Extreme Unction: A Lupa Schwartz Mystery

by J. David Core

  The Hanson scions looked to each other’s faces for signs of acceptance, and gradually submitted to the test premise. “Very good,” Schwartz said. “Since one of the parties is now deceased, we’ll need to have a stand-in. Will it be all right with everybody if Ms. Hoskin stands in for Matthew? You can direct her on where to stand. If there is any lack of consensus, we’ll act it out using both or all contingencies if necessary.”

  The plan was acceptable to everybody present, so we mounted the steps and assumed our position at the entrance to the faux-casa-de-Hanson. That was when Schwartz went completely off his nut and said, “Pastor Donatelli, since you were present just prior to the opening of our little scene, perhaps we could have the benefit of your recollection of events just prior to this point. Just so that we might have independent verification, could you tell us who was where in the Hanson house when Coneely and you left for the evening?”

  Chapter 33

  Donatelli smiled the smile of the dis-believing. “You’re kidding?” he said.

  “No,” Schwartz submitted. “I’m very serious. I know what the Hanson’s say happened, but I’d like independent verification.”

  “I don’t think I’m comfortable playing along with this,” Donatelli said. “I used to be their priest, their confessor.”

  “I’m not asking you to reveal anything you may have heard in the confessional,” Schwartz said.

  “You’re asking me to potentially contradict something that one or more of them told you,” Donatelli said. “I don’t think that that would be proper, given my position as their chaplain.”

  “Their former chaplain,” Schwartz offered.

  “That notwithstanding,” Donatelli said.

  “Very well,” Schwartz said, “but I really would like that verification. Michael Coneely was there also. Mr. Dachnewel, will you be so kind as to go and bring your client?’

  Dachnewel hoisted his shoulders indifferently and stood to make for the door. As he was passed, Donatelli said, “Just a minute, Mr. Dachnewel. Do you do all of Mr. Schwartz’s lackey work?”

  Dachnewel stopped and smiled smugly. “Whenever possible lawyers will hire detectives to find evidence that their clients are innocent. Mr. Schwartz, whom I have known for many years, claims that he is about to do just that; and it is not costing my firm a single penny. If to do that he needs my client to tell something as trivial as where other people were located within a certain residence at a certain moment, I have no problem with producing said client.” Dachnewel left the hall, and Schwartz took a folded chair from a rack near the wall. He opened the chair and sat saying, “This may take a few minutes. We may as well be comfortable.”

  The two insurance company reps followed Schwartz’s lead. I sat on the stage-skirt with my feet dangling. Lewis sat with his back to the stage-left frame. Most of the others remained standing for a while, but eventually began to sit following the lead of Peggy who’d plopped where she stood after a several-minutes-long silence. Finally, Donatelli took a chair from the same rack where Schwartz had gotten his. Eventually, the only person left standing was Trevor who showed no signs of weakening.

  At long last, Dachnewel returned with his client. “Here he is,” he announced. “Go ahead and ask him.”

  Donatelli began to speak, but Schwartz raised a finger and said, “Eh eh, I’d like to see if he makes the same argument as you. Do you mind if I call you Michael?”

  Coneely uncomfortably shifted his gaze between the law, his lawyer, Schwartz and Donatelli. “I’d prefer that you call me Father,” he said.

  “That’s not going to happen,” Schwartz said. “Your associate has agreed to allow me to call him Pastor. Will that do?”

  “Okay,” Coneely said visibly relieved, apparently thinking he’d passed the test by not agreeing to be called by his first name.

  “Pastor Coneely,” Schwartz said, “If I was to tell you that I’d been told that Peggy had gone up to her room just before you left the Hansons’ house after performing the last rites on Vincent, would you say that was true?”

  Coneely thought about it for a moment, and then said, “Who is making that claim?”

  “This is…,” Donatelli began.

  “Sir,” Schwartz said to Donatelli, “you don’t have the answer to Pastor Coneely’s question, do you?” Donatelli crossed his arms and turned his head, and Schwartz resumed his questions to Coneely. “Regardless of who is making the claim, would you say that it is true?”

