway?”
“She’s enjoying the pool on the upper deck with some of her friends. She doesn’t get to see them often, so she’s spending most of her time with them. That plus she’s worried about getting another tongue lashing from Dad.”
My father sighed. “I already said I was sorry.”
Ugh. More drama. “Do I want to know?”
“All I did was tell her she shouldn’t be criticizing your work with the wedding without having yet attended the wedding. That was the day before we boarded,” Dad reported.
I rolled my eyes. “I really don’t care, Dad. Mat married her, not me. If she’s too chickenshit to come have dinner with the family, that’s not my problem. She’ll get over it, or she won’t—and I don’t particularly care either way, truth be told.”
My parents sighed, and my mother shook her head. “Hope, you should be nicer than that.”
I stared at my mother. “Why?”
That drew her up short. “What do you mean by why? You should be nice.”
“No, I was already nice. She had a nice wedding to Mat, they’re going to have a child, and I’ve done my dues. The way I figure it, being a neutral party and not actively disliking her is me being nice. I just don’t see a need to go out of my way to be friendly or social with someone who openly dislikes me. That’s fine. Let her do what she wants. I’m adult enough to pay her no mind if we have to share space. If she can’t do the same, that’s on her.”
“Hope,” Mat protested.
“What now? If the woman wanted to be friends with me, she’d come be friends. She doesn’t, and that’s no big deal. We’re in-laws. We can’t all get along. We’d be obviously breaking some sort of sacred rule if we all got along.”
“Ain’t that the honest truth,” my mother muttered.
“And now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, have I done my daughterly duties enough to be excused? I have a huge new collection of books to read while indulging in my natural introverted tendencies.”
If Rick happened to wander into my cabin, well, I’d put my introverted tendencies away for however long I could get him to stick around. With a laugh, my parents shooed me away, and I took advantage of the opportunity for some hard-earned peace and quiet.
The bride and the groom were up to something, and I could make a few guesses as to what. If the pair haunted my steps any closer, they’d discover my cabin neighbor and I had done quite a lot of damage to his condom collection, I hadn’t gotten in much reading time at all, and I might require therapy to get over Rick if I couldn’t convince him to stick around permanently.
With the snorkeling adventure right around the corner, I needed to either get them off my back or pack my bags and stage an escape. I regarded the ridiculous piles of gifts, many of which remained unopened thanks to Rick and his persuasive argument I should join him in bed rather than worry about what the bride and groom had offered me. Most of his gifts remained unopened, too.
Whoops.
A knock at my door annoyed a sigh out of me, and through the open door connecting our cabins, Rick snickered.
As agreed upon, I closed and locked it on my way by, and cracked open my door to discover the bride and groom waiting to continue tormenting me again. Worse, they carried yet another red-wrapped basket.
“I’m not sure this cabin has much more room for those things. Where did you get that one?”
Elizabeth grinned, bumped her hip into the door, and strode on in. “I had it in hiding, waiting for this very moment. I have more where this one came from. See?”
To my dismay, more boxes, baskets, and gift bags littered the floor outside of my door.
“You did this because you figured I’d try to refuse a tip in the form of a check, didn’t you?”
“That didn’t take you long to figure out. It’s a lot harder to say no when I went through all this effort to wrap these just for you.”
I gave up. Making the bride and groom happy mattered, as it was their wedding cruise. I could sort the mess out later—and hire movers to get everything back to my apartment. “I’m going to need several trucks for all of this.”
“I’ve already made those arrangements, as I’m aware that you came with what would easily fit in a taxi.” Elizabeth set the basket near my pile of other unopened gifts, and Edward went to work ferrying the gifts inside. As I’d already been railroaded, I helped him. “I see you’ve been getting in a lot of reading time.”
While I generally disliked lying, I saw no need to be upfront with the woman, who’d tried to give me my very own slave and clues about what I should be doing with him. “I have, thank you. I made use of my brand-new slave once to fetch me dinner so I wouldn’t interrupt my book reading. I appreciate that, by the way. It’s nice having a slave who is willing to fetch food without the ship’s crew getting upset he’s pilfering plates and cutlery.”
“It helps he returns them in a reasonable time. I meant for you to be doing other things with him, though. I didn’t give him to you to play fetch!”
Edward snorted. “I told you it wouldn’t work, darling. She’s too ethical.”
Like hell I was too ethical to take advantage of Rick’s offers of company in bed. I shrugged. “Anyway, this cruise is about your happy marriage. I’m sure I can handle finding adult companionship after the cruise.”
“I was more hoping you’d take pity on Rick, as he is dense, is incapable of finding a good woman, and you’re a good woman who comes with a good family, with a notable exception.”
Oy. Amy again. “What did she do now?”
“She’s whining as usual. She’s friends with some of our family, but truth be told? We’re all hoping Mat will be a steadying influence on her. She has issues, but it is what it is.”
Right. “I did my part. They’re married, and they’re going to have a kid, so I really hope everything works out for them. As for Rick, does he really need anyone’s pity?”
