by T. S. Joyce
They weren’t disconnecting at all, latched onto each other as they fought to the death.
Jenner ghosted her a look and let off a growl. What kind of directions was he giving her? Shoot? Shoot now?
He spun around and slammed Titus to the ground so this must be it. The chance he was giving her, the clear shot. With trembling hands, she lifted the scope and wished to God there was more light than this. She zeroed in on Titus, but just as she pulled the trigger, Jenner let off a frantic snarl. She jerked the gun a millimeter as she brushed the trigger and suddenly, Titus went mad. Snarling, roaring, charging toward her. She whimpered and chambered another round, but he was coming too fast. Just a few yards before he reached her, Jenner pulled down the man-eater’s back end, slamming him to the ground. And with a sob, Lena pulled the trigger again.
And this time, she didn’t miss.
Titus went limp and let off a long breath—his last. The fury in his eyes glazed over to emptiness as the rifle sagged in Lena’s arms. Desperate to get away from him, she staggered backward and clicked the safety on.
Jenner was glaring at her, his body heaving with breath and his fur matted with red. Sure, Titus looked worse off, but Jenner was hurt.
He paced behind Titus, his fevered eyes on her.
“What? You said shoot!” At least she thought he did.
Jenner let off a pissed roar and disappeared into the woods behind him. And when he came back, naked and dripping crimson from slash marks across his torso, the anger in his eyes hadn’t dimmed one bit. “I meant run, not shoot, Lena! For fuck’s sake, you could’ve been killed!”
Her mouth dropped open as anger rippled through her body. “You’re damn right I could’ve been killed. I was practically a burrito in that tent when he attacked, Jenner! Where were you?”
Jenner opened his mouth, then closed it again. He narrowed his eyes and hooked his hands on his bare hips. He jammed a finger at the limp grizzly. “I was hunting him.”
“Yeah, well you didn’t have to because he was hunting us first! And you’re welcome!”
She pushed the gun back into its holder and stormed off to clean up all of her belongings strewn around camp. And now she was crying harder. Not only was she scared half to death by what had just happened, but she was dealing with Jenner’s anger on top of that.
“Hey,” he said, hand on her shoulder as he pulled her around. He hugged her close and whispered, “Shhhh,” as she really broke down.
“I don’t understand bear-growls, Jenner. You backed off Titus, and I thought you were giving me room to shoot.”
“And you did so fucking good. You were a warrior. I mean, yeah, most people’s instinct would be to run—”
“But he was hurting you.”
Jenner huffed a laugh and turned his head, staring at Titus’s still form. With a long sigh, he murmured, “Woman, you’re terrifying.”
“I’m terrifying? I just saved your ass.”
“And you broke rule number two.”
“Rule number—” She squinted and tried to remember what he’d said, and when it dawned on her, she jerked back. “I shot you? Where?” She was shrieking again.
“It’s not bad,” he muttered, pulling his arm in for a better look and, son of a cock-chafer, sure enough, there was a hole in his bicep, bleeding freely.
“Ooooh,” she said, fluttering her fingers over the injury helplessly. “I didn’t mean to do that, but you shouldn’t have growled at me and distracted me in the first place. I had a good shot.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared. “You practically shot yourself.”
Jenner reared back like she’d just thrown cold water on him, but humor swam in his still dark eyes. “Are you blaming this on me? Seriously?”
Primly, she lifted her chin. “I’m sorry I shot you.”
“I give you two damn rules to follow, and you break one less than four hours after I laid them down,” he grumbled, making his way toward the first aid kit, which was currently lying by the fire, wide open with its contents scattered across the ground.
He bent down, long, powerful legs folding beneath him, and picked up a package of bandages. “Would you mind?”
“That is not enough for all of”—she waved her hand at the gore on his torso—“that.”
“These will be fine. The bullet went straight through and clipped a bone, though, and while it heals, I’d rather not get dirt packed in it.”
