Marked

by Jasmine Derriman

  “Of course,” Rhys said with a little eye roll.

  “You can though,” I said quickly. “Don’t let me stop you. Just because I don’t want to enjoy things doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

  “And go at it all alone? Yeah right,” Rhys laughed a little.

  I sighed at him. “I’m sorry, I just…can’t. Okay?”

  “I know, its okay, don’t worry.”

  I definitely wouldn’t say that I was a normal seventeen-year-old girl, not even a little bit. I mean, I didn’t like parties, going to school dances…socialising…you know, normal teenage stuff. It was hard for me to feel like I was fitting in though. I mean, it was partly because when I was younger ending up in large social events forced me into these anxiety panic attack things, something I hadn’t had for years now, but I figured that was due to the lack of socialising.

  When we moved Brooklyn, my Uncle was worried about how, mentally, I was handling everything. I was young enough when my parents died that I didn’t really know what was going on, but old enough that I could just remember them, and I would. My ‘panic attacks’ were apparently caused by my memories of them, that I had just deeply suppressed them or something, but I really didn’t think that was it. I knew what I was thinking in my own head, and it wasn’t any suppressed memories of my parents.

  I couldn’t deny that I struggled with mental problems though. The panic attacks were just the start of it all. It was all a lot worse when I was younger. When we first moved to Brooklyn I was convinced I could see things. Like monsters, shadows, and strange figures, it was the main reason my Uncle decided to put me in therapy in the first place. The monsters, my therapist told me where an imagination my mind made up. Why, well she had a few reasons why. It could be because I believed there were monsters out there and I wanted to believe it because a monster killed my parents. It could be because I was scared…either way whatever elaborate reasons it may be, for years I struggled with it. I heard voices too, I could never understand what they were saying, but for the first twelve years or so of my life I was basically crazy. My therapist gave me medication when I reached middle school and I was still seeing things, and maybe a year after that, everything just kind of went away.

  I found myself looking out the window while Rhys stuffed down the rest of his dinner and even the little bit of mine I couldn’t physical finish. I didn’t notice much outside straight away. I could just see a street and a sea of brake lights as the traffic barely moved, but that is normal for this time of night. I moved my head slightly to look back at Rhys, but as I did I noticed something different.

  I felt myself sit up immediately as I practically double took. I suddenly recognised the face that I saw staring at me through the window, and I wasn’t sure how to react at that moment. It was the boy from the party last night. The boy that last time I saw staring at me in a similar position, through a window. His hair was just as messy as it was before and he still wore that awful jacket and now I could now see it was slightly torn. He barely looked at me though; I didn’t think he noticed that I had seen him. He put his head down as he turned away and I watched him enter the restaurant. I looked quickly at Rhys who hadn’t even realised my sudden state of shock because he was too busy woofing down his dinner. I turned my head back to look for the boy and I saw him with his head still down, walking to the back of the restaurant.

  “I’m just going to the bathroom, okay? I’ll be right back,” I told Rhys standing up and pushing my chair aside as I did.

  “Um…yeah, sure.”

  I tried not to run to get to the back of the restaurant, but I was worried I would lose sight of the boy and if I didn’t hurry I would then lose him completely. I saw the boy disappear down the hallway towards the back of the restaurant. I hurried towards the hall because I knew that the two doors down the end led outside into the back alley. I let myself run a little as I made it into the hallway. I saw the door back doors swing back and forth a little, like someone had just walked through it.

  I practically ran the last little length and pushed both the doors open as wide as I could and stepped outside into the cold brisk night. I was hit with the smell of rotting garage that could be coming from several places in the alley, and I only had the dim lighting of a street lamp nearby to shine the area around me. The light may have been dim, but it’s enough for me to see that I was the only one standing in the alley.

  I turned both ways down the alley, and practically spun on the spot as I looked around in confusion, but there was no one there. How did he get away so fast? He wasn’t that far ahead of me and the alley was long enough that he couldn’t have run it in time, I would’ve seen him. I suddenly realised that that shouldn’t have been my biggest worry. How was that same boy from the other night? Was he following me? Should I be afraid of him? Why did I follow him then? If he was dangerous then what the hell am I doing? What are the chances of seeing this guy twice though? It was unlikely…well very unlikely actually. Why did he feel so weird though? Why did I feel like…like I had to talk him?

  I shook my head a little to snap myself out of my own head. I shouldn’t be standing here right now looking for someone who seemed like in a way they didn’t exist. I breathed out heavily as I turned myself to walk back inside the restaurant, but before my hands even touched the doors that led into the restaurant I noticed something that stopped me in my tracks.

  I looked down to my foot as I stepped and I noticed that I have stepped on something, but something I recognised. I moved my foot back just to make sure that I was really seeing what was there because I knew that it should be here. I knew that it should’ve been in my room, but it wasn’t, was here.