“When it comes to his lack of a love life, yes. Even Aunt Carolina is starting to want to meddle,” Elizabeth replied. “For Rick’s sake, save him. If Aunt Carolina starts meddling, he’ll want to become a hermit for the rest of his life.”
If he did, I hoped he would take me with him. I could think of a few small towns we could move to. “I am committing to nothing, but I will hear you out.”
Edward and I carried the last of the presents into my cabin, leaving me with a walkway to get to my bed. He went about stacking everything in an orderly fashion, organizing by size, possibly weight, and some other metric only he understood.
“I have a plan.”
And there it was, the moment I’d figure out just what the minx had been contemplating the entire cruise. “Those are four terrifying words, but as promised, I will hear you out.”
“I may have called your boss and asked if you could have a few extra days to handle an unforeseen family matter. Once I explained the unforeseen family matter, he said he had no problems if you needed to call out for a few extra days. By a few extra days, I mean a week.”
“Technically, I don’t think I’m supposed to have that much extra time off for a few more months.”
“You’ve put in so much overtime you’ve earned the time off, and he cleared it already. Also, I’ve been told to tell you that you work too much and that you need the vacation.”
Damn, the woman was out for my blood. “Okay. I may need the vacation. What do you have in mind?”
“Before I tell you, I feel it is important to say I also called Rick’s minions and explained I had a plan.”
“Did they laugh at you? It’s not usual for family members to do this sort of thing.” I doubted his employees would actually laugh at her, as Rick seemed like the kind to want professionalism in the face of a
bsurdity, but I could never be sure with him. He liked to surprise me.
“It’s really not. Honestly, when I called your boss, I begged for my request to not harm you in any way because you had no idea I was doing it, and that I was really sorry I didn’t just have you ask for two weeks off.”
“Edward, I don’t suppose you can tame your wife, can you?”
“I like her just as she is,” he replied with a smile. “It’s a good deal for you, but it does require some cooperation on your part.”
“What sort of cooperation?”
“I want you to wear the skimpiest bikini Juliette gave you and lure Rick off so you can make use of your permission slip and a special package we gave him at the reception,” Elizabeth announced. “He will know what package I mean.”
Yep, Rick’s cousin was trying to sell him into sexual servitude, and he was enjoying every minute of it.
“Does this special package happen to be themed around the one gift card I received along with the permission slip?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. It’s a win-win! You both get laid, you have a great week, and if something comes of it, that’s great. You handle Aunt Carolina like a champion, and honestly, that’s the only accolade the rest of the family needs. And if you two don’t work out like that, well, you get to spend a week at a nice place where you can read books.”
“Oh! That reminds me. I wanted to thank you for so many gift cards, especially to the dog-friendly bookstores in the area. Edgar Allan Paw loves going into them, and they don’t mind if Lenore comes in, too. Her being leashed helps with that. I tell them she’s his seeing-eye cat despite his unimpaired vision.”
“Yeah, I figured you were the type who liked taking your dog to as many places as possible. I’d asked your brother. I think he’s a little jealous over how much you love your dog.”
“My brother can be an idiot sometimes. Ignore him. How many perverted gifts are in this?” I asked, gesturing to the new gifts and my unopened presents.
Edward snickered. “Thanks to me, very few. I limited her to the gift card and your permission slip, as I thought you’d be overwhelmed with perverted purchases otherwise. Juliette refused to be contained, but having stepped into women’s boutiques before, I figured you would not complain if you received such things. Mr. Carter is having an interesting time keeping her under some form of control on the cruise, though. If she has more than half a shot, she goes from fine to drunk, and while she’s the happiest drunk I’ve ever seen in my life, she’s a danger to herself. Mr. Carter has had to fish her out of the various pools more times than I can count. Honestly, I think she’s falling in on purpose so he’ll rescue her, but I’ve been advised I should not ruin her fun by sharing that with her husband.”
I laughed at the thought of Juliette falling into pools so her doting husband would have to fetch her. “She really would, too. I’m very grateful for the clothing. My wallet cries every time I need to go shopping. I am sorry I haven’t opened everything yet, though. I found the books, chocolate, and checked some of the baskets for edibles, and at that point, did I need any of the other gifts right away?”
Edward grinned. “The only edibles are the hard sausages, the stuff in your fridge, and the chocolates.”
“The stuff in my fridge was not long for this world,” I admitted. “I’m guessing Mat confessed about my love of cheese.”
“Your brother made an excellent informant, yes. Open the presents with Rick tomorrow. Honestly, he has a lot more presents, too, but they’re at your destination tomorrow. I wanted him to feel like he was in the doghouse for moving to the United States. I’ll confess now he has a permission slip, too. I even made your parents sign it.”
Oh no. “You made my parents sign what?”
“A permission slip for Rick to have his wicked way with you. Okay, it was more along the lines of properly court and treat you well, but that’s what I meant. Your mother figured out what I meant. Your father is convinced you’re an eternal innocent.”
The bride and groom were going to be the death of me, and I’d never be able to show my face in public again—or at least look my mother in the eyes. “Can tomorrow’s adventures include an escape to a different country? Once my brother finds out about this, it’ll be World War Family, and I’ll be the main target.”