“Do you get infections?” she asked, a sliver of worry snaking through her.
“No, but it sucks having your body push dirt out of you slowly.”
“Oh.” Lena cleaned it as best as she could with what little supplies were still intact, and when she pulled the gauze tight around the clean bandage, she felt like grit. Jenner was trying to hide it from her, but he was hurting. Without a word, he turned from the embers and picked up Titus’s back leg, then dragged him off into the woods like the massive grizzly weighed nothing.
Lena stood there in shock as he disappeared into the trees. Jenner was a lot stronger than he’d ever let on, and as she looked down at her hands, sticky with his blood, everything that had happened over the past couple of days crashed over her like a tidal wave.
Losing her virginity, the bears at the river, running from Titus, Jenner’s bite, finding out the man she loved was a freaking bear shifter, and now this? Being attacked by a man-eater that had likely eaten hikers and watching Jenner battle with him. Killing it. Hurting Jenner. She gasped and wiped her hands across her jeans over and over, trying desperately to get the red off her palms. Titus had been hunting them since last night, hell-bent on killing her. She’d almost died just now.
The shaking started in her hands, and a cold tingling sensation traveled up her limbs and landed in her middle. She was going to throw up or pass out, or maybe both. What was that grating sound?
“Lena?” Jenner said, hands out like he was calming a startled colt. Where had he come from?
The sound picked up, and she was truly surprised to find it was coming from her. She was sobbing, shoulders shaking with each pathetic cry that wrenched from her raw throat. Jenner had his jeans on now, and the claw marks on his chest had stopped bleeding. How long had she been like this? Minutes? An hour?
“He…was going…to eat me,” she said, her voice completely unrecognizable and punctuated by hysterical hiccups.
“No, he wouldn’t have because I wouldn’t let that happen. I had you. I heard you call for me, and I was already coming for you.”
“I have blood on my hands,” she said, looking down at the smeared red. Two tears made tiny splats on her palms. “Jenner, I literally have blood on my hands.”
“It’s okay. It’s just mine.” That made it even worse! Jenner hugged her tightly. “Shhh, you’re okay. I’m here. We’re both okay.”
Swallowing down her weakness, she whispered shakily, “I think I’m in shock.”
“I know you are. Your skin is cold as ice.”
He rubbed her arms, but she could barely even feel his touch. Everything seemed so surreal, like she was floating in some dreamscape. Through the trees, the dawn was lightening the sky, but she wasn’t ready for the world to just spin on like she hadn’t almost died in some horrific way.
“Stupid happy sun,” she muttered, glaring at the sunrise.
In a confused tone, Jenner asked, “Do you want to go back to sleep?”
“So I can have nightmares about Titus? Hell no. Where are the horses?” The line they’d been tied to was completely empty.
“Uuuh, probably halfway back to the lodge by now.”
Her voice jacked up an octave. “We’re stranded out here?”
“No. I have a radio up at that hunter’s cabin I was telling you about. It’s about a five mile walk from here, but we can call up to the lodge for help when we get there.”
“Okay, okay,” she chanted, bobbing her head. Jenner had a plan. Good. He was capable and strong, and he was a fucking grizzly bear, so she could do this.
>
Five miles.
After what she’d endured, this would be a piece of cake.
Chapter Twelve
Lena was so damned beautiful it hurt to look away. Which was why Jenner had been sitting in this old creaky chair for the past half an hour watching her sleep.
One more day.
With a regretful sigh, he leaned back in the chair and stretched out his legs. From here, his boot almost touched the cot Lena was sleeping on. The old abandoned cabin was just one small room, and the window near the door had been broken, letting the critters in. Something had made a nest in the corner, and it smelled like animal urine, but at least Lena was safe, encased in these thick log walls. And after last night, she needed to feel safe again.
Titus’s attack had rattled her badly. Any man with eyes in his head could see she was reeling. And after he’d radioed into the lodge and asked the Dawson cousins to bring them new horses, she’d fallen asleep hard on the cot against the far wall. He didn’t blame her. In fact, her body probably needed the sleep to deal and heal.
