After a few adjustments, he pulled me over his chest and stroked my hair as we calmed our breathing. “Ollie?” I whispered.
“Yeah?” he asked with his fingers in my hair.
“How many people have you loved before me?”
He grinned. “None.”
“How many have you slept with before me without a condom?”
“None.”
I lifted my head off his chest. “Why?”
“I had my fair share, Mia. But I knew as soon as I saw you, I was looking at the one. A condom means a casual fuck to me, and you are anything but. I believe in what we have, and as long as you were on birth control, I wanted to give myself to you completely. No barriers, no fucking condom, just me. Something I’d never given any woman before you. There never will be anyone else, I’m certain of it …” He ran his thumb down my bottom lip before resting his fingers under my chin, “I love you, Mia. I never told anyone that, ever. You have my entire heart, and you have the power to rip it out of my chest and obliterate it completely, but I have belief you won’t.”
It was a far better explanation than I could have asked for. Ollie had given me more than just himself. He’d lain it all on the line—his love, his feelings, his body—following a belief we were meant to be together. It was a beautiful thing, becoming entirely vulnerable to another human being who could potentially destroy you. But no doubts ever came from him. No hesitations. No questions.
“What are you two doing over there?” Isaac asked, and I’d forgotten we weren’t the only two people in the room as Ollie’s nose brushed mine.
“Mind your own, mate,” Ollie called out.
“Why are you glowing over there, Ollie?” Alicia teased. “You sure seem to be in a better mood all of a sudden.”
Ollie let out a raspy yet nervous chuckle as he grabbed the closest pillow and chucked it behind me at them. “Shut up, would ya?” he said and leaned back against the wall, his cheeks flushed.
“Mia, why don’t you come over here and take care of me next,” Isaac suggested and followed with a laugh, but the mood shifted entirely.
Ollie gripped my waist and pulled me to the side before springing to his feet. Before I knew what was happening, Ollie had hoisted Isaac off the floor and pushed him against the wall at his chest. “You don’t talk to her like that. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” Isaac’s face turned crimson and nodded against the wall before Ollie took a step back. “It’s time for everyone to go.”
Everyone was too startled to speak another word as they all helped each other up through the vent. Ollie took a seat at the edge of the mattress with his head in the palms of his hand. His knee bounced uncontrollably, and I crawled over and sat beside him.
After everyone left, I placed my hand over his back to calm him.
“I’m sorry, Mia. I didn’t mean to, but I can’t control myself. You’re not a fucking knickknack. No one should ever objectify you. You deserve better …” he explained as he ran his hands through his hair.
“It’s okay. I’m stronger than you think. I could care less about what those people think or say about me. Hell, I’ve done enough to myself to deserve it.”
He cocked his head to face me. “No, don’t do that …”
“Do what?”
“Don’t justify other people’s actions or comments because of your past. I don’t care what you did. No one deserves to be treated that way. He needs to start respecting the girls here, especially you.”
Climbing off the mattress, I got to my feet and stood before him. “Well, now we’re in quite a pickle.”
Ollie lifted his eyes to mine. “Why’s that?”
“My exit plan just left.”
Chapter Nineteen
“Even the darkest parts of us
become beautiful when seen
through a different set of eyes.”
—Oliver Masters
“IF WE GET CAUGHT, the plan is I kidnapped you from your room and held you prisoner.” Ollie walked in circles with his hands on his hips. “Don’t stray from the plan, love.” I pressed my lips together as I watched him pacing about the dorm. Worry caught in his features as he chewed his lip. “And if they interrogate us in separate rooms, which I know they will, just remember what I said. I’m the one who lifted you out of the room and kept you here. I’ve seen it on the telly so many times, and they will separate—
Ollie paused and glanced over at me, one hand still clinging to his hip bone and the other in the air. “Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny.”
My laughter doubled as I rolled back over the mattress. “We … we will be fine!” I gasped out. Ollie only shook his head with an unconvinced grin.
Once calm, I continued, “They don’t even do a security check in the morning. The doors will open at six, and I’ll sneak back to my room before anyone notices. I’ve done it before.”
Ollie raised a brow. “Oh, yeah? When was this?”
“The night Bria almost had her way with you. I sat right there while you slept until the automatic locks opened.” I pointed to the spot beside the mattress.
Ollie dropped his arms to his sides, his voice soft. “You stayed with me all night?”
“I didn’t touch you, Ollie. I wouldn’t take advantage of you if you didn’t have a choice. No one should,” I said defensively. I couldn’t believe me, a girl, was saying that to a boy.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just … I can’t believe you did that for me.”
I lifted my shoulder in a casual shrug. Ollie’s smile beamed as he walked toward the bed, leaned over, and kissed the top of my head. “You’re incredible.”
He sat over the edge of the mattress, thoughts still circling his mind. “Perhaps you’re right … I’ll set the alarm on the mobile just in case.”
“You sound so proper for someone who just fucked their girlfriend in front of four other people.”
Ollie cocked his head back in my direction. “One, don’t ever say I fucked you … Two, it wasn’t in front of everyone. You were covered, and they haven’t got a clue and … did you call yourself my girlfriend?”
