“Nothing, really. Just…” Malcolm wet his lips with his tongue. “Being with me means going a lot slower than you would with other men. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe you want more.”
“It’s true we’re going slower.” Stuart gave a nod. “But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything at all. Because I’m going exactly the right speed with the man I want to be with—you.”
The next thing Malcolm knew, Stuart had dragged him into a hug and he laughed softly as Malcolm was forced to untangle his legs.
“Holy ouch.”
“Sorry.” Stuart kissed Malcolm’s cheek. “I mean it, though. I don’t need or want anyone else. What I have with you is more than just mechanics and getting off and that’s something I haven’t had with anyone else.”
Malcolm linked his arms around Stuart’s neck. “I love that you said that.”
“It’s true. I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” Stuart’s dark gaze was so earnest. “I also don’t want you to feel pressured into something you don’t want out of some misguided belief that I’m not satisfied. I like what we do together, Mal. A lot.”
“Mmm, I do, too. But making you feel good is important to me—sometimes even more so than getting off myself.” Malcolm ran his fingers through the short hairs at the nape of Stuart’s neck, tiny shockwaves of delight running up his arms as he did. “I know that probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s all tied up in feeling connected to you and I need that. It’s okay to push me a little. Sometimes, I need to be pushed. Want it too, even if it’s just to hold you while you come.”
“Okay. I can do that.” Stuart set his hands against Malcolm’s sides. His expression shifted in the next moment, however, and he slid his eyes toward the dresser, then back to Malcolm. “Do you want to talk about the lingerie?”
“I think we need to. Especially since you asked if I’d be okay sharing that part of your life.”
“Yes. And you don’t have to answer until you’re ready.” Stuart pursed his lips for a moment. “It wasn’t fair of me to even ask you that question so soon after finding out about my kink.”
Malcolm shook his head. “It’s okay that you did. And obviously, I’m still trying to figure stuff out, like what my part would be. If the question is about me sharing your kink, then the answer is yes, I will.”
The light drained from Stuart’s eyes. “You should think about this some more.”
Sitting back, Malcolm took Stuart’s hand between his own. Unease fluttered in his gut at the hard line of Stuart’s mouth. This wasn’t at all the reaction he’d expected. “What’s wrong? I thought you wanted me to know that part of you.”
“I do, more than anything. But… Fuck, I don’t know how to say this without sounding hostile. You really don’t know what you’re asking.”
“That’s fair. But I know that it wouldn’t feel right to turn my back on something that’s so important to you.” Malcolm gave Stuart’s fingers a gentle squeeze. “Or to ask you to keep the kink private and just to yourself.”
“You have no idea how much it means to me that you’d say that.” A pained smile crossed Stuart’s face. “Now I’m even more sure we should go into this slowly. The potential for things to go pear-shaped is huge and that is the last thing I want.”
“Okay, but—”
“Did you mean it earlier when you told me you loved me?”
“Yes.” Malcolm’s breath caught. “I’ve never said that to anyone before and meant it that way.”
Meant it like forever.
Stuart drew him close, voice dropping to a near whisper as he pressed his forehead to Malcolm’s and closed his eyes. “Okay. Maybe you can understand how afraid I am of losing that, then. Of you hating me because that one part of my life fucks everything up.”
“Oh, Stuart.” Malcolm brought a hand to Stuart’s cheek. “I didn’t fall in love with parts of you. I fell in love with all of you. And if kink is a part of who you are, I want to know it just as much as the rest of you.”
The tight sigh that rose from Stuart’s chest set his whole body trembling. His hold on Malcolm tightened, though, so Malcolm gathered him up and just held on until the storm of emotion had passed.
“How about I follow your lead this time?” he asked when Stuart seemed calmer. “I want you to feel comfortable about how and when you share your kink.”
“You know, from anyone else, that could be a dangerous proposition.” Sitting back enough to meet Malcolm’s eye, Stuart shot him a smile, and yes, there was the impish side Malcolm liked so much. “I appreciate you letting me drive. The underwear has always been a very private thing for me, obviously. I think it’ll take time to open up to someone about it.”
Malcolm pushed down a tiny flare of disappointment. Of course, Stuart needed time to adjust. Hell, Malcolm did too, so he could truly understand what he was getting into.
