Wanted (The Dare to Dream Series Book 1)

by Jennifer Kittredge

  “That sounds like a good plan, mind if I join?”

  “Don’t you have to be getting back? What about Melinda?”

  “Melinda flew back to New York early this morning. She has a shoot on Monday. I don’t fly out until tomorrow. I gave myself an extra day in hopes I could spend some time with you.”

  I smiled and kissed him softly.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Maybe this could work. Maybe we could do the long-distance thing and I could be happy with that. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having Ryan in my life. Maybe, just maybe, we could have a successful long-distance relationship.

  “Ryan, do you think we could do long-distance? I’m so afraid it won’t work. I thought giving you up completely would be better. Now, I know it’s not. Do you think we could try? I don’t know how it could work, but I do know I want to try.”

  “I’m willing if you’re willing, beautiful.”

  I kissed him, and we made love. We stayed in bed all morning, making love and talking. My heart was happy. Having this man with me brought me more joy than anything else in this world. Ryan made me feel loved. He made me feel as though I was the only woman in the world. But most of all, he made me feel wanted.

  The day went by so quickly. We really didn’t do anything but make love, laugh, and eat. It was a wonderful day. It was so easy to be with Ryan. We talked more about our families, how he and Melinda had always been close, their relationship with their parents, growing up in Beaufort, and everything in between. I shared about losing my mom and how much I missed her, especially this past year going through the divorce. She would have been my shoulder to cry on through all this, my voice of reason, and she would have kicked my ass for ever walking away from Ryan.

  He laughed at that.

  The next morning, I dropped him off at the airport. We settled on the long-distance thing and would look at our schedules to see when we could get together again. I still had my reservations, but I wanted to at least see if we could make this happen. Maybe having Ryan part-time was better than having him no time at all. We would soon see.

  I arrived back home to work on the pictures from Saturday night. I knew Sam would be anxious to have them up and ready for his guests. Jillian came over and we got to work. With the two of us, we’d be able to knock it out in no time. I filled Jillian in on Ryan.

  “Oh, Kate! That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you!”

  “Thanks. I’m happy for me, too.” I laughed.

  “I bet you are. That man is something else, Kate. He is H-O-T.” She giggled.

  “He’s definitely easy on the eyes.”

  We worked until five and would resume in the morning. We were almost done with our editing. The pictures would go live the following afternoon. I said goodbye to Jillian, showered, and ran out the door to meet Jen for dinner.

  “How was the big event?” she asked.

  “You’re not going to believe what happened!”

  The words fell out of my mouth at a rapid pace. I filled Jen in on every last detail, right up to this morning when I dropped Ryan off at the airport.

  “Holy shit, friend. Your life is certainly not dull anymore!”

  I swatted playfully at her.

  “I know. It’s actually exciting! Why was I so afraid of the long-distance thing?” I asked.

  “You want my honest opinion?”

  I nodded yes while sipping my Cutrer.

  “Well, I’d give it to you anyway, even if you didn’t want it. Because you know long distance sucks and you want more than that. You want full-time. You want a life with someone. Maybe it will last for a while, Kate, but you’ll have to figure out what you want for your future. Are you going to settle for long-distance for the rest of your life?”

  I, of course, wanted to slap her again, but she was right. I was deluding myself into thinking I would be okay with this arrangement. I wanted someone in my daily life. I wanted to come home to someone, share dinners with someone, drink wine out back with someone. Would I really be okay with part-time?

  “Ugh. You’re right, Jen. I should have just let him go for good. I can’t, though. That man has a piece of my soul. I love him. I truly love him.”

  “Then enjoy the now. Take it day by day and see what happens. It might work out for you.”

  I loved Jen. She never BS’d me. She was a straight shooter. It’s what I appreciated about her the most. We finished dinner, said our goodbyes, and promised to meet again the next week. Jen was my person. I would have never gotten through this last year without her. I appreciated her more than she’d ever know.

  I had a text from Ryan when I got home.

