Straight Up

by K. Evan Coles

  A trickle of unease ran through Stuart as he turned to face Malcolm.

  “Mal,” Stuart said slowly, not sure what the best approach was. His instincts told him something was very wrong and he wanted to handle it as gently as possible. Whatever Malcolm was going through, it worried Stuart. “This seems like there’s more than you just being busy. I’m concerned.” Malcolm had been looking a little thin and tired lately. Jesus, was he not eating at all when he was home? They’d spent no time here since they’d been dating and had never eaten here. It hadn’t struck Stuart as odd at the time since Malcolm hadn’t told his brother about their relationship yet but now Stuart wondered if there was more to it than that.

  “It’s nothing, Stuart. Really.” Malcolm wouldn’t look him in the eye. He stared over Stuart’s shoulder, worrying his lower lip with his teeth.

  “Hey, come on, talk to me. You can tell me anything that’s going on with you. I don’t want us to keep secrets from each other.” Stuart winced internally. Okay, that was a little hypocritical. He still hadn’t told Malcolm about his kink. One big issue at a time, though, and this was one they needed to deal with immediately. His interest in lacy underthings could wait.

  “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” Malcolm protested. “Let it go.”

  Stuart reached out and gently clasped Malcolm’s face, forcing him to look him in the eye. “If you’re dealing with a health problem, I want to help you. I’ll do whatever I can. I just need to know. If food’s the issue…”

  An eating disorder wasn’t unheard of in men. At all. In fact, Stuart had dated a guy who’d struggled with anorexia, which was why it was one of the first things that popped into Stuart’s head. The more he considered it, the less that seemed to fit, however. Malcolm had seemed very open to eating anything Stuart offered him. He also hadn’t shown any signs of him throwing food up after they ate, so it likely wasn’t bulimia.

  “Food’s not the issue.” Malcolm closed his eyes. There was so much pain on his face and Stuart wanted to wrap him in a hug, but he wasn’t sure this was the time to push physical contact with Malcolm. However, he believed Malcolm was telling the truth.

  Stuart scrambled to put all the pieces together. Malcolm had also been heavily leaning toward eating vegetarian lately and didn’t want to eat out. In fact, he’d turned down doing a number of date ideas that Stuart had suggested. Even when they had nothing to do with food.

  Oh. The pieces clicked into place. Money. It had to be money.

  “Mal, are you having trouble with money right now?” Stuart asked softly, trying to keep his tone as non-judgmental as possible.

  “Why won’t you just drop this?” Malcolm’s tone was defensive. This conversation had clearly made him uncomfortable, and while Stuart kept his own tone soothing, there was no way he was dropping this.

  “Because I care about you. A lot. And I want to help. We’ve already told each other about some big things. My previous marriage and Mormon upbringing. Your sexuality. There’s nothing we can’t talk about. I want you to be honest with me so I can help. If I can help—”

  “There’s nothing you can do!” There was a stubborn set to Malcolm’s jaw.

  “But there is a problem?” Stuart prompted.

  Malcolm sighed. “Yeah.”

  “And it has to do with money?”

  He nodded once. Reluctantly.

  Stuart hazarded a guess. “Does this tie into your mom’s money troubles?”

  “Yes.” Malcolm’s shoulders slumped and all the tension seemed to go out of him at once. “I’ve been in a bad spot since her injury.”

  Stuart put an arm around Malcolm and led him into the living room. Malcolm didn’t protest. In fact, he was so docile he worried Stuart. He seemed almost robotic.

  “Hey, come on,” Stuart coaxed. He took a seat beside Malcolm and angled his body so he could look at Malcolm’s face. “Talk to me. I promise you’ll get no judgment from me about this. I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck before. Hell, I was broke when I was going to culinary school. I didn’t go hungry because we ate what we made at the institute, but I was scraping by otherwise. I even went without heat for a couple of months one winter because I got behind on payments. I know what it’s like to be short on funds. So what’s going on with your mom?”

