Wanted (The Dare to Dream Series Book 1)

by Jennifer Kittredge

  “Kate, please stop, or I’m going to explode in your mouth!”

  I didn’t stop. I wanted him to explode in my mouth. I wanted to taste more of him. I wanted him to experience me swallowing him. I sucked harder as he thrust himself deeper into my mouth, releasing himself. I could taste him, and I let the saltiness slide down my throat. He lifted me by my arms and crushed his mouth down on mine. We kissed hard. The pool between my legs felt like an ocean. This man made me so fucking wet. He found his way to my apex and caressed my clit while continuing to kiss me. My climax was near.

  “That’s it beautiful, let it go.”

  I did. I gave him everything I had without ever leaving his mouth. I came like I had never come before.

  “Jesus, Ryan, you undo me.” I whispered.

  He simply smiled and pulled me closer to his chest.

  Chapter Seven

  Our picnic was wonderful. I hadn’t laughed that hard in a very long time. Especially not with a man. I almost felt guilty. Almost.

  “Okay, beautiful, let’s get to know one another a little bit better, why don’t you tell me a little bit about you?”

  “There’s really not much to tell.”

  “Somehow, I find that hard to believe. C’mon, Kate. I don’t bite.”

  That made me smile. I let out a long sigh. “I really don’t know where to start. You were definitely right when you said I was running from something. I am. I’m running from my life, knowing that eventually I’m going to have to go back to face my reality.”

  “Tell me more,” he whispered.

  I decided then and there to stop hiding and tell him everything. What happened between us happened, and it was amazing. However, nothing would ever come of it. I’d never see this man again after I returned home. I took a deep breath and told him the truth. How my marriage was crumbling before my very eyes, and I didn’t even know who my husband was anymore. That I had been unhappy for years but excused that unhappiness because I was raising my children. How Daniel had changed as a person and I didn’t even like him anymore.

  Once I started it seemed easier to share how I didn’t know what I was walking back into when I got home and really didn’t feel like going home at all. How devastating this would be to our children and the guilt I felt about that. I freely admitted I didn’t know how to navigate this life on my own or where I would even start. Through it all, I cried, big ugly sobs, but I didn’t care. It felt damn good to say it all out loud. Ryan never took his eyes off me. He listened and waited for me to stop. Eventually I got a handle on my emotions.

  “Well, beautiful, it seems you are at a crossroads, as your friend Jen said. You just have to decide what road you are going to travel down.”

  “I know, but I don’t even know where to begin, Ryan.”

  “How about the road I’m on?” he asked.

  I picked my jaw up off the ground.

  “Ryan, how can you even say that? You don’t even know me. I don’t even know you.”

  “Seems like we know each other as intimately as two people can, from where I’m standing.”

  As much as I wanted to believe him, I didn’t. I couldn’t walk into another man’s arms right now. I was still married and there was so much for me to sort out. Okay, well, I had actually already fallen into his arms and his bed, but nothing that could come of this. Yes, it had been amazing. More than amazing—mind blowing, was more like it. The chemistry and connection were like nothing I’d ever experienced before, but life was too complicated right now.

  “Ryan, I have to go.”

  I stood up abruptly and made prepared to leave. He caught my arm, spun me around to face him, and kissed me hard. I tried to resist, but his spell on me was too much. I kissed him back with everything I had. I didn’t want to leave him, wanted to pretend the other piece of my life didn’t exist, but I knew I had to get my head on straight. Kissing Ryan was not helping me do that. I tore my mouth from his, turned, and ran toward the inn.

  I opened the door to my room, threw myself on the bed, and cried. What had I done? As if my life wasn’t complicated enough, I had now added another huge complication. I couldn’t see Ryan anymore. No more pub. No more running in the morning where he could find me. No more, period. There was a slight knock on my door. I assumed it was Susan. She was probably bringing me lunch. I hadn’t been back since my run earlier this morning. I walked to the door, opened it, and froze. It wasn’t Susan.

