by Lucy Daniels
‘It must be comforting, having roots that run so deep.’ For the first time since Mandy had met him, there was wistfulness in Jimmy’s voice. ‘My parents settled in the Lake District when I was twelve, but before that, we moved around a lot. There’s nowhere I could really say was home. Except where my children are.’ His expression softened. ‘They’re anchor enough for anyone.’
For a moment, Mandy felt a pang of something she couldn’t quite name, and yet why should she feel that way? She had everything she wanted, didn’t she?
‘Do you have the children often?’ she asked.
‘Not as often as I would like.’ His voice sounded resigned, more than resentful. ‘I wanted to have them fifty per cent, but I was living in the Lake District. Belle moved here with the children and it just wasn’t practical. I have them every other weekend and much more in the holidays.’
Mandy watched his face as he was speaking. ‘Was that why you moved here?’ she asked. ‘To be closer to them?’
‘Yes.’ He smiled. ‘I still don’t see them as often as I would like, but I try to make up for it when we are together.’ His eyes passed over the scenery and back to her. ‘How about you?’ he said. ‘What made you come back?’
‘Welford is my home,’ she answered. ‘It always will be.’ Simon swam into her thoughts. Her certainty that her future lay here was at odds with what he seemed to want. It wasn’t something she could push aside. She was going to have to convince him. It seemed a daunting task. Simon was always so convinced about the decisions he made. It was one of the things Mandy had first admired about him. Sighing, she shoved the thought away.
‘I’m so glad I came back to Welford,’ she said. ‘I’ve always wanted to open a rescue centre, you see. I’m so fortunate, helping animals as a vet, but I want to look after the ones who have nobody else.’
Jimmy reached out towards Sky. Extending his hand, he allowed her to sniff his fingers before inching them closer to caress the soft fur underneath her ear. ‘If this collie is anything to go by,’ he said, ‘I can’t imagine there’s anyone better.’
‘She is gorgeous, isn’t she?’ Mandy looked down again into the valley, letting her gaze rest on Animal Ark and the field where the new outbuildings would be. ‘We’re calling the new rescue centre Hope Meadows,’ she said.
‘It’s a lovely name.’
‘It was Paul’s idea,’ Mandy told him. A fresh wave of grief passed through her. Paul would never get to see Hope Meadows. Her eyes filled up again and the tears overflowed. ‘It’s his funeral tomorrow.’
Jimmy nodded. ‘I know.’ He pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to Mandy, allowing her a moment, before he stood up and offered her his hand. ‘We should head back,’ he said.
His face was sympathetic, but he didn’t ask any prying questions. He walked at her side, or close behind, all the way down the long slope. When they reached the lane at the edge of the village, Mandy expected him to take the turning that led to Upper Welford Hall. Instead, his footsteps steady, he walked beside her all the way back to Animal Ark. They passed under the old wooden sign, stopping in front of the cottage.
‘Would you like to come in?’ she asked, half hoping he would say yes.
‘Not tonight.’ He shook his head. ‘Thank you.’ His eyes searched her face. ‘Will you be all right?’ There was a gruff tone to his words that somehow made it easier to answer.
‘I’ll be okay.’
His eyes still holding hers, he reached out, put a hand on her waist, and kissed her cheek. It sent a not unwelcome shiver through Mandy. ‘Look after yourself,’ he said. Stepping back, he nodded and strode back down the driveway.
Mandy swallowed hard. She could still feel the place where his hand had been, the feather-light touch of his lips on her cheek. She wanted to call him back, let him comfort her again. At her heels, Sky whined.
Mandy looked down. ‘You’re right,’ she said. ‘We should go inside.’
Once she had got through Paul’s funeral, she would phone Simon. She had to make him see how important Animal Ark and Hope Meadows were to her. He would understand, wouldn’t he? They had been together for so long, he must know her well enough by now.
In her pocket, her mobile phone buzzed. It was a message from Simon. How odd that he should contact her, just as she was thinking about him.
‘Hope everything goes well tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.’
