Evan hesitated, closing his fingers over the shell. He felt unsteady, light-headed, and dropped back onto his knees. “I… I found the letter. From Immigration. I don’t want you to leave, Yumi.”
“Why? Because I keep the house tidy and the bed warm?”
“No, I—”
“Do you love me, Evan?”
“Of course I love you!”
“Then where are the flowers?” she asked, eyes flashing, hands on her hips.
Evan frowned, his gut twisting. “What flowers?”
“Jamie said he saw you at the supermarket the other day and you were buying flowers. Where are they?”
“Jamie said that? Why would he… Look, I don’t know what he’s talking about. I was buying my lunch.”
“Oh, come on, Evan! That’s not the sort of thing you just make up.”
He rubbed his temple. “Okay, okay! You got me. I did buy some flowers. I was going to give them to you after work, but I left them in the car and by the time I’d finished that day they were all wilted and dying. I should have put them in some water.”
“Really? That’s your excuse? Why didn’t you get them on the way home from work?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. It was a spur of the moment thing. Look, will you please sit down? It’s weird talking up to you.”
She sighed and slumped down next to him, folding her arms around her knees and gazing out across the lake. Then she turned to him and said, “Jamie thinks you’re cheating on me.”
Eyes wide and voice ragged, Evan said, “That’s ridiculous! I’m not cheating on you!” He shook his head. “Some fuckin' friend he is. Why would he say that?”
“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging, “but—”
“You believe me, don’t you?”
She stared at him. He held her gaze and at that moment, with a stray lock of dark hair drooping down over one eye, he thought she looked more sad and beautiful than he’d ever known. He felt as though he was standing high on a sheer mountaintop, with Yumiko the wind, swirling around him, threatening to push him over. It was his own fault — he should never have gone anywhere near Kate — and now it was too late.
Which way will you blow?
“I… I’m not sure. I want to believe you, but I just don’t know anymore. We’ve been arguing so much lately, and you’ve been acting pretty weird.”
“That doesn’t mean I’ve been cheating on you! I’ve been stressed out, is all. When I found the letter I decided I needed to do some serious soul-searching.” This much, at least, was true. He was tired of the lies but knew if he told the truth now Yumiko would never forgive him and she’d be gone forever. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“I was going to. I just needed to get my own head around it first.”
He dropped onto the blanket, his body feeling too heavy for his bones to support. He folded his hands behind his head and stared up at the sky. It was such a vibrant, happy blue — it didn’t seem right that it was looking down on them as this miserable scene played out.
“So what now? I take it you’re not accepting my proposal?”
She gave a mournful smile. “Not today, sorry. But that’s not to say I won’t. I just need some time to think about it, to get things straight. I love you, Evan, and I don’t want to leave. But I need to know I can trust you.”
“What have I ever done to betray your trust?”
“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head. “So far as I know, anyway.” She puffed up her cheeks, then exhaled. “Thanks for this,” she said, waving her arm over the picnic blanket, the beach, the lake. “For all of it. I couldn’t wish for a more romantic spot to receive a marriage proposal. But I think I’m going to go and stay with Noemie for a few days. I need to be away from you to figure this out.”
“Noemie’s?” He rolled onto his side. “But Jamie’ll be there! That’s the worst place you could go. If he’s already been badmouthing me, God knows what else he’ll say. I get that you need some time to think, but can’t you find somewhere else?”
“Noemie’s my best friend,” she said, reaching for her sneakers. “She knows me, and she knows us. Don’t worry about Jamie — I don’t put too much stock in anything he says.”
“Good. You shouldn’t,” he said, scowling. “Even so, I don’t like it. The amount of times I’ve bailed him out over the years and this is how he treats me. I’ve a mind to go round there right now and punch his lights out.”
“Don’t you dare! Jamie can be a dick all right, but this isn’t about him. It’s about you and me.”
She put her shoes on while Evan propped his cheek on his fist, staring into the distance. When he spoke his voice was flat and lifeless. “So I guess that’s it then?”