  “No,” Coneely said, “it’s not true, but who is making the claim?”

  “So far as I know, nobody is,” Schwartz said. “The point is that you are not invoking the issue of privilege when asked to confirm it or deny it. Now, would you please tell us where everybody was located as you left the Hanson residence that night?”

  “I, well, um, didn’t I already do that? When I came to your house to be questioned the other day? When was that? Monday?”

  “What?” Donatelli shouted. “If he already told you, what was the point of all of this?”

  “Would you care to confirm what he told us?” Schwartz asked. “I’d like to hear it from everybody present. I’ve already got it from the Hansons through the sources previously described, as well as from Pastor Coneely on Monday’s visit. The only account lacking is yours.”

  “Fine!” Donatelli shouted. “Fine. I’ll tell you what I remember, but it’s kind of fuzzy. Let’s see, oh, Melissa had had some difficulties, so she and her husband had gone into the kitchen for water or aspirin or something. Oh, and Carl’s wife Sara, she’d gone in a little after to check on them; so the three of them were in the kitchen. Let’s see, anybody else? No, I think, I’m pretty sure it was just those three. The others were in the hall seeing us out I think. I remember one of them asked a question about the sacrament, and it started an argument. I think they were all there. Um, definitely Matthew, Peggy and Carl were. I think, yes, Lewis was there, and Marjorie and her husband, I’m not so sure, but I think they were there too. Okay, there,” he said defensively, “did I contradict anybody?”

  “No,” Schwartz said insolently shaking his head. “That’s where we begin.” He turned his attention to the stage. “Places, everybody.”

  ***

  After a few moments looking over the layout and satisfying ourselves that we knew which wall was represented by each flat, we began to assemble ourselves. Sam and Melissa followed Sara to the kitchen, which was opposite to how events had actually transpired, but that wasn’t significant at this point in the reenactment. The couple sat on a pair of short stools representing the taller bar stools that they had used on the night in question. Sara went to the far corner which in the real house would have been where the stove and sink were located.

  The remainder of us stood in the partitioned section representing the hall. Melvin and Marjorie hung back the furthest from the door. Peggy was closest to the door with Carl at her right shoulder. Apparently he’d been trying to calm her. Between these two and the Melhornes were Lewis and myself in the role of Matthew.

  “All right,” Schwartz shouted from his perch in the audience as he pressed the “record” button on a small tape recorder he’d brought along and had just taken from his breast pocket, “the priests have just left, the door is closed, what happens next?”

  “Matthew and I went into the living room,” Lewis said.

  “Is the arrangement of furniture similar to how it was in your house that night?” Schwartz called. Lewis looked into the make-shift room and saw that there was one folding chair on the far wall representing the easy chair where Matthew had sat, three more chairs were on the wall to the right of the single representing the couch and two opposite the three representing the love seat. Between those three and the one on the same wall as the three was an opening representing the access to the long hall. There were also lamps, tables with magazines and a box representing the television.

  “I’d say so, yes,” Lewis concluded.

  “What did you do?” Schwartz a
sked. “Where did you sit?”

  “I sat on the couch there,” Lewis said indicating the furthest chair in the group of three, “and Matt sat on the chair near me.” Schwartz made a gesture, and Lewis and I went to our places.

  “The rest of you?” Schwartz said. “Carl, what did Peggy do?”

  “Why don’t you ask her?” Carl said.

  “Because I want to hear it from you.”

  “Well, I think she started up the stairs, and I went into…”

  “Peggy,” Schwartz said, “what did you do?”

  “I started up the stairs. Carl’s right, but I changed my mind. I came down and went into the living room and sat beside Lewis.”

  “Could you go to the steps please,” Schwartz asked. “Wait there for now.” Peggy had climbed the partial set of stairs, and she stood awaiting her next instructions. “Marjorie,” Schwartz said, “where were you by the time Peggy got back down from the stairs?”

