Kai made me drink a whole bottle, saying I needed to sober up. I wasn't exactly drunk, we'd only snuck a couple of beers in between rides, but I did as he said. He stretched his arms, his t-shirt pulling up to reveal some of that mouth-watering six-pack. I quickly looked away and when I looked back he was smirking like an idiot. "How come you're still here? Earlier you said you were going," I asked before he could say anything.
He clutched his heart. "Do you want me to go?"
"No. I'm glad you're here, the fate is so bloody boring..."
"Why did you come?" I looked down at the floor. I came for Dad. Just before he died he promised Mum he would go this year. "Hey?" He pulled my arm lightly, getting me to look at him.
"Um, I came for..." I took a deep breath. "For my dad." Kai leant over, wrapping his arm around my back. Resting my head against his shoulder I took a deep breath. Do not cry. Get it the fuck together. I hadn't spoken to Kai about my dad, even after the incident at Ava's party. He knew, of course, but he never mentioned it and nothing changed.
"Are you okay?" he whispered. I nodded, unable to speak yet. "He would be so proud of you."
I pushed my face into him, clenching my jaw. "No, he really wouldn't. He'd be disappointed." I knew I was acting like a bitch. Somewhere, deep down, I was still there, but I didn't even know how to find that girl anymore. I had no idea how to go through the grief my mum and sister went through and make it back out again. I couldn't do it. I was weaker than them and found it easier to shut everything out.
"Shh, it's okay." He rested his head on mine and held me tight. "You could never be a disappointment, Tegan. I see you, what's underneath the pain, and I know you're not a bad person. You're incredible and beautiful."
"You forgot intelligent and funny." I joked, blinking back more tears. I couldn't even comment on his 'I see what's beneath' comment.
He laughed and replied, "Yeah, and modest, sarcastic, hard work and-"
"Okay, I get it." I cut him off, slapping his chest and laughing. Wow, I went from meltdown to laughing in seconds. "Thank you, Kai."
"Anytime, princess. You want me to walk you home?" he asked.
"Can we go to yours?" I didn't want to go home to the lecture about Kai that I knew was waiting for me.
"Sure, but I've not got my car or bike here."
"Wait. Walk?"
He smirked. "No car. I came with the bed stealers."
I laughed and shook my head. "Fine, let's go." Grabbing his hand, I pulled him up.
Me and Kai spent the rest of the afternoon watching films and having a small water fight - which I lost. I changed into one of his t-shirts as mine was completely soaked and we settled down on the sofa to order something to eat.
"So, who are you avoiding at home then?" he asked after ordering the pizza. I stared at him for a minute. How the hell did he know that? He smiled. "I do pay attention to you."
I flopped back on the sofa. "Mum. Ava, too, probably, they're gonna give me a hard time over you."
"Right, because you're in love with me even though you have a boyfriend." He said boyfriend as if it was a dirty word.
"Yeah, that's it," I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes, making him laugh.
I really didn't care what anyone said, me and Kai hadn't crossed any lines and I really wanted him in my life. No one was going to stop me from being his friend. Ava could judge all she wanted.
We ate pizza and played the Xbox. Well, he played. I was rubbish at it. It was starting to get dark, and I already had three missed calls and four texts from Mum. Kai drove me home and stopped just down the road.
"You want me to stop here?" he asked.
"Nah, the lecture's gonna happen anyway." He nodded and pulled forwards until we stopped outside my house. The front door opened as soon as we'd stopped. Not a good sign.
"Just be honest, no one can blame you for loving me." He laughed, and I slapped his arm hard, it hurt my hand but he didn't flinch. "Err, Tegan?" He nodded towards my house. Lucas, Jake and Grace were standing outside with Mum and Ava, none of them looked particularly happy.
"Oh, crap."
"So, this is gonna be awkward, huh?"
Understatement.
We both got out the car and he walked to the boot to get the smurf. Kai wouldn't let me have it in the car because people might see. I smiled at Lucas, which he returned with a fake one.
"Hello, Kai," Lucas practically growled.
