We got to mine and I barely remembered any of the drive. Letting us into my house, I followed Tegan into the living room.
"Do you want a drink or...?" I asked.
The corner of her mouth tried a smile. "A bottle of vodka sounds good about now."
I laughed, scratching the back of my neck. "Yeah, but if you're cooking little Kai Junior you can't drink."
Yeah, make a baby related joke, that'll make everything easier.
She laughed, too, despite the seriousness of the situation. "Kai Junior? Wow, I can't believe you can make me laugh right now."
"Are you worried about Lucas?" I asked.
Her face fell. Well, she wasn't before...
"He's not gonna want me if I am. Who would?"
Oh, fuck that. I cupped her chin between my thumb and finger. "Don't. If that's all it takes to scare him off, he doesn't deserve you."
"Thank you," she replied. I could see in her eyes she didn't believe what I'd said but she wouldn't right now, she had a rock bottom opinion of herself. "Okay, I'm going to do it." Taking a deep breath, she pried the bag out of my hand. I was a little tense, no surprise. I stepped with her. "Um, Kai, this is the solo part."
"Right, yeah. I'll wait here then." Idiot.
I waited downstairs for far too long. It took what, five seconds to piss on a stick, then a couple minutes for the result. I was certain that she'd been upstairs for hours. Logically I knew otherwise but time was an evil bitch.
When my stomach was in knots and I felt like I was going to hurl I went upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door. "Tegan, you okay?"
"Just waiting," she replied. "It's open, come in."
Was I ready to go in? Well, that didn't matter, I'd possibly knocked up a seventeen-year-old girl, I had to be ready.
I opened the door and felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Tegan sat against the bath, arms around her legs, staring at the test. Her eyes were full of fear, pure fear that made me feel like even more of a prick. Wrap it up, always wrap the fucker up!
I sat beside her. "Is it ready yet?" She had the test facing down.
"Should be," she muttered.
"Okay, want me to look?"
"Seriously, why aren't you freaking out? You say everything so casually, like this is a regular occurrence." She frowned and I knew what she was thinking.
"No, this is the first time I've had this happen. Whatever that thing says we'll get through it."
"Are you trying to convince me or you?"
"Both," I replied honestly.
"Ready to find out if it's Kai junior or not?" she said, instantly catching herself and frowning.
"For the official record, if you are you just agreed to that name." She rolled her eyes. "You want me to look?"
"No, it's okay. You went and got it so I'll look." She picked it up and turned it over. I swear the world stopped moving and nothing existed but me, Tegan and a little stick that had the potential to change my entire life from here on out.
"Well?" I asked.
"It's negative, Kai."
Relief. That was all I felt. I could breathe easy again. "Thank fuck for that."
Laughing, her shoulders sagged and colour returned to her face. "Yeah."
"Alright, I don't mean to brag but I told you it would be fine."
She raised her blonde eyebrow. "You so did not know. Christ, you named it!"
Grinning from ear to ear, I wrapped her in a tight hug and seriously considered framing the negative test. Tegan got up and chucked it in the bin the second I let her go. Turning to face me, she held her hand out.
"Take me back to Holly's, I definitely need a drink now."
"So do I," I replied, taking her hand. I towered over her petite frame as I stood. She hugged me again and it was so unexpected it took me a second to respond. Even though the top of her head barely reached my shoulders she still fit against my body in the most annoyingly perfect way. This bloody girl - someone else's girl - was exactly what I wanted. Sometimes it really did suck to be me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Tegan
We arrived back at Holly's an hour later and the only person that noticed we'd even been missing was Sophie. She raised her eyebrow and smirked. She could think what she liked, though. I wasn't pregnant so that kind of trumped everything right now. Sophie assuming we'd been off having sex wasn't going to bother me. Although the cow should know I wouldn't do that.
"Drink, Tegan?" Kai asked, weaving us through a small crowd in the narrow hallway.
"I really need a vodka and lemonade."
Smirking at me over his shoulder, he replied, "You need one, huh?"
