A Starlit Summer

by Kate Frost

  ‘Hey Ade. Can I join you?’

  ‘Of course.’ He patted the seat next to him. ‘The down time’s not so bad in a place like this, is it?’

  ‘It’s pretty special.’

  ‘Usually we’re holed up in some crappy room with no windows. I like it on location.’

  Jenna stretched her legs out and rested back in the chair. The tide was in and a couple of wooden boats painted half grey, half blue bobbed on the glittering water.

  ‘You must have been on some amazing shoots, though?’ Jenna asked.

  ‘Yeah, I’ve had my fair share of interesting projects. I was down this way a few years ago filming one of the Pirates of the Caribbean films. I had a few days on Game of Thrones over in Ireland too. There’re gems among the mundane. Is this the biggest film you’ve worked on?’

  ‘It is for the length of time I’m on it.’

  ‘Plus you got more than you bargained for, eh?’ He winked.

  ‘You’ve heard as well.’

  ‘Course I’ve heard. Everyone’s heard. Gossip doesn’t stay quiet for long, particularly when it’s being fuelled by someone.’ He tapped the side of his nose.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I know what happened that night round the pool. Only a bloody romantic fixated on seeing something that wasn’t there would think there was something actually going on between you and Milo. He’s the biggest flirt on the planet and it’s all for show.’

  Jenna sat up properly in the chair and leaned closer to Ade. ‘I can’t tell you how good it is to hear you say that. Everyone else seems to question my sanity in saying nothing’s happening between the two of us, like I should’ve been falling over myself to jump into bed with him.’

  ‘Like that would ever happen...’ Ade raised an eyebrow.

  Jenna smiled and watched one of the sparks recover a cable and make sure it was out of shot. The knot of tension in her stomach felt like it had eased a bit, knowing that someone could see the situation from her point of view. Maybe Milo Blake and which side he batted for wasn’t the best kept secret he thought it was.

  She turned back to him. ‘Was acting what you always wanted to do?’

  Ade grunted. ‘Thought it was, when I was a bright-eyed twenty-something, fresh out of drama school, all starry-eyed over the incredible life I was going to have, the money I was going to make, the women I was going to shag... We were sold a dream and the huge success of a lucky few. I mean some actors make it, like really make it and have Hollywood come calling like our boy Milo. Others like me have to graft. Sometimes it’s not all about working hard that ensures you do well, as I’m sure you realise.’ He nudged Jenna’s shoulder with his. ‘I’m old and bitter, you really shouldn’t listen to me. I’ve been doing this shit for longer than I care to think about. But do you know the advice I wish my younger self had got when I was an eager young actor, turning up for every audition I could get, saying yes to every role I could however ’effing bad the script was. I wish someone had told me to only become an actor if it was the only thing I wanted to do with my life. The only thing.’

  ‘Do you regret your career?’

  ‘Regret is a strong word. Nah, I can’t regret the things I’ve done – they’re what’s shaped me. But it’s come at a price. Financially I’ve been comfortable but I ain’t rich. I’ve had three wives; I’ve got five kids aged between twenty-two and four. I’ve never been able to stay in one place long enough to ever feel settled. That partly wrecked my home life and my marriages. That and I was always too tempted being away from home for long stretches at a time, if you know what I mean.’ He tapped the side of his nose again. ‘You’re young; I’m a miserable old miser, disillusioned after years of this shit, bouncing from one job to the next. Also, apart from a window of about three or four years in my twenties, I was never a leading man. I made my name and paid the bills as a character actor, suited me just fine in the long run, but you’re proper leading lady material.’

  ‘But at what cost?’

  ‘You’re young. Why the hell not go for it while you’re not tied down by a mortgage, family and responsibility. And I’m deducing by this Milo Blake gossip that you’re single?’

  Jenna nodded.

  ‘Have fun then. Go for it. If there’s no one special in your life to keep you in one place, then why not embrace all this acting life has to offer. All that “being with Milo” has to offer.’

