Fuck, would those feelings of guilt ever freaking leave?
I stood. “Um, Greer, Arabella, this is Jax and her daughter, Ashley.”
Both Arabella and Greer smiled and said their hellos.
“My mommy and Bishop are going on another date tonight, and this time I get to hang out with my Grammy,” Ashley said.
Both Greer and Arabella turned to look at me. When I caught Greer’s eyes, she raised a single brow. Arabella had a sweet smile on her face, but I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I wasn’t sure who or what she was disappointed with. Me? Abby? The world? Who in the hell knew?
“If you’ll excuse me, Jax,” I said, “I just need to talk to Greer and Arabella for a moment.”
Her brows drew down slightly, obviously noticing the tension between all of us. “Of course, no problem.”
Greer turned and started to walk across the restaurant, heading straight out the side door that led to the small patio. Arabella and I followed her silently.
The second we were outside, Greer spoke. “You’re dating someone?” It wasn’t an accusation per se, more of a shocked question.
I rubbed at the back of my neck.
“You’ve gone out with her before, Bishop?” That question came from Arabella.
“Listen, you guys, I know it’s hard to see me with someone else, but I can’t keep living my life waiting for someone who doesn’t want me. Abby divorced me. I haven’t spoken to her in a really long time.” I looked down and kicked at nothing on the floor before meeting their eyes. “I need to move on. I want…I want…”
“You want what?” Arabella asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
I let out a frustrated breath. “How do you admit you want a family and kids when the only person on this planet you truly want it with doesn’t feel the same way? How do you move on without forgetting the past? I’m tired of sleeping with women, hoping it will make me forget about her. I need to… I’m not getting any younger, and I need to move on.”
Tears built in Arabella’s eyes, and she pressed a hand to her mouth. I couldn’t help but wonder if her reaction was because she felt the same way about Hunter.
“Bishop,” Greer said as she reached for my hand. “We’re not mad that you’re moving on. I’m just…sad…I guess. I mean, the meaningless crap you did was just you being a guy. But seeing you date someone…it’s just strange. I always thought you and Abby were forever.”
“You and me both, Greer.”
Arabella cleared her throat. “It just doesn’t make any sense to me. She was so happy with you. Right up until before she left, she was walking on cloud nine. Why would she leave?”
In the days and weeks right after Abby left, I had been questioned by Greer and Arabella. They’d both thought I’d cheated or done something terrible to make Abby leave. There were so many times I’d nearly broken down and told them about the baby, but I’d kept it bottled up inside. If it made them feel better to think worse of me than of Abby, then it was worth it.
“I wish I knew, Arabella. She wouldn’t let me…” I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath.
Greer squeezed my hand. “It’s okay, Bishop, we don’t have to talk about this. It was just a shock to see you with another woman, and one with a child. I mean, it’s different when I see you at a bar, and I know it doesn’t mean anything. But to see you with a woman and her little girl and to hear you’ve been dating her. It’s just…”
“Jarring,” Arabella finished. “You go back in and enjoy your lunch. We’ll talk soon, okay? Don’t be a stranger.”
Nodding, I leaned in and kissed them each on the top of the head. “Same goes for you two. See you around.”
By the time I got back to the table, Maggie was there and ready to take our order. My conversation with Greer and Arabella eventually faded away as I got lost in a story Ashley started to tell about a time she’d rescued a baby duck. I smiled at Jax as her daughter spoke. I didn’t feel the same zip of energy I did when was with Abby, but I was determined to make this work.
“Dinner was amazing, Bishop. That little Italian restaurant was so good.”
Smiling, I unlocked the garage door that led into my house and motioned for Jax to enter. “I don’t know what they put in their meatballs, but it’s addictive. I eat there at least once a week.”
She laughed and stepped into the mudroom, allowing me to lead the way. We walked through the butler’s pantry and into the kitchen.
“So, how about a drink?” I asked as I made my way to the refrigerator.
Jax looked around and spotted the wine cooler. “Wine sounds good.”
I wasn’t really a wine drinker. The wine cooler had been Abby’s, and I hadn’t opened it since she’d left. “Um, sure. Wine it is. Red or white?” I asked, opening the door. The red was on the top section of the cooler, the white on the bottom.
“I’m a red lover.”
I pulled a few bottles of red out and then pushed them back in before I glanced over my shoulder. “Truth be told, I know nothing about wine. My ex-wife was the wine lover. These were all bottles she bought.”
Jax flashed me a smile. “Here, move over and let me look.”
Doing as she asked, I stepped aside and then headed to get a beer.
“This merlot sounds good,” Jax stated as she pulled out a bottle and set it on the kitchen island.
I glanced at the bottle and immediately recognized the vineyard. An image of Abby running as she tugged me along behind her popped into my mind. They had been stomping grapes that day and she’d desperately wanted to try it. I let her talk me into it simply to see her laugh and smile. She’d bought three bottles of the merlot, claiming it was the best she’d ever had.
A part of me wanted to tell Jax to put the bottle back and pick something else, but I kept my mouth shut. I pushed the memory away and turned to get a wine glass. “Here you go. And here’s a wine opener.”