  “Daniel,” was all I could say as I stared at my husband.

  “Kate, we need to talk. Can I come in, please?” I opened the door to let him through, then closed it quietly behind me. This was the last person I expected to see.

  Chapter Eight

  “Before you say anything, please just let me say my piece. And yes, I tracked you by your phone—that’s how I found you,” he stated.

  I simply stared at him, part of me not believing he was really standing in front of me.

  “Kate, I’ve been a complete ass.”

  All I could do was nod my head in agreement.

  “I didn’t realize it until I had been without you for the past three days. I miss you. I don’t know what happened to us. I never imagined we would end up here. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I neglected you over the last few years. I’m sorry I put my career before you. Before our family. I’m sorry I have made you feel unwanted and unloved. I’m sorry for betraying our marriage vows. Please, Kate, please forgive me. I don’t want to live without you.”

  I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I had never seen this man look so defeated. I had never seen him beg and plead for anything.

  “I don’t know if we can come back from this, Daniel. It’s been so long. I’m tired. I’m scared. I don’t have the fight in me like I once did. I’m tired of trying, Daniel. It seems like all we do is try, yet all we do is wind up in the same place.”

  “Kate, I will fight. I will do whatever it takes to make this work. I will prove to you that I am in this forever, just like in our vows. I will show you just how much I love you.”

  As much as I wanted to believe him, I didn’t know if I could. We had gone round and round over the years and seemed to always end up in this place. Me, lonely and frustrated, feeling as though I lived with a roommate, wondering if this was all there really was to life, wanting to feel desired and wanted.

  “Kate, are you there? I just poured my heart out to you and you have nothing to say?”

  “Daniel, I need time. I love you, but I am tired of this vicious cycle we continually live. We’ve been here before. Well, maybe not quite like this, but we’ve been close. Aren’t you tired, Daniel? You obviously feel the need to be in another woman’s company, as I witnessed, first-hand, the other day. I just…I need time…”

  “I know I fucked up, Kate. I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Will you at least have dinner with me tonight? I have to leave in the morning and I want to spend some time with you while I am here. I’m staying just down the road at another inn.”

  “Sure, Daniel, let’s have dinner. Why don’t you come back to get me at seven?”

  Holy fuck. What on earth just happened? How did Daniel come into the picture in my little piece of heaven? I didn’t want him there. I really didn’t want to go to dinner with him, but I felt I at least owed him that. I groaned.

  “Well, Kate Jones, this is a big ol’ fucked-up mess.” I decided to call Jen. I needed a voice of reason in my life right now. Jen had no idea about Ryan. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to tell her about him. He complicated everything.

  “Well, hello stranger,” she sang as she answered her phone.

  “Hi, my long lost friend.” I chuckled.

  “What’s wrong, Kate? I can hear it in your voice. Spill it.”

  How did this woman know me so well? I smiled.

  “Well, Daniel just showed up.”

  “What the fuck? Seriously?” she exclaimed. “What the hell is he doing there?”

  “Well, it seems he’s had a change of heart.
He loves me, can’t live without me, and wants to save our marriage.”

  “What are you going to do?” she asked.

  “Well, it looks like I’m having dinner with him tonight. Oh, Jen. I don’t want to have dinner with him tonight! I’m so fucking tired of our life together. He’s a selfish bastard. I love him, but honestly, I’m not in love with him anymore. I feel like life has more to offer me but I don’t have it in me to try again. Is that bad?” I asked.

  “No, that’s not bad. How many times are you two going to go around and around? It’s fucking exhausting to watch. What do you want, my friend? What do you truly want in this life, because you’ve only got one lifetime, Kate.” she said.

  I cried. No, I wailed. I cried so hard, snot dripped out my nose like a sieve. She let me cry. She didn’t say a word and just let me sob until I couldn’t sob anymore. When I finally pulled myself together I said, “Jen, I had the most amazing sex with the most amazing man.”