  Finally home. Went straight to The Pub after I landed. How was your day? I miss you. R.

  My day was busy but good. Had dinner with Jen tonight. I miss you too.

  My phone rang. It was Ryan.

  “Hi,” I answered.

  “Hey, beautiful. This is much nicer than our last goodbye. It’s good to hear your voice.”

  “This is much nicer than non-communication.” I laughed.

  We talked for an hour about nothing and everything. Both of us got out our schedules and realized we wouldn’t the able to see one another until the end of January. The kids would be coming home from winter break, work was busy during the holidays for both of us, the kids didn’t head back to school until the second week of January, and I had two winter weddings the following weekend.

  “Ugh. This sucks.”

  “We’ll make it work, Kate. Don’t worry.”

  “How? Six weeks is a long time, Ryan.”

  “Well, two months was a long time and we didn’t even communicate. At least now, we can text and call. We’ll be fine, Kate. Don’t worry.”

  “Okay.” I let out a deep breath. “We’ll be okay.”

  I didn’t know if I really believed it. Distance was a bitch. I saw what happened to couples who tried to make it work. Sure, it worked for a while, but then the strain of travel, coordinating schedules, and trying to reconnect when they were together became too much. It usually crumbled within a year or so. Would it be better to just end it before we got in too deep? I didn’t know. I promised him I would try. After all, this was my idea.

  “You can do this, Kate. Stop overthinking it,” I said to myself.

  Chapter Thirty

  The holidays were hectic. Work was in full gear. Holiday parties, family pictures and a few weddings had me in overdrive. The kids were home and happy. They bounced between my house and Daniel’s. They were coming to terms with our divorce and doing well. Daniel and I made it a point to stay friendly for them, which made the transition easier. Even though they were home, I barely saw them. My house was like a revolving door. They were either home with a group of friends or the house was empty because they were out with friends. I loved every minute of it. Ryan and I stayed in touch as much as we could. He was just as busy with The Pub as I was with Captured. I loved catching up and connecting with him, but my heart and soul longed to be with him.

  “Mom…earth to Mom, are you even listening to me?”

  “I’m sorry, sweets. What’s up, Cam?”

  “I just wanted to know if we’re all getting together for dinner before Carson and I head back on Tuesday? Dad said he was up for it if you are.”

  “Sure, what did you have in mind?”

  “We’re open. We just thought it would be nice to have a family dinner before we left. Are you okay, Mom?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. Why are you asking?”

  “I don’t know. You looked kinda sad for a minute.”

  Well, I could be honest with her or blow it off.

  “You want the truth, Camryn?”

  “Mom, you raised us on truth. Of course I want the truth.”

  I let out a long slow breath.

  “Okay. Well, I met someone. Someone really special to me, and I miss him. He doesn’t live here, so it’s been a long-distance thing.”

  Camryn’s eyes grew wide
.

  “I knew it!” she cried, “I told Carson at Thanksgiving that something was up with you. Who is he? Are you in love, Mom?”

  “It’s complicated, Cam. Yes, I love him, but distance keeps us apart. I tried to end it not too long ago and it almost finished me. Now we’re trying the long-distance thing and it’s agonizing. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to do this.”

  “Mom, you’ve been through a lot this past year. The divorce, building your business, renting this house, considering buying a house. Why don’t you take some time and think about what it is you really want?”

  “What do you mean, what I really want? And when did my daughter turn into the advice-giver?”

  “Since I went away to college and grew up, Mom.” She laughed. “This is your time, Mom. You’ve got to go after what it is you want.”

  “God, you sound just like Jen. She thinks I should just drop my life here and move to South Carolina with Ryan. She makes it sound so easy, when in reality, it’s the furthest thing from easy. It’s actually impossible.”

  “What makes it so impossible?”

  “Sweetness, my life is here. You and Cameron are here. My business is here. Everything I know is here.”

