by Fox, Lizzie
“Year and a half,” I replied, which was both a lie and a truth. I didn’t want to get the smug glare I knew I’d get from her when I told her “oh we’d gotten engaged after only three weeks”. She didn’t seem the type that understood or even knew what love was… though perhaps she liked the monetary version of it, judging by the enormous rock on her left hand. “I’m a writer.”
“Oh, interesting,” she replied, not sounding very interested at all. “What have you written?”
After preparing the coffee which took no time at all, I turned and smiled sweetly at her. “Songs for the band, also best-selling novels under the name J.L. Lightman.”
She balked slightly, the name seemed to ring a bell. “J.L. Lightman? That was you?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. I was married before; Lightman was my husband’s name.”
Her bright red lips spread into a false, sympathetic smile. “Divorce? That’s a shame.”
“No, actually, he died; I was widowed.” I replied with just as much satisfied smugness, and she cringed lightly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she replied solemnly. She didn’t appear very sorry, but it was better than the venom I was getting from her before, so I would take it.
“Thank you. Was a long time ago so…” I just shrugged indifferently.
“So, you are close with Seth?” She inquired after a moment’s thought, and I arched a suspicious brow at her.
“Yes? I mean, we’re getting married in a week.”
“Are you sure? I mean… do you want to be getting involved with this rock star life?” She asked, and now I didn’t bother to hide my glare.
“If it makes him happy then yes, I’m pretty sure I can handle it,” I snapped.
“Ah okay. Sorry, just trying to help. You know, they always do better when they’re unattached; I don’t know why. Seth is very attractive, he’d develop quite a following,” she explained with snark, and I shot her a petulant grin.
“Oh, we already have. Go look it up. Hashtag Sethalie?” I waved her off. “Look, it’s clear for some reason you do not like me, and that’s fine. Just show me where things are, and you don’t need to pretend to like me, okay? I know how to handle myself.”
Caia’s face actually softened somewhat, and she sighed. “You’re right, sorry. Usually most women come through here either trying to get in Miles’ pants or something. Even attached ones. I get a little defensive over him.”
The coffee was finished, and I lidded the mug, holding it between my palms. “I can understand that. Did he give you that rock there?” I asked, motioning to her finger. She seemed to remember she was wearing it, and she shoved her hand in her pocket.
“No. My fiancé’s name is Aron Robards. He owns the studio, actually, but he’s not here today,” she replied. “Well, if you’re okay, I’ll just let you be.”
I nodded once as she flashed a small smile and left. Sighing tensely, I flopped down on the nearby sofa, pulled out my phone, and set the coffee on a nearby table, relieved to be alone. There was already a message waiting for me from Shane. Of course.
Shane: How is Milwaukee?
Fine. Hotel is beautiful. Miles is pretty cocky and his manager is a bit of a wench. But Seth seems happy, so it’s all good.
Shane: Is he as hot in person as he is on TV?
Who? Miles? He’s okay, if you like that sort of thing.
Shane: Aw, that’s cute. You’re so damn whipped over your fiancé, you can’t see how hot that hunk of man is, darling.
I chuckled to myself. Haha. I can think of worse things than being whipped by Seth. ;)
Shane: Oh kinky. Now I need details!
Some other time, perv.
So, is the song turning out? Have you heard it?
Shane: It’s amazing. He’s going to love it, and all the fans are going to go nuts over it.
I blushed to myself. I guess that’s…good?
Shane: Very good, I promise. Getting nervous yet?
For?
Shane: The wedding. Duh.
No, not really. It’s fast, but feels right mostly.
Shane: Mostly?
Frowning, I sighed, not sure if I wanted to divulge a dark secret but… I needed to get it out of my system. I found a video of my husband—Blake. I haven’t seen or heard him in YEARS, Shane. It made me really emotional. I don’t want to NOT be with Seth but I feel like I’m slowly forgetting Blake. It’s a bit scary. I sucked in my trembling lip. The emotions were still so raw; I’d tried to block them out with the alcohol but now that I was alone for the first time in days, they were bubbling to the surface.