Jax opened the wine and poured herself a generous glass. “I’ve been to this vineyard. It’s in Maine, right?”
I shrugged, even though I knew damn well it was. “What made you get into horticulture?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
Jax let out a knowing laugh and played along with the sudden switch in our conversation. “I love plants and have always been fascinated by how things grow.”
“I’ve never asked you, are you from the New England area?”
She nodded and took a sip of wine. “I’m from Boston. Born and raised. And are you originally from Boggy Creek?”
“Yes, ma’am. Born and raised,” I echoed. She smiled and then dug her teeth into her lower lip. I looked away and out toward the living room. “You want to watch that movie?”
Jax motioned with her hand. “Lead the way.”
It was strange as hell to have another woman in the house I shared with Abby. I had never brought anyone here. A part of me didn’t want to have Jax here, but if this was the process of moving forward with my life, then so be it.
“What are you in the mood for?” I asked. “Romantic comedy…horror movie?”
Jax sat down on the sofa, then set her glass of wine on the coffee table. Ignoring my question, she said, “This place is beautiful, Bishop. I’ve been in a lot of log cabins, but this one is stunning.”
I glanced around the living room. When Abby and I had the house built, we’d both decided we didn’t want the logs on the inside, but we did want the wood features. The living room had wood planks across the ceiling with an antler chandelier hanging down from the two-story height. The large river rock fireplace sat on the wall opposite the kitchen, so it was all one big open area.
“Did you want a tour of the house?” I asked.
She stood and took her wine. “Yes! Do you play piano?” She walked over to the baby grand sitting off to the side of the living room next to the windows. The large wall of windows in front of it had an amazing view of the tree orchard and the mountains beyond, but since it was evening it was all dark.
“No, I don’t play,” I said as I led her toward my bedroom, which was on the first floor of the house. “This is my room.”
When we entered the room, Jax glanced up and gasped. “Wow, look at that tray ceiling. I’ve never seen such beautiful detail work on wood like that before.”
I didn’t bother looking up. I stared at that fucking ceiling every night. I knew what was on the wood. Animals. Moose, bear, wolves, every kind of animal you could think of. Abby had drawn them all out and I had carved them into the wood. It took me nearly a year to finish it.
Jax wandered around the space. “Your tub is made out of wood?” She called out from the bathroom.
Laughing, I said, “No, it’s a cast-iron tub with a wood overlay.”
She walked out of the bathroom. “It’s stunning.”
All I could do was nod. I was beginning to think it was a mistake to bring Jax here. It felt wrong having her walk around Abby’s bathroom. Touch the tub Abby had soaked in.
I shook my head. “Let’s head on upstairs.”
Clearly sensing something was off, Jax smiled softly and walked past me out of the bedroom.
We walked through the rest of the house—the three guest bedrooms, my office, the library, the large family room upstairs, the home gym, and finally ended up in the game room.
“Why aren’t we watching the movie in here?” Jax asked, looking around. “You have theater chairs. Ashley would love this.”
“I thought about asking if you wanted to bring her over this weekend. Maybe we could have a Disney movie marathon or something.”
Jax glanced over her shoulder at me as she ran her finger down the pool table. “She’d love that.”
I watched her walk around the large room, then turn and look at the six oversized theater chairs before picking up the remote and pushing a button. A large screen came down from the ceiling, causing Jax to stop and stare. Under the screen sat a fully stocked bar. I walked over, set my beer down, and grabbed a bottle of whiskey to pour myself a drink. I needed something fucking stronger than the beer.
“Drink?” I asked as I held up the bottle.
“My oh my, you have good taste.”
I raised a brow. “You know your whiskey, huh?”
Jax shrugged. “I know a good bourbon—grew up around whiskey.”
I stared at her with a questioning look. “You’re going to have to explain that one a bit more.”
She laughed. “My father was originally from Kentucky, and let’s just say he was in the whiskey business.”
“Okay,” I said with a slight chuckle.
She leaned against one of the two large wooden beams that held up the twenty-foot cathedral ceiling. “He owned a few bars. That’s what brought him to Boston. He followed his older brother there. They opened up a bar, then eventually two. He still shows up every damn day to that bar and works.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, noting the slight bitterness in her voice.
“For my mom, it is. She’s been waiting for him to retire so they can travel. Dad never really took time off, so we didn’t do a whole lot of family trips. That’s something I intend to change with Ashley. I’ve got a trip booked to Yellowstone National Park this May. Hoping to go before it gets too busy.”
“Never been there.”
“Really?” she asked with a tilt of her head. “If you could pick one place you’d love to go, where would it be?”
I turned and focused back on the TV, pulling up the movie that was last played. “I’m not really much of a travel kind of guy. I like being home, here in Boggy Creek.”
Jax sat on one of the chairs. “Are you hiding from something?” Her smile said she was kidding, but I wondered if there was another question hidden in there.
“Not at all. I can get on a plane and go to Paris tomorrow if I want.” I shrugged. “I just don’t want to.”
She exhaled. “Well, traveling alone is no fun. I’d go to Paris with you.”