  “Everything but Ryan. Everything else shouldn’t matter, Mom. You can move Captured to South Carolina. Cameron and I would come visit you there. We still have three years of college and then grad school. Who knows where we’ll end up after? You have to stop putting your life on hold for other people, Mom.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes.

  “Please don’t cry, Mom. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “It seems to be what I do now. Tears are my thing.” I tried to joke.

  “Seriously, Mom. When are you going to put you first?”

  “It’s not my job to put me first. I have you guys, who will always be first, and then I have other responsibilities in my life, Cam. Everything isn’t always so simple. Putting me first isn’t really an option.”

  “Wow, Mom. That’s probably the most insane thing I’ve ever heard you say. Putting you first should be the only option. When you put you first, everything else falls into place. That’s the reality of it. You’re fighting so hard against the tide instead of flowing with it.”

  I hugged her. When did my girl get so smart? Tears streamed down my cheeks as I kissed her forehead.

  “I love you, Camryn.”

  “I love you too, Mom. I want you to be happy,” she said as she wrapped her arms around me.

  We met for dinner Monday night, just the four of us. Things were definitely more comfortable between Daniel and me. We were able to laugh, joke, and reminisce without any hard feelings. Daniel still had his asshole side, but when it came to his kids, he was one hundred percent invested. We finished dinner, and Daniel hugged the kids goodbye. They’d be leaving in the morning from my house. Tonight, we got to have a sleepover, just the three of us.

  “It was good to see you, Kate,” said Daniel and he leaned in to hug me.

  “It was good to see you, too, Daniel.”

  I hugged him back.

  “I’m glad you’re doing so well,” he said as he let go.

  “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”

  “You were always so strong, Kate. You always knew what you wanted and got it.”

  I let out a guffaw, “Oh, Daniel, that’s not entirely true, but thank you. I don’t always get what I want. We’re a clear representation of that.”

  “Most of that was my fault. I’m the one who pushed you aside, focusing only on my career. I hope I do better next time around.”

  “You will. Everything we go through is a lesson, if we choose to use it as one. Your next relationship will be better because you’ll be more aware.”

  “I hope so. Yours will be, too. Don’t settle, Kate. Get what you want next time.”

  I didn’t know where this conversation was coming from, but it hit a rawness in me and made me anxious. Between the conversation with Camryn the other day and now this one with Daniel, it was as if the Universe was trying to tell me something.

  “Bye, Daniel. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Bye, Kate. Bye kids. Make sure you call your old dad when you get back to school tomorrow. You know I’ll worry until I hear from you.”

  “We know, Dad,” they said in unison.

  The kids and I made our way home, got into jammies, and hopped on the couch. It was movie night.

  “Mom, before we start, Cam told me about Ryan,” said Carson.

  “She did, did she?”

  “Come on, Mom, we’re twins! We tell each other everything,” said Camryn.

  “Is that how it works?” I laughed.

  “Yes, that’s how it works, Mom.” She rolled her eyes playfully.

  “Anyway, Camryn’s right. You have got to put yourself first for once. Please don’t stay in Tampa for us. Our lives are elsewhere right now, and who knows where we’ll end up? You deserve to be happy, and it seems like this Ryan guy makes you happy.”

  “Wow, you two are totally changing roles with me lately. I’m not sure what to think.”

  “We want you to think about you for once, Mom. That’s all. You’ve always put everyone else before you. It’s time to put you first. Why is that so hard for you?”

  “You guys. It’s not that simple. I wish it were. I’d love nothing more than to drop everything and run to Ryan. But how do I leave everything I know for a life of…of…”

  “Of love and happiness?” asked Camryn.

  “Ugh. You two are killing me right now. But yes, a life of love and happiness.”

  “You just do it, Mom. Stop overthinking it. Just do it. You’ve always told us, ‘you only have one life to live, so make the most of it, don’t waste it.’ Well, that’s what we’re saying to you now. This is your time. Go live your life.”

  Of course, the tears came. I’d resigned myself to being a leaky faucet. I always knew my kids were amazing, but right then, they showed me how amazing they truly were.

