by Lucy Daniels
‘What would you like?’ Helen shouted above the din.
Mandy thought for a moment. She needed something cool. ‘A glass of white wine,’ she said. Turning round, she leaned on the wall at the end of the bar. Jimmy Marsh was standing by the fireplace on the far side of the room. A young woman stood beside him, her eyes fixed on his. She looked dainty next to his sturdy build, and her short red hair framed a pretty, heart-shaped face. Mandy felt an unexpected lurch of disquiet. ‘Who’s that with Jimmy Marsh?’ she asked Helen.
A wave of interest crossed the nurse’s face as she turned to look. ‘That’s Molly Future,’ she said.
Mandy was surprised. From their conversation about rehoming Bill, she had expected someone older.
Helen was talking again. ‘Molly and Jimmy dated eighteen months ago, when Molly first moved to Welford,’ she said, ‘but I thought they’d split up.’ Mandy waited for her to say something negative, but Helen was unexpectedly serene. ‘Seb said he might be in later,’ she added. Mandy sent a sharp look at Helen’s face, but the nurse just lifted her glass and smiled.
They managed to find a seat and, for several minutes, Mandy sipped her drink without saying much. She tried to concentrate on what Helen was saying, but her eyes kept wandering back to Molly. Her haircut was sharp, her make-up perfect.
She couldn’t help feeling relieved at the distraction when her phone rang. She pulled it from her pocket. It was James.
Leaning over, she shouted in Helen’s ear, ‘I just have to take this!’ She pointed to the screen. ‘James,’ she mouthed. By the time she had made it to the door, the phone had stopped ringing, but she dialled James’s number and called him back.
‘James! How’s it going?’
It was so long before James replied that Mandy wondered if he had been cut off. When his voice came, it sounded remote.
‘Paul’s dead.’
There was silence again. Mandy felt as if the street had tilted and she was clinging to the wall to stop herself falling.
‘Shit, James.’ She wanted to take back the words, but they were gone already. ‘When?’ Her voice was high.
‘A few minutes ago.’ How calm he sounded. ‘He’d been improving. He was so much better this morning. I just wasn’t expecting it.’
Mandy found her way along the wall to the low windowsill. She needed to sit down. ‘Is there anything I can do? I can come over.’ Through the glass, she could still hear the inappropriate din.
‘Don’t come just now,’ James said. ‘There’s nothing you can do.’
Mandy could feel her heart pulsing. Across the road, the village green had never looked more peaceful.
‘I need to go now.’ His voice came as if from a great distance.
‘Thanks for letting me know.’
‘No problem.’
The beep, beep, beep told her the call had ended. The asphalt of the pavement seemed far away, as if Mandy was seeing it through a tunnel. The hand holding the phone was shaking. Gritting her teeth, Mandy had to remind herself to breathe. She wanted to do something. Help somehow. She wanted to go to her friend, but he had said no. Hardly knowing what she was doing, she called up Simon’s number. With a trembling finger, Mandy pressed the dialling button.
‘This is Simon Webster’s phone. Leave a message after the tone …’
Mandy ended the call. No way could she leave a message. The hand holding the phone dropped onto her knee. To her left, she heard the door of the bar open, then close again, and then Helen was looking down at her.
‘Has something bad happened?’ she asked.
Mandy took a deep breath. ‘Paul’s died.’ She wanted to say more, but couldn’t find her voice.
Helen reached out and put an arm round her. ‘Poor James,’ she said. ‘Are you going to York?’
‘He doesn’t want me.’ Mandy dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands.
‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ said Helen. Her hand gripped Mandy’s shoulder for a moment. ‘Come back in,’ she urged. ‘I’ll buy you another drink.’
‘I can’t.’ Mandy found it hard to get the words out.
Paul was dead. Mandy’s eyes were dry. Shouldn’t there be tears?
A car drew up and Seb Conway climbed out.
‘I think I’ll go home,’ Mandy said to Helen. She couldn’t face telling anyone else just now. Seb looked surprised as she brushed past him, but she couldn’t be bothered to explain. The lane that led towards Animal Ark seemed to undulate under her feet.