He couldn’t ask her to stay, and now the trip would be cut short and his precious time with her had just been ripped in half. Fuck, why did this hurt so much? Just the thought of losing her was enough to double him over, but this was his reality.
They would ride back with Chance and Dalton, and she would go back to her life soon after. He’d seen the pictures she’d taken yesterday, and they were incredible. She’d gotten the river bears and the two running away from Titus. They looked like two grizzlies charging and were likely a cover shot any outdoor magazine would cut off their fingers to own rights to.
Their belongings were in a messy pile near the front door, and through the broken window, a breeze fluttered the pages of Lena’s waterlogged journal. It had been splashed during Titus’s attack.
Standing, Jenner checked the bandage on his arm, then strode over to where the journal sat. It was open, and on the page was a picture of himself, casting his glance backward, looking irritated. With a frown, he bent down and opened the journal wider. The sketch was detailed and skilled, but he hated that she saw him cold like this. He flipped a couple of pages, both pictures of bears with notes in the columns, and landed on another picture of himself, walking in front of his horse, mouth open like he was talking to it. He didn’t look so unapproachable here.
There were more. One of him on the deck at the lodge, amusement in his eyes. One of him in front of the mirror in his room, claw marks jagged across his ribs. He had his hand out, as if telling her not to come any closer, but his eyes were soft. There was another of him with his back to her, riding his horse on a trail, and all around them were quickly sketched trees with a bald eagle flying overhead, but it was the last one that made him draw up in realization. It was a detailed drawing of him sitting on the other side of the campfire, smiling. He flipped through them again, faster this time. She’d captured actual moments between them, and as he studied the pictures, he could feel her falling in love with him.
Chest aching, he pulled her camera into his lap and sat heavily on the ground. He flipped through the pictures, one by one. She had taken lots of photographs of him when he hadn’t been paying attention, and they told a story. They transformed him slowly from a mysterious, cold soul to a warm man. Care had been taken with the last several pictures, and he stopped scrolling on one of him sleeping. She must’ve taken it that first morning in the tent when he’d slept through the night beside her. He’d never slept so good in all his life, which made no damned sense because they were out in the wild and his instincts were always on alert.
He wasn’t wearing a shirt and was sleeping on his stomach, his cheek resting on his arm and his face completely relaxed.
Jenner turned the camera off and looked up at where Lena lay asleep on the cot.
He’d screwed up.
He’d lost track of why he couldn’t make a move on her. Now their separation would hurt them both, and it was all his fault. Dammit, if he’d just kept it professional, he could’ve stopped the bond. Probably. Or at least he could’ve hidden it from her if he’d remained aloof like he’d meant to.
But no. Like a rutting animal, he’d given into his wants almost immediately, and then bore his entire freaking bear-tainted soul to her. Now she would leave. She had to. The pictures on her camera would give her huge opportunities in her career, and he couldn’t stand in the way of that. Jenner couldn’t ask her to be happy with a man who hibernated six months out of the year instead of following her dream.
He loved her enough to want better for her.
One more day, and Lena would leave, and when she did, she would take his heart with her.
****
“I have to take lots of landscape pictures so the art department has options in case they want to put an animal into different scenery.”
“Mmm,” Jenner rumbled distractedly as he skipped another rock across the creek.
He’d been distant all day, and her conversations had turned desperate. She wanted so badly for him to open up again, but whatever Titus’s attack had done to her, it had locked Jenner up completely.
Jenner frowned off into the woods, then back at the cabin that was barely visible through the trees. “I tracked down my mom.”
Lena stopped taking pictures and let the camera rest against her chest. “What? When?”
“Five years ago. I never told my brothers.”
“Why not?”