  It was the tiny little piece of paper I had taken from the party last night. The tiny piece of paper with that stupid symbol on it. I was so sure of it; I was so sure it was the same one. When I had pulled it out of my bag this morning I made sure I put it on my desk, I made sure I looked at that picture for long enough that I knew I would recognise it, and I did recognise it now. I bent down slowly and let my fingers curl around the paper as I picked it up. I found myself looking down the alley again as I stood up, like I expected to see someone standing there and watching me, but again, there was no one.

  I walked back into the restaurant, stuffing the piece of paper back into my pocket as I did. I didn’t want to think about it, or the symbol, but I couldn’t just leave it there, and I didn’t feel like I could forget. I saw that Rhys had finished his dinner once I walked back over to our table and he sat back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “Can we go?” I asked him immediately, standing next to him.

  He jumped slightly, unfolding his arms and then leaning forward. “Wow, you want to go so early?”

  “I’m tired,” I lied with a shrug. “Don’t want to be tried for our first day back of hell.”

  “We’ll go in a second, can you just sit down for one more minute, and then I promise we’ll go,” he said to me. “Please.”

  I frowned at him but hesitantly got into my chair at the table. I watched him as he shifted to put his hand into his pocket and he slowly pulled his hand back up to the table.

  “Because this is our last year in high school I wanted to buy you something,” Rhys admitted, “and I had no idea what to get you, because I knew you’d had a go at me for buying you something…and that’s when I figured it out.”

  Rhys’ hand unfolded his hand over the table to reveal what he was holding. I immediately recognised what he was holding. It was a bracelet, a dark leather bracelet Rhys bought a year or so ago. I remembered seeing him wear it and loving it.

  “I don’t wear it anymore, and I know you like it,” he shrugged, “and I know it’s not much but I wanted to give you something.”

  I frowned slightly and I looked up to meet his eyes. “I didn’t get you anything-.”

  “No, that’s fine, it’s not like I spent a lot of money,” Rhys shrugged.

  “You remembered I liked thi
s bracelet,” I sighed as I touched my hand to his to take the bracelet.

  “How could I forget?” he smiled as he now moved his hand away.

  “Thank you, Rhys, seriously,” I said, looking at him. “This…it’s really nice.”

  “It’s what friends are for.”

  The drive back to my house was nearly completely silent. I was so caught up in my own mind and my own thoughts that I don’t feel like making small talk with Rhys for once, even if he had just done something extremely nice for me. I had put the bracelet on and I let my fingers graze over it as I found myself making up excuses, like I was just tired. Rhys knew me well enough though and he was always good at telling my moods, and whilst he may not believe that I was tired, he knew not to push it when I was in one of my moods.

  My Uncle wasn’t home as I walked through the door, which wasn’t surprising to me. He did long shifts all the time, often night shifts as well, that was the life of a nurse in this city though. I didn’t ever feel alone in this apartment though. I mean, it’s literally only meant for two, although it’s probably better for one if I really thought about it. If one of the bedrooms was converted into a study, there would definitely be more space around here.

  My Uncle didn’t have much style or taste as far as furniture went, but neither did I. A lot of our furniture was just stuff he had from his apartment in Florida, stuff he’s has had for years, and stuff that looked like he had it for years but really he just bought it second-hand. I had a lot of memories in this place to be honest though. This was where I grew up, not Florida.

  After my parents died I didn’t celebrate anything properly for years. Birthdays went along like they were a normal day, and during Christmas we put a small tree up on Christmas eve and handed each other presents in the morning and then put the tree away around about new year’s eve. It wasn’t until I was eleven and Rhys convinced me to do something for my birthday did that change. I kind of refused. I had gotten used to the five years of not celebrating anything. It was a surprise to wake up on my birthday and walk outside to see breakfast made and presents stacked on the table though. It was nice surprise. It’s probably one of my favourite memories because whilst not only did I not expect it, but I actually found myself feeling good, and as life went on that is hard to come by sometimes.

  I am good at being alone, really good. I think it was something I learnt early on, something I am very used to. I can’t ask my uncle to be there for me all the time. He never planned his life would involve raising me after all. It’s made me tough in a way that most people weren’t. It means I am good at being the outsider at school, which is precisely what I was.

  I sighed as I walked into my bedroom as I put my hand in my jeans pocket to pull my phone out and chucked it on the bed, but I felt my hand enclose around something else at the same time. I pulled my phone out and opened my hand. The small piece of was crumpled slightly from sitting in my pocket, but it was still here. I was scared to unravel it again and a look at the symbol I knew was drawn upon it. It was just a symbol though; a symbol on a piece of paper which should’ve been in my room.

  I immediately turned my head to look out my window and I sighed as I realised I had left it wide open this morning. I had made it very easy for anyone to break into my room, and I had started to add things up in my head I started to think that I had just made it easier for the boy from earlier to just get into my room.

  It only made sense to me that he must’ve dropped the piece of paper in the alley way. It really was the only thing that made sense because I had seen him twice, and it was no coincidence that I had seen him and these symbols at the same time. So that meant the two were connected. They must be. They both had some strange hold over me. It really was the only thing that made sense to me right now, because really none of this made sense.