“Whenever you’re ready,” he said and meant it, though once more, his eye was drawn to the dresser’s bottom drawer.
What the hell was he getting into, anyway? Obviously, his man liked to wear lacy things. Craved the sensations of tiny scraps of fabric against his skin. Intellectually, Malcolm knew lots of men shared the same kink. The idea of wearing something so delicate and lacy himself was something Malcolm couldn’t imagine at all, especially when he glanced down at himself.
“Stuart?” He tried to ignore the heat flooding his face when he lifted his gaze back up. “Is the lingerie a thing you like your partner to wear, too? I’m game to talk about it if that’s something you need, but I’m not sure it’d be a good look for me.”
Stuart’s eyes went so wide Malcolm almost laughed. “I’ve never thought about it before. Holy shit, I’m thinking about it now, though. And damn.”
“Oh, God.” Now Malcolm did laugh. That set Stuart off too, and it was a moment before either of them could form coherent words.
“I’m sorry.” Stuart knuckled tears from his eyes. “You caught me off guard. Put some incredible images into my head, too.”
“Happy to help.” Malcolm snorted. Bless this man and his lack of filter. “It was a serious question, however. I don’t think this”—he waved a hand at himself—“belongs in anything so fragile.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re selling yourself short. I’m not exactly a delicate flower by any means and that’s part of the appeal as far as I’m concerned.” Stuart ran a hand over Malcolm’s thigh, his touch raising prickles of sensation right through Malcolm’s gray chinos. “The idea of those long legs in a pair of stockings is an unbelievably tantalizing image, too.
“I like you buttoned up and neat. That is a great look on you. My favorite in fact.” The promise in his low voice pinged Malcolm’s insides just right. “So, no, I don’t expect you to wear lingerie. If you ever want to try a walk on the wild side, though, I’d be more than happy to help you out.”
The simple delight in Stuart’s face made Malcolm’s heart squeeze. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
* * * *
Despite the unexpected drama of that Friday afternoon, the dust settled quickly in the days that followed and life continued. Malcolm imagined it would appear that nothing had changed to anyone on the outside of his and Stuart’s relationship. However, things were changing on the inside, in very quiet ways that broke new ground and told him that Stuart was finally putting his past to rest.
For one, Stuart went out of his way to offer Malcolm space of his own within the confines of the tiny studio and make it feel like his home, too. A bigger boot tray appeared by the door to hold their shoes, just like handmade shelves were hung on the wall and a space opened up inside Stuart’s old wardrobe, all gestures that offered Malcolm places to store his things.
Stuart got bossier in bed, too, in ways that worked perfectly with Malcolm’s very specific wiring. While he’d always shown an instinctive understanding of Malcolm’s need to surrender control, Stuart leveraged that knowledge more and coaxed Malcolm into trying new things that
made his body hum. Even better, Stuart chased his own pleasure without apology, so each touch he shared became a connection Malcolm craved, regardless of whether he came or not.
Though Stuart rarely mentioned his kink, Malcolm didn’t find the behavior all that surprising. Stuart had been very plain about not needing it to get off. He started leaving the dresser drawer of lingerie open, however, a move Malcolm knew was an unspoken invitation to explore its contents if and when he wanted. Malcolm did just that on occasion, indulging his love of color and texture by running his hands among the pieces of silk, satin, velvet and lace. He returned to a particular pair of boyshorts more than once, drawn by the contrast of black lace against ice-blue satin, especially when paired with the matching garter belt. He thought their sheen and color would suit Stuart quite well.
He almost dropped a stack of plates one night when he spotted a gleam of that same pearly blue peeping out from under the waistband of Stuart’s jeans. They were cleaning up after dinner and Stuart had bent to pick a platter up from the floor, the motion causing his Pixies T-shirt to ride up just enough to flash some skin and a bit of something extra. Malcolm set the plates on the wooden counter that covered the bathtub with a clatter.
Was that…?
A half-smile crossed Stuart’s face as he and Malcolm stared at one another, followed by a rush of color in his cheeks. “Everything okay, Mal?”
Malcolm wanted to roll his eyes. Like the jerk didn’t already know. He played along anyway, just in case Stuart still felt nervous. Something Malcolm didn’t feel at all.