  ‘D’you know, off the back of the Hot Now Magazine article, I’ve been offered reality TV stuff. My agent emailed me the details about it this morning, but it’s completely not what I want to do...’

  ‘Pays well?’

  ‘The pay’s huge, it’s just...’

  ‘I’d take the money. You’re only young once and these kinds of opportunities, well, you turn your back on them now, you’re not going to be able to change your mind later on.’

  ‘It feels like I’d be selling my soul.’

  ‘And you want to be a serious actor, right?’

  ‘Well, yes. I want to act. I don’t want to play a version of myself that’ll get twisted and abused on reality TV.’

  ‘You’ve got your head screwed on, kid. I like that. Looking at the bigger picture and all. But just think how many girls your age would jump at the chance you’ve been handed on an ’effing platter.’

  ~

  Ade’s take on her situation stayed with Jenna long after their conversation finished. Maybe she was overthinking it; maybe she should go against her gut and say yes, take the money and see what other opportunities came out of it. She was single, she didn’t have responsibilities apart from the rent on her flat but even that could be given up with enough notice. She’d properly messed up any chance of a relationship with the only person she’d wanted to be with for a long time. And even before that, what chance did they realistically have with Finn in Cornwall and her in London. What did she have to lose? An acting career was what she’d wanted for so long and an opportunity was being dangled in front of her that could raise her profile and further her career in a huge way. Yet she felt unsettled, knowing that if she said yes, it would change her life forever but perhaps not in the way she wanted it to.

  Adrian – Ade – Turner-Jones was in his fifties, a proper character actor, handsome in his own way but rugged with it. He got steady roles because he played a type, but what would Jenna do in ten or fifteen years’ time if the leading lady roles dried up, when there was a queue of younger prettier blondes to take her place. She could set herself up for life now.

  Of course her agent wanted her to say yes, she got a fifteen per cent cut of everything Jenna made. Most of her friends and fellow actors would say go for it. Her parents wouldn’t like the idea but then they often struggled with some of the roles she played, let alone be comfortable with her parading about in a bikini on some tropical island for The Love Hotel. And there was Finn. Even if she could convince him that there really was nothing between her and Milo, why on earth would he want anything to do with her if she signed up for a show where the aim was to hook up with someone.

  She phoned Carla the moment she got back to the cottage.

  ‘It’s fame for the sake of fame, Carla. Would you take it?’

  ‘I’d never get offered it.’

  ‘But if you did, if you were me. What would you do?’

  ‘Honestly? I don’t know. I think I’d be as torn as you are. There are positives and negatives.’

  ‘Well, that’s no help at all.’

  ‘Sorry. I guess it all depends on the sort of career you want long term. Would prancing around in a bikini and snogging a fit bloke be a stepping stone to something amazing, or do you keep plugging away at the auditions and acting and see where it takes you. You’re talented and beautiful; you’ve got tonnes going for you, with or without selling your soul.’

  ‘What would Heidi do?’

  ‘You know what she’d do.’

  ‘Maybe I’m worrying too much. One of the actors told me today that you’re only
young once, take the opportunities while you have them, they’ll soon dry up.’

  ‘He’s disillusioned by the business, huh?’

  ‘Just a bit.’

  ‘Well, he has a point. And I can see it now, “The Love Hotel starring Jenna Wilson”. It’s money, it’s fame – well notoriety at least – it depends on what you want.’

  ‘I don’t want my words or actions twisted. I don’t want to be manipulated. I’m an actor for a reason; I like hiding behind a character. It’s my safety net not actually having to be me.’

  ‘You could always create a persona. Play a version of you.’

  ‘It’s reality TV, not fiction.’

  ‘It’s all bloody fiction, Jenna. All of it.’

  ‘Maybe you’re right.’

  ‘You don’t have to decide about it yet, do you?’

  ‘No, by next week; they’re beginning casting then.’

  ‘And they’re giving you a place without an audition or anything. They just want you?’

  ‘They just want me because they think I’ve screwed Milo Blake.’

