Starting Over

by Marissa Dobson

  Chapter Two

  After hours in the car, Liz had come up with the best way to tell him what she had found out. Instead of using the caution she had planned, she ended up blurting it out as they stood in the middle of the forest, complete targets for anyone who might be stupid enough to have come after him.

  She sat curled in front of the fire with a blanket around her shoulders. The only thing she managed to save from the car before jumping into his arms was her purse, with her laptop inside. All her clothes and belongings had plummeted down the mountain with her car. J.R. sat next to Scott, both of them watching her intently.

  Fifteen years since she had left and the man who still held her heart didn’t look as if he’d changed. He’d grayed a little around the temples, and he had a few more wrinkles around the eyes which she was sure were due to long hours in the office. But he still sped her heart rate just like the first time she’d seen him. Even after all this time, she loved him. It was as strong as the day she’d left, maybe stronger because of their time apart.

  “Now, do you want to explain what the hell you’re doing here?”

  “A few years ago I accepted a job with the FBI as a technical analyst.”

  “Get to the point,” he snapped.

  “Damn it, Scott, you’re neck high in mafia business. They’re going to try to take you down if they can. I’ve come to reason with you, to get you to leave it. I’ll pull some strings, we can get you witness protection. Anything, because this is going to go down one of two ways…either you’ll end up in prison or in a casket.”

  “The FBI sent you?” He gave a light chuckle before leaning over to rub J.R.’s head. “Hear that, boy? She’s our protection.”

  She let go of the blanket and grabbed her bag. “If you don’t believe me, everything is in here.” She held out her laptop to him. “As for the FBI, they don’t know I’m here. If they did I’d probably lose my job.”

  “Then why are you here?” When he didn’t take the laptop, she set it aside.

  “Because I love you, Scott! I’ve never stopped, but I couldn’t live with someone who would shut me out.” The tears she had been suppressing began to fall and there was no holding them back now.

  “It was my way of protecting you. I knew I was in trouble when I met the friends of that doctor I was defending. That’s when this shit started. Pushing you away seemed like the best idea I had.”

  “It’s been going on for fifteen years?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The man she loved had been wrapped up in the mafia for over a decade. Was he in deeper than she suspected?

  “Not by choice. It’s been off and on, mostly when they need someone to defend them. I’m not in that deep and it’s not like I’m doing anything illegal.”

  “You’re defending scumbags…getting them off.” With the chill returning, she pulled the blanket around her again. “That’s not the reason you became a lawyer. Remember all the good you wanted to do? What happened to that?”

  “It wasn’t like I asked for this. I never wanted to deal with this shit.” He leaned back in the chair and J.R. put his head on his knees. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? You’re not worried the FBI could try to tie you into the whole mess when they bring the organization down?”

  “I’ve always worried about that, but I’ve made sure I’m only doing what I’m hired to do. Because of attorney-client privilege, I can’t divulge anything they told me when I was defending them. I’ve never taken part in any of their schemes, or anything illegal.”

  She forced her gaze from him and looked at the fireplace. She watched as the log burned, sending sparks floating up the chimney. Did he not understand that even being associated with them was dangerous? If he ever failed to represent one of their people as they thought he should, it could mean the end of his life.

  Years ago she realized she had made the biggest mistake by walking out on him, but she could never find the courage to go back to him, to tell him why she had left. When she found out about this connection she had no choice but to go to him. Before she had even given it proper thought as to what it would do to her career, she was already on her way. Now she sat there wondering if she had made another mistake, because he didn’t seem to care that his career and life were on the line. Maybe she hadn’t known him as well as she thought—or had he changed that much in the last fifteen years?

  “You’re willing to give up your whole life to defend them? You’re willing to go to prison for them?” She shook her head, sending her hair into her face. “That’s not the man I fell in love with. The one who was going to fix the world, defend the people who needed it, and see that justice was done for the families involved. What happened to you?”

  “I’ve been here for days asking myself the same thing.” He ran his hand over J.R.’s head and scratched behind his ears. “If you came to find that man, I’m afraid he’s gone. Only the outer shell has been left behind like a remnant of yesteryear.”

  “Why? He was a good man.”

