If You Let Me: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romance

by Nikki Lane

  I draped another dress over my arm. “Nothing is going on between Kieran and me. He didn’t want to go to this wedding alone, so I’m accompanying him as a friendly gesture.”

  “Friendly gesture?” She raised her eyebrows. “Is that right?”

  “Yeah,” I said with exaggeration.

  “Everyone knows weddings make people do strange things.”

  “Strange like how?”

  “Like having sex with people you’d promise you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole.”

  “First of all,” I replied. “Not everyone is affected by your strange wedding behavior theory. And second of all, there’ll be no sex-having.” I paused. “Well, I’m sure some people will be having sex but not me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “But are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

  “Don’t I always?”

  * * * *

  I hadn’t been shopping in over two months, but this was the second consecutive day I’d been to the mall. Kieran was under strict orders from his sister to get a new suit for the wedding. Somehow, I was dragged into this chore that he so obviously didn’t want to do.

  “How about this one?” I asked, picking up a dark pinstriped jacket.

  Kieran stared at it like I was presenting him with a basket of snakes. “What’s the material made of?”

  “I dunno,” I said, looking for the label. “Wool?”

  “Wool?” he cried. “In August? I’ll suffocate.”

  “I think they’re all made out of wool.”

  “This sucks,” he pouted.

  “Oh, please. This is nothing. It took me hours to find a dress.”

  “What does it look like?” he asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  “Can’t I get a sneak peek?”

  “No,” I said, laughing.

  “Oh, right. I’m not supposed to see it before the ceremony.”

  “That’s the bride’s dress. And only the groom isn’t supposed to see it.”

  “Is it short?”

  “Concentrate,” I replied, pulling another suit. “What’s your size?

  “I dunno. The last time I wore a suit was at my great aunt’s funeral when I was twelve. Do you think the size has changed much?”

  “Maybe just a little.”

  I found the closest sales assistant and directed him toward Kieran, who lingered behind me like a reluctant puppy. He led Kieran near the dressing rooms so he could be measured, while I wandered off to keep looking. I walked a little, admiring the many shades of suits lining the wall. A smooth voice distracted me, forcing my casual gaze to center in on the source. A very familiar guy. Callum.

  I took a few careful steps forward to get a better look. Yep, it was definitely him. He was chatting with a salesman. Callum handed him a piece of paper and the person disappeared into a doorway. Callum scrolled through his phone, then surveyed the room. Our eyes met.

  Shit.

  I panicked and picked up a suit jacket. I held it up to cover my face, pretending to be examining the material. For reasons I couldn’t explain, I worried that Kieran would be upset if he saw Callum. I prayed Kieran stayed hidden in the dressing room a while longer.

  “That color will look good on you.”

  My head shot up from what I was looking at to follow the voice. Callum stood tall in front of me.

  “Oh,” I said, blushing. “It’s not for me.” This conversation was off to a good start.

  He laughed. “That’s a relief.”

  “What are you doing here?” I clung to the suit I was holding like it owed me money. “I mean…what are you shopping for?”

  “Just picking up my new suit. But the better question is what finds you here?”

  “Helping a friend,” I replied. “Obviously.” I gestured to the suit.

  Callum didn’t bat an eyelash.

  “New suit for a special occasion?” I said.

  I stole a peek at the fitting room area. The tailor had come back from behind the privacy curtain, a tape measure around his neck. My heart beat a little faster with the anticipation of seeing Kieran come out to witness this exchange.

  “Yes, as a matter-of-fact. A gala my firm is hosting.”

  “Sounds fancy.” Ugh. Why was this so hard?

  And if the moment couldn’t get any more awkward, Kieran came strolling through the aisle. He didn’t seem to notice Callum standing across from me, probably due to the enormous row of hanging suit jackets obscuring his view.

  “I’m all measured.” Kieran stopped short, his gaze staring at Callum. “Hey,” he said.

  Callum returned with just a brief nod of his head.