“I’m sure he’ll get over Rick’s wise acquisition of your person,” Elizabeth replied with a grin. “And he better not have a problem with Rick being interested in you. I’ll set him straight myself if I must. You supported his choices, so he damned well better support yours!”
“I’m sure Mat can handle however I decide to proceed with my personal relationships in the future. It’s bad enough his wife hates me, so I’ll just pretend he can be an adult should I decide to involve a man in my life. I let him make his mistakes, so he damned well better let me make mine.”
“Rick won’t be a mistake, that much I can promise you.”
“Mat will most certainly think so.”
“Mat can kiss my ass.” Elizabeth snorted. “I’ll handle your brother around the same time everyone notices that you and Rick missed the ship in a tragic oversight. The crew will be emptying your cabin as soon as we disembark for the snorkeling adventure, and I have a boat that’ll take you to your new home for the next week and a half. That’s when you’ll have to lure Rick off alone, and thus need a most excellent bikini for your job.”
“How about we just bring our e-readers and read on one of these boats, and then we don’t have to worry about any luring?”
“But snorkeling!”
“Reading.”
“Snorkeling.”
“Reading. Nonnegotiable.”
Edward snickered. “You’re dealing with the book-crazed, Elizabeth. Rick’s been this way since the day he learned how to read. Just give them their books and let them pretend they’re snorkeling. Nobody is going to notice, and if their new e-readers get wet, well, they’ll just have to amuse each other.”
“Throw the e-readers into the ocean!”
“Absolutely not.” I pointed at her. “That’s blasphemy. No. Edward, tell her no.”
“You want a happy couple, not a murderous one, darling. Don’t endanger their e-readers. You’re more likely to get what you want if they’re happy rather than murderous.”
“Listen to him.”
“Fine. Your e-readers are safe. For now.”
“What sort of place are you sending us to?”
“It’s a private villa. I had the kitchen stocked, and someone will come pick you up for your trip back to New York City at the appropriate time. I shall, of course, appear properly saddened you are unable to attend the gala. Such a pity.”
“A true tragedy.”
“You’re just like Rick, and it disgusts me. You two really would prefer to read books than go to a party!”
“Yes.”
Edward snickered. “Let’s leave her be for a while, darling. I’m sure she’ll be able to handle her cruel imprisonment at a villa for the next while. Rick will like it, too. Anyway, the ship you’ll want to read and relax on is a small sailing ship named Harmony. Her captain will take you to the villa as soon as you two are the only ones left on board. I’ve already made arrangements for all of your gifts to make it back to New York for delivery to your place, as I was unable to acquire Rick’s address, much to my disgust.”
“Rick can pick everything up from my place, sure.”
“Good. Don’t try to escape my plans, Hope. If you are not in your skimpiest bikini, I will make Juliette help you find the right one, and when hungover, Juliette is a bit of a bear.”
“Her? A bear? Never. She’s so nice.”
“Hungover Juliette is a force of nature.”
I frowned. “But she’s a force of nature sober, too.”
“Fine. Don’t make me send Juliette in here, you!”
I laughed. “I will cooperate with your plan, but I am only doing so because I could use another week of vacation.”
>
“Good woman. I’ll see you bright and early in the morning.”
Twenty-Five
They were discussing destroying my e-reader if I didn’t dress appropriately.
While I had no idea there were snorkeling locations in North Carolina, the cruise ship docked in Charleston, where we left on a collection of tour and sailing vessels from a nearby marina. The weather cooperated, which made wearing the ridiculously skimpy bikini somewhat comfortable. To be safe rather than sorry, I brought a wrap, which would keep me warm if the wind picked up over the water.
Rick had opted for jeans and a button-up shirt, which he’d left unbuttoned in a half-hearted attempt to pretend he might actually swim.
“This is ridiculous,” he muttered, and he clutched his e-reader while casting suspicious glances around. “Where are those two menaces?”
“You mean Elizabeth and Edward?”
“Yes, them.”
I pointed at where they waited by the small sailing vessel that would kidnap us. “Over there. You best get your scolding in now, else they may escape your wrath, and that wouldn’t do.”
“You better come with me, or you might be taken by your jerk of a brother.”
“What did Mat do now?”
“He complained at me for stealing all your attention. All I said was that it was no wonder you liked staying in your cabin. You like peace and quiet to read. I did slip and say you had invited me to read on your balcony once as long as I could stay quiet.”
My brother would drive me crazy if I stayed on the cruise. I would miss my brother if he goaded me into killing him. “Okay. I can witness your attempt to scold the bride and groom. I don’t think you’ll get far in your scolding attempts, but I respect that you’re going to try.”
“I see you’ve sided with them.”
“No, I just got told last night what would happen to me if I disobeyed. It was not a good situation. I decided cooperation would work out better for me.” I gestured to my bikini. “They were discussing destroying my e-reader if I didn’t dress appropriately and show up on time.”
The Run Around Page 35