Mandy’s eyes filled with tears again. Wiping them away, she unlocked the door of the unit and took Sky inside.
Chapter Twenty-Three
‘I’m so sorry, I’ll have to go. It’s a calving.’ Adam looked apologetic as he squeezed Mandy’s hands.
She glanced away, then back with a barely perceptible nod. Her eyes, for the moment, were dry, but she felt physically drained. Emily put her arm round Adam and gave him a kiss, before he departed with a last haunted look.
Overhead the bell began to toll: first the three strokes to denote that a man had died; then the long, slow chime, twenty-nine strokes, one for each year of Paul’s life. The churchyard was normally a place of serenity. Now the voices were subdued, the clothes sombre. It had become painfully solemn.
In the lane outside the church, the hearse drew up followed by two gleaming black cars. Paul’s mother and father and his two sisters stepped from the second vehicle. The door of the first car remained shut. Through the darkened windows, Mandy could see James’s parents talking, her friend’s bent head in the centre. When the door finally swung open and James emerged, Mandy swallowed a cry of dismay. He seemed to have lost a stone in the short time since she had last seen him. She wanted to rush to him, hug him, to help somehow.
A warm hand fell on her shoulder and she turned. It was Gran and Grandad Hope.
‘Hello, love.’ Tom Hope was looking at her with concern.
‘Hello.’ Dorothy pulled Mandy towards her. For a moment, she melted into her grandmother’s arms, comforted as she had been so many times over the years. When she turned back towards the funeral cars, Gran kept her hand in place behind Mandy’s back.
The oak coffin had been taken from the hearse and James stood beside it, his hand resting on top. His eyes were dark against his white face. He was surrounded by people – Paul’s family and the friends from York who were to carry Paul’s coffin – but without Paul by his side, without Lily and Seamus, he seemed so far away: a shadow of the person he had been.
‘We should go in.’ Emily reached out her hand and gripped Mandy’s for a second. ‘Or do you want us to wait with you?’ Mandy had been asked by James to follow the funeral procession into the church.
Tom Hope frowned. ‘Isn’t Simon coming?’
‘He said he couldn’t.’
Her grandfather pursed his lips, but made no further comment. Gran squeezed her arm.
‘Grandad will stay with you then, won’t you?’ She looked up at Tom.
‘Of course I will.’
Dorothy linked arms with Emily. Mandy watched them disappear into the church. She was conscious of her grandad standing beside her, stiff and starched in his black suit. She was more grateful for his company than she could say.
The coffin was on its way into the churchyard. If Mandy had hoped for a glance from James, she was disappointed. He stared straight ahead as he passed. His fingers were white as they gripped the brass handle. With Grandad Hope’s hand holding her elbow, Mandy made her way into the church.
The walk up the aisle seemed so long. On either side, the pews were packed: so many faces Mandy didn’t recognise. From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Helen and Seb Conway sitting together.
The pallbearers had reached the apse and were setting the coffin down. The people in front of Mandy melted away into the seats that were reserved for family and friends. She found herself guided by Tom Hope into a seat beside Emily and Dorothy. A jolt ran through her. Jimmy Marsh was sitting in the row behind. He nodded at her, his green eyes sending warmth through her chilled
body.
‘We managed to save you a seat,’ whispered Gran. ‘There was no room, but the gentleman in the row behind moved for us.’
Mandy blinked. She couldn’t help wondering why Jimmy was there. Perhaps he had met Paul in York. But James had barely recognised Jimmy when they had met at Lamb’s Wood Cottage. Whatever had brought him, it felt strangely comforting to know he was there.
She sat between her grandparents as the long service unwound. Reverend Hadcroft spoke so kindly and knowledgably about Paul, that it seemed to Mandy she could have no tears left, yet they kept coming. Gran had an endless supply of paper hankies in her handbag.
James talked about Paul as well. His voice sounded so tremulous at first that Mandy thought he would break down, but with his eyes on the coffin, he seemed to steady.