"Lucas." Kai nodded once and turned to me. "Here, don't forget smurf Kai." He handed it to me.
"Oh, now it's Kai, is it?" I whispered.
"Hey, you're the one that named it." I glared at him for a second, he laughed and walked round to the driver side. "See you tomorrow, princess."
"Hey, Luke, how come you're back?" I smiled and hugged him. He put his arms around me loosely, not his usual greeting.
"I came back to see you." No, he came back because Mum had called him asking if I was with him when I didn't go home and he'd guessed I'd be with Kai. He was here to check up on me.
He sounded pissed off. His eyes were dark and tense. I ran my hand over his cheek and jaw. His face softened as he looked into my eyes, he slowly leant down and kissed me. I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. He pulled away too soon, resting his forehead against mine. "Tegan, why are you wearing his shirt?"
"We had a water fight. I lost." He nodded, smiling weakly. "How long are you back for?"
"Two days, we got some more time off work." I smiled and pulled him into another kiss. "What's happening tomorrow?"
"Party at Holly's. Her parents are back soon so this is the last one. You wanna come?"
"No, it's fine, you have a good time. Is Kai going to bring you home, too?"
I laughed at that. "No, he'll be drunk. We were going to stay at Holly's, but I can get a lift home from someone."
"I'll pick you up in the morning, stay at Holly's."
"What are you going to do?"
"Pub with Jake, Grace and Ava." He kissed me hard, ending the conversation. I dug my fingers in his back, pulling him closer.
Me, Lucas, Ava, Grace and Jake sat in the lounge watching Dirty Dancing - Ava's choice. I cuddled up to Lucas's side. My eyes were getting heavy and I kept drifting in and out of light sleep. "Tegan, your phone." I opened my eyes looking at Lucas.
"What?" I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up. He handed me my phone. I answered the call without looking at who it was. "Hello" I said sleepily.
"Hey."
"I'm sleeping, Kai." Out of the corner of my eye I could see everyone glaring at me. Jake was looking at Lucas. Back. Off.
Kai chuckled. "You're talking."
"This better be good."
"It is. I just wanted to see if you were okay and to tell you to keep my t-shirt, it looks better on you."
"I know and I was planning to." He laughed down the phone. "You can keep mine, too, pink will suit you."
"Is that your subtle way of telling me I look gay?"
"You don't have to be gay to wear pink."
"I know, I was kiddin'. So, you cuddled up with the smurf?" he asked, changing the subject.
"I thought you said this was gonna be good?"
"That hurts, princess."
"Okay, I'm going, you're being boring."
"Alright, but before you go I need to tell you something, Holly's pregnant."
"What!" I sat straight up. "Why the hell wasn't that the first thing you said? All that t-shirt crap you were going on about." He laughed again. "How? When?"
"So I'll leave you to it, you're tired." I could practically see him smirking.
"No, don't go! How pregnant is she?"
"I don't think there are different levels, Tegan, you're either pregnant or you're not."
"You're killing me," I replied sarcastically.
"She's four months."
"Really? Shouldn't she be fat by now?"
I heard another low chuckle. "I don't know. I wouldn't mention that to her, though."
&
nbsp; "I won't. Did they only just find out?"
"Yeah, apparently she still had periods. I could have lived without knowing that."
The blood drained from my face. I jumped up and walked quickly to the kitchen. "Tegan, you there?" I looked at the calendar. Shit, shit, shit. I was two days late. "Tegan?"
"Yeah?" I whispered. My head felt light. All of me felt light. Shit!
"You alright?"
"Yeah, sorry, I spaced out a bit. I'm gonna go, I need my beauty sleep."
"No, you don't. I'll pick you up tomorrow."
"Okay. Night, Kai."
"Night, princess."
I held the phone to my head for a while after he hung up. My limbs refused to work and lower the phone. I couldn't be pregnant. There were only a few nights when me and Kai weren't as safe as we should have been, I didn't even think about it at the time.
Oh God, I was gonna be sick. My eyes stung. I took deep breaths to force the tears back.
"Tegan?" I spun around, plastering my I'm fine face on. "Everything okay?" Lucas asked.
