Leave Me Breathless: The Black Rose Collection

by Dakota Willink

  “Whoa.”

  “I know, it’s a lot.”

  “So he never went after Bishop because of Aoife,” Caprice says and I nod.

  “Yes, Aoife was already down one parent. Luca would never be able to live with himself if he made that sweet little girl an orphan. He loved Roisin, so fucking much. Her death broke him, and the drama crippled him too.”

  “And here I thought my life was dramatic,” Caprice teases.

  “Oh no, not nearly as bad,” I say, adding a wink at the end. Caprice breaks into laughter, tossing her head back in a carefree way. It’s refreshing to see her like this, so jovial.

  The two of us continue walking and go into the main house. I stop at the bottom of the stairs, turn to her, and brush her hair behind her shoulder with my hand. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I ask, needing to verify she truly wants what's about to unfold.

  Caprice rolls her eyes, doesn’t answer me, and walks upstairs. I’m going to take that as a ‘yes’ and head up myself, following her to the bedroom we now share. I shut the door behind me when I get inside, locking it like she did the night before. “Afraid someone’s going to break in,” she teases, mocking me from the previous night.

  “Oh, look at you being a smart ass. No, quite the contrary. I don’t want you trying to escape after I’ve made you come for the tenth time. You’re mine, Caprice. I’m going to make sure you never remember anyone before me,” I promise her. Snaking my hand around the back of her neck, I tug her to me and crash my lips down onto hers. Slipping my tongue into her mouth, I kiss her roughly, ferociously, showing her how hungry I am. Caprice’s hands go to the front of my shirt, unbuttoning it again..

  Swiftly, I move my hands to her flannel shirt, unbuttoning it as quickly as I can. I slide her shirt off her, revealing that peach-colored bra thing I bought her this morning. Her tits are soft and perky, calling my mouth to them. Much to my surprise, Caprice goes straight to my trousers after she’s taken my shirt off. I step out of my pants as they hit the floor, revealing my cock. I didn’t bother putting boxers on this morning.

  “Whoa,” she gasps out, taking in a deep breath and that’s when I see it. The one thing I was worried about.

  Fear.

  23

  She tried so hard to make everyone happy, but she realized she was forgetting someone. Herself.

  ~ Unknown

  Caprice

  Liam shut it down quickly last night, so fast that I didn’t even get the chance to protest. He put his pants back on, kissed me on the cheek, and said we needed to slow it down, leaving me in our bedroom alone.

  I don’t know why he left so abruptly. In all honesty, I thought I held myself together pretty well. So much so that all my demons were hiding under the bed, not coming out to show him their faces. While I might have looked composed, I was terrified. All I could think about was every other traumatic experience I’ve had related to sex.

  The time I lost my virginity is the one I remember the most vividly. I can’t even remember the man’s name, but he was an accountant for one of the mafia families. He came into my room, ripped down my pants, and shoved himself inside me. I remember the burning sensation, how it tore through me and I felt like I was being cut in half. I cried, begged and pleaded for him to stop, but he laughed from behind me with his grip firmly in my hair as he shoved my face up against the wall. When he was finished, he threw a container of pills at me and told me to take one so I wouldn’t get pregnant.

  Thinking back, I ran out of them before Rafael came.

  I know Liam isn’t like any of the men I’ve had a sexual encounter with before. He’s caring, sweet, and nurturing, although he also has a dark side to him. Is that why I was so afraid last night? Because he’s told me he has an evil side. It’s nothing like what I’ve witnessed before. I’m almost certain he isn’t what I’ve experienced before. I think that’s the sole reason I’m even open to anything igniting between the two of us— the hope I feel.

  I roll over in bed and glance at the old-fashioned clock on the bedside table. It reads just past three in the morning. Screw this. I refuse to just lay up here in bed and not talk to him. Liam hasn’t come back since he left the room last night either.

  After he left, I went through the bag and put on a pair of pajamas, needing the feeling of being covered up to ease me. I rise and head toward the door, open it, and go down the stairs. I don’t know where he’ll be, but I’ll be sure to check every room I can. I walk straight into the living room, figuring he might be sleeping on a couch. It’s the first place I’d go if I needed space, but I don’t see him as I scan the area.

  I decide to go into the dining room next, remembering there’s a small bar against the east wall, and that’s where I see him. He has a glass of scotch next to him, halfway full.

  “Liam?” I say, causing him to look back at me as I approach.

  “You should go back upstairs, Caprice,” he mutters in a low tone, almost sounding sad.

  “I’d rather not be alone,” I confess, taking the seat next to him. “The silence is deafening.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “Mhm, so . . . why didn’t you come back to our room?”

  Liam picks up the scotch and takes a sip, setting it back down on the bar before he answers me. “I needed to not only give you space but come down here and think. There shouldn’t be a doubt in your mind I want you. You’re not only breathtakingly gorgeous but intelligent as well. You might not know it, but you’re a rare combination. However, I need to be more aware of the experiences you’ve had in your past. You might’ve been telling me one thing last night, Caprice, but your body language was telling me you weren’t ready. You were scared, but instead of telling me, you kept assuring me you were fine. I need you to trust me, to tell me when you’re scared, happy, afraid, etcetera.”