  “I was in the living room with my husband sitting on the love seat. We went in just behind Lewis and Matty.”

  “From that vantage, could you see if Peggy went all the way upstairs?” Schwartz asked.

  “She didn’t have time,” Marjorie said. “She came into the living room almost immediately.”

  Schwartz turned his attention to Carl after the Melhorne’s assumed their seats. “You were about to tell me where you were during this flux time.”

  Carl nodded. “As soon as the priests were gone I went into the kitchen to join my wife and the others.” Schwartz made a hand gesture, and Carl moved into the kitchen stand-in.

  “Who was next to move?” Schwartz asked. Marjorie was looking uncomfortable. Peggy must have realized that it was because she was going to have to reveal her motivation for moving to the piano, so Peggy took the onus on herself.

  “I was making Marj and Mel uncomfortable, so they moved to the piano,” Peggy said.

  “Yes,” Melvin agreed. “That’s right.” He stood and took his wife to the bench in the far corner of the hall area past the front door gap.

  “Did you play the piano after moving to it?” Schwartz asked, and Marjorie answered that she had. “Did anybody else move?” Schwartz asked.

  “I did,” Peggy said. “I took their place on the love seat and got the remote to surf the channels. Should I move now?”

  “Yes,” Schwartz said, and as she moved he said, “Did anybody else do anything unique during this exchange?”

  “How could we know?” Sam asked. “I mean, Carl and Sara moved around the kitchen some, but how could we know if it was during this exchange as you call it? In our real house, the walls go all the way up.”

  “Do you remember hearing the piano or the television?” Schwartz asked.

  “Oh,” Melissa said, “the piano. That’s right. Carl was in the pantry with Sara when the piano playing started. I remember because he came out humming.”

  “She’s right,” Carl said. “I remember that.”

  “Why were you in the pantry?” Schwartz asked.

  “I was getting the artificial creamer out,” Carl answered. “Sara was making coffee, but she realized that we were out of filters, so she’d gone into the pantry. After she was already in, I noticed that we needed creamer too. Should we move to the pantry now?”

  Schwartz gestured them in and asked, “After Peggy’s move to the love-seat?”

  “Could we speed this up at all?” Lewis asked. “I mean, can’t we just tell you our movements without all of the questions and tension?”

  “That’s a great idea,” Carl said stepping forward toward the skirt. “This is taking forever.”

  “I’ll be glad to speed up the process for you,” Schwartz said. “Correct me when I get a point wrong and just move about as I direct. Will that be to everyone’s satisfaction?” There was a general consensus, and we became a human chess game as Schwartz moved his pawns about the board.

  “Very well,” Schwartz said, “according to the various statements, Peggy stood after switching through the channels and started up the stairs a second time, but she stopped and went into the kitchen instead. Miss Hanson, if you will.” Peggy walked up a few of the steps, turned and walked past Carl into the kitchen. “At this time Lewis and Matthew moved to the hall to see what she was doing. Mr. Hanson, Ms. Hoskin, please? Satisfied that she was fine, Lewis went to the piano, and Melvin returned to the living room, while Matthew remained for a short while in the hall between the kitchen and the living room near the stairs and the entrance to the kitchen and the long hall. Gentlemen? Meanwhile, Carl rejoined Melvin in the living room as Peggy went to the coffee pot, and discovering that there were no filters she went to the pantry where she ran into Sara. Ladies? Gentlemen? Once she knew the coffee would be started, Peggy left the kitchen where she had to get past Matthew who was blocking the door. She walked down the long hall and into the living room through the far entrance where she joined Melvin and Carl. Miss Hanson? At this point, Matthew goes into the kitchen where he waits for the coffee to finish. Ms. Hoskin? With the coffee in hand, Matthew returns to the living room via the short route, and he escorts his sister Peggy to the dining room-cum-hospice where they find the decedent. Ladies?”