It had rolled off my tongue so quickly, I hadn’t even realized I said it. “Yeah, I guess I did, didn’t I?”
“It sounds so … downplayed, underrated for what you are to me. I don’t like it.”
“Friend a better term?”
Ollie picked up a pillow off the floor and chucked it at me. “Get out of here …”
“Partner?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Companion?”
He pulled his brows together. “You’re not a bloody dog, Mia.”
“I give up,” I said, throwing my hands up.
Ollie crawled over me and attacked my neck with his lips. “We don’t need a title. All we need is each other.”
And he was right. What we shared shouldn’t and couldn’t be defined by a single word.
Tuesday morning should have been like any other Tuesday morning, but it wasn’t. It was different, and not the bad different. With Ollie, it wasn’t just comfortable. It was a delirious state of captivation. The whole time, it was Ollie. He was the drug I kept taking during my time here, and I would gladly overdose on him.
A foreign buzzing of an alarm woke me, and I quickly shuffled around to turn it off before it woke Ollie, who slept soundlessly beside me. After finally hitting snooze, I lay back down and stared at the ceiling with his legs still intertwined with mine and an unbidden smile on my face—exhausted, sleep deprived, but smiling.
“Why are you smiling, love?” Ollie whispered, his voice sleepy and tired.
Glancing over at him, I saw his eyes were still closed as he lay on his side, facing me. The room was still dark this early in the morning, but the moonlit morning sky cast a soft glow over him.
“Ho
w did you know I was smiling?”
“I can feel it.”
Turning on my side to face him, I ran my thumb across his lashes. “Because I’m happy.”
He exhaled before the corners of his lips turned up. He was the one who made me happy, and he knew it. His dimple said so.
“Open your eyes, Ollie.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“If I open my eyes, it means you have to leave, and I’m not ready for you to go. When my eyes are closed, I get to pretend it’s a Sunday morning and we have no place to be.” A bigger smile grew, and his dimple deepened. “Go on, close your eyes ….”
“Why?”
“Just close them …” His hand moved up my side and behind my back. “Are they closed?”
Letting out a light laugh, I closed my eyes. “Yes, Ollie. My eyes are closed.”
“It’s a Sunday morning, and I already made your coffee before sneaking back in bed with you. You smell it?”
“Mmhmm …”
“The whole day is ours, no work, no obligations … only you and I. The sun is coming up, Mia. You feel the warmth coming through our bay window and the darkness behind your eyelids slowly lifting? Do you feel it? The sun?”
The smile on my face is inescapable as I lose myself in his imagination. “Yes, Ollie. I can feel it.”
“We can take your coffee to the water and finish watching the sunrise, or we can lay in this bed all day. I have a few books on the bookshelf I haven’t read to you yet. Or, we can put on our trainers and walk along the boardwalk, hand in hand, because that’s what we do in the summer on a Sunday morning. What would you like to do today?”
“Mmm … all of it.”
“Good thing we have all day.” He slowly exhaled. “Now, drink your coffee before it gets cold.”
My eyes opened to see Ollie’s still closed, lost in the world he’d created for us. And when he opened them, his smile returned. “One day, yeah?”
“One day.” I wrapped my arm around his waist, and he brushed his nose against mine before kissing my forehead. “What do you want to do when you leave here?”
“You mean after I steal you and take you to the ocean?”
I smiled. “Yeah, like for a living?”
Ollie wet his lips, which I noticed he didn’t only do before he wanted to kiss me but also was a habit when he was in deep thought. “I have three passions, Mia. One is literature, two is helping people and making a difference, and my third, and most important, is you. If I do get out of here, I want to start a non-profit charity.”
“Really? Charity for what?”
“I have this idea of traveling the world and meeting people from all walks of life. Learn their stories, write them, turn the collection of short stories into poetry—into a work of art, a novel. Allow the world to see the beauty is in all of us, even in the most devastating circumstances. This world needs to know what others are going through. You understand?” I nodded. His eyes glowed. “Sometimes even the darkest parts of us can become beautiful when seen through a different set of eyes.”
“What will you do with your novel?”
His grin resembled the flicker in his eyes. “So, each year I’ll make a new novel about people’s lives, their struggles, their hopes, and defeats. Then give the profits back to those who truly need it.” He shrugged like everything he’d just said was no big deal, but I was affected by his vision. “I never needed much, Mia. I hope you’re not in it for the money.” He laughed, and I wanted to kiss him for it. “Well, what do you think?”
“Ollie, I’m just sitting here, listening, and I want to experience it all with you. Watching your face light up when you talk about it …” I shook my head in amazement. “I want to be there. I want to be a part of it.”
He grabbed my face, and his kiss was brief and delicate. “You just made me so fucking happy hearing you say that.” He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me. “What have you always envisioned?”
“Honestly, I never thought of a tomorrow. I was dead until I met you. The only thing I was remotely interested in was studying people and why they did the things they did. I became obsessed with human behavior, psychology, how the brain works, all of it. I did so much research on my own because I couldn’t understand people’s actions or feelings. I tried to justify everything.”