“I’m great. I also think maybe you’ve figured out I like that color blue.” He offered Stuart a smile and stepped forward, hands out and palms up, asking without words if his touch was welcome.
Stuart’s smile grew wider. “You made it easy. I found this pair on the top of the pile more than once and connected the dots.” He reached out, circling Malcolm’s wrists with his fingers, and drew him in. “I didn’t wear the garter belt, though. I figured we should start out slow and maybe work our way up to that. If you still want to, of course.”
“Of course.”
Stuart set Malcolm’s hands on his waist. Without breaking eye contact, he lifted the hem of the T-shirt up and over his head, pulling it off in one smooth motion. A quiet sigh worked its way through Malcolm as the heat of Stuart’s skin seeped into his palms. He followed Stuart’s hands with his gaze, almost holding his breath as Stuart reached for the fly on his jeans and eased the buttons open. Slowly, the weathered denim slipped down, exposing skin and ink and the tiny blue boyshorts that had so captured Malcolm’s fancy.
“Whoa.” Heat swept through Malcolm in a wave. The contrast of satin against the hard planes of Stuart’s body was… Fuck, he couldn’t look away. Swallowing hard, he ran the fingers of one hand along the waistband of the shorts, the pads of his fingertips prickling under the rasp of the stiff lace. “Oh, wow.”
A low noise rumbled through Stuart’s broad chest. “Yeah?”
Malcolm forced himself to meet Stuart’s gaze, but he went still at the storm he saw there. There was heat in those dark eyes but something wary too, and whatever nerves Stuart was feeling sent a fine tremor through his body. Heart in his throat, Malcolm slid his arms around Stuart, then rested his palms against the small of Stuart’s back, the waistband of the boyshorts teasing his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I should have asked before I touched.”
Stuart shook his head once and threaded his arms around Malcolm’s neck. “You’re fine. You never have to ask me that.” His voice was gruff. “I like the way your hands feel on me. Especially right now.” He paused and swallowed, the movement making his nostrils flare. “Do you like it?”
Rather than answer, Malcolm slid one hand lower, running it over the swell of Stuart’s ass. The sensation of satin over muscle sent a shock of arousal crashing over him so intense his head actually spun.
“Oh, Jesus.” The words came out of him on a raspy moan that made Stuart’s breath hitch in his chest. “Yeah, I like it. I mean, I knew I’d be okay with it because it’s you. But seeing you like this. Touching you. God, Stuart.”
Stuart cupped Malcolm’s face with his hands. “Baby.”
“They feel so good.”
“Yeah, they do. I like wearing these—you know that.” Stuart smiled. “Wearing them with you, though…fuck. I feel like I’m high.”
Malcolm knew exactly what he meant. The buzz that always came when Stuart touched him had filled Malcolm head to toe, so intense he could hardly speak. Malcolm was hard, too, his boxer briefs already uncomfortably tight. And he needed more. Needed to see and taste and feel, thirst exploding within him and turning his knees to jelly. Malcolm slowly sank down, pulling Stuart’s jeans lower with him as he moved.
Stuart’s jaw sagged. “Malcolm—”
“It’s okay,” Malcolm whispered. Because it was. Malcolm didn’t know what he was doing. Had never done this before. But he wanted it so, so much.
Acting on instinct, he pushed Stuart’s jeans off the rest of the way. Once Stuart had stepped out of them, Malcolm trailed slow kisses along his thighs, delighting in the zing of soft skin and crisp hair against his lips. He closed his eyes at Stuart’s low groan, the need in his core expanding even more.
Settling onto his knees, Malcolm kneaded Stuart’s skin with his fingers. He pressed his face against the blue satin and breathed in wood and sweat and man. His groan mixed with Stuart’s and Malcolm shifted closer.
“Mmm.”
He wound his arms around Stuart’s hips and nuzzled him through the boyshorts, reveling in the hardness of the cock barely hidden behind them. A shiver ran through Malcolm as Stuart’s hands came to rest on his head. He opened his mouth over the fabric, tonguing the satin, shivering at the goosebumps that rose up all over him as Stuart moaned Malcolm’s name.