A few moments later, she paused at the cottage door. Mum and Dad would be there. She would have to tell them and then they would be sympathetic. She couldn’t face it. Not yet. Instead, she turned and went into the wildlife unit. Without switching on the big overhead lights, she entered the kennel room. Opening the door to Sky’s kennel, she leaned on the wall opposite. Her legs started to shake and Mandy slid down until she was sitting on the floor. Tears stung her eyes for the first time. Why wouldn’t James let her help?
There was a scuffling noise and something cold touched her ear. It was Sky. Lifting her head, Mandy was amazed to see the little collie looking at her from barely a hand span away. With a whine, Sky stretched out her head and licked Mandy’s face. Without thinking, Mandy lifted her arm and Sky moved closer, pressing her warm furry body against Mandy’s cold side. Burying her face in Sky’s soft coat, she let herself sob. She remembered the last time James had called and she had rushed to York to be with him. He had loved Paul so much. Why did it have to end so soon?
The phone in her pocket rang and she pulled it out. For a moment, she wondered if it was James. Maybe it had been a mistake. Paul was not gone. The thought was there and she banished it: ridiculous. The best she could hope for was that he would ask for help.
But it was Simon. ‘Hello, you!’ He sounded cheerful and Mandy faltered. Despite the noise of the mobile, Sky was still close against her. The wet nose nudged her ear again; the warm tongue flicked out, licking away a salty tear.
‘Hi, Simon.’ Speaking was difficult, but she had to tell him quickly. ‘James called. Paul’s died.’
There was a pause. Random voices filled Mandy’s ear. ‘Sorry, Mands, what was that?’
‘Paul’s dead.’
There was an even longer pause, clattering in the background.
Then Simon’s voice again, quite different this time. ‘I’m so sorry to hear that. Do you want …’ There was a crackling noise and Mandy couldn’t hear the end of his sentence.
‘What was that, Simon?’ Shouting in the background now, and a loud thump as if the phone had been dropped. Mandy waited to see if he would speak again, but there was only the crackle of static. ‘Oh, never mind,’ she said. Her voice was shaking too much; she couldn’t do this right now. She pushed the button on the screen to end the call. There was silence in the dim kennel room. Tears were running down her face.
Sky lifted a paw onto her arm; a cold nose nudged her ear. The liquid brown eyes gazing into hers were filled with trust. Comforted beyond words, Mandy wrapped her arms around Sky’s lithe body and for the first time, the little collie didn’t pull away.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Evening surgery was drawing to a close. It was three days since Paul had died. Typing in a few more words, Mandy saved the patient’s history and entered the items to make up the bill. She was glad that the system felt as familiar as the one in Leeds now. The days since James’s terrible phone call seemed to have passed in a blur. She moved the cursor on the screen and clicked ‘Send’. Outside at reception, she heard Helen ask the client for payment.
Several minutes later, Helen stuck her head around the door. ‘That’s me for tonight.’ Her voice hovered between compassion and brightness. Since the night Paul had died, neither of them had referred directly to it. Despite the awkwardness, Mandy preferred it that way. Silence was better than sympathy. Even attempts to discuss the situation with Simon on the phone ended with tears and awkward snuffling pauses. She had asked him to
come to the funeral, but he couldn’t make it.
Now that Helen had left, the clinic seemed hollow. Usually there were signs of life, even late in the evening: an in-patient barking, the hum of the fan that changed the air in the cat kennels. But the only residents were Mandy’s rescues in the wildlife unit. Neither the cats, nor Sky, made any noise at all.
Sky. Despite her pain, or perhaps because of it, Mandy felt closer than ever to the collie. She never flinched now when Mandy approached. She never objected when Mandy hugged her. Tears were licked away by a gentle tongue. Yesterday, for the first time, when Mandy had taken Sky into the garden, the little dog had not lain down, had not hidden behind Mandy’s legs. She had trotted at her side, concentrating on the training exercises they had been working on. Even when a car had swept round the side of the cottage, there had been only the briefest panic in the trusting brown eyes before Mandy had stepped in with distraction and comfort.