“Would you now?” I asked as I sat down in the chair next to hers. “I bet Ashley would like it there.”
“I bet she would.”
Glancing away, I hit play and Top Gun started.
Jax laughed.
I held up my hands. “Don’t look at me. Kyle was the last one in this room watching TV.”
She narrowed her eyes. “And what were you doing?”
“Probably playing pool or foosball with Hunter.”
Jax laughed. “I’d like to meet your friends sometime.”
My smile faded some. “Yeah, they’d love to meet you…and Ashley.”
Finishing off her wine, Jax set it on the table that was off to the side. Then she stood, took my glass of whiskey, and drank it all before she crawled on top of me.
I smiled and let her take the lead as she sank down and pressed her hips against my body. She laced her fingers through my hair and tugged softly until my head tilted back, enough for her mouth to cover mine.
Her kiss felt both foreign and thrilling. I placed my hands on her hips and thrust up, causing her to moan. But my cock was being a stubborn asshole. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to come out and play.
“Bishop,” she whispered against my lips, then down my neck. “I want you right here in this chair.”
Christ Almighty.
Breaking her soft kisses, she sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, giving me a view of her upper body. Her breasts practically spilled out of a red lace bra. Clearly, she’d dressed with the anticipation of us having sex tonight.
Why in the hell did that not turn me on?
Still, I instinctively reached around her body and unclasped her bra. Jax let it fall down each arm, then tossed it to the floor. When I lifted one of her tits and put the nipple in my mouth, she moaned in delight.
A strange sensation ripped through me. It wasn’t pleasure—at all.
I let the nipple fall from my mouth and blew on it. The fuck, Bishop? You’ve fucked other women since Abby. Get your head out of your ass…now.
Jax dropped her head back while I took her other nipple into my mouth. She rotated her hips, then reached for my jeans and swiftly undid them. Right as she began to stick her hand into my pants, I sat back, grabbed her wrist, and stopped her.
“Wait.”
Her chest heaved up and down—and it was clear to me then. Jax wanted this a hell of a lot more than I did.
I shook my head. “I can’t…I can’t…I’m sorry, Jax. I can’t do this here.”
She slowly pulled her head back and gave me a confused expression. “In the chair? We can move to your bedroom. Or if you’re worried about protection, I’m on the pill.”
I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head. Was I really going to tell this woman—this beautiful, hot woman—that I didn’t want to have sex with her? What in the hell was wrong with me?
“It’s not that, Jax. I can’t have sex in this house. It…it feels wrong.”
“Wrong?” she asked with a solemn laugh. “Because why? If you’re worried about me having a daughter, trust me, that doesn’t change the fact that I like to have sex.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face. “That’s not it, either. Fuck.” I lifted her off of me and stood.
Jax looked hurt as she reached down for her bra and shirt while I zipped and buttoned my pants.
“Jax, I want you, trust me.” I paused for a moment. Did I want her? Considering my not-hard dick, I wasn’t so sure. “My wife…ex-wife…this was her house. I mean, she helped design so much of this house. She picked out these chairs, the other furniture, the drapes. Fucking everything in this house reminds me of her. I can’t do this.”
Jax gave me a warm smile and slipped her shirt back on. “I understand, Bishop. Does this mean we’re not going to go out again or…?” Her voice trailed off.
“No, I want to go out again. I want to have Ashley over for movie night. I’m just not ready to do…that, with you, here. I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything.”
>
A real belly laugh fell from her lips. “That’s not usually something a guy says to a woman. You didn’t lead me on. If I remember right, I’m the one who came on to you.”
I winked. “I liked it.”
She pressed her lips together tightly. “I did too. So, are you up for trying this again sometime?”
“When?” I asked, sure that my inability to get hard was simply due to the fact that I was in the house I had shared with Abby.
“I can ask my mom to bring Ashley back to Boston for a few days. We could hang out at my rental and—” she ran her finger over my chest, then looked up at me—“get to…know each other better.”
Something inside of me felt like it was ripping in half. The part of me that knew I had to let Abby go begged me to bend Jax over the pool table and fuck her. The other side, the side that I feared would never stop loving Abby, told me to take Jax home.
I ended up listening to the Team Abby side.
“Let’s skip the movie for tonight, go get some ice cream, and I’ll bring you back home.”
The disappointment on her face made me feel like an asshole, but then she smiled. “I’ll never say no to ice cream.”
Abby
I had been back in Boggy Creek for over twenty-four hours and neither my father nor my mother had even mentioned Bishop. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.
I’d slipped a note under Arabella’s door earlier this morning, asking her to meet up at Turning Pages, Greer’s bookstore on Main Street, at nine this morning. I felt bad that I had made it seem like the note was from Greer and not me. The last thing I wanted, though, was for someone to slip up and tell Bishop I was in town. I needed to talk to Greer and Arabella first. Apologize for leaving town and not staying in touch.
Plus, I needed to find out if Bishop was seeing anyone. For all I knew, he might have remarried. The thought made me feel sick, so I pushed it away.
She's the One (Boggy Creek Valley Book 3) Page 5