I felt like I needed about ten of 'em. Pregnancy scare was not a strong enough word. I was scared about having kids in the future, right now was downright petrifying. I knew the basics, change nappy and feed but beyond that I was clueless. Christ, I even sucked at looking after myself.
Kai poured me a small vodka but before he could move the bottle I tipped it up, adding more in. "You're gonna be paralytic. I can see me spending the evening holding your hair back."
"Don't pretend like you don't love it," I joked.
"Yeah, but usually I'd get sex," he said and shrugged.
My mouth hung open. "Are you serious?" I squealed. Now I knew our...relationship wasn't based on anything deep when we were sleeping together but I assumed he cared on a more basic level and wasn't just looking out for me to get sex. His dark eyes gleamed. He was joking, possibly.
"Oh, chill. You know I'm kiddin'," he said and finally allowed himself to laugh. "Your face just then..."
"Payback is going to be a bitch, Kai," I said, glaring.
He ran his hands through his black bed hair - it never looked like he'd bothered but it always looked pretty much sexy as hell.
"I'm terrified," he replied sarcastically.
"And I'm going to ignore you."
"Right, until you're telling Holly to come find me because you feel ill."
He had a point there. I'd lost count of the times he had looked after me when I was beyond drunk. After I first told Lucas we couldn't be together, when we were at his house, I'd been drinking more and more and Kai always took care of me. I never really thought about it before but if it wasn't for him I would have gotten myself in some really dangerous situations. I was never in any fit state to protect myself, say no or do anything really. I owed him a lot.
I threw my arms around his neck. He was still for about two seconds and then his strong arms had me pinned against him. "Thank you," I whispered into his shoulder.
"For?"
"For not letting me get raped or murdered."
"Okay," he replied slowly. "You're welcome..."
I let go and he dropped his arms. "I mean it. I don't know what I would've done without you."
"It's okay. We all need a little help sometimes, right?"
I needed more than a little help.
"Yeah, I guess."
He shrugged. "You know if you're feeling really grateful I can think of a couple of ways you can say thank you."
Rolling my eyes, I replied. "I'm sure you can."
"Hey," he said, holding his hands up. "If that's how you want to pay me back it's fine."
"You have such a dirty mind."
He laughed in disbelief. "Hello pot..."
Turning on my heel, I walked off with my drink, smiling to myself.
Halfway through the night I slipped off to Holly's room to reapply some make-up. It was hot in the house and I was sure I'd look like a panda by the end of the evening if I didn't sort it out.
I was about to apologise to someone sitting on Holly's bed when I realised it was Kai. He looked up and half-smiled.
"What's up?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Nothin', just needed to get away for a bit, it's boiling down there." I couldn't tell if he was being honest or not but I decided to believe him because if something was up and he wanted me to know he'd tell me.
"I know, my fa
ce is melting," I said, turning to look in the mirror. The damage wasn't as bad as I'd thought. I ran my finger under my eyes.
"What're you doing?" he asked.
"Trying to improve this," I replied, pointing to my face. "It's not going well but I can't expect miracles."
He frowned deeply in the mirror and his dark eyes looked almost black. I wasn't sure how much he'd had to drink but he was definitely on the edge of drunk.
"You have no idea, do you?"
"Sorry?"
"You're like that song."
Oh, much clearer.
"Just the Way You Are. It was playing at work the other day and all I could think about was you. Stop trying to change and stop beating yourself up because you're not perfect because I know. I know what it's like. I know how hard you're struggling, but you're still getting up and doing it. You're amazing and you certainly don't need crap on your face to make yourself look pretty."
I gulped. For a moment I was stunned. Kai was a sweetheart with a bit of a dirty mouth but I never imagined him to say that or to think it.
Moving across the room, I sat beside him. "You're too sweet, you know."
He lifted and dropped one shoulder. "I just say it how it is."
"Also, I never thought you'd be a Bruno Mars fan."
Leaning forwards, he rested his elbows on his knees and twisted his head to look up at me. "Well, I like that one."