  “I’m sorry, what did you just say? I think I heard you say you had amazing sex with an amazing man…did I hear that correctly?” she all but shrieked.

  “Yes, you heard me correctly,” I whispered.

  “Holy shit, Kate Jones! I want all the details.”

  I let out a laugh and told her everything.

  Chapter Nine

  Daniel picked me up at seven. I honestly wasn’t in the mood to go out, but I felt he at least deserved me showing up. He told me he’d made a reservation at the best restaurant on the river. I didn’t really feel like eating, so I didn’t care where we went. As we walked toward the river, he tried to hold my hand. I pulled away.

  “I’m sorry, Daniel. I’m not ready to go there at this point.”

  I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. We walked in silence. I didn’t really feel present in that moment. My thoughts were with another man. I couldn’t seem to get him out of my mind.

  “Here we are, Kate,” Daniel said.

  I looked up. We were standing in front of The Pub. My eyes grew wide.

  “Oh, Daniel, I don’t really feel like eating. Could we walk for a while instead? Maybe pop in someplace else later?”

  I did not want to go into The Pub and risk seeing Ryan. I couldn’t bear to see him, especially since I was with Daniel.

  “Nonsense, Kate, this is the best restaurant in town and we have a reservation. C’mon, let’s go in. I’m hungry.”

  I followed him reluctantly through the door. I figured I had a good chance of not seeing Ryan since we were sitting in the dining room and not the bar. We took our seats near the window that looked out over the river. It really was a beautiful view. The waiter came over and Daniel ordered us a bottle of Sonoma Cutrer. He knew it was my favorite. I felt uncomfortable sitting there with him, as if after all these years, I had nothing left to say to him.

  “Kate,” he said, “I know we’ve grown apart over the last few years. I’ve become wrapped up in my career, letting it get between us. I know you feel neglected. I want to change that. I want us to be ‘us’ again. I think we can make a go of it. I think we can make it work. I can cut down my hours at work. We can spend more time together. We can learn about each other again. I don’t want to lose you.” He leaned over and grabbed my hand. “Kate, I love you. I’ve never loved anyone else. It’s only ever been you.”

  The waiter returned with our wine. However, when I looked up, it wasn’t our waiter. It was Ryan. I gasped.

  “I thought I would do the honors of pouring your wine, as your waiter is with another table. I didn’t want you to have to wait.”

  He looked directly at me. I couldn’t breathe.

  “That would be wonderful. Feel free to pour,” Daniel said dismissively.

  I was mortified. I didn’t know where to look or what to do.

  “Ma’am?” said Ryan.

  I was barely able to croak out a “thank you.”

  “Thank you, that will be all,” said Daniel when our glasses were filled.

  “You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy your dinner,” Ryan said as he walked away.

  I wanted to cry. I’m not sure why I wanted to cry, but I did.

  “If you’ll excuse me, Daniel, I need to use the restroom.”

  I got up. I needed somewhere to catch my breath. The restroom seemed like the best place. I was having a hard time holding myself together. What in the world was wrong with me?

  “Get it together, Kate,” I mumbled to myself.

  The restroom was down a long hallway halfway between the restaurant and the bar. I could hear the noise from the bar floating down the hallway as I got closer. I made my way into the restroom and found the large stall empty. I let myself in and saw that there was a bench inside. I sat down and stared at the wall in front of me.

  “Get it together, Kate. You’ve got to get it together,” I said to myself.

  Just then, I heard someone open the door and walk in. I got up, went to the sink, and splashed some cool water on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like the reflection staring back at me. In fact, it wasn’t me at all. I looked sad, like a person I had never seen before. I hated the reflection staring back at me but couldn’t dwell on that right now. I had to get back out to Daniel.

  I opened the door to the stall and standing before me was Ryan.

  “Ryan,” I breathed.