Shane: Aw honey…I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I couldn’t imagine having someone I loved so much and losing them so tragically. And then find the bravery to try to love someone else again. Especially someone with similar issues. Just know you’re strong, and you won’t ever forget him. You’ll just start to remember him differently after a time, I think. And if you ever need to talk about him, I’ll happily listen.
I smiled slowly, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. You’re such a good friend, Shane. Thank you.
Shane: For what? Silly, it’s nothing. You want to pay me back, though, name one of those cute babies after me, huh? ;)
I laughed loudly; loud enough that Caia heard it from the other room and pulled a face at me.
We’ll see about that. There’s still no guarantee it’s even possible.
Shane: Stop. There’s no guarantee it’s not, either. And the medication shouldn’t have that much of a role in everything, I don’t think.
I nearly dropped the phone. What was he talking about?
Um, what about the medication? Seth’s medication?
Shane: OH shit, I thought I heard that from you, now I realize it might have been Anthony. Fuck. Forget I said anything.
Oh no no no. Spill. Now.
Shane: I’m sighing here, just so you know. Anthony read an article about how sometimes antidepressants can affect fertility. It’s something we were looking into when we were looking at surrogates and stuff. I’m sure that’s not true though. Really I don’t think they have any idea.
Oh. My. God. I never would have considered that. My heart sank into my stomach like a leaded anvil.
Shane: I’m sure it’s nothing. Really. They have no idea. Ask a doctor about it instead of relying on me. God I’m an idiot. Anthony’s right, I have a big fucking mouth.
Yes, you do. But I can’t say this to Seth!? If he thinks that his disorder is the cause of another problem in his life, he’ll freak, Shane!
Sighing, I set the phone in my lap and pushed against my temples, willing the stress ebbing inside away. Promise me you won’t say anything to Seth. Or anyone else.
Shane: I really don’t think you have anything to worry about. Half the problem is the…unwillingness to knock boots. I don’t think you guys have any problems with that.
No not really.
Shane: So I think you’re fine. I’ll do some more research and send you what I find, all right? Don’t worry about it, okay?
Sure, won’t worry at all. No big deal. If he messaged more after that, I didn’t know because I put the phone on silent and shoved it in my purse.
I didn’t know if this was really a complication, but it just seemed like life wanted to pile more and more worry on me when it came to that. More signs that I was moving past my prime. More evidence that this wasn’t meant to be.
Sighing, I sipped the coffee that was now cooling, wishing for something stronger to block the irrational thoughts before I lost it. And I didn’t need to lose it today. This was Seth’s week to be learn that he was absolutely worth something, beyond what we had. He was everything to me, but he needed proof that he could be something else as well.
Feeling restless, I stood and crossed the room, peeking my head out of the doorway. Shane, Miles, and whatever crew they had—whoever they were, I didn’t get the introductions—were starting to play. Seth had a sheet of mu
sic in his hand, and Miles was pointing over his shoulder. Seth dragged his teeth nervously over his piercing, like he always did when he was anxious, and I could see the tension in his shoulders. But Miles seemed to crack some sort of joke or something, and Seth grinned widely, and I watched his whole demeanor change. Another guy made some wild gestures, with his drumsticks in hand that reminded me a lot of something Quin would do, and Seth burst out in straight laughter, waving a hand wildly and pressing the other in a fist to his lips as they joked around. The smile reached all the way up and brightened his eyes, and that made me smile. Clearly, I was the odd one out here, made apparent to me once again when Caia looked up from a tablet she carried and raised a brow at me. I ignored her, turning back to the scene behind the glass partition. Seth beamed enthusiastically as they began to play. I could only hear a little right now because the door was mostly shut, but what emerged was a rocky, edgy melody to “Dust in the Wind,” and when Seth added his husky vocals, I shuddered. He was just so damned good, and he deserved this.
I sucked in a breath. No matter how uncomfortable or out of place I felt, I wasn’t going to utter anything but a happy word. This was all for him, and my stupid worries and concerns would have to wait.