  I sighed and walked over to my window and make sure I shut it and locked it tight this time. If he was coming back, I’m not about to just invite him again. I’m not afraid of him though, but I am afraid of him taking this symbol away from me again. This was a really stupid thing to be afraid of considering he had probably broken into my room, but that’s all I care about, keeping the symbol with me.

  I was crazy. That was a good explanation for everything I was feeling right now. I decided to put the piece of paper in my bedside table draw, to keep it close to me. I then crash down onto the bed and just stared at the ceiling for a little while. I felt tired again, exhausted almost, and I had no idea why. I wanted to forget about it all, forget what was happening because I had had enough to think about as it was. Tomorrow was the first day of senior year, the first day of my last year of school. The first day of the rest of my life.

  Chapter Three

  The first day of senior year really should be a great day for any normal teenager. It was the first day of my last year ever of high school. By the end of the year I wouldn’t have to deal with the world of high school, and the drama of being a teenager, instead by next year most of these teenagers would be making their way to college. For me I would be getting as far as I could from here. For today though all those teenagers were celebrating that they had made it to their last year, and the fact they were on top of the food chain for once, and that today was supposed to be great. Today for me though, wasn’t so great.

  I woke up a little a late and found myself rushing to get ready in time. Granted I was pretty good at sleeping in and being late, I figured on my first day I should at least make the effort to be on time. Making the effort though turned out to be a little harder than I thought as I tried to walk out of my bedroom. Something was holding onto me and stopping me from leaving this house and when I looked back into my room, I found that my eyes locked onto my bedside table. The stupid piece of paper was still there, sitting in that draw, and as stupid as it was…I couldn’t leave without it.

  I basically ran the hundred blocks to school, and it was far too hot to be running, which was something I only realised once I had stopped running. I just avoided the whole celebration that was happening out of the front of the school and started along with my day as if it was any first day of any year. I got my papers, get my schedule, my homeroom, my locker, all of it and I just went to my classes and kept my head down, just as I always had.

  Senior classes for some reason seemed to somehow already had a whole leg up on junior classes and I couldn’t even explain why either. I just found myself enjoying my advanced English a lot more than I ever had before. Something however was bothering me, like there was something in the back of my mind. I didn’t notice it straight away to be honest. It wasn’t until I sat in my AP calculus class did I notice that my notes were all over the place, and I realised that in fact a lot of notes weren’t even words. I had been drawing things, little things…and if it wasn’t sitting in a classroom full of people I might’ve jumped out of my chair and thrown my book across the room.

  I however found myself holding my breath, the only reaction that suddenly seemed acceptable. There it was, in the corner of my page. I had drawn the symbol. The very same symbol I had on that stupid little piece of paper was now drawn onto my notes. I had drawn it, and I knew I had, even if I didn’t remember doing it, it was there on my paper. It became a desperate moment then as I started to flip back through the rest of my books that I had already used today, and each page I found it harder to breathe.

  I had to stop myself from screaming, or at least from having a complete mental breakdown in the middle of class. The symbols were everywhere. In every single book, every single page, practically anything I had touched today. It got worse too when I realised that it wasn’t just the one symbol; it was others too, ones that I had never seen before. I mean, I possibly saw some of them in the same study I took the other symbol from, but I hadn’t stared at them long enough for me to memorise them and draw them as I had now.

  When the bell went for lunch I gathered my things quickly as I could and rushed to the cafeteria. I was looking for Rhys and I was hoping to God he wa
s here because I really needed him of all people right now. I haven’t seen him all day which wasn’t surprising because we never ended up having many classes together, and he always started lunch earlier than me. So, I’m beyond relieved when I see Rhys sitting alone at a table in the back of the cafeteria.

  It was very normal for Rhys to be sitting alone in the back, as far away from everyone as he could get. It wasn’t that Rhys didn’t have any other friends than me; it was just that I didn’t have any have any other friends besides Rhys. None of Rhys’ friends however had lunch period at the same time as him, but it didn’t bother him. He was more than happy to sit by himself in the end. It had never bothered Rhys being alone though because he always found a way to entertain himself. Whether he was listening to music, or maybe reading comics…or possibly drawing comic book ideas down, he was fine by himself.

  I rushed over to him, pushing my way to the back of the cafeteria, not really caring if I bumped into anyone on the way. I chucked my books down on the table and crashed down in the seat completely startling Rhys, who up until now had been in his own little world from the book he was reading, now, however he was more worried about me as his eyes locked onto mine.

  “Ah… are you okay there?” he asked me slowly as he shut his book.

  “No, I’m definitely not,” I shook my head, pushing my hair out of my face, which had been escaping out of my pony-tail all morning.

  “Why? What’s going on?” Rhys asked frowning. I had made him become worried within seconds. “Did something happen in class?”