Apathetic God

by Ian Withrow

  Lauren kept her head ducked and her wings close to her body as she made her way across the room. So intent was she on the ceiling and it’s potential pests, she stubbed her toe on a low wooden crate on the floor.

  “Ouch, ow ow ow.”

  She hopped up and down for a moment on one leg until the sharp pain in her foot subsided, and cast a wrathful glare at the offending hazard. The container in front of her was filled with military paraphernalia. Uniforms, buttons, ribbons, and the like were stacked in neatly folded piles within it.

  “Alright there?”

  “Yeah, yeah I’m ok. This must be your brother’s?”

  “Ah yes, that’s Colin’s. I’d thought he had taken most of this with him when he left for Australia.”

  Lauren picked her way more carefully towards Valerie, who was already standing by the wine-rack.

  “Australia?”

  “Yes, he moved there when he left the military. That was years ago, just after our mother died. Perhaps I’ll write him, tell him he still has some things here.”

  Something in her tone told Lauren that she wouldn’t.

  “Anyway, this is the selection. My father’s second proudest achievement, next to my brother. Anything suit your fancy?”

  “I’ve got to admit, I don’t really know much about wine.”

  “Oh, I thought since- Well nevermind what I thought. Let’s give you a treat shall we?”

  Lauren’s cheeks burned as she wondered what Valerie had heard in the news. What reputation she must have.

  “Château Lafite, circa 1865?”

  Lauren shrugged.

  “Sure, sounds great.”

  Valerie nodded and grabbed a pair of bottles. She hesitated a moment and, to Lauren’s surprise, picked up a third before heading back towards the door.

  Lauren was happy to leave the confines of the cellar and return once more to the open air. She shook her wings vigorously, dislodging dust and cobwebs as she did so. Despite her best efforts, she looked like an antique that had been forgotten in an attic for years.

  Valerie laughed a little at Lauren’s expression of displeasure.

  “Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

  “Yes please.”

  Lauren followed Valerie back inside.

  “Alright love, you remember where the shower is? Edward will have set towels out I’m sure, but just in case they are in the cabinet to the left. I’ll get dinner together while you freshen up.”

  Lauren watched her partner prance off into the kitchen before heading up to find out what sort of shower she might be able to manage upstairs. To her slight disappointment, but not surprise, the shower in the master bathroom was a little cramped for her.

  The water was hot, and the pressure strong, and despite the tight quarters Lauren felt infinitely better for it. She rinsed as much of the dust and dirt as she could, and then stepped out and wrapped herself in a plush purple towel she found hanging there. She was drying off when she realized that her clothes were still covered in debris.

  “Right.”

  She stood dripping in the steam-filled room and pondered her options. She was hesitant to try searching through Valerie’s dresser drawers without an explicit invitation, but she wasn’t exactly comfortable running around nude either. At the risk of looking like a bad sitcom character she decided the towel would have to do. With her new garment securely wrapped around her she slipped back downstairs.

  Delicious smells drew her to the kitchen, where she found Valerie humming softly and flitting back and forth between several steaming and sizzling pans. She turned and smiled as Lauren approached

  “Oh, well hello there. You look ravishing in purple. Did you enjoy your shower? It must have been terribly cramped for you.”

  Valerie poured a glass of deep red wine from one of the dusty old bottles and offered it to her guest.

  “Oh no, it was great thank you. I just, I don’t have any clean clothes.”

  “Not to worry, we will get you straightened out. I think we’ve already demonstrated you fit my clothing quite nicely after all. But, if you’d prefer we could eat first?”

  Lauren’s mouth was watering. Savory rosemary and thyme, as well as other less recognizable scents filled the air. She didn’t mind the towel, and in fact found herself pleasantly surprised at Valerie’s reaction to it. She graciously accepted the wine being offered and strolled over to the stove, taking a closer look at what was cooking.

  “I think dinner. What’s on the menu?”

  Valerie tutted and playfully swatted at Lauren’s hand as she reached for the lid to a pan.

  “Now now, my mother would spin in her grave if I let a guest touch cookware in this house. Sit there and sip your wine and continue to dazzle me with your conversation.”

  Lauren laughed and did her best to look suitably chastised. She took a seat on the counter and took extra care in crossing her legs, keenly aware of the shortness of her towel.

  “Oh? Are you?”

  “Am I what?”

  “Dazzled.”

  Lauren asked the question a little too passionately, with more energy than she intended. She found herself nervous for the reply. Whatever she expected, Valerie’s sincere, equally serious answer made her smile.

  “More than you know.”

  Lauren hid her blushing cheeks by taking a sip of wine. It was velvety, smooth and incredibly complex. She could, without hesitation, say it was the single most delicious drink she’d ever had.

  “Wow. What is this, and where do I get some?”

  “The Lafite? Oh you can’t just buy it anymore. It’s a very rare vintage, bottled in 1865. I think when my father purchased these they ran him around three thousand pounds each.”

  Lauren choked on her wine. She did some quick mental math.

  “Valerie! That’s like five thousand dollars! What the hell are we doing drinking it?”

  Valerie laughed again, a rich melody that made Lauren’s heart flutter.