  “Did I interrupt something?” Kieran asked.

  “Not at all,” Callum replied, smiling.

  “Callum?” A top-heavy brunette in jeans that looked painted on stood by the entrance of the store. “Are you ready?”

  “Take care, Rose.”

  “You too,” I said.

  Callum flashed one last smile and then picked up his suit at the counter before heading off.

  I took a few steps away from Kieran, needing to take some deep breaths to recoup from the stampede my heart just completed.

  “I can’t believe that guy,” Kieran muttered, following close behind me.

  “Don’t say it,” I said.

  “Say what?” Kieran pretended to ponder the answer. “Oh…you mean, I told you so? I’d never say that.”

  “Here.” I shoved the suit jacket at him. “Try this on.” I flopped into the oversized leather chair by the dressing rooms.

  He looked at the label. “You didn’t even look at the size.”

  An hour later and Kieran was lugging a plastic sheath over his shoulder, which was covering the suit he’d bought. We walked to the food court, my stomach grumbling for something to eat. I swayed the shopping bag, carrying his new dress shirt and tie, as we darted through the busy Saturday mall crowd.

  I sat at one of the very few empty tables and hung the bag behind my seat. Kieran went on a mission to grab food, while I answered Shelby’s text about the shoes she wanted to pick up later that night. I temporarily lost Kieran in the crowd, but he emerged with two trays, both overflowing with food.

  “You look like you’re feeding an army.”

  He set the trays on the table and plopped down in the seat. “Shopping makes me hungry.”

  “Everything makes you hungry.” I started in on a gyro. “Tell me about your family.”

  “What do you want to know?” Kieran said without bothering to swallow his food first.

  “Are you and your sister close?”

  “When we were younger.”

  “And now?”

  He shrugged. “Not so much.”

  “What about your parents?”

  “I have two.”

  “I’m serious,” I said, throwing a french fry at him.

  He chuckled. “My dad’s a neurologist and my mom hasn’t worked since she quit her job.”

  “When was that?”

  “I was about eighteen.”

  “What did she do before she quit?”

  “She was a nurse.” He took another bite of food. “What about you? What does your dad do?”

  I swallowed the lump of gyro in my throat. “My dad’s a teacher.”

  “Do you talk to your mom at all.”

  “No,” I said. “Not since I was eight.”

  “That really sucks. I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I said. “I’m over it.” At least I tried to be. “It’s just been me and my dad ever since. I gave up on hearing from her a long time ago...about the same time I realized that Santa Clause wasn’t real. I ran the straw up and down in my cup. “Is there anything else important I should remember about your family?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like keywords or topics to avoid?”

  He thought about it for a second. “No, I don’t want to scare you off.”

  A few quiet minutes passed w
hen I noticed someone eyeing Kieran up from the line to the salad spot across from where we were sitting. She had dark hair like me, although it didn’t fall as long as mine. She walked closer to our table. She moved like a dancer, graceful and gradual. I could see her bright blue eyes looking at me, her face reflecting uncertainty. I always wanted blue eyes. Dad always said he could see mom in my brown ones.

  “Kieran?” She stopped just a few feet from our table. Her wallet was in one hand, a few bags hanging on her arm.

  I had my eyes on her the whole time, but Kieran didn’t notice her until now. The sight of her was enough for him to stop eating and put down his third taco. I couldn’t tell if this surprise encounter was the happy kind.

  “Julie.” He said her name like it was the first time in years.

  “Wow.” She took a few timid steps closer. “You look really great.” She sounded surprised.

  This was the guy who looked good even when he was drenched in sweat and covered in lawn clippings.

  “Thanks.”

  There was an awkward silent pause as my eyes flickered between them.

  “Julie, this is Rose. Rose this is Julie.”

  She smiled and said hello, and I returned with the same. Kieran didn’t give either of us any discernable labels, so I was left wondering if she was an ex-girlfriend.