  “She’s terrible at managing money,” Malcolm said softly. “After she and my dad got divorced, she didn’t adjust to the change in income or bother to manage the household for one person and not two. Then she lost her job and never stopped spending money like she did before.”

  Stuart nodded.

  “Jackson and I have been helping out. Filling up her gas tank, paying her utility bills, buying groceries…” He sighed. “Then she got injured when the steps gave out.”

  “Does she not have insurance?”

  “No, she does. I put her on my insurance when she wasn’t able to buy her own after the unemployment benefits ran out. That means I’m covering the deductible from the ED visits and follow-ups with her doctor.”

  Stuart grimaced. Insurance was a killer. Marisol offered health coverage to her employees. Not every restaurant owner was so generous. He’d lived for a lot of years without it and spent every day crossing his fingers nothing catastrophic would happen.

  “Okay. I see why things are so tight for you,” Stuart said. “Do you need a loan? I have some savings. I’d be more than happy to—”

  “No.” Malcolm shook his head. “No, I don’t expect you to do that.”

  “It’s not a matter of expecting it,” Stuart argued. “I’m offering. I want to help.”

  “I can’t. I really can’t accept that.”

  Stuart sighed and nodded. “Okay. What about groceries? Will you at least let me buy you groceries for the next few weeks? Just to get you by until things improve. I can’t stand the idea of you going hungry when I could do something about it.”

  “I can take care of myself.” There was a stubborn set to Malcolm’s jaw.

  “I know that. Clearly, you’re taking wonderful care of your mom, too. I could make things easier for you if you’d let me.”

  Malcolm shook his head again and Stuart knew he had to back off on this or risk Malcolm clamming up completely. “Okay. What about your brother? He lives here, right? Doesn’t he contribute to groceries? Hasn’t he noticed how tight things are for you?”

  Malcolm shook his head. “Jackson’s never here anymore. I don’t think he’s been at the apartment overnight in at least a month and he only drops by to get clothes or whatever else he needs. He doesn’t cook or eat here so he wouldn’t have noticed.”

  “Is he struggling as badly?”

  “No. He works in the private sector, so he makes more than I do to begin with, and he shares expenses with his girlfriend. Plus, I’m the one who took on my mom’s medical debt and the porch repair.”

  “Have you asked him to help out?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “My mom doesn’t have anyone else to help her out. Taking care of her is my responsibility.” Malcolm looked away.

  No, it’s your mother’s responsibility—she’s the parent, Stuart thought. He knew he couldn’t say that aloud. He didn’t want to alienate Malcolm right now and dealing with Kim Elliott’s issues would be a long-term thing. Not that his heart didn’t go out to Kim if she was struggling. It did. He also felt conflicted. While Stuart had many issues with the Mormon faith, he had been raised with the belief that he should look out for his neighbor and help them when they were in trouble. He still believed that. There was a point at which that struggling person could drag someone under, however. And it was clear that Malcolm was drowning.

  “So, neither your mom nor your brother knows how much strain this is putting on you?”

  “No. I haven’t told them. I don’t know how to talk to them about this. I know I should be able to, but I don’t know what to say or how to say it. It feels like any way I word it will only make my mom feel worse and I k
now it’ll make Jackson feel guilty. I know I need to. I just don’t know how.”

  Stuart reached out and squeezed Malcolm’s thigh. “I love that you’re such a caring person. You shouldn’t be expected to shoulder this burden all by yourself, though.”

  “It’s not that they expect me to. I want to.”

  “And I hate the idea of you going hungry. I want to help,” Stuart said softly. “Please. I care about you.”

  “I know you do.” Malcolm clasped Stuart’s hand in his own. “And I appreciate that. I’m not very good at relying on other people when I need help.”

  “I know.” That much was very obvious.

  “I guess I’m relieved that it’s not a secret anymore.”

  “Yeah?” Stuart brushed his thumb across Malcolm’s cheek with his free hand.

  “I didn’t like keeping things from you. It’s good to talk about it to someone.”

  “Good.” Stuart leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Malcolm’s forehead. “You can always talk to me about anything, I promise.”