  “Because Lauren, it was bottled to be drank, not to sit forever in a dark basement. One of many fundamental difference I have with my father. Wine, like life, is meant to be experienced, to be enjoyed, to be lived in a way that makes one happy. The people who toiled in a field a century and a half ago to bottle this had no intention of letting it sit wasted in a rich man’s basement.”

  Lauren raised an eyebrow. Valerie was as compelling as ever, and her philosophy struck a sympathetic chord in Lauren’s heart. She couldn’t stop smiling at the fierce, willful woman that fate had brought into her life.

  Dinner turned out to be delicious. Valerie produced sizzling, pan seared chicken breasts with steamed asparagus, and fingerling potatoes, all smothered in a thick mushroom and cream sauce. The meal was anything but rushed, and the two women laughed and chatted casually while the wine slowly disappeared and the shadows lengthened across the tiled floor.

  By the time they finished eating they were deep in the second bottle of Lafite, and a pleasant buzz filled Lauren’s mind as she helped her host clean the dishes from their shared meal.

  “So domestic, who would have guessed.”

  Valerie teased Lauren as she handed her the last plate to dry off. Lauren, for her part, played along. She wiped the plate down with a soft towel and placed it carefully back in the cupboard. She adopted a silly, faux-british accent as she had done so often as a child.

  “Yes marm, happy to repay your kindness marm.”

  “Are you mocking me?”

  “Oh certainly not, I could never.”

  Valerie rolled her eyes at Lauren’s awful accent and turned back to the sink. After fishing around a moment in the soapy water to ensure no dishes had been left behind, she pulled the plug and started to rinse out the sink. She reached back towards Lauren without looking.

  “Could you hand me the towel?”

  Lauren looked her up and down. Valerie’s shapely rear-end was unguarded, so she rolled the towel she was holding and snapped it playfully against h
er cheek. It made a satisfying crack and Valerie jumped, splashing water down the front of her floral-patterned apron.

  “You little shit!”

  Lauren howled with laughter, at least until Valerie retaliated by splashing her.

  “Hey! I already got a shower, no fair!”

  Valerie scowled in mock anger and tutted to herself.

  “Well it would serve you right to have to take another.”

  “But who will preen my feathers for me?”

  Valerie smirked and held out a hand to Lauren.

  “Come with me.”

  Lauren’s heart fluttered as she accepted. Would she ever get used to being able to freely touch someone? Valerie picked up the remaining bottle of wine as they exited the room. She expected that Valerie would be headed upstairs, so she was surprised when they turned instead for the front door.

  “Where are we going?”

  Valerie ignored her question, and simply led her outside and towards the back of the house again.

  “Oh no. We aren’t going back down there are we?”

  “Oh ye of little faith.”

  Lauren grumbled to herself. She looked around at the countryside in the waning light. The setting sun painted brilliant colors on the clouds above, and set fire to the fields around them.

  Rather than take her to the cellar, Valerie led her to the curious outbuilding she had seen before. It was a round structure, like some kind of low silo about ten feet across. The oddest feature was certainly the glass roof, which was made of several panels that appeared to be able to open and shut independently.

  A moment spent fiddling with keys, and Valerie was opening the one door set into the side of the building. Lauren peeked inside and couldn’t help but gasp.

  It was heaven. It had to be.

  Almost the entire floor of the building, save for a perimeter of about two feet, was a gigantic in-ground hot tub. Lauren wasted no time ducking inside. Valerie followed her in, laughing at her overjoyed reaction.

  Lauren stepped carefully around the tub, the entire interior wall was covered in gorgeous photographs of landscapes all over the world. They were clearly different places, but Valerie had masterfully blended the changing colors and lines so that each photo seemed to flow directly into those around it. It was like looking at a quilt of the world, and made the tiny space feel massive and grand.

  “Valerie this is beautiful, it must have taken you years.”

  Lauren moved slowly along the wall, poring over the photographs.

  “A labor of love, I’m afraid. Every time I think it’s finished I find something even more beautiful to photograph.”

  The tub itself had a low bench and several recessed lights that, along with the fading sunlight filtering down from above, provided illumination for the room. Half-burnt candles of various sizes were dotted around the walkway, as were an assortment of books. Lauren picked one up at random and turned it to the cover. She was a little surprised to find that it was a romance novel. Two women were ballroom dancing across a cover that read “Two Lips in Summer.” She’d expected something a little more cerebral from her friend, but she was far from put out. She still had her back to Valerie, so with a mischievous grin she began to read in a dramatic, passionate voice.

  “Two young women in the antebellum South discover forbidden love amidst fields of flowers in this sensual romp through America’s past…”

  “Ahem!”

  Valerie coughed loudly, and Lauren turned with a big smile on her face. It was Lauren’s turn to be speechless. While Lauren had been poking through the books and candles, Valerie had quietly slipped out her clothes and was sitting naked at the edge of the tub across from her.

  “Wow.”

  Valerie’s casual strength and vibrant confidence seemed more fragile in the dim light. She held the same straight-backed, self-assured posture that Lauren had come to know, but her eyes were open windows of longing and nervousness.