“Because I still don’t know how I feel about it. I found her in Anchorage. I was too young to remember what she looked like, but apparently she’s a big, respected news anchor. I’d been watching her on the news for years and hadn’t even known she was my mom.” He skipped another rock, then sank down onto the gravelly beach, resting his arms on his knees as his eyes got a faraway look. “We met for lunch at this nice restaurant, and I was sure I would feel this connection to her, you know?” Jenner leveled Lena with those vibrant baby blues.
Lena sat beside him and rested her cheek against his arm. “What happened?”
“There was nothing. I didn’t know her, and she didn’t know me. And she didn’t want to. My dad spent a lot of time convincing us that he didn’t care that she left. That wasn’t true. My dad had tried to make it work with her. Tried to co-parent us. Even thought about telling her what he was and what we would become.”
“She didn’t know?”
Jenner huffed a breath and shook his head. “Some people can be trusted with this secret. Some can’t. Dad was right not to tell her. I can hear a lie, and she was full of half-truths. I thought for a minute she wasn’t capable of being genuine, but then she told me the reason she left, and it was the first truly honest thing she said to me. She hadn’t wanted the life Dad offered her. It wasn’t enough.” Jenner rested his cheek against her head. “She hadn’t wanted to be a mother, and when she found out she was having triplets, she felt this heaviness, like she couldn’t breathe because her life was over. She had big dreams, and living in some cabin out in the middle of nowhere, raising multiples, wasn’t what she wanted. She said she tried for the first two years, but every day she woke up feeling like she was drowning. And then she told me that she was sorry, but she didn’t regret her decision because she’d made something of herself.”
“Wow, what a horribly shitty mother.”
Jenner sighed. “Yeah, her mothering instincts weren’t awesome.”
“You know she could’ve chased those dreams and been a parent too, right?”
“Lena, she didn’t even know what she was into, though. She had triplets, and that was breaking her. Imagine when she learned we were all bear shifters.”
“So what? You change into a bear. You aren’t man-eaters. You all have good jobs and good lives. You’re all successful. She bailed, Jenner. From age two to when you tracked her down, she had no contact with you, and her excuse was sorry but I’m not sorry? I got the life I wanted and fuck the rest of you?” Lena shook her head, baffled and trying to imagine l
eaving a child. She couldn’t even fathom the pain. Couldn’t. “I would never leave a kid.”
“And you won’t have to be put in the position to choose.”
Lena jerked back and frowned up at him. “What do you mean?”
Jenner looked sick right now. “You don’t know everything,” he whispered. “It’s not as simple as me just turning into a bear every once in a while.”
“Then tell me.”
Jenner gave his attention to the creek, so she shoved his arm. “Don’t close down again, Jenner. Tell me. Let me decide if it’s too much. Tell me!”
“What’s the point? Huh?” he barked, eyes sparking like blue flames. “I didn’t tell you that story about my mom to unload on you. I told you so you would understand why I’m doing this.”
Lena felt bear-slapped, and for a moment, she couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. She could only look at the man she loved and realize what this discussion was really about. He wasn’t just distancing himself. He was pushing her away. For good. “Doing what?” she whispered. She needed to hear him say it.
“You don’t belong here, Lena,” he murmured, but his voice sounded strange. Half-truth. “You have this huge career that requires a lot of you. I can’t ask you to become stagnant for me.”
“Stagnant? Have you looked around, Jenner? There’s a fucking porcupine over there.” She jammed her finger across the creek at the critter meandering down the bank. “There’s a picture. It’s not like I would be visiting some high-rise city with nothing but rats to photograph. And you’re wrong. I do belong here, or at least in a place like this. I feel at home out in the woods. I always have. I’m not saying I have to move in with you. I can visit or find a place nearby. I mean, I live out of a hotel! My belongings are what I brought with me. I had a pet plant, and it died on my last trip to Montana. I have no roots, and someday I’ll want some. This feels big between us, Jenner.” She clutched the sleeve of his sweater, desperate to banish his vacant expression. “Look at me! This is big. For you and for me, too, because I haven’t felt like this with anyone else.”