  Malcolm didn’t respond verbally but he did put his arms around Stuart and pull him closer. Stuart held him tight. He reminded himself that this relationship had just begun. In Malcolm’s position, he wouldn’t have had an easy time accepting money from someone he was newly dating either.

  All Stuart could do was be a listening ear and try not to add to Malcolm’s stress—financial or emotional—while he wracked his brain for other ways he could help.

  There had to be something he could do.

  * * * *

  After more prodding on Stuart’s part, Malcolm relented and allowed him to pick up takeout on their way to Stuart’s place. Malcolm seemed self-conscious as he ate the pasta, but he did polish off a healthy portion for dinner.

  They had a quiet evening in. Malcolm seemed too emotionally wrung-out for anything sexual. Stuart had enjoyed the exploration they’d done lately, but this was not the time to push it. No matter how much he loved the feeling of Malcolm’s fist wrapped around his cock or watching Malcolm’s face as he got him off, that night, Stuart was content to hold him as they watched a movie. The soft rise and fall of Malcolm’s breathing was a reminder that they were in this together. After they’d brushed their teeth and slid under the covers, Malcolm slept deeply while Stuart tossed and turned, his mind racing and his heart heavy with worry.

  He made Malcolm an enormous omelet for breakfast the next morning and pushed the leftover Italian into his hands to take for lunch. While Malcolm looked vaguely annoyed, he accepted it without protest. As Stuart kissed him goodbye before they went their separate ways to work, an idea that had rattled around Stuart’s brain all night re-emerged.

  He debated letting Malcolm’s friends know about the difficult situation Malcolm was in. The idea of going behind Malcolm’s back wasn’t something Stuart liked, but he knew Malcolm wouldn’t reach out to them on his own. Stuart also knew the guys would be horrified to know that Malcolm was in such a bad position, especially when they could help.

  Contemplating who he should approach, Stuart rode his bike to the restaurant and, once seated at the desk in the cramped office, sent a text to Kyle. Kyle seemed as approachable as any of the crew. Stuart and he had recently texted about the fundraising event so there was already a line of communication open.

  Will you be at Under tonight after 10 p.m.? Stuart asked.

  Sure. What’s up?

  Got a thing to run by you. It’ll be easier to explain in person.

  Come by any time. I’ll be here until close tonight.

  Stuart’s day passed in a blur. King’s was packed that night and one of the cooks’ wives went into labor halfway through his shift, so Stuart had to fill in and prepare the remainder of the fish dishes while also juggling the plating. He was ready to crash by the time his shift ended. Unfortunately, the situation with Malcolm was too urgent for him to reschedule his meeting with Kyle. Stuart’s worry had only increased since yesterday.

  The ride to the speakeasy helped wake him up, and he greeted the staff at Lock & Key as he walked past them toward the back of the room. “Hey, guys.”

  “Hey, good to see you, Chef!”

  “You, too.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m meeting with Kyle,” he explained as they waved him on.

  Slipping through the plain door and into the hallway behind, Stuart ignored the phone, choosing instead to use the hidden catch in the blank door that Kyle had shown him. When the door opened, he jogged down the secret staircase.

  Jim, the head of security, greeted him with a friendly smile. “Evening, Stuart. Good to see you again.”

  Stuart forced himself to smile back. “You, too.”

  He spotted Kyle behind the bar talking to a man sitting on one of the stools with his back to Stuart. The dark hair and lean but fit frame were familiar. He wondered what Riley Porter-Wright was doing here. Malcolm had told him that the guys now knew he and Malcolm were dating. It sent a glow through Stuart to know Malcolm had shared that with his friends. He wouldn’t have done it if he weren’t invested in being with Stuart. And nothing made him happier to think about.

  Kyle looked up and smiled. “Hey. Glad you could make it.”

  Riley turned and smiled. “Nice to see you, Stuart.”

  Stuart greeted them both and took the stool next to Riley.

  “You want me to head out?” Riley asked. “I stopped by to talk to Kyle about drinks for the wedding. We finished a while ago and have just been catching up.”