I liked it, too. Liked the lyrics and loved that someone could think that about someone else. I just never thought anyone would think much of me anymore. The fact that Kai thought I didn't need to change made me feel a little better about myself and I skipped reapplying anything in favour of getting Kai to do a couple shots with me.
It didn't take too long after the rest of my idiot friends joined the shot bandwagon for me to get drunk.
I was roasting hot. Wiping my forehead, I squinted my eyes to try to pick Kai out from the crowd. God, did Holly have the heating on? I felt faint and only just made it to the front door as my head started to get really clouded.
Breathing in, I leant back against the wall and closed my eyes. The cool air cleared the lightheaded feeling and I was sure I wouldn't pass out now. The next thing I felt was a warm palm press against my head. My eyes fluttered open and what looked like two pools of melted dark chocolate looked back.
Kai. Thank God.
"Shit, Tegan, come on," he said, scooping me up in his arms. "Do you feel sick?" I nodded against his shoulder. I was definitely feeling sick, especially after he lifted me up. He took me upstairs and sat me on the floor of the bathroom, locking the door behind us. "It's okay, princess."
No, it wasn't. My stomach did all sorts of somersaults and I felt the all too familiar feeling creeping up my throat. Flopping forward, I hugged the toilet. Kai was just in time to pull my hair back and tie it up before I threw up about a bottle of vodka.
"I'm sorry," I slurred.
"It's okay," he said, rubbing my back. With unwelcome tears stinging my eyes, I was sick a bit more. "Are you okay? You finished now?"
I nodded and stood up, with a little help from Kai, and rinsed my mouth out with mouthwash and water. "Ugh, I feel like crap," I said.
"Follow me, I'm taking you to the spare room so you can sleep it off." I wasn't going to argue with that. I needed to curl up in bed and let sleep work its magic.
Kai pointed to the double bed. "Sit on there but don't lay down."
No, I wanted sleep. "I'm not gonna choke to death on my own tongue if I lay down, Kai."
His jaw clenched. "Just humour me. Please."
Throwing my hands up, I got on the bed and replied, "Fine."
Holly's parents' spare room looked like they'd plucked it right out of one of those modern home magazines or a posh hotel. Everything was brilliant white and super clean. The bed was comfortable and that was pretty much all I cared about right now.
Kai was back with two glasses of water in minutes and handed one to me. "Drink it all. I know, I know," I said, smirking at him. He was literally seconds from saying it.
Narrowing his eyes, he sat down and put the other glass on the bedside table. "Do you need to get changed before you crash?"
"Yeah, but I have nothing to change into right now." There was no way I could sleep in jeans and a tight top and I didn't know where my overnight bag was. "Take your top off."
"Tegan!" He fake gasped. "You need to stop making these advances towards me."
"Kai, I'm drunk and tired and I can't sleep in my clothes."
Gripping the bottom of his t-shirt, he pulled it off his head and threw it at my face. I laughed as the material hit my head, just managing to hold the water away before it spilt everywhere.
"Are you going to make me turn around while you undress?"
"No, please get a good look." He either didn't note my sarcasm or just didn't care because he didn't look away. "Kai!"
Raising his arms, he turned to face the wall and I managed to get changed in semi-privacy. I got into bed and, without asking if I was decent, he came back over and got in beside me.
We were sharing a bed? I wasn't sure if that was a good idea, not because I was worried something might happen but because, well, you probably shouldn't share a bed with another man when you had a boyfriend.
I was going to say something but Kai was here because I'd got drunk and he wanted to make sure I was okay. I didn't really have a right to kick him out of bed and make him sleep on the floor.
"Lay on your side, princess," he said, shoving me over.
I laughed and battered his arm away. "You're going a little over the top." He laughed and sat up against the headboard. "What are you doing?" I mumbled, half asleep already.
"Sleeping."
"Sitting up?"
"There's no sofa in here and the floor's hard."
Now I felt bad. "Lay down. I promise not to jump you."
"You don't have to promise that," he said.
With a deep chuckle, he scooted down and laid beside me. I watched with heavy eyes as his chest rose and fell. The sound of his breathing was comforting, soothing and I quickly fell asleep.