Reverend Hadcroft was speaking again. ‘Thank you, James,’ he said. Mandy could see that his eyes, too, were bright with tears. ‘Thank you for those words about your husband, a man who, during his tragically brief time on this earth, has brightened the lives of all of us here. I believe that you and Paul will meet again one day. And during the days that remain, he will continue to live on in all our hearts.’
Chrissie Hunter had her arms around James’s shoulders. She had buried her own parents from this church, thought Mandy. Now she was supporting her son, as best she could, through his loss. Grandad was gripping her hand tightly on one side and Gran reached out and patted her knee. And now the pallbearers had risen and were approaching the coffin again. Three on one side, three on the other, they raised the casket to their shoulders and made their way back down the aisle.
Adam Hope was waiting outside. How like him, Mandy thought, to come straight back but not disturb the ceremony.
‘Everything go okay?’ Emily whispered.
‘One heifer calf, safely born.’ Dad glanced her way, assessing, Mandy guessed, whether it was appropriate to say anything. But she had lived her whole life knowing there were times when her parents had to put their work before almost everything else. It didn’t mean that life’s events were less important to them than to other people. In fact, it made the times they did have together all the more precious.
‘Good.’ Mandy couldn’t say any more.
They followed the coffin round to the newly dug grave on the west side of the church. The pallbearers lowered it onto the wooden struts that lay across the gaping hole. It seemed hard to believe that Paul’s body was inside. That they would never see him again. Across from Mandy, on the far side of the burial site, Seb and Helen were standing together. Something about the protective way Seb was comforting the nurse told Mandy he wasn’t just being kind. As she watched, Seb reached out and pulled Helen to him and they kissed, just briefly. Then they were standing side by side again, another two mourners. Mandy sighed. She was pleased for them. Seb was so kind and he was clearly devoted to Helen, just as she deserved.
At the foot of the grave, Mandy spotted Jimmy Marsh. He was looking at James, but for a moment he glanced over and met Mandy’s eyes. Once again, she felt a wave of comfort that he was there.
Reverend Hadcroft was speaking, his cassock billowing in the soft breeze. ‘We have but a short time to live. Like a flower we blossom and then wither; like a shadow we flee and never stay.’
How bitterly true those words were, thought Mandy. James’s face was white. Paul’s mother’s, too. Like James, she looked a hundred years older. Mandy was gripping so hard onto her father’s arm, she was amazed he didn’t cry out.
‘… in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our frail bodies, that they may be conformed to his glorious body, who died, was buried, and rose again for us. To him be glory for ever.’
‘Amen.’ The word whispered through the people around the grave like the autumn wind through leaves.
‘It breaks my heart to bury someone so young.’ Gran leaned in close to Mandy. ‘Poor James. I hope he’ll come and see us again soon.’
‘I’m sure he will,’ Mandy assured her.
There seemed to be a queue of people lining up to speak to James. Helen and Seb went and shook his hand and hugged him. Mandy thought it didn’t seem right to rush over yet. There was a distance in James’s face, as if he wasn’t really there somehow. Jimmy Marsh waited his turn in the line: approached, shook hands and backed away. For a moment, Mandy thought he had left, but then he materialised behind her. She felt his touch on her arm and she turned to find the calm green eyes studying her.
‘Sorry I didn’t get to speak to you before the service,’ he said.
Mandy shook her head. Why should he have done so? ‘It was kind of you to come,’ she said.
‘Oh.’ For a moment he looked awkward, and then he said, ‘I wanted to show my support. I had nothing but admiration for James the day we met at Robbie Grimshaw’s place.’
There was a long silence.
‘Will you be coming to the wake?’ Mandy realised she wanted him to say yes.
‘I’m afraid I can’t. I have to take the twins to the dentist. Will you be okay?’
Mandy looked over to where James was still surrounded by people. Adam and Emily had moved away and were waiting with Gran and Grandad.
‘I’ll be fine,’ she said.