Pleasure swept Malcolm with the force of a bonfire. Peeling his eyes open, he stared up at Stuart, pride slashing through him at the lust that made Stuart’s eyes glow. He loved making Stuart feel good.
“I imagined this,” Stuart rasped out. He twined his fingers into Malcolm’s short hair. “You on your knees. Eyes on me, just like this.”
Dropping a hand to Malcolm’s mouth, he dragged his thumb over Malcolm’s lips, over and over, pulling a whine from him that became a gasp when Stuart twitched against his lips. Malcolm’s fingers shook as he pulled the waistband of the boyshorts over Stuart’s groin.
“Oh, fuck.” Stuart bit his lip. With deft movements, he guided Malcolm’s fingers so they pulled the underwear down together, tucking the front beneath Stuart’s balls while they still clung to his hips and ass.
“You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, Malcolm.” Stuart’s voice was a rough croon of praise. “So gorgeous on your knees for me. I love this. Love that you’re mine.”
Yes.
Malcolm’s eyes fluttered closed once more. Wrapping one hand around the shaft of Stuart’s cock, he slowly licked the tip, bitter and salt exploding on his tongue. Above him, Stuart swore. Malcolm licked again and hummed, loving the combination of hard heat and velvet softness, his own dick throbbing.
Before he could think too hard, he took Stuart between his lips, the need for more making him brave. He couldn’t take Stuart very deep, but he suspected it didn’t matter because Stuart was moaning steadily now, his thigh muscles trembling against Malcolm’s shoulders. His hands were back on Malcolm’s head, his touch firm but never rough as he guided Malcolm’s movements, showing him how he liked to be sucked. Too soon, Stuart was moving, carefully pushing Malcolm back, and Malcolm couldn’t stop his frown as he let Stuart’s cock fall from his mouth.
“What is it?” Malcolm’s insides went tight as Stuart hauled him to his feet. “Did I do something wrong?”
“Not a fucking thing—you’re perfect.” Stuart’s kiss scorched Malcolm from the inside out. “I was about to blow my load,” he said, panting now that they’d come up for a
ir, “and I need to touch you more before that happens. Can I make you feel good?”
He waited for Malcolm’s nod, then kissed him again and guided Malcolm backward out of the kitchen and toward the bed, the command in his touch unmistakable. The buzz inside Malcolm grew stronger as he was stripped down to his boxer briefs, and he felt floaty and almost drunk by the time he’d been laid out on the bed.
Stuart’s eyes shone as he ran them from Malcolm’s head to his toes. “Gorgeous.”
He peeled off the blue boyshorts, then skated his fingers over Malcolm’s torso, tickling his ribs and tweaking his nipples so Malcolm shivered. Craving more contact, Malcolm pulled Stuart down beside him and snuggled into his embrace, almost drowning in their deep, drugging kisses. He writhed and gasped as Stuart palmed Malcolm through the cotton of his underwear, the desire rattling around his body, almost too much to bear.
Malcolm still wanted more. Everything. All. He shuddered as Stuart slid his fingers under the waistband of his boxer briefs.
Stuart wrapped his fingers around Malcolm’s cock and kissed him again. “I love being with you like this.”
“Me too. I need you.” The waver in Malcolm’s voice caught Stuart’s attention, and their gazes locked, the air between them crackling with new energy. “Need you inside me.”
Stuart brought a hand to cup Malcolm’s cheek, his expression grave despite the fire in his eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“Yeah.” Certainty pulsed through Malcolm, buoying him up high. “I want that with you, Stuart. I’m sure.”
Whatever Stuart saw in Malcolm’s face made him smile. His next kisses were softer, almost reverent, and they made Malcolm’s heart hurt in the best way.
A hand still on Malcolm, Stuart turned to the nightstand and only let go when he had to. His eyes rarely left Malcolm’s as he rolled on a condom and slicked his fingers with lube, and he made a soft noise of approval when Malcolm let his thighs fall open. Cradling Malcolm close, Stuart kissed him until Malcolm lay boneless and panting and only then did he reach between Malcolm’s legs. He trailed cool lube over Malcolm’s balls and the sensitive skin behind them, his touch teasing as he fingered Malcolm’s rim. Malcolm swore his whole body was on fire by the time Stuart pushed a finger inside.
Straight Up Page 28