***
I was woken up in the morning by my so-called friend shaking my arm. As I drifted back into consciousness I heard my phone ring and then Kai's voice.
It took me all of no seconds to fully wake up when he said Lucas's name. My head felt fuzzy as I sat up too quickly but I still managed to slap Kai's arm with blurred sight.
"Hold on," Kai said, laughing, "she's right here."
I took the phone and held it to my ear. "Hey, Luke."
"Hi. Are you ready to be picked up?" Fuck it, he sounded angry.
"Um, I need to get ready first. Can you give me half an hour?"
"Okay."
"Thanks," I replied and gave him Holly's address.
I ended the call and turned to glare at Kai.
"Hey, you wouldn't wake up," he said, holding his hands up. "Was he mad?" Oh, he was loving this. There was a definite smug arrogance about the way he asked that.
"He was fine." I got off the bed and my overnight bag was on the floor. Kai had to have found that because it definitely wasn't here last night. Was it?
"How did this happen?" I asked, pointing to my bag.
He kicked one leg over the other at the ankle. "Got it this morning."
"So when I was making you take your top off?"
"No. For once I wasn't working on an agenda to see you half naked and in my shirt. I was a bit preoccupied worrying about you."
I bit my lip. Okay, I felt horrible. "Sorry."
He shrugged. "Understand why you thought it. If you weren't off your pretty little face I would've tried it."
Suddenly, I didn't feel so bad anymore.
"Prick," I muttered, snagging my bag and going to the bathroom. I could still hear laughing through the wall as I turned the shower on.
Lucas turned up at exactly half an hour after we spoke. "Hey," I said, giving him a kiss as Holly let him
in.
His arms held me tight, almost too tight, and he touched his forehead to mine. "Hey."
"Come through, I've just got to say bye to everyone and grab Soph."
I led him through to the lounge so we could get Sophie and drop her home. Lucas laughed as he saw her face. "What happened?"
Ah, yeah. Sophie was still in a deep sleep when we came downstairs, so of course that meant we had to draw on her face. "Kai and James," I replied. "And maybe me and Holly, too." The boys were still at it, doing some big drawing down her arm. Sophie was a heavy sleeper anyway but when she'd been drinking it was almost impossible to wake her before she was ready to.
"Okay, I think that's enough now," I said, trying to grab the eyeliner off them.
Kai snapped his hand away before I could get it. "Not yet, princess. I have one last thing to do." I rolled my eyes and pulled Lucas down on the sofa and leant over to see exactly what they were doing.
I gasped for two reasons. One, they'd drawn a massive cock on her arm. Two, they'd used my eyeliner to do it.
"Hey, what the hell? That's mine!"
"Remember what I told you last night," he said, smirking I remembered, even though I was wasted. Apparently, I didn't need make-up. I wasn't completely convinced and would still wear it, though.
Sophie groaned and stretched. "Tegan?" she slurred, holding her head. "I'm dyin'."
"You're just hung over, hun. Or possibly still drunk."
She groaned again and said, "I'm thinking about having sex with Kai."
Kai looked at me in sheer horror.
"Okay, want me to tell you to meet him upstairs?"
Lucas put his hand on my leg.
"Yeah," she said.
"Kai, will you meet-"
"No," he snapped. "Sophie, sober up already."
She laughed and cracked her eye open to wink at him. Now I wasn't shy when it came to guys but there was no way I could say that in front of them. Christ, if they'd overheard me saying something like that I'd move towns.
"Okay, you want to say bye, Tegan, and I'll carry the pisshead to the car," Lucas said, standing up and cradling a still very intoxicated Soph in his arms.
I gave everyone a hug goodbye and stopped by the front door to look at how awful I looked in the mirror. Messy bed hair looked great on Kai but did nothing for me. Kai grabbed my wrist and turned me around. "Just the way you are."
I felt the air leave my lungs as if he'd just punched me. He gave me that little bit more strength to believe that I was capable of more than what I was doing and didn't have to hide away quite so much.
Save Me Page 14