  “No, stay,” Stuart said. “It’s good you’re here, actually.” Riley had always seemed like a good guy and Stuart knew he cared about Malcolm a lot. “I need to talk to you guys about Malcolm.”

  Kyle and Riley both frowned.

  “What do you mean?” Riley asked.

  “The short version is Malcolm is in some financial trouble and he’s having difficulty affording food,” Stuart said, voice grim. Might as well cut to the chase immediately. “There are days he’s going hungry because he’s so strapped for money.”

  The exclamations of shock and worry were instantaneous. “What the hell is going on?” Kyle asked, leaning forward to brace his arms on the bar.

  Riley’s expression was perplexed. “Malcolm’s the most careful person I know. How did this happen?”

  “His mom’s having money problems and they’ve gotten so bad they’re impacting him, too,” Stuart explained.

  “I can’t believe he didn’t come to me,” Kyle said, a deep furrow forming on his forehead. “To one of us at least.”

  “I know,” Riley echoed. “I remember his mom having a minor injury when she fell through the steps, but I had no idea anything was that serious. What happened?”

  Stuart went over everything Malcolm had told him and Kyle gave a heavy sigh.

  “Damn it, I wish he’d told us about all of this,” he said. “Or some of it at least. I had no idea.”

  “I had to drag it out of him. I also suggested Malcolm talk to you guys and he didn’t want to. I think he’s ashamed.” Stuart paused. “Maybe ashamed isn’t the right word exactly. He’s very uncomfortable with the idea of telling you.”

  “Shit, he knows I was homeless and slept on couches for a while when I first moved to New York,” Kyle said. “We’ve talked about it. I get why it might be harder for him to come to some of us—sorry, Ri—but let’s face it, you, Carter, Will and Jesse have never had to worry about when your next paycheck is coming in. He should have known he could come to me, though.”

  Riley nodded.

  Stuart knew he and the others Kyle had named came from families with money. He doubted they’d ever worried about paying rent or buying groceries, but there was no doubt they loved Malcolm and would have helped in a heartbeat. Still, Stuart understood what Kyle was saying. Of anyone, he was the friend who might best understand what Malcolm was going through.

  Kyle sighed again. “I know Mal’s a private person.”


  “At this point, I’m less concerned about why he didn’t come to us than how we can help,” Riley said.

  “Exactly,” Stuart chimed in. “That’s why I came here tonight. I hoped maybe you guys could help me come up with some way to help him out in the short term. The only thing he’ll let me do right now is cook for him whenever he’s at my place.”

  “How often is he there?” Riley asked.

  Stuart shrugged. “A few days a week at most. Not enough that I’m sure he gets three square meals a day every day of the week.”

  Riley shook his head. “That’s not enough. Hmm. Maybe we can arrange for grocery deliveries?”

  “You don’t think he’ll be pissed?”

  “Oh, I’m sure he will be,” Riley said. “But if we don’t let him know who places the order, he’ll be mad at all of us together rather than one person specifically.”

  Stuart smiled grimly. Riley had a point. “There’s no way he’d refuse the deliveries, is there?”

  “I don’t think so.” Kyle’s answering look was equally stern. “I didn’t think he’d keep something like this from us either, so who knows?”

  “It’s worth a try,” Riley said.

  “It is.” Stuart dragged a hand through his hair. “He’s going to be pissed at me for telling you guys.”

  “You did the right thing.” Kyle ran his fingers over his mouth. “He needs help and none of us are okay with standing by and doing nothing while he struggles.”

  “I’d rather risk pissing him off than let him go hungry,” Riley said.

  They all nodded their agreement.

  “The real problem is Malcolm’s mom’s finances,” Stuart reminded them. “Without the added strain from her problems, he’d be making enough at CEC to be okay. So until she’s in a better position financially, things aren’t going to improve for him. Anything like a grocery delivery is a short-term patch and not really solving the problem.”

  “I know.” Kyle frowned. “I’m not sure what to suggest, though.”

  “No, me, either.”