“Why does this not surprise me …” Ollie laughed lightly into my hair. “This reminds me, when did you truly feel connected with me? Was it the kiss or the first time we had sex, Miss kissing-is-more-intimate-than-sex?” He raised an eyebrow as his grin flashed like a beam, screaming, “Told you so.”
I covered my face to hide my blushing, embarrassed Ollie remembered one of our first conversations. “There are notions so powerful even science can’t grasp, Ollie.”
He dropped his head back and brought his two fingers to his eyes as a laugh slipped out.
I’d never thought much about my future, what I wanted to do, or where I would end up. I’d never cared enough before. As a little girl, I’d dreamed of what typical little girls would dream of. One day becoming a ballerina, or a princess, or even a star playing and singing in Madison Square Garden in front of thousands of people. But those were illusions belonging only in dreams. None of it was real, and I’d quickly met reality when my uncle had shown me the difference. In real life, there was evil. In real life, parents couldn’t protect you from everything, and most importantly, in real life, there was pain.
But Ollie was real. He had opened my eyes to what my future could look like, and I’d never wanted anything more than a life with him.
Weeks passed, and I found myself taking my courses seriously and staying away from trouble. During the week, we stayed apart in the public eye, only showing affection behind closed doors. And as more memories surfaced, panic attacks became a regular thing, but Ollie coached me through every one of them. He taught me how to release my anger through music, and we spent hours on the weekends in the vacant group therapy room.
I still hadn’t told him about my past, afraid he would look at me differently. I only wanted to hold on to the way Ollie saw me for as long as I could. Would he see a used and worthless little girl? A murderer? An evil inside me like my father saw?
We were now into October. You couldn’t see the change through the windows of the building; the skies were the same jaded gray. Though, the temperature slowly dropped inside the building. It was Thursday, and one of those days where my hair rebelled against me, my mind was mush, and I seemed to be five minutes behind all day. I hurried from my dorm to grab my gray hooded sweatshirt to group therapy.
Okay, it wasn’t mine.
It was Ollie’s hoodie.
I had a bad habit of stealing his clothes, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
All eyes were on me as I took my usual seat across from Ollie in the circle. He leaned back in the chair, wet his lips, and mouthed, “You look beautiful.” And his infectious smile spread to my face.
“Today is the day,” Arty said, interrupting Ollie and my unsaid conversation.
Everyone looked over at Arty with confusion. “What’s today, boss?” Isaac asked.
“Mia is going to open up and tell us about what she went through as a child. We haven’t heard from her yet. She’s always quiet,” Arty said.
The mention of my name suddenly made my heart beat at an uncontrollable pace. I wasn’t ready. My stomach coiled as I glanced around the room. I didn’t want to tell Ollie like this. Not in front of everyone. My eyes found my constant source of calmness and Ollie studied my reaction. “But … I’m not ready,” I stuttered and shook my head.
“The only way you’ll be able to start the healing process is if you talk about it openly. We’re all on your team, Mia,” Arty insisted. My mouth went dry. I tried to swallow, but I couldn’t. Could I do this? Could I tell everyone wha
t I’d done?
“You can’t force her to do this,” Ollie stated, coming to my rescue as always. He was afraid for me or afraid of me going into a rage right here in front of our counselor.
Arty looked over at me, ignoring Ollie’s statement. “It’s been a month since you’ve been back from psych with your memories. If you can’t talk about it now, then I don’t think group therapy is appropriate for you at this time. We’ve been patient, Mia, but it’s not fair for you to take someone else’s place in this session who is ready to heal.”
The walls around me caved in as I darted my eyes between Ollie and Arty. My knee bounced under my hands as I ran my sweaty palms down my thighs. I clenched my fists as the anger stirred inside me, my nails digging into my palms. The hot rage was built along with the fear. I couldn’t tell everyone. I was still that angry little girl ready to explode at any second.
Until Ollie’s warm hands covered mine.
Opening my eyes, I saw his green ones staring back at me as he crouched in front of my lap. “Listen to me, Mia. If you’re not ready, then don’t. Who cares what Arty says.”
I looked around the room, and everyone glared at us in shock. Whispers spread like wildfire throughout the circle, but Ollie grabbed my face to force me to see only him. “The fuck with everyone, they don’t matter. If you want to tell your story, I’m right here. It will be only you and me. If not, I’ll walk out of this room with you right now. We’ll get into a lot of shit, but I’ll do it. I told you, Mia, you’re not alone in this.”
The patience in Arty’s face wore thin. The truth was, I knew if I ran out of this room, regardless if I asked Ollie not to follow me, he would. Ollie would get in trouble, and I couldn’t risk it. The only option I had was telling my story, and afterward, Ollie would never look at me the same.
I glanced back and forth between Ollie and Arty. “I … can I have a minute?”
The impatience was evident, but Arty’s training to be empathetic seemed to remind him as he responded, “Sure.”
Ollie squeezed my hand, struggling to hold back in front of everyone.
Stay With Me (Stay With Me Series Book 1) Page 23