Yumiko stood. “Yeah, that’s it. Look, I’m sorry, but do you mind tidying up here? I want to get home and pack a bag. I’ll ask Noemie to come pick me up.”
He rolled onto his knees. “Don’t be silly. I’ll take you.”
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, especially if Jamie’s there. I’d rather Noemie came. Please, just give me some space for a few days, okay? And don’t be sad. I’m gonna figure this out so we can move on with our lives, one way or another. Don’t think of it as an end — think of it as a new beginning.”
Stiff and sore and tired, he got to his feet, feeling like an old man.
Yumiko stepped forward, giving him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. Taking his hands, she said, “Goodbye, Evan. Take care, huh?”
“I will. Can I call you?”
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t. Not unless you really need to.” She let his hands go and they dropped to his sides, dead weights. “I’m sorry to leave you like this, but it’s for the best, you’ll see. Do you want me to carry anything up to the house?”
“Nah. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, then. See you.”
“Yeah, see you.”
A stiff breeze rippled the waters of the lake, making him shiver. To the south-west, grey clouds had appeared, scudding over the mountaintops. He watched as she made her way up the beach, feet scrunching over the pebbles. She disappeared into the trees, not once looking back.
TWENTY-SIX
It was dark and Kate was preparing dinner when Lawrence arrived to drop off Corbin. The fine weather of earlier in the day had gone. The sky was void of stars and a southerly front had sent a howling wind to blow across the chimney. There was a knot of apprehension in her stomach and she had the radio on in an effort to relieve it.
Corbin was cradled in Lawrence’s arms, asleep, when she answered the door. “Hi,” she said, swallowing. “Come in.”
Lawrence stepped over the threshold and she shut the door, banishing the night, as a rumble of thunder rolled low in the distance. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I put him in the car and he was gone before I even made it down the driveway.”
“Big day, huh?”
“We went for a walk along the lake this afternoon. Must have tuckered him out.”
“Has he had dinner?”
“No, not yet.”
Kate reached out to take Corbin. “I’ll put him on the couch.”
“I can do it. That is, if you don’t mind,” he said, regarding her, eyes intense.
And there it was. The fork in the road. She hadn’t expected it to appear quite so soon, but now that it had, it was clear that saying no would be petty. “Umm, sure.” She let them pass, following Lawrence into the lounge, where he laid Corbin gently on a couch. Corbin rolled on his side and Lawrence kissed him on the cheek.
He commented, “It’s a little chilly in here.”
Kate looked at the fire. It had died down while she was making dinner.
“I’ll get him a blanket,” Lawrence said, and before she could protest he disappeared down the hall. A moment later he returned with a crocheted blanket and draped it over Corbin. “He’s so beautiful when he’s asleep — angelic almost, don’t you think?”
Kate nodded and smiled, wat
ching as Lawrence caressed Corbin’s hair. He looked up at her and she turned away. “I’ll just get this fire cranked again,” she said, moving towards the fireplace.
“Here, I’ll do it,” said Lawrence. “You get back to making dinner.” He crossed the floor and crouched in front of the fireplace.
“Ahh… okay, thanks,” she said, then returned to the kitchen. It was a simple meal — scotch fillet with a roast vegetable salad. She opened the oven, poking a fork into a potato. It was nearly done, the skin crisp and golden. She put a pan on to heat, then sliced open the package of meat. She could hear Lawrence stoking the fire, and while waiting for the oil to get hot she fingered the steaks, wondering whether to ask him for dinner. With Corbin asleep, the idea of eating alone on a cold, windy night held little appeal. She turned around, giving a start to find Lawrence standing behind her.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s all right. How’s the fire?”
“Roaring,” he said with a smile.
“Thank you.” She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Umm… look, Lawrence—”
“Have you thought any more about what I asked?” he said, taking a step towards her.
“Pardon?”