  “How’ve you been feeling?” she asked. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

  “Fine,” Kieran said, brushing off her concerned tone. “Never been better.”

  “That’s good,” she said with an encouraging smile. “I talked to Kelly yesterday. I can’t believe the wedding day is here already. Will you be going?”

  “I’ll be there,” he replied.

  “Glad to hear it. I know everyone’s real excited to have something to celebrate after…well, everyone loves a wedding, right?” She let out a short nervous chuckle, a flint of pain flashing across her face.

  I smiled to relieve the tension in my face. Kieran didn’t seem too amused.

  “Well, anyway. It was nice meeting you, Rose. It was good seeing you, Kieran. I’m glad you’re doing well.”

  He gave her a short wave and barely a smile as she walked away. Kieran shot up from the table, grabbing both trays.

  “I’m not done.”

  But it was too late. He shoved the trash into the receptacle and threw the trays back into the pile where they belonged.

  “Let’s go,” he commanded, grabbing the suit off the chair.

  I didn’t argue, grabbed the other bags, and scurried after him as he bolted through the mall.

  Chapter 18

  Kieran’s encounter with Julie was upsetting. Why? I couldn’t even make a good guess. Did she break his heart by running off pregnant with his best’s friend’s baby? I’d been watching too many soap operas—an unexpected side effect of having so much time on my hands during the day. I hadn’t been taking so many shifts at the restaurant, and Aunt Sarah was taking on more of Dad’s care. I felt a little guilty admitting I was relieved.

  But I thought it was safe to assume that Kieran was definitely not fine.

  “What a day, huh?”

  He kept his stare on the road. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you know.” I paused, thinking how I could get the scoop on Julie without making it too obvious. “Random run-ins. What are the odds, right?”

  “Right.” He shifted in his seat.

  Okay, that attempt failed miserably. I tapped my fingers on my leg, the silent minutes ticking by. A car ride of soundless driving felt like hours. Kieran parked the truck in his driveway and hopped out without saying a word. I thought for a minute he’d forgotten he wasn’t alone as I grabbed the stuff from the mall and got out.

  “Do you want to come over?” I asked, handing him the bags.

  “No,” he replied. His eyes never met mine. “Not tonight.” He started toward the door before he even finished his sentence.

  “Okay…” I said, a little surprised.

  I tried not to think about Kieran for the rest of the night, but it was next to impossible. I peeked through the kitchen window every once in a while, looking for signs of him leaving the house. It was nearly full night out, and a severe thunderstorm warning was beeping on the television screen. The thunder already started to rumble. The sky had that eerie beige-gray hue.

  Shelby blew inside with a gust of wind, propelling the front door open. “I made it,” she panted. “Tornado warnings can’t stop me.” She held the bottle of wine in the air like a trophy.

  “Nice work,” I said, grabbing the bottle opener.

  She kicked off her flip-flops, settled on the couch, and started flipping through the channels. The rain cascaded against the windows. A crack of thunder sent a chill through me as I poured the wine. “I had the weirdest trip to the mall today.”

  “Weird how?”

  Another crack of lightening illuminated the window.

  “I saw Callum at the suit store.”

  “With Kieran?”

  “Great timing, right?”

  “I predict a steamy love triangle.” Shelby finally settled on something to watch.

  Thunder reverberated through the house.

  “No love triangles,” I said. “Or squares or rhombuses. He was there with another girl.”

  “Ew.”

  I sat down beside her and handed her a glass. “Yeah.”

  “Yikes, you dodged that bullet.”

  “Seeing Callum wasn’t the weird part.” Another roll of thunder. “Kieran ran into someone he knows. Knew. Whatever.”

  “An ex?”

  “Maybe. His whole mood changed when he saw her. It was like…like a switch flipped. He barely said two words to me afterward.” I took a sip of wine. “Do you know he got accepted to Princeton?” I whispered it like he would be able to hear me from next door.

  “And he didn’t go?”

  I nodded.