  “I . . . ” I grow silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say to him, but there’s no way I can think this through right now. I don’t have the damn time. So, I speak from the heart. “I don’t want to remember the things I’ve been through, but as we were getting undressed, all I could think about was the first time I ever had sex. I felt like I was watching a movie and suddenly every gruesome detail came to the forefront of my mind and scared me half to death. Liam, I know you’re not him. Hell, you’re not them . . . I want you, but I can’t forget everything I know.”

  “You only know fear,” Liam states. I nod at his assessment.

  I smile. “I do, but I want to learn about other things. Like lust, love, and compassion. I want the sensual moments I know we can experience together. All I need is for you to be patient with me.”

  Liam picks up his alcohol again and takes another sip. “I’ll go as slow as you need me to. I apologize, I shouldn’t have been so abrasive with you last night in my needs.”

  “It’s alright. We’re learning. This is new for both of us.” I place my hand on his arm, giving him a squeeze of reassurance.

  I still don’t know why I’m so hopeful when it comes to Liam, but there’s this feeling deep inside me screaming about how I can trust him. I sure hope this feeling is right because I want to experience everything I’ve just said to him. I crave it more than he knows, and if he’s the first man I ever love . . . it will make our relationship so much more special.

  I don’t want Liam and I to be a charade.

  I want us to be real.

  24

  We try to hide our feelings, but we forgot our eyes speak.

  ~ Unknown

  Liam

  For once, the sun is shining brightly on our property. I stare out through the window overlooking the property, seeing my Irish cob horses trotting through the fields. Gypsy, my paint, is chasing Inferno, my father’s almost blood-red stallion. She and her sister, Fallon, are both pregnant right now— Gypsy with Inferno’s foal, and Fallon with Nickel’s. Nickel is stone gray with patches of white on his face and Fallon is a beautiful sandy dust color, so the foal will no
doubt be gorgeous.

  “Are you ready to chat?” my father asks from behind me.

  I turn to face him with my coffee in hand, savoring the shot of Baileys I added. Knowing how our agenda may have changed for today, I needed the shot of courage. “Yes, let me grab Luca,” I start to say, heading for the opening to the kitchen.

  Father puts his hand up. “Luca’s already in my study. Let’s get this thing started. We have quite a bit to go over for the day and I’m sure you both want to be finished before the girls are back from their shopping endeavors.”

  I nod, walking behind him as we weave through the house and go into his office. It seems he’s been up earlier than I expected. There are plates of things to munch on in his office, probably prepared early this morning by the staff. I grab a couple of sandwiches and take a seat on the couch. Aesthetically, it’s regal as can be, with gold buttons lining the head, but it’s quite comfortable.

  “Am I correct in assuming things have changed?” I ask, taking a bite out of the ham and swiss combination.

  Father nods, leaning against his desk. “Yes, I’m afraid so. In fact, on many levels, things have changed. I’ve been hearing rumors from our allies that Valentin is sniffing around looking for your sisters again. Our spies in Russia have informed us he’s ready to start a war, especially after hearing news of your marriage. Apparently, the time to act is now, when my children are happy.” He rolls his eyes, scoffing. “If only I had known the type of man I had befriended all those years ago, I would’ve chosen to stay far away.”

  “If you had, you never would’ve met mum,” I state. Even though she’s not my biological mum, it feels wrong to add the term ‘step’ in front. She was every bit of a mother to me.

  “True. I only mean I wish things were avoidable. Maybe then we wouldn’t be split up the way we are right now.”

  “I doubt you’ll always be separated,” Luca says, speaking up from the back of the room.

  My father smiles at him. “We’ve always found out how to keep our family close, haven’t we?” Adding a wink at the end.

  Luca chuckles, and I see a smirk cross his face. Obviously, I’m missing something here.

  “Does someone want to fill me in?” I ask, already growing irritated.

  “Yes, but first I need to give you this,” my father says, handing me a black box. I furrow my brows, believing I know what the contents are. Opening the box, I’m proven right as my eyes land on the rose gold engagement ring that’s been in our family for generations. An oval diamond sits in the center, surrounded by small green emeralds. The trinity is on the left and right of the diamond, and down through the band smaller diamonds span around it.

  “Mum will kill you if she wakes up and sees it’s not on her bloody finger,” I chuckle, knowing how she’d throw a fit.

  I watch my father’s expression and see the sadness wash over him. “Yes, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” He barely has any hope left. We’ve had numerous physicians come to our home after signing a non-disclosure agreement stating they can never report who they’ve seen in our house. Keeping mum’s safety is of the utmost importance. If Valentin ever caught wind she’s still technically alive, we’d all lose her for good. While I hate she’s hooked up to machines that breathe for her, keeping her heart beating, I also am a selfish bastard who enjoys sitting in the room and talking to her. I doubt she can hear me, but her presence is comforting. Some of the physicians have stated she’s completely brain-dead, while others have fought against that diagnosis, saying they’ve seen patients under worst circumstances and care regimens come out of a coma, even longer than the one she’s been in.