  “Lauren, tonight could end right here if you’d like. We could walk away, go to bed, and never speak of it again... if that’s what you want.”

  Lauren stepped hesitantly to the edge of the tub.

  “I would understand, I really would. But I spent too much of my life denying who I was, and not speaking up for what I wanted, to not tell you how I feel.”

  Valerie’s voice cracked a little as she spoke, and Lauren could sense a great deal of pain within her. She wondered, not for the first time, at the foundation that had built such a strong woman.

  “But these past few weeks have been some of the brightest memories I’ve ever made. So, this is me. Valerie Prescott Chatwick. This is me telling you that I want more. That I want you.”

  Lauren’s heart was pounding, her head spinning as Valerie made her confession. She’d never directly confronted this part of herself. Romance had always been a confusing, disordered, secondary concern. She never had a chance to figure out who she was, what this part of her life could be like. But now she had a real, grown-up choice to make.

  This would be more than a stolen kiss. More than a lingering hug or a fantasy in her mind.

  She stared at the water below her feet. She’d told herself for years that she wished for a real relationship. Or even for the ability to have one. She had pined away countless hours in high school pondering her looming spinsterhood. But here it was, a dream come true, and she was suddenly terrified.

  The edge of the hot tub became more than just a step into warm water. It was a gut-check that held Lauren frozen as she weighed her options. She looked up and saw Valerie staring at her. Her heart did a backflip and her mind was made up in an instant. The raw emotion in her companion's eyes resonated inside her and gave her strength.

  “Valerie Prescott Chatwick, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Lauren untied the towel she wore and let it fall to the walkway around her ankles. She took a deep breath and stepped down onto the bench in the tub, and then further to the floor. The water rose to the middle of her chest.

  “This is me, Lauren Elisse Corvidae.”

  Valerie paused a moment, and then slid into the tub as well, wading over to Lauren and wrapping her in a bear hug. She rested her head on Lauren’s shoulder and the two held each other tightly for several minutes before speaking.

  Lauren tried to push back the doubts and fears in the back of her mind. She couldn’t help but dwell on the people she had lost before.

  “I... have to tell you that I don’t think this will be easy. That I have a long history of hurting the people around me.”

  Valerie didn’t answer at first, just squeezed her tighter.

  “Lauren, if you’re not sure about this....”

  “I do! I mean, I am. I want to try.”

  Lauren felt an electric thrill as they pressed their bodies together. The heat between them put the water to shame. Her skin felt impossibly sensitive. She was aware of every inch of contact between them. Lauren’s wings instinctively curled around them, her feathers skimming the surface of the water.

  “I think that I need you to do something for me first though...”

  Valerie stiffened ever so slightly and pulled her head back. She looked into Lauren’s eyes and scanned her face curiously.

  Lauren leaned in close, her cheeks scarlet, and whispered softly.

  “I believe there was some discussion of preening?”

  Lauren rolled over in the large bed, caught somewhere between waking and sleep. The night before was a fiery blur of passion and pleasure. She could feel the rays of the morning sun across her bare leg and back. She retreated, cuddling deeper into the silky sheets and basking in the afterglow of her evening.

  She wasn’t sure what time they had actually gone to sleep, they’d been too distracted to care. Visions of Valerie filled her mind, the taste of her still lingered on Lauren’s lips. She could still feel the memory of her thin fingers entwining themselves in her hair. She couldn’t stop thinking about Valerie’s velvet touch. Drowsiness was replaced
by other, more active desires and she came to grips with the idea that she was not going to get back to sleep.

  Her eyes still closed, Lauren snaked a hand across the bed, reaching out for Valerie. She hoped to find her companion similarly interested in picking up where they had left off, but found nothing except more bedsheets and blankets.

  She sat up, confused, and blinked in the morning light. Valerie was nowhere to be found, but a folded piece of paper with a big heart drawn on it was sitting on the bedside table with a glass of water and a cellphone.

  Lauren, got called into the office in London. Turns out I do have to work occasionally. I wish I could sleep in, especially after last night. Don’t worry, I’ll be back this evening. Make yourself at home! Help yourself to anything in the house. This is my personal cell phone, consider it yours until we can find a way to get you one, I can just use my work phone.

  - V

  P.S. Don’t be worried when Edward stops by, he’s the epitome of British discretion and I told him I have a guest.

  P.P.S. If you need anything from town just ask Edward, he can get it for you.

  Lauren smiled and picked up the phone, a blinking icon indicated that there was an unread text message. She activated the touchscreen and the note appeared.

  “Lauren, this is my work cell -V”

  Lauren tapped a reply and smiled at the giddy, overly happy feelings flooding her body.

  “Good morning, thanks for last night… - L”

  She couldn’t describe it. She felt an unabashed joy inside, like she was going to burst into song. She slipped out of the bed and stretched widely, resisting the urge to dance. She caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror and laughed out loud at her messy, wild hair. She looked like she’d just been electrocuted.

  Ding.

  “The pleasure was mine, sorry I had to work today.”

  “/sigh/ I suppose I will survive.”

  Lauren ran her fingers through her hair in an effort to tame it.