“You know. Have you thought about giving me another chance — giving us another chance?”
Kate frowned, her lip curling. “Yes, as a matter of fact I have. It’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about.”
“And?”
“And it’s not an easy decision to make. Pressuring me isn’t going to help.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pressure you. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Being here, with you and Corbin, it makes me realise… I miss this, Kate. I miss this house, I miss watching Corbin sleep, and most of all, I miss you.”
Butterflies swarmed in her stomach. Despite everything that had passed between them over the last few months, the words dug deep, burrowing beneath her skin. There was comfort in them, and she realised that part of her, at least, had been aching to hear them. That part of her grew now, as if fertilised, rising above her mistrust, smothering it and pushing it down until it became a small voice buried deep inside her.
“Wow, Lawrence, I… it’s a lot to take in.”
“I’m sorry, but I had to say it. To risk all this…” He lowered his head, staring at the floor. “I don’t know what I was thinking. But anyway, you’re right — I don’t want to pressure you. I’ll get going.” He stepped away.
The words popped out of her mouth before her brain could stop them. “No, don’t.”
Lawrence turned back, eyes hopeful.
“Stay for dinner, if you like.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t want to put you out.”
“You’re not putting me out. There’s plenty of food.”
“You sure?”
She nodded.
“Thank you. I’d love to.” A broad smile grew on his face, and seeing how happy he looked, Kate couldn’t help smiling too. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
“I’m pretty much sorted here — just have to fry the steaks now. You could do some drinks.”
Lawrence poured two glasses of merlot while Kate dropped the steaks into the pan, where they sizzled and spat. Warmth flooded in from the fire in the lounge, melding with the heat from the stove, and a drop of sweat ran down her brow. Lawrence stood beside her at the counter, watching her work, and there was heat emanating from him too. The smell of his cologne, comforting and familiar, mixed with the hot, meaty tang of frying steak. She took a gulp of wine, flipped the steaks, then took two more mouthfuls, finishing the glass.
“That was quick,” said Lawrence.
“Yes, well, cooking is thirsty work.”
Taking the bottle from the counter, he reached over to refill her glass. While he didn’t touch her, she could feel his presence hovering over her skin. “There you go,” he said.
Sweat beaded on her forehead and she stepped back from the pan, removing her sweater. Looking down, she was dismayed to see that her nipples now stood erect, defined against the soft fabric of her top. Her back to Lawrence, she eyed her chest, hoping the tumescence would subside, but if anything her nipples grew taller, revelling in the attention. She took a gulp of wine, checked the steaks and switched off the element, deciding they were done. Over her shoulder she said to Lawrence, “Can you get a bowl for the veggies?”
“Sure.” Crossing the kitchen, he took a bowl from a cupboard and returned to place it on the counter beside her.
She donned her oven mitts and opened the oven door to a wave of sweltering air. After removing the dish, she shut the door and tipped the roast vegetables into the bowl. Lawrence was a blazing presence in the air behind her and she felt giddy, clutching the handle of the oven door for support.
She carefully lowered the roasting pan, turned off the oven, then took another swig of wine, her hand shaking. “Can you get me the balsamic vinaigrette, please?”
He removed a bottle from the fridge and she turned to take it from him, their fingers touching as he handed it over. An electric spark shot through her and at the same time his eyes slid down to her chest. They sprang wide and she dropped the bottle on the counter and grabbed his head, pulling him in, her kiss hot and hard.
Her hands moved down his spine, sliding over his buttocks. She squeezed them, then clutched the hem of her top and lifted it over her shoulders, dropping it on the floor. Pulling him close, she unzipped his fly and squeezed again, more gently this time.
Lawrence groaned and murmured, “What about Corbin?”
She pressed a finger to his lips. “Ssshhh, he’ll be fine.” She loosened his belt and tugged on the waist of his trousers, pulling them and his underpants off in one fluid movement.
“Have you got a condom?”
“It’s all good. I’m back on the pill. Lie down.”