  We finished the script, and Peggy let out an audible sigh. “What have you proven?” Donatelli demanded. “It looks like none of them had opportunity. Are you sure you’re trying to prove that Fr. Coneely is innocent?”

  “Miss Hanson,” Schwartz said, “Peggy, when you came out of the kitchen and had to squeeze past Matthew was he facing into the kitchen or out?”

  Peggy thought for a minute. “Out,” she said.

  “As if he was watching for something?”

  “Yes.”

  “Mr. Melhorne, I noticed during the reenactment at one point a curious expression came over your face. I’ll get back to that in a minute. First I want to ask Peggy another question. Miss Hanson, when you went into the kitchen for the coffee, who did you see there?”

  “Sam and his wife,” she slowly answered.

  “Nobody else?”

  “Well, Sara was in the pantry, but I couldn’t see her.”

  “Of course not. Did you pass anybody in the hall on your way into the kitchen?”

  “No.”

  “Now, Mr. Melhorne, about that curious look on your face. It was a moment ago when you were met in the living room by Carl. Was it because he came in through the wrong entrance?”

  “Well,” Melhorne began, but Carl interrupted. “Oh, for crying out loud. I was just trying to hurry things along.”

  “Well,” Schwartz began, “that would explain why Peggy doesn’t remember passing you or seeing you in the kitchen. If you had left the kitchen already before she had gotten there and gone down the long hall and entered the living room from the far entrance.”

  “Exactly,” Carl said.

  “But it doesn’t explain why you didn’t get to the living room ahead of Melvin since he didn’t go into that room until after Peggy had gone to the kitchen.” Nobody said anything for several minutes. Then Schwartz suggested, “Shall we take it from the top?”

  Chapter 34

  “Wait a minute,” Peggy said. “Are you suggesting that Carl killed Daddy while I was in the kitchen?”

  “Either that,” Schwartz said, “or he was walking very slowly down the long hall past the French doors. It does give him opportunity.”

  “But Matthew had opportunity also,” Lewis said. “When I left him standing in the hall.”

  “Yes,” Schwartz said. “He could have gone down the hall and administered the poison then, but he’d have had to have had it with him the whole time. He’d have then had to hurry back to the kitchen doorway — backward no less since he was facing out when Miss Hanson had to pass him — and then reenter the kitchen to calmly await the coffee.”

  “That could be what happened,” Sara said.

  “Very well,” Schwartz said. “Let’s act it out that way. We’ll take it from where Carl leaves the k
itchen. This time, Mr. Hanson, remember to enter the living room via the long hall, and make sure that you don’t enter the living room ahead of Mr. Melhorne. Sara should be back in the pantry, Lewis and Ms. Hoskin are still in the living room, the Melhornes are at the piano, and Peggy is about to stop switching channels. Okay, Carl leaves the kitchen.”

  Carl walked out of the kitchen on a straight trajectory down the long hall. Schwartz continued shouting direction. “Peggy heads for the stairs, walks up a few, stops, turns, comes down again, turns for the kitchen but doesn’t notice Carl walking in the hall as she passes, and she enters the kitchen. Next, Lewis and Matthew come into the hall behind Peggy in time to see her enter the kitchen. Lewis moves to the piano, leaving Matthew who moves closer to the kitchen where he stops. We don’t know yet why he stops, but we do know that he does stop. Ms. Hoskin, you are in the role of Matthew. Do you suppose you can venture a guess about why he stopped?”

  I looked around at my position. My back was to Schwartz and to my left was the kitchen entry. To my right was the long hall. I turned to face Schwartz, and I answered, “Maybe I was waiting for Peggy to come out of the kitchen so that I could speak with her. Or maybe I saw or heard something that made me curious. Or maybe I was waiting for the opportunity to sneak into the dining room.”

  “Let’s work with that premise,” Schwartz said. “You are waiting for the chance to sneak into the dining room. What is stopping you?”

  I looked to the kitchen now on my right. “Peggy can see me from the kitchen,” I said. “And Carl is lurking in the hall.”

  “I didn’t lurk,” Carl protested.