  ~

  It was only the third time since staying in the cottage that Jenna had felt lonely. The first time was when she’d spoken to her mum and she’d wanted a hug; the second when she’d waved goodbye to Carla. Yet again she felt a sadness ending the call with her friend, locking the cottage door and going upstairs. Sliding into an empty bed she realised what she was missing. There’d been so much potential with Finn. She hadn’t felt so strongly about someone for as long as she could remember. That night at the pub, she could have invited him back. She should have, before everything got messed up. But then having sex with him would have complicated her feelings further. And considering how upset he’d been by the article about her and Milo, she couldn’t even imagine how he would have reacted if they’d slept together and he thought she’d used him in the worst possible way.

  She snuggled down beneath the sheet even though it was warm in the bedroom. Who was she kidding anyway? A relationship with Finn wouldn’t work any more than an actual relationship with Milo. But at least Finn, unlike Milo, was uncomplicated. He wasn’t a highly-strung actor; he had a sensible job, worked regular hours, lived with his family and had a close group of friends. He was a builder and Jenna an actor. She didn’t know where her next pay cheque was coming from, didn’t know where or who she’d be working with from one week to the next. The two of them were so different. She bet Aunt Vi never had this kind of trouble with men. She wondered what happened to the man who wrote her the letters and why her great aunt had ended up spending her life alone.

  She closed her eyes but her brain wouldn’t switch off. She had made her decision. Her career had to come first. She was only twenty-seven, while the opportunity was there she needed to run with it, take the money, enjoy the fame and reap the rewards afterwards wherever that led to. She’d phone Beth in the morning and tell her to say yes. If Heidi could play the fame game, she could too.

  Chapter Twenty

  Regret flooded through Jenna the next morning; beads of sweat covered her body and palpitations made her chest feel tight and constricted. She’d made her decision last night, yet she still felt stressed and unsure. Maybe it was natural when it was such a big decision, one that would affect her in a dramatic way. As everyone kept on saying; it would change her life. Maybe she wasn’t ready for that?

  She flung the covers off and stalked to the bathroom. Her head felt fuzzy like she’d been late-night drinking, when actually she’d gone to bed reasonably early and only had a glass of wine while she’d thought things through.

  She washed away the sweat and worry, and emerged from the shower a little calmer. She wrapped a towel around herself and looked at the bathroom. Gary and Finn had done a good job in here, replacing the dated sink and toilet with contemporary white ones. They’d kept the beautiful roll top bath and made the most of the space with a modern walk-in shower to replace the old one. Everything reminded her of Finn. The palpitations intensified when she thought about him. There was no turning back now. No erasing what had happened; yet what she wanted more than anything was to make things right with him.

  She had a nine o’clock call time, later than normal, which gave her enough time to have breakfast at home. She’d enjoyed the cooked breakfasts at the base during the first week or two of filming but a full plate of bacon, sausage, fried egg, mushrooms and beans got a bit much after a while. She poured muesli into a bowl and sat out on the steps to catch the morning sun.

  She knew what else was bugging her. Today was her first filming day with Heidi. There would be no escaping her as the scene involved just the two of them. Jenna headed back inside, rinsed out her bowl and packed her bag for the day. Gary and Finn would be here soon. Part of her longed to see him; part of her wanted to be well clear of the place before he arrived.

  Jenna’s morning commute was familiar now, and rather than the dreaded bus then Tube journey into central London, she relished the ease of clear roads and beautiful countryside as she headed to work. No main roads choked with traffic, no monotonous grey of built up areas or the long hours spent travelling to auditions and filming locations. She started the engine, glanced in the rear-view mirror at the low-hanging tree branches swaying in the breeze above the gleaming new slate roof. She released the handbrake and started down the driveway, coming to a halt when Gary’s van turning into the drive blocked her way.

  Jenna put up her hand, catching Finn’s eye as she did. She reversed the short distance to allow Gary to park the van next to her.

  Jenna gripped the steering wheel, not knowing what to do. It would be rude to drive off without saying hello, but then she didn’t know what to say to Finn in front of his dad.