I nodded and grabbed him, holding him tight and breathing in his scent. "Everything's fine," I lied. He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair.
I was just a little late, I'd been a few days late before. Women were late all the time; it didn't mean I was pregnant.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kai
"Hello," Tegan said down the phone.
"Hey, princess. You ready?"
"Yeah, I'm ready whenever you are?"
"Alright, I'll leave now, see you in ten."
"Cool, see you soon."
I hung up, trying to control the fucking annoying thudding of my heart. I looked forward to seeing her a lot more than I should. She was important to me, that much I could admit, but I didn't want to have any real feelings for her yet. I wanted her to get better and then see if anything happened. Now she was with that prick and I was feeling jealousy again for the first time since Isaac died and I saw two brothers kicking a ball together in the street. After that I locked everything away for so long.
After texting Holly back, telling her I was on my way, I got in the car and drove to Tegan's. I wasn't to wait down the road anymore, which I half liked - it was great that she didn't want to hide me away but at the same time there was some serious tension when I was around.
Taking a deep breath, I rang the doorbell and Tegan's mum answered.
"Hi. Is Tegan ready?"
"I think so. Come in." I stepped into the house and Alison turned to the stairs, shouting "Tegan, Kai's here."
Chewing the inside of my mouth, I looked around to have something else to do. She may have let me in but it was clear she wasn't thrilled that I was still hanging out with her daughter. I understood why, Tegan was younger. If I'd known exactly how much younger when we met I probably would have walked in the opposite direction. It was too late now.
Tegan walked downstairs, followed by Lucas. I tried to stop turning my nose up but it didn't really matter, they were so transparent, I could see that he was trying to fix her and she was looking in all the wrong places to be fixed.
She grinned. "Hey."
The stone cold stare from Lucas just proved my point. Too overprotective, too intense and too determined to be her white knight. She was the one that needed to be strong and when she finally was she'd see how wrong he was for her. I just hoped she'd see I was right.
"Bye," Tegan snapped, gritting her teeth at the less than warm reception I was getting from Lucas and his brother who'd poked his head around the door. Grabbing my wrist, she tugged me out of the house.
I'd noticed at Ava's party that they were fine with Adam. It was obviously just me. They probably knew that I wanted...something with Tegan, even though I didn't mention it unless I was making a 'joke'.
"Tegan?" Lucas called after us.
"Just keep walking, Kai, I've had enough," she said. We reached the car seconds later and both got in. "Drive, I don't want to talk to any of them."
"Sure? You don't want to sort out whatever the hell is going on?"
"No, I don't. I'm sorry for how Lucas and Jake acted back there."
He shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I get why they wouldn't like me much."
"They're stupid."
"Stop stressing about it. It's fine. We know we're not off shagging at every opportunity and so should Lucas. You're allowed friends of the opposite sex so forget about their reaction or what they say."
"Yeah, you're right."
I fake gasped. "I'm what? Say that again."
"Oh, ha ha."
"No, go on, say it again."
"Shut up, Kai."
Laughing, I pulled into Holly's drive. "Try not to get too paralytic tonight, okay?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, sir."
I unclicked my seatbelt but Tegan sat dead still. She'd paled.
"Hey, you okay?"
With a little shake of her head she replied, "Yeah, sorry, was in another world. Let's go in."
I led her through Holly's house and headed to the kitchen to get us a drink. "Okay, what do you want?" I asked, gesturing to the bottles of alcohol in front of us.
Biting her lip, she grabbed a can of coke. "I'll just have this."
What? "You're not drinking?" She shook her head, avoiding looking at me. I shook my head and smiled. "Wow, you're not pregnant, are you?" The colour drained from her face for the second time in as many minutes. Shit. "Tegan?" I said, my blood running cold.
She opened and closed her mouth twice before shrugging. Shit!
I gulped. Fuck, I wasn't ready for a kid. Tegan looked as terrified as I felt. I was gonna throw up or pass out. Man up. Clearing my throat, I said, "We need to do a test."