  “Did he say why?”

  “Nope. All he said was it didn’t work out.”

  “What does that even mean?” She got up to refill her glass. Something caught her eye, and she walked closer to the window. “What. The. Hell?”

  “What?” As soon as I said it, the lights blacked out and the television screen went blank. “Shit,” I mumbled. I got up to look for some candles.

  Shelby waved me over to the window, not taking her eyes off whatever she was looking at. “What the hell is he doing?” she said.

  My mouth hung open as I watched Kieran, shoveling something in the front of his house in the pouring rain. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Rose,” Shelby called.

  I ignored her.

  “Don’t go out there. Rose!”

  The pelting rain soaked me as soon as I left the covered porch. My wet hair whipped against my face, stinging my skin. My attempts failed at keeping it from sticking to my cheeks. The wind wailed, testing the strength of the baby tree Kieran just planted in my front yard.

  Kieran’s wet shirt clung to his back. He was in a relentless pattern of jamming the shovel into the ground, lifting a mound of mud, and throwing it behind him. I almost caught a pile on my head.

  “Kieran,” I shouted.

  He didn’t hear me, or maybe he was ignoring me. Another crack of thunder. I winced as lightning illuminated the sky. I gave him a hard tap on the shoulder. He didn’t turn, so I had to walk around to face him. Water dripped from his hair onto his face; his mouth was slightly opened, sucking in labored breaths.

  I took a few steps back. “What are you doing?”

  “Go home, Rose.” He continued to shovel a large bush; brown and split down the middle.

  It was dead, almost as dead as the look in Kieran’s eyes.

  “Are you crazy?” I watched as a random patio cushion bounced along the street. A plastic bag swirled high in the air, obeying the orders of the wind. “You’re going to get struck by lightning or a tree’s going to fall on your head.”

  Jam shovel into
the ground. Lift. Throw mud.

  “Why won’t you talk to me?” I shouted. “Tell me what’s going on.” Only I didn’t know if I could be heard over the roar of thunder.

  He gave me a scathing look and threw the shovel on the ground. “I don’t want to talk! I just want to be left the fuck alone.” His chest heaved.

  I cowered back.

  “Just go home, Rose,” he said in a level voice.

  I turned, crossing my arms, and headed back inside, feeling as split down the middle as that ugly, dead bush.

  Chapter 19

  The storm that hit last night was unlike any storm I’d ever witnessed. The windows rattled against the wind. It sounded like a freight train was passing just inches from my house. I actually felt the room vibrate.

  The weather people on TV said the winds were clocked as high as 88 m.p.h. They kept referring to the storm by a special name, but I couldn’t remember it. I was too preoccupied with the mess it left behind, and the fact that the power was still out. Shelby made an early break back home. I called Dad to make sure he made out okay. He slept through the whole thing and didn’t even know we were hit with a bad storm until he saw it on the morning news. He’d called me back to tell me a tree landed on the shed in the backyard. I’d made him promise me that he wouldn’t try to fix the mess himself.

  I took a cold shower and dressed in denim shorts and a tank top. I strapped on my sneakers and was ready to survey the damage firsthand. It looked bad from the window, and it was even worse outside.

  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and the sun shined without any mercy. Pieces of roof shingles littered the lawn. Broken off branches were scattered around. Someone lost the lid to their grill, which found a home in Kieran’s front yard. I waved to the other neighbors as they surveyed the damage. A few guys gathered at the other end of the street where a large tree fell, blocking off access to that side of the road. One of them was Kieran. He was discussing something with the other two, pointing to the tree. He caught sight of me, but I tore my eyes away and continued to pick up the debris from my driveway.

  When I was finished with my house, I went across the street to help the elderly lady with her clean-up. I didn’t bother knocking on her door; I just went right to it. She poked her head out to smile and say thank you. Kieran put his chain saw skills to good use and started cutting away at the fallen tree. Two other neighbors carried away the chucks that fell off.