  She got out of the car but left the door open and leaned across it. Gary emerged from the driver’s seat and smiled at her. ‘Morning, Jenna, nice surprise to catch you.’

  ‘Yeah, a later call time for once.’

  The passenger door of the van opened and slammed shut. Finn stalked up the path to the cottage without saying hello or giving even a backwards glance. Jenna bit her lip.

  ‘I’d better get going.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ Gary closed his door. He made to go but turned back just before Jenna had the chance to get back in her car. ‘I know it’s none of my business, and I’m not exactly sure what’s going on because Finn’s not said much, but he’s hurting. I’m not one for listening to gossip, unlike Sally... but if you get a chance to talk to him... We’ll be here until six this evening, just in case you’re back early enough.’ Gary’s cheeks flushed and Jenna realised how much Finn meant to him to bring the situation up with her.

  The tightness in Jenna’s chest was back. ‘I will, talk to him, when I can. I’m just not so sure he wants to talk to me...’

  She left it at that and ducked into the car. She slammed the car into first and drove the short distance down the drive and out on to the lane.

  ~

  She arrived at the base well before her call time. She parked her car and made her way towards the holding area. She’d already had breakfast but she could do with a coffee while she waited for hair and make-up. She did have one thing she needed to do first, and perhaps after that she’d finally be able to relax. Her decision had been made she just needed to make it official.

  She walked away from the trailers, took her phone out of her bag to check the time and phoned her agent. She’d be at work by now and there was no point in waiting any longer to speak to her.

  ‘Hey Jenna, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so soon. I thought you were working today?’

  ‘I am, just a little later.’ She scuffed the hard dusty ground as she walked away from the base. ‘It’s just after your message and email, I had a good think about what I wanted to do, and what it would mean to be on The Love Hotel. What it could do for my career, and...’ Jenna bit her lip and leaned against the fence.

  ‘And?’

  ‘Beth, I’ll do it.
Tell them yes.’

  ‘Amazing, Jenna. I’m so happy for you. I’ll contact them today.’

  Jenna gazed across to the principal actors’ trailers and wondered if Milo was there, tucked away in comfort, managing his love life via the paparazzi and gossip magazines. The car park was to the right, make-up and costume in the centre and the catering truck and marquee for meals and down time to the left. Production offices edged the base. It was a mini city in the middle of a field, the once green grass now battered by thousands of trampling feet, leaving behind dust and straw. Jenna felt trampled too – emotionally at least. She watched the comings and goings of actors, production crew and extras, while attempting to focus on what Beth was saying.

  ‘They’d like to meet you in person – not an audition, this is yours, no negotiation needed, they just want to get to know you better. The contract will be ready to sign as soon as you’re able to come back and meet the producers.’

  ‘Yes of course, I can sort something out.’

  ‘Amazing, Jenna. I’m so pleased. This is an incredible opportunity and I can’t think of a nicer person for it to happen to.’

  They said goodbye. Jenna put her phone on silent and tucked it into her bag. She’d made her decision, had told Beth, and yet she still felt unsettled. She’d hoped committing to it would have eased the little voice in her head doubting that it was the right thing to do. It was a big decision to make and one that would change her life. People only regretted the things they didn’t do, not the things they did. She needed to hold on to that thought.

  ~

  It felt a hugely stressful day, not only because of her decision to say yes to The Love Hotel, but it was her first scene with Heidi. She didn’t even have the comfort of Lily and Amanda as they were filming a different scene.

  Jenna headed to costume first, which was already rammed with lots of extras about to be bussed to location. One of the costume ladies found Jenna’s now-familiar 1940s skirt and blouse on a named hanger and ushered her to a quiet corner. Jenna pulled on beige stockings and the dark green skirt. The costume lady helped tuck the blouse in and tie the laces of the sensible brown heeled shoes. The costume immediately made her feel different, older, more responsible, like women would have felt while most of the young men were at or about to go to war. It made her think of Aunt Vi again and her wartime love. It was hard to imagine her white-haired, stern-faced great aunt ever happy and in love, wearing stockings and lipstick.