Mandy was convinced that Robbie Grimshaw had never done anything deliberately to hurt or frighten his dog. Sky’s problems came from lack of socialisation, from being shut up with a man who was scared of his own demons and lacked the strength to care for all his animals. Mandy wished she could tell Robbie that Sky was all right, that all his animals were safe and cared for now, apart from the poor old ewe with bad teeth. Perhaps she would visit him once he was settled in the residential home. If he could even recall the animals he had once loved so much …
Dragging her gaze from the computer screen, Mandy found herself dazzled. The sun was sinking, sending a golden shaft of light through the window. Turning back, she logged off and stood up. It was time, she thought: time to take Sky out for her first proper walk. She could walk to heel, she could be distracted from potentially scary things. Mandy would keep her on the lead. More than anything else, she wanted the little dog’s company.
Walking through, she grabbed a lead from the back of the wildlife unit door. When she opened the kennel, Sky no longer cowered at the back. Instead she ran forward, round Mandy’s legs and sat at her side, gazing upwards.
‘How lovely to see you too.’ Mandy reached down with a treat, then scratched the soft fur on the side of the collie’s face. Sky leaned into her hand, eyes half closed with enjoyment.
‘You’re a precious, precious girl,’ Mandy whispered to her. Clicking on the harness, she led Sky outside.
Up on the moor, the heather was beginning to bloom. The pale pink ling merged with the darker bell heather, creating a glorious mist of purple that would intensify into a thick carpet within days. Reaching the edge of a rise, Mandy sat down. Far below in the valley, the sound of the church bells rang out. Grandad Hope no longer rang the bells himself, but Mandy had been pleased when he told her he had organised a quarter peal in honour of Paul this evening.
The bells would toll again tomorrow for his funeral. It was to be held in Welford church. James had told Mandy that Paul had wanted to be buried there, in the village where they had married. Had wanted to be in the place James would always call his home.
Remembering the wedding only weeks before, Mandy found her face wet with tears. There were moments when Paul’s death still seemed unreal. Now and then, she was convinced it had all been a bad dream: that James and his husband would walk through the door of Animal Ark, bringing a gift of food or wine, demanding a picnic. Then the realisation would overwhelm her again.
How was James managing? It was hard enough to face the loss of a friend. For James it must seem impossible. There was fear, too. The only deaths Mandy had known so far had been of people much older. Now she looked around those she loved and found herself wondering how many more times she would see these faces.
As she had so often in the last days, Mandy clung to Sky. Burying her face in the collie’s fur, she found comfort in the muscular body. Despite having left the farm weeks ago, Sky still seemed to smell of sweet hay. As if trying to give comfort, she nuzzled the back of Mandy’s neck, leaning her head into the curve of her shoulder.
In the distance, the church bells ended, the calm notes lingering in the evening air. Mandy felt Sky’s body stiffen and a low growl sounded in her ear. Lifting her head, she scrubbed at the tears on her cheeks. A wave of embarrassment ran through her when she spotted Jimmy walking along the path with Simba and Zoe at his heels. Her face must be a picture.
Mandy scrambled up to let them pass, but instead of carrying on, Jimmy stopped. ‘Hello …’ he began. Catching sight of her ravaged eyes, he looked away, gazing into the distance. ‘Would you like me to leave you alone?’ he said quietly.
Mandy almost felt like laughing. ‘You’re the first person this week who hasn’t asked if I was okay, or what was wrong.’ Her voice sounded thick and muffled, but Jimmy smiled his friendly smile and looked down at Sky. To Mandy’s relief, the collie had stopped growling and was wagging her tail, sniffing at Simba and Zoe with ears forward, face relaxed.
‘Nice dog,’ Jimmy said. He sounded as though he meant it. Instead of bending to greet Sky, he watched with interest as the dogs moved alongside one another, nose to tail investigation. Mandy had the feeling he didn’t want to interfere with their interaction.
‘We’re going to the top of Sowerby Fell,’ he said. ‘Would you like to come?’
Mandy let out a breath. ‘I’d love to. If I cry any more,’ she said, ‘Welford will be flooded. Anyway, I promised Sky we’d walk right to the top of the fell.’
‘Sky? That’s a nice name. Is she the dog you rescued from Robbie Grimshaw’s?’
They started out along the path at an easy pace. Simba and Zoe trotted ahead, their tails aloft, but for now, Mandy kept Sky on the lead.