  He slammed his mouth down on mine. I responded hungrily. Oh, this man was more than I could have ever imagined. Our kiss grew more passionate, more hungry, as he backed me up against the wall. I wanted him, there, now, but I had to get back to Daniel. I tore my mouth from his, panting, trying to catch my breath.

  “Beautiful,” he uttered around a rasping breath, “I don’t know what’s going on out there, but you looked like the most unhappy woman in the world.”

  “Ryan, I can’t,” I whispered. “I…I just—I don’t know what to do. I want you, but I am a married woman.”

  “An unhappily married woman who has been unhappy for a very long time.” He rebutted my statement with harsh truth.

  “I know. I know. But it’s so complicated, Ryan. I’ve spent half my life with that man. We have children. I have to get back out there. I’m sorry.”

  I opened the door and walked out of the bathroom. As I approached the table, I saw Daniel speaking to a waitress. Flirting with a waitress.

  “I’m back,” I said upon my approach. Daniel cleared his throat as the waitress gave me a half smile and walked away.

  “I’m glad you’re back, Kate. I was beginning to worry,” he said.

  “I bet you were,” I said sarcastically.

  Dinner was uneventful. We went through the motions. I wasn’t really there as Daniel droned on and on. I think I could have disappeared and he wouldn’t have noticed. He was back to his normal, self-centered self, like nothing had ever happened. He honestly thought his arrival there and having dinner with me would make everything better.

  “Daniel, it’s been a long day. I’m sorry, but I’m ready to go back to the inn,” I stated.

  “Is that an invitation, Kate?” he asked expectantly.

  “Um…no, Daniel. It’s not. There’s so much I have to think about. I need some time. I appreciate you coming here and wanting to talk, I really do, but you’re going to have to give me some time. There’s so much to sort through.”

  “I know there is, Kate, but I firmly believe we can sort through anything. We’ve come through so much. I know we can come through this, too.”

  I tried to smile at him, but I didn’t have anything left in me. We walked back to the inn and stood awkwardly outside and then he bent down and pecked me on the cheek.

  “I had a lovely time,” he said. “What day will you be home?”

  “My reservation is up Thursday morning. Checkout is at eleven. I’ll head home then.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then. It was so good to spend time with you, Kate,” he said, as he bent to kiss my cheek again.

  “You too, Da
niel,” I lied.

  I turned and walked into the Inn.

  Chapter Ten

  I was mentally exhausted. I don’t think my brain can handle or process anymore today, I said to myself. I sat on the edge of the bed and took off my shoes. There was a knock at my door.

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” I muttered out loud.

  I knew it would be Daniel wanting to say something more. I opened the door begrudgingly and looked into the most beautiful blue eyes.

  “Ryan!” I said, surprised.

  He immediately crushed his mouth on mine, taking me completely off guard. He pushed me gently back into the room, never taking his mouth from mine. I didn’t want him to. I kissed him back almost frantically.

  “Beautiful,” he breathed into my mouth, “I am going to do unspeakable things to you right now.”

  I blushed as he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to the bed, his lips never leaving mine. Our kiss was deep, so deep I could feel the wetness pooling between my legs. I wanted him to touch me there with his mouth. My desire unfolded around us. I should have felt guilty, but I didn’t. I wanted him, and I wanted to feel wanted. Ryan made me feel wanted.

  He laid me gently down on the bed and began to undress me slowly. Taking his time, he kissed my neck while unbuttoning my blouse. One arm at a time, he pulled the thin fabric from me. My bra was next. Ryan unfastened the front clasp with one hand as his mouth made its way to my breast. He sucked my left nipple. I groaned and arched my back so that he could suck harder.

  I had never been this brazen before, but with Ryan, I didn’t care. He did things to me that I couldn’t even explain. He made me feel sexy and alive. Ryan pulled my skirt down to my ankles and I kicked it off. He slid his hand into my panties and cupped me. I was a puddle. This man completely undid me.

  “Ryan…” I breathed heavily.