But, the drink Caia mentioned? It suddenly sounded brilliant. If that’s what it took to ease my mind, that’s what I was going to do. Just a little, though. That’s all I needed. Right?
22
Seth
“Holy shit, that was insane.” I was at a loss for words—except swear words—after emerging from Phoenix Studios that night and hopped into the black sedan with Jessie to drive us back to the hotel. I slid in right next to her, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly in my lap as I grinned.
Jessie had been a bit quiet when we finally emerged from the recording portion of the studio about three hours later. We were invited along to a party at Miles’ suite which didn’t sound like my thing, involving alcohol and probably weed. I did that years ago; I was done now. Plus, I’d rather be alone with Jessie; she seemed a little down. Or tired. I couldn’t place which one, and she didn’t mention anything during the short ride back to the hotel.
“Miles asked if we wanted to go hang out in his room after. I said ‘no’,” I blurted immediately.
She frowned. “Why did you say ‘no’?”
“Do you want to go?” I asked, surprised.
She hesitated briefly, and that was confirmation enough for me. “No, I really don’t. It’s just too much for me, really. And I’d rather be with you, anyway,” I said as I leaned into her, brushing the hair off of her shoulder, and carefully licked at the side of her throat. I could feel her pulse immediately quicken as I continued to kiss her neck and form myself around her. She didn’t resist—at all—and I knew she wouldn’t, even though we were in the back seat of a car, with a driver less than two feet away. I loved how she had no shame, and she loved me openly. It was hot as hell, and I felt a huge surge of desire pulse through me and straight to my damn cock.
“Oh damn you, you’re making this really hard to resist,” she breathed quietly as I gently nibbled on her earlobe, and she turned her face to mine and our mouths collided. She tasted sweet, like champagne which was a bit surprising but I figured—hell, she deserved to have some. I’d been a shit for about a week now, stressing about this, and that, and all this stupid crap and felt a bit standoffish. I hated that I did it, but I did, and I didn’t always know how to stop. Jessie was usually good about pulling me out of my lows before they got worse, and right now? There was nothing low about me. The music with Miles went well, I thought it sounded pretty good, and while the cover was fun, his own song was a lot more pop than what I was used to—think like Maroon 5—but I actually liked the change of pace.
We were still kissing pretty hard, her hands were splayed over my stomach and my hand started roving up her thigh when there was a slight jerk of the vehicle, and a gentle cough by the driver.
We pulled apart quickly, Jessie pressing a finger to her kiss-swollen lips—and god wasn’t that hot?—and we both blushed. She rubbed off a trace of lipstick on my mouth with the back of her hand and began to climb out of the car. The driver was smirking at us through the rearview mirror when we said thank you, and I was relieved to be out of that vehicle and only a short walking distance to the suite.
I took her hand in mine as we walked the brightly lit corridors and hallways and up the four elevator flights until we reached the suite. I could barely concentrate enough to pull the key card out of my back pocket, slide it in until it turned green, and fling open the door; my dick was positively aching. Jessie was clearly in the same state of “distress” because her chest heaved and fell rapidly, and her eyes were dark and heavily-lidded.
Truly, I don’t think it was possible to ever get tired of seeing her desire—for me. She picked me up when I shattered, and she didn’t try to change me, or make excuses for my shit. It just was what it was, and she accepted it unconditionally. It was a huge rush. That combined with the high of how I was already feeling from the successful day, I was probably a bit more eager than usual.
“Take everything off, honey,” I commanded gently, heeding my own advice and yanking my shirt over my head. Her lips spread into a sultry smile, and she stripped down to her underwear. But she did it slowly—torturously slow, as a bit of a tease, until she stood before me in satin blue panties and a bra. Her panties hiked up just a bit on the ass, revealing some of her cheek. Grinning slowly myself, I dragged my thumb over my bottom lip, absentmindedly flicking at the piercing, and I watched her breath hitch. I didn’t know what it was about it, but she loved this damn piercing. Which meant I was never, ever getting rid of it, of course.