‘She is.’ Sky glanced up as Mandy spoke, then went back to her exploration of the scents around the path. A bumble-bee emerged from the heather and for a moment she pulled on the lead, returning when she felt pressure on her halter.
‘You must be good with animals. I heard she was in a terrible state. Probably terrified, poor little thing.’
Was this the same man she had scorned for his ignorance of animals when she had met him for the first time? Mandy cast a fleeting look at Jimmy’s face, but he was tramping forwards, gazing out over the moor.
‘There’s a merlin!’ His finger pointed to a distant speck in the sky, then he shot her an embarrassed grin. ‘Sorry for the sudden change of subject,’ he said. ‘I’m a bit of a hawk nut. Merlins are one of the UK’s threatened species. There are only just over a thousand breeding pairs, probably forty on the North Yorkshire Moors. I get over-excited when I see one.’
Mandy watched as the bird came closer overhead. It was a male, his white breast contrasting with his brown speckled underbelly, the long square-cut tail shifting as he navigated the wind.
‘I love the way their feet tuck in so neatly underneath them,’ Jimmy murmured, as if he didn’t want to disturb the magnificent bird. ‘Except when they strike. They sometimes catch birds almost as big as themselves!’ He looked unexpectedly awkward. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘You probably know all that already.’
‘It’s lovely to hear,’ Mandy replied. She had a lot to learn about raptors, having treated only one since qualifying. ‘You used to be a park ranger in the Lake District, is that right?’
‘I was.’ Despite the speed with which they were striding up the hillside, Jimmy seemed barely out of breath. ‘The National Park Authority encourages landowners and farmers to look after the moorland so the wildlife benefits. This area is part of a specially protected area for merlins.’ He stopped walking and, for a moment, his eyes studied her face. ‘I know you don’t approve of my Outward Bound project,’ he said, ‘but nothing is more important to me than respecting the local wildlife. The last thing I want to do is disrupt their habitat.’
Mandy felt a wave of shame run through her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she managed. ‘I judged you too quickly.’ She gave him a weak grin. ‘It’s something I’ve been guilty of since I was a child, apparently.’
‘Really?’ Jimmy
raised his eyebrows, his voice light with humour. ‘I can’t imagine that.’
They were approaching the top of the fell. A hundred yards ahead, Zoe and Simba were exploring the cairn that marked the summit. Reaching the crest side by side, Mandy and Jimmy turned their faces into the breeze. The valley lay before them, its winding river silver in the sunlight, Welford clear in the distance. The farms that made up the practice dotted the hillsides all around, interlocked by never-ending dry-stone walls.
Mandy breathed in. The scent of the heather was sweet and the air caressed her face, cooling her still warm eyes. Together they sat down, their backs to the cairn.
‘I guess you’ve seen this view a thousand times before,’ Jimmy commented.
It was true, Mandy thought. Adam and Emily had brought her up here before she could walk, they’d told her. Her dad had carried her in a backpack. And she had been on dozens of farm visits in her car-seat. How lucky she was to have been so loved. To have so many treasured memories of growing up here.
‘Has Welford changed much?’ Jimmy prompted, his eyes on her face instead of the scenery.
Mandy looked at him for a moment, then her gaze wandered back down the slope to the village. ‘There are quite a lot of new houses since I was a child,’ she said.
From here, she had a good view of the small modern housing estates that were scattered along the Walton Road. When she was down in the valley, the village seemed the same as ever, yet from this angle it was clear how much it had changed. But the hub of the village remained almost unaltered. The Fox and Goose stood where it always had. The post office. The little school Mandy had first attended when she was only four.
‘Some of it is different,’ she admitted, ‘but it happened so gradually, I hardly noticed.’ Her eyes fell on the old grey church. The bells were silent now. ‘I was christened in Welford church,’ she said. ‘Mum and Dad were married there.’ She smiled. ‘There was such an awful storm that day, Mum ended up wearing wellies under her dress.’ There had been other weddings too. Mandy had been a bridesmaid for Hannah Burgess, all those years ago. ‘James’s family have been here forever as well. His maternal grandparents are buried in the churchyard.’