  I look to my father and speak from the heart, only knowing any of this because of what he told me as a child. “You did what she asked of you. Mum has always been a fighter, and she told you to hook her up to those machines. She wanted as much time and opportunity as she could get. You were following her wishes.”

  “I feel as though I’m letting her body rot in front of us all,” he admits, slapping his hands together. “Now, let’s stop discussing your mum. You were asking me to fill you in and I believe now is the right time. You know what we’re the best for, boy?”

  “Keeping secrets,” I grumble.

  Luca laughs from where he stands. Asshole.

  “Luca isn’t just your best friend, Liam. He’s your cousin.”

  “I’m sorry— what?”

  “Your Aunt Cara had a son before she died. Instead of raising him myself, I left him with his father to be raised in a normal environment. Considering all the horrors we endured around that time period, it was the correct thing to do.”

  I glance between my father and my . . . best friend, who I’ve now discovered is my blood. “You both lied to me,” I hiss.

  “I didn’t have the authorization to say a word to you. It was the one thing I had to keep from you when I accepted the job working here. I couldn’t say a word, and in part, I’d be able to be with a part of my family I never had the privilege to know,” Luca states.

  “Are you an only child, or are there more of you?” I ask.

  “I’m the youngest of four,” Luca answers while I shift my glare over to my father. Pissed isn’t an accurate way of describing me right now.

  “I felt alone as a child because my sisters were gone and you were hiding this under my fucking nose. We weren’t actually the only Mackenzies left like you stated? What in the bloody hell is wrong with you!” I roar, rising from my seat. I slam my coffee cup down on the table in front of me and it shatters to bits, splashing coffee across the glass top.

  “I won’t apologize to you for doing what was best for everyone. Oran knew what the family was going through and Cara never wanted to be involved in the family business. She lived safely in Northern Ireland with her family until her death. When Luca was old enough, he explained to his father how he wanted to know more about the Mackenzies. Oran called me and I arranged for Luca to go through various training programs so he could come on board as a member of our security detail. Considering the dangers our family is exposed to, I didn’t want him to be unprepared. With the battles coming from multiple directions, it seemed fitting we have a discussion about this today.”

  “I can’t believe any of this,” I hiss, darting my eyes back between the two of them. “The two people I’m supposed to trust more than anyone else have deceived me for years.”

  I walk toward the door with anger in every step I take. “Liam, we have other things we need to go over,” Father states from behind me.

  I stare at the wooden door, not bothering to look back and face him. “You two can figure it the fuck out.”

  25

  Be stubborn about your goals, but flexible about your methods.

  ~ @HelloOctober

  Liam

  I’ve spent the last three days avoiding Luca and my father. After what they dropped on me the other day, I’ve been unable to even want to look in their direction without choking them both. I don’t understand why in this day and age such a secret had to be kept from me. It’s not like I’m some untrustworthy individual. I’m a God-damned Mackenzie for fuck's sake. Not like it mattered in their perspectives, though.

  Keeping myself busy hasn’t been difficult. I’ve gone to Maeve’s every moment I could and have even been taking Caprice with me, who hasn’t complained one bit. She’d much rather be behind the bar, talking to customers than locked up at the estate. She even said she feels like she has a purpose when she’s at the pub. We took Alessandra there yesterday and even she seemed to be enjoying herself.

  Alessandra doesn’t talk to me too much, being shyer out of the two of them. She is trying to make simple conversation every now and again. Maybe I shouldn’t have told Caprice and Alessandra who Luca really is, but Alessandra brought up how she still didn’t feel too safe. I had to prove a point, so I told her Luca is half-Mackenzie, and that she’s in the safest possible place she could be. It seems to me over the last few day
s and having bonding time with her sister she’s realized what her life could’ve been like.

  “You want to learn how to make a few drinks?” Caprice asks her sister, who I’ve been teaching how to do the books. Accounting isn’t overly difficult, however, it does take time and dedication. Alessandra has told me she wanted to go into something business-like if she had actually been able to go to college. I took the opportunity to give her a job of sorts, apprenticing for me. She’ll watch how I do things and when my plate gets busier, she’ll handle accounting for Maeve’s. It’s only a matter of time before the shit Valentin and Gabriele stir up catches up to us. When that time comes, I’ll need someone I trust to handle the day-to-day stuff with the pub. Between Alessandra, my wife, and Aemon, I’m set.

  “Ugh, please don’t make me do that. I’m much better in the business sense.” Alessandra holds up my accounting binder. “See, this is what I’m good at. You stick to talking to the patrons and making them all happy.”

  “Fine, suit yourself. Just thought you would’ve liked taste-testing a new drink I’ve created.”

  “What? Are you a chemist now?”

  “No, I’m not a damn chemist. I’m an alchemist, and you’re about to try one of the newest signature drinks Maeve’s is offering,” Caprice tells her, sticking her tongue out.