She looked even more scared. I took her hand and started to walk but she tugged, making me stop. "Wait, Kai."
"What?" I stepped closer, put my hands on her shoulders and bent my head to her height. "We have to know."
"We? You don't."
I frowned. What the fuck was that? "This is my...problem, if that's the right word, too. If you think I'd let you go through this alone then you clearly don't know me at all."
"No, I don't think you'd do that. I don't... I don't know what to think right now. I'm seventeen, I can't have a baby. I'm screwing everything up and I don't know how to stop it. I'm so scared, Kai." She was on the verge of tears. I'd watch her struggle with her emotions plenty of times but it'd never hurt me to see it before. This was half my fault. I'd ruined my parents' lives for a while and here I was doing the same thing to a fucking teenage girl.
I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close, showing how sorry I was. "It'll be alright. We just need to find out one way or the other first, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered against my chest.
I felt as low as I did the first day I decided to change my life and had to acknowledge the shit I'd done.
We left Holly's house, lucky that no one really paid any attention to us and Sophie wasn't here yet. The closer we got the more withdrawn Tegan was. She stared out of the window, expressionless. Her body was sitting beside me but her mind was somewhere else.
"It's going to be okay," I said. I promise.
"How?" She took a deep, uneven breath. "What if I am?"
"Hey, don't worry. If you are then we'll do whatever you want."
She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. "What do you mean?"
I pulled into a parking space and turned to face her. She searched my eyes. Hers were distant. I remembered that. The loneliness of feeling like you're so far away from everyone, even the people you were supposed to be close to, was suffocating.
"If you want an abortion I'll take you to the clinic and hold your hand. If you want the baby, I'll come to scans and let you tell me you scream at me when you're giving birth. I'll get up in the middle of the night to change dirty nappies and make bottles. Please don't worry and please stop crying. I promise you everything will be okay."
Her eyes glossed ove
r again and I knew she believed me. I'd do it. I wasn't the person I used to be; I wouldn't leave her to deal with something I had a hand in. If I was nine months from becoming a dad I would step up and pretend I wasn't shit scared.
"Thank you," she said.
"It's okay," I said, reaching over and stroking the soft skin over her jaw. "You wait right here and I'll go get the test."
She didn't say anything, just looked at me. Figure it out, princess.
I got out of the car and tried to walk confidently. If there was anyone inside there that I knew I was not going to be happy. Elle would have a field day with this. I knew where the pregnancy tests were, ironically near the condoms, so I headed straight there, looking over my shoulder.
A few people were dotted around, pushing trolleys and grabbing items from the shelves. No one paid much attention to me, besides two teenage girls. I didn't give a shit what they thought so I picked up a test and headed to the self-serve checkout.
The girls followed a little way behind. I was used to that and I kind of hated it. People saw a face and didn't care what was beneath. I used to love it, having no one look further than skin-deep, now it just reminded me of what I never wanted to be again.
I scanned the test and prayed to everything out there that there wouldn't be a problem with it. Sighing in relief when the self-service actually worked, I paid and got the hell out of there as soon as I could.
Tegan was chewing her lip when I got back. She could hide her emotions semi-well but right now she was all open.
"Hi," she said between chewing.
"Alright?"
She shook her head. Neither was I. A baby. My baby. My heart sank to my stomach. I couldn't be responsible for keeping a small human alive. I smiled despite my inner panic.
"Thank you," she said.
"What for?"
"For not freaking out. For not running away. For going in there and getting a test and for what you said before."
Oh, I'm freaking out alright.
I looked deep into her green eyes. "I meant it, Tegan. Everything will be fine." It had to be. I wouldn't let it not be, no matter how scared I was.
She nodded, smiling weakly. "Can we go back to yours to do this?"
I started the car. "'Course."
We drove back to my house in silence, both trying to act cool for each other. She fake smiled a lot more than usual. I wanted to reassure her again but I wasn't sure how many times I could say it before she saw through the facade. It might not be alright. Sure, whatever happened we could make work but it would be far from fucking easy. Apparently, babies required a lot of care, care I knew sod all about.
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