Jimmy didn’t take his eyes from hers. ‘I’ll see you again soon,’ he said, and reached out to give her hand a squeeze. For an instant, Mandy wondered if he would kiss her goodbye again, but then he turned and walked away.
Twisting her fingers together, Mandy went back to her family, who had almost reached James. Joining them, she shuffled forwards, waiting her turn.
‘Mandy.’ For a moment, her friend looked at her with the old warmth in his eyes. ‘Thanks for coming.’ He must have said it a hundred times already, Mandy realised. ‘You’ll be coming to the Fox and Goose,’ he said.
‘Of course.’ Mandy wanted to reach out and hug him, but there seemed such a distance between them. His movements automatic, he reached out and shook her hand.
‘Thanks again,’ he said. For what exactly, Mandy wondered. She couldn’t remember a time when she had felt so helpless. James had moved on, was shaking hands with Gran and then Grandad, and Adam was explaining he had been called away. Mandy half expected James to ask about the animal her father had been called to, but the blank look was back in place and he merely thanked Adam for returning. A wave of exhaustion washed over her. She left the graveside with her family, and they walked from the church to the Fox and Goose.
She was surprised to find she was hungry. Bev Parsons had laid on all kinds of sandwiches and Mandy helped herself to a thick wedge of bread with cheese and tomato. The atmosphere in the Fox and Goose was less sombre than she had expected. There were so many young people there, so many people with warm and funny memories of Paul, that there were bursts of laughter and smiles dotted around the room.
Mandy found herself talking to an aunt of Paul’s who had been at the wedding.
‘Where’s that nice young man of yours?’ the older woman asked, and Mandy’s mind spun for a moment, before she realised the aunt was referring to Simon.
‘He couldn’t come, I’m afraid.’ She glanced around. It was getting noisier. Paul’s friends from York were standing at the bar. They were drinking pints of the local brew as if they were determined to empty the cellar. Suddenly Mandy couldn’t see anyone she knew. The villagers who had come to pay their respects had been and gone. Tom and Dorothy Hope had returned home and Emily had accompanied Adam, who had been called out yet again. Where was James, Mandy wondered? She apologised to the aunt and went to search him out.
She found him in a low seat at the side of the fireplace. His face was ashen, his eyes dry. Mandy held out her hand. ‘Come on,’ she said. To her relief, James stood up and followed without a word.
She steered him round the edge of the room and they made their escape through the back door. Outside, she stopped. Holding out her arms, she beckoned him to
her and held him close, feeling his shoulder blades sharp under the dark suit, sensing the trembling of his body. Mandy held him until the shaking subsided and then she led him along the lanes to Animal Ark.
Together, they made their way round to the wildlife unit and into the room where the rescue animals were.
‘I’m so tired.’ James’s voice sounded weak.
Mandy wondered whether he had eaten anything. ‘Are you hungry?’ she asked, but he shook his head. Still in his suit, he slid down the wall and sat on the floor. For a moment, Mandy looked at him. Then she opened Sky’s kennel and the little collie crept out, timid at first, then seeing James, she made her way to him. She licked his face, nudging his arms until he was holding onto her tightly as she leaned her face against his. James closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he smiled up at Mandy.
‘She’s lovely,’ he said. ‘So different from last time I was here. Are you going to keep her?’ For the first time that day, he sounded like himself.
‘I don’t know,’ Mandy replied. ‘You know Mum and Dad’s rule.’ Would it still be the same, she wondered, now she was an adult?
‘I hope you can.’ Stiffly, James got to his feet. Looking down at his suit, he managed a grin. ‘I see she’s just as hairy as Seamus and Lily,’ he said. ‘Anyway,’ he looked around, peering into the other kennels, ‘there’s work to be done.’
Mandy was filling up the water bowls when she heard the door open. James paused, an incongruous figure cleaning out a litter tray in his shirt and tie. Emily and Adam walked in. If they were surprised to see Mandy and James, they didn’t show it.
‘Might have known we would find you two in here,’ Adam said. ‘No, don’t stop, James, I can see you’ve got your hands full.’