  “The world is a harsh place, sometimes you’ve got to change to stay alive.” He shook his head. “You know, a phone would have worked just as well for you to tell me this.”

  “I thought it needed to be done in person. I hoped I might convince you to leave this behind and let me help you. Plus, you never know, your phones could be bugged. If they overheard what I had to say, it could have meant your death, and it most certainly would have shattered the case the FBI has been building.” She frowned. “I take it you’re not happy to see me.”

  “After all these years…” He stood up from the chair and stalked toward the kitchen.

  “What? After all these years, what?”

  He pulled open the refrigerator door, disappearing until a moment later when he stood upright with a bottle of beer in his hand. “You show up, wanting to save me. Where were you when I nearly lost my firm because I couldn’t get my head on straight? All of my thoughts were so tangled around you I couldn’t focus on the case before me. Or the months I spent looking for you for some kind of explanation. We were together for six years and I didn’t even deserve a face-to-face explanation of why you left without even talking to me.”

  “Do you think it wasn’t heartbreaking for me to leave? I love you, Scott. You were my world. But you changed, suddenly you wouldn’t talk to me. You couldn’t even look me in the eye. What was I supposed to do?” She stood and J.R. rose as if on guard. Watching the dog, she moved carefully toward the kitchen. When she got to the counter separating the kitchen and living area, J.R. growled, as if letting her know that was far enough. “You might be upset on how things ended but don’t use that as a reason not to save yourself. If you don’t want me to help you, then fine, I’ll get someone else to help, but don’t…”

  He set the beer aside and closed the distance between them. There was something she hadn’t seen in his eyes in so long and she realized it was desire. He placed his hands on her hips and lifted her to the counter, claiming her lips. He tasted of hops and spice from the beer. Instead of pulling away from him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and met his advances. Slipping his tongue between her lips, he devoured her.

  With one final kiss he pulled back leaving her breathless, and just stared at her. Just like that, she could see the love in his eyes. It was like none of the last fifteen years had happened and they were right back where they had been before.

  “Oh, Scott.” She reached to him but he stepped back. “What?”

  “After the New Year, I was starting my life fresh. It’s why I came here…to bury the ghost of you once and for all. Now you just show up after fifteen years.”

  “You can’t pretend you don’t still feel the same way about me.”

  “You’re right, I can’t, but fifteen years is too long to just pick up where we left off.” He snatched his beer off the counter and took a long swig.

  “I’ll leave.”

  “Where the hell are you go
ing to go? Your car is over the mountain and you can’t get very far on foot, not in this weather.” He leaned against the counter, watching her.

  “I don’t know, but obviously I can’t stay here.”

  For a moment she wondered if he would even care if she walked out that door and never came back. Maybe she was wrong; what she saw in his gaze wasn’t love, it might have been desire but that was it. Her heart broke a little as she realized she might have lost him for good. Maybe all these years she had hoped that one day they’d find each other again and could be as they once were. Now she realized that could never happen. Years had split the love they had for each other and even though she still loved him, he had clearly moved on.

  “Liz…are you listening to me?” He set the beer aside and had come closer to her while she was lost in her thoughts. “Earth to Liz.”

  “What?” She shook her head, freeing herself from the memories of the past.

  “I said you’ll stay here until the storm is over.”

  “What are you going to do about the mafia? Are you still going to represent their people?” She didn’t care that she might have jeopardized her job for nothing, what she cared about was him. Even if they couldn’t be together, she didn’t want him dead or in prison.

  “My new life begins the day after New Year’s, so there’s nothing to worry about.” He picked up his beer and took a long swig.

  “What’s that supposed to mean? You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”

  “I’ve never been the impulsive type. That was always you, sugar.”

  She hopped off the counter. “Then tell me.”

  “I’ve quit.” He smirked over the top of his beer bottle. “Sold my practice to a junior lawyer I had working for me for the last few years. My condo hits the market Monday and I’m leaving New York.”

  “They’ll find you. This won’t end, you know too much.”

  “Then that’s the price I’ll have to pay. For fifteen years I was stuck defending scumbags who deserved to be in prison, but no longer. I’m done practicing law, it just doesn’t mean the same as it once did.”

  She closed the distance between them and placed her hand on his cheek. “You might hate me, but please let me help you.”