  “I love you guys so much.” I sobbed.

  “We love you too, Mom.”

  The kids set off bright and early the next morning. They had an eight-hour drive ahead of them. It made me worry less knowing they were together, keeping each other company. I loved their relationship. I had always wished I had a sibling. Growing up an only child got lonely, and when your parents were gone, you were really alone. There was no one left but you. My kids would always have each other. Their bond was that special twin bond. They could feel each other’s emotions, which always freaked Daniel and me out a little. I didn’t know why, but they had this uncanny knack about each other’s feelings.

  I texted Ryan to let him know the kids had left and I was going into crazy wedding mode for the next two weeks, then I was all his. I would fly into Hilton Head, and Ryan would pick me up there. I’d spend four days in Beaufort, while Jillian held down the fort here. She was perfectly capable. We didn’t have anything big coming up in February, at least not yet. She could handle meeting new clients, answering the phone and returning emails.

  She was also training our new photographer, Matt, who’d been referred to us by Sam, so we were giving him a chance. Our initial interview went really well and both Jillian and I thought he would be a good fit. With the both of them holding down the fort while I was away, I knew Captured would be in good hands.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  The wedding this weekend was taking place at a gorgeous estate out in the country. The three of us were handling it so that our client could have every aspect of her wedding captured, as requested. Matt was in training, but I was confident he would be capable of handling his part. We arrived at the venue. Jillian was taking care of the bridal party, Matt the groom and groomsmen, while I captured the venue before anyone arrived. I loved the stillness before an event. Those moments were always so sacred to me. Being in the beautifully decorated venue before all the guests arrived was peaceful. I captured the essence of t
he entire place before any of the guests arrived. I knew my client would love these shots.

  About thirty minutes later, the guests began to arrive. It was always thrilling to capture their expressions when they walked in and took note of the decorated venue. This was no different. Quiet gasps, breakout smiles, and nervous giggles ran the gamut of emotions. As the guests gathered, the groom and his groomsmen made their way to the front. You could hear the whispers from the guests to quiet down. Ten minutes later, music began, Tom Petty’s “Here Come’s My Girl.” The bride walked out on her father’s arm while Tom Petty sang his heart out. The look of sheer awe on the groom’s face brought tears to everyone’s eyes. The bride and her groom locked eyes, never once wavering in their contact. Their intimacy in that moment was palpable.

  The bride’s father choked up as he handed her to the groom, who gave his future father-in-law a big bear hug. Applause broke out. Then he turned to look at his bride as tears welled up in his eyes. Damn, this was something special. I’d captured a lot of weddings, but this one took the cake. The vibe felt throughout the place was electric. The couple had written their own vows. They were so moving, there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

  As the photographer, I was able to get up close so I could capture their moment. When I saw the way he looked at her, as if she were the only woman in the room—in the world for that matter—as he expressed his undying love for her and said he ‘would have waited for her forever,’ he was just glad he didn’t have to, my thoughts turned to Ryan. He was waiting for me. He would wait for me forever. Why was I making him wait? Why was I there, and not with him?

  Something clicked in me at this wedding. It opened my heart up to realize what I really wanted…all I wanted was Ryan. That was it. It was so simple. Just like Jen, Jillian, and my kids said. I was making it harder than it had to be. I could pick up my life, move it to Beaufort with Ryan, while keeping Captured alive there and birthing it in Beaufort too.

  My heart soared through the rest of the wedding. I felt lighter. I had come to the conclusion that I would no longer live my life for others. I would finally follow my heart and do what I knew was right. I didn’t know why it took me so long. I had to get through the next few weeks, get things settled there, pack up my house, and go. I would put my things in storage for the time being, until I was settled in Beaufort. I could come get them when I needed to. I’d still have to make trips to Tampa for the business, but with Skype and FaceTime, Jillian and I could stay in communication easily. I knew she loved Captured as much as I did. She would take amazing care of it on this end.