I know when Jessie and I first met she was a little insecure about her curves. I know she did yoga sometimes and went walking to keep on track, but god those curves were insane. Where I was straight up and down and hard—and not just my dick—she was soft. Full breasts, waist that dipped in at the sides, muscular legs, and a nice round ass. I didn’t know what asshole made her feel bad about her body, but I was sure it was Adam and I’m extra glad I punched him in the face again. I unzipped and pulled down my jeans and boxers, kicking them aside, my hard cock springing free and revealing just how sexy I thought she was, and how she turned me on.
“Shit…” Jessie stepped towards me with a predatory gaze in her emerald green eyes and wrapped a hand around my cock that jut out straight between us. Her thumb and pointer finger circled around the shaft, and the remainder of her fingers dragged behind them as she slowly moved up and down. Ho-ly shit… My eyes slid shut, my dick pleased for any sort of friction and while I loved her hand or her mouth—I wanted inside her. Impatiently and without warning, I hitched my arms under her knees and shoulders, hoisted her into my chest, and crashed into her mouth with mine as I carried her to bed.
The moment I set her down and climbed in beside her, she pitched her leg over my lap and she straddled me; her wet heat grazing my dick through her panties. The combination of the warmth and the smoothness of the satin was about to make me come unglued, and I bit my lip—hard—to keep myself from coming. I wasn’t about to waste this time with her by getting off too damned soon.
“God, you’re so damned hot when you do that,” she breathed into my ear, and I let out a low groan. She continued licking and nibbling, gently tugging on the metal hoops in my ears.
I turned and found her lips, threading my hand into her hair, and urged her closer. Her hips began to rock against me as our mouths and tongues thrashed against each other’s, like fighting for dominance. Hint—I always won.
I was damn lucky that for me, the medications I took didn’t cause any sexual dysfunction problems. I’d heard horror stories about guys that couldn’t get it up or couldn’t get off or just weren’t interested at all. I always found it shitty; half the time the side effects of these stupid meds that aimed to make you feel more “normal” often made you more depressed. If I couldn’t be like
this with Jessie, I don’t think I could handle that. Thank whoever for silver linings, I guess.
My other hand gripped her hip. She arched into me until I could feel her peaked nipples brush against my chest through the satin of her bra, and that was about it. I felt a growl rumble in my chest as I broke our kiss, intent on unfastening the hooks of the bra. Breathing heavily, I couldn’t seem to get it off fast enough for her, so she yanked the straps down and the moment it was undone, she helped me throw it somewhere. The second it was gone, I firmly tugged at the nape of her hair, urging her back gently until her breasts were completely smashed into me, becoming tense with every quiet whimper she released. I kissed a path down her neck and her chest until I found the swell of her heavy breast, swirling my tongue around the peak and carefully sucking it into my mouth.
“Oh god, Seth…” she moaned, and I grinned, feeling smug. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing her call my name like that. Ever.
My hand dragged down to taunt the other breast. I switched off and on, making sure each got proper attention because I loved the way she squirmed in my arms, begging for release. Each one of her little moans and whimpers sent electric shocks straight through me, flushing my body with hot desire.
“I feel like we haven’t been together much the past week or so,” I said quietly as she sat up, her dilated green eyes boring weightily into mine. “I’m sorry.” I brushed her hair over her shoulder and down her back and nipped at her collarbone. Her breath hitched, and she pressed into me, I knew that was one of her erogenous spots. By now I pretty much memorized them all.
“Quit apologizing, baby,” she purred, slipping her hands under my chin, the pad of her thumb brushing over my lip piercing. “I understand. You’re here, now, and that’s all that matters.”
“I’ll always be here for you, honey. I swear it,” I replied, feeling my chest tug as my voice gently cracked. I meant what I said. I was never, ever going to lose her. The sting of the healing ink on my left ring finger reminded me of that. Not that I needed the reminder, I just wanted everyone to know: she was mine. Her lips parted like she was going to speak again, but her eyes fluttered shut and she moaned loudly when my hand slid under her panties and fingered her clit.