“The pill?”
“Please, Lawrence, don’t ruin the moment. You said you missed this. Now get down.”
Biting his lip, he obeyed, stepping out of his pants and lying on the gleaming tiles. Kate removed her bra, then slipped out of her jeans and knickers and lowered herself onto him.
Conjuring the cowgirl spirit from every country song she’d ever heard, she rode him, her hips grinding rhythmically, the sugared strains of Conway Twitty’s You’ve Never Been This Far Before drifting from the stereo.
Her blood was flowing hot, skin tingling, chest heaving, when he came, his body jerking, eyes rolling back into his skull. She gave a strangled groan and clenched her fingers, nails digging into his skin. “Nooo, not yet! Why do you always do that? I only needed another minute.”
“It’s not my fault,” he said, squirming beneath her.
“Oh, God.” She grunted and rolled off him. “Talk about déjà vu. I guess I’ll have to finish myself off now.” She lay on her back, the tiles cool beneath her skin. Closing her eyes, she slipped her hand through the fuzz of her pubic hair and went to work. Opening one eye to look at Lawrence and extending a nipple with her free hand, she said, “Here, make yourself useful.”
Lawrence remained where he was, frowning. “There’s no need to be rude.”
Kate snorted. “Says the man who’s just blown his load. Look, I’m horny, okay? Help a girl out, will you?”
Sighing, Lawrence did as he was told, rolling over and lowering his mouth to her breast. She closed her eyes again, breathing deep. She tried to imagine Lawrence lying on top of her, his body rocking against hers, but the image held no appeal, and she felt the moment slipping from her grasp. She writhed on the tiles, groaning, drew her legs up and changed perspective, replacing Lawrence’s face with Evan’s — cheeks red and lips wet, smiling down at her, eyes filled with longing. It was like flipping a switch. Fingers flurrying, she surged forward, riding the wave, and was on the verge of cresting when a familiar voice squeaked, “Mummy?”
“Oh, nooo, not now!” she shrieked, clamping her legs s
hut. “God, Corbin! Your timing is the worst!”
Corbin shrank back, his face contorting. Lawrence sat on his knees and pulled Corbin into his lap. “Christ, Kate,” he said, “don’t take it out on Corbin — it’s not his fault. I knew we should have put him in his room.”
Her vision blurry, she hugged herself, rolling to her side. “It wouldn’t have made any difference — he can climb out of his cot. Little shit gets into everything.”
“Don’t call him that,” said Lawrence, his tone hard and cold.
“Oh, like you never call him names.”
“Actually, I don’t.”
“No? That’s not what I remember. Anyway, it’s easy for you, isn’t it, Mr Every Other Weekend? I’m the one who has to deal with his sabotage on a daily basis.”
“Alternate weekends is what you wanted. I’d have been happy to have him more.”
“I didn’t want you to have him at all!”
Lawrence recoiled as if she’d slapped him.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” She swallowed, her chest feeling tight.
Scowling, he said, “Look, maybe dinner’s not such a good idea.”
She pushed herself up, nostrils flaring. “Typical. Now that you’ve got what you want you run away.”
Squeezing Corbin tighter, Lawrence said, “This isn’t what I wanted.”
“Oh, please, don’t deny it. This was a booty call.”
“Booty call? I just came to drop Corbin off. You were the one who threw yourself at me.”
“Because I thought that’s what you wanted!” She raised her palms to the ceiling, letting her breasts fall free. “God, the years I’ve wasted trying to make you happy.”
Lawrence shook his head, sneering. “As if my happiness was your primary motive for doing anything. Any effort you made for me was only in order to reinforce your brand.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look at her go — Kate the martyr — always sacrificing herself for others. What a joke,” he spat. “You don’t do anything out of altruism. Everything you do comes with fishhooks.” Lawrence released Corbin and stood, pulling on his pants. “You’ve been a mother for well over two years now. Don’t you think it’s time you started acting like one?”
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