“Better?” I asked, turning to face her.
She sat beside me, staring at the side of the dock where the water was sloshing up against it. “I’m okay.”
“That was pretty intense.”
“He doesn’t get that I’m done.”
“No kidding.”
She sighed, swirling her straw in her shake. “I feel like I got ran over or something.”
“You definitely got bulldozed. I can tell you that much.”
“Thanks for stepping in.”
“I wasn’t just going to stand there and let him twist your thinking.”
She nodded, drawing a sip of her shake as a paddle boarder passed. “I feel so stupid. I mean, I know I have no future with him. Like, at all. He says he’s a Christian, but he doesn’t even go to church. I ignored it for so long, but, it killed me. Besides that, I could never trust him again. But, a part of me still loves him. Maybe I am psycho.”
“Confused, yes. Desperate, maybe. Psycho’s harsh though, Chuck. You seem pretty smart to me. I mean, you didn’t take him back up there.”
“How do I tell my heart to shut up about him?”
I grinned. “No idea. Hearts can be killer like that, right? They make you care too long, and feel too deep, and you kind of get lost wondering all the what-ifs. I guess that’s why they say hearts blind people.”
“Seriously.”
I lifted my shake to my lips again, nodding toward hers. “You gonna drink that?”
She drew a deep breath and raised it in the air between us. “To doing real life.”
I clicked my cup against hers, nodding. “To doing real life.”
She drew a sip, eyes flitting to the red mustang pulling into the parking lot at the main entrance. Nick got out and popped the trunk, pulling a duffle and a suitcase from the back. What kind of nineteen-year-old kid drove a car like that anyway? Must be nice, coming from money. Probably thought he could buy Emery back, too.
“Great,” she muttered. “I thought he’d decide to leave after that.”
“I hope you don’t mind me saying this,” I started. I could wonder why I finished my thought later.
“But?” she asked, turning back to face me with those gorgeous baby blues.
“But, idiot or not, I think the guy knows what he had in you, Emery. I mean, I’ve only spent a few days with you and I already think you’re ace.”
She stilled, something in her eyes searching mine in a different way than before, causing my chest to tighten. She swallowed. “You’re not so bad yourself, Tucker. It’s a bummer we’ve both sworn off dating for the summer.” The hint of a grin tugged at the corner of her mouth.
I wasn’t sure if she was saying what I thought she was saying, but it didn’t really matter when it came down to it. We both had sworn off dating for the summer.
“Yeah.” I sniffed, shifting my eyes back to the lake. I had a feeling it would turn into a bigger bummer the more time I spent with her, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. At least, not yet. “Can’t win ‘em all, right?”
“Nope.” She took another sip and nodded toward the lawn. “I’m guessing we still have a few more jobs left for the day?”
“Always.”
“What’s next, boss?”
“Weed eating,” I said, lifting my brows.
“Awesome.” She went back to swirling her straw and took another sip. “Hey. I was curious if we could get another basketball game in after work?” she asked, after a while.
I cleared my throat, lifting a shoulder as I scanned the surface of the lake. “I don’t see why not. The guys would probably be down. I just have to be at a meeting at seven. Does five-thirty sound good?”
“Five-thirty sounds amazing.”
TWELVE
-Emery-
The whole rec field had to be edged, and even with two of us working on it, it took two hours. My arms were dead-tired, but that didn’t stop me from heading out to the courts after work. I don’t think anything could have stopped me.
Mal picked teams this time, choosing me first. I didn’t miss the look Tucker gave him. I didn’t care whose team I was on. I just needed to play. I hadn’t seen Nick the rest of the afternoon, but that didn’t mean I didn’t think about him every second. I thought I was doing better being up here, but maybe it was just the distance that was helping. Knowing he was here was a confusing form of torture.
“Ready to do this, Chuck?” Mal asked, dribbling down the court. Hunter took him on defense, and Tucker had me, a predatory glow in his eyes as he trailed me around the perimeter of the key, keeping up with me as I darted out to the three-point line to retrieve a no-look pass from Mal.
I kept it low, dribbling between my legs twice before I faked right and spun left, pretending to put it up, but I passed it to Mal instead. He sank a three.
Tucker barked a laugh.
I breathed a sigh of relief. There was no medicine in the world like being on a court. I sprinted to the other end, Mal keeping tabs on Hunter as he dribbled down, looking for Tucker. I kept my hand on Tucker’s firm torso, my feet following his patterns, eyes focused on the court between Tucker and Hunter. The best advice I’d ever been given for defense was to use my peripheral vision to track the ball and my man. Second best advice, keep a hand on him. And, I did, sticking with him all the way to the hoop when he went in for a lay-up.
I jumped with him, lifting my hand toward the ball, getting the tip of my finger on the leather as it left his hand, but it wasn’t enough. He scored. We came back down, Mal grinning from ear to ear, shaking his head as he studied me.
“You’re an animal, Chuck!”
I shrugged. It didn’t matter. “He scored.”
“Yes. I. did.” Tucker did a little dance.
I rolled my eyes.
We went hard like that for the next hour, until the dinner bell gonged, and we were all covered in sweat, doubled over, just trying to get some air. I followed Tucker to the bench to grab my water and guzzled it. He put up a high five as he finished his water, and the other guys dispersed down the hill.
I delivered on the high five, squirting some of my water onto my head. It ran in cool tendrils through my hair and down my scalp. I sighed. “Thanks for playing.”
“Mal’s right.” He shook his head. “You are an animal, Emery. Why aren’t you playing on a team somewhere?”
“I’ve played my whole life.” I twisted the lid back on my water, and lifted a shoulder. “I just wanted a break for one summer.”
“So, you’re going out for a team in the fall?” He nodded toward the road and I followed at his side.
“That’s the plan.” I don’t know why I didn’t want to tell him about my full-ride yet, but I didn’t. Maybe it was because Kinesiology felt like a weak answer to the what are you going to study question. Maybe it was because he was going through it on his end, and I didn’t want to seem like the have it all together girl, when I definitely did not have it all together. Maybe it was because I liked hanging out with him. A lot. And, thinking about basketball meant thinking about the end of Bridgeport, and I just got here.
“You really should.” He stopped beside me outside my lodge, Lauren and her friend Mila passing us on our left.
I didn’t miss the way he tensed when her perfume rolled between us, and I didn’t miss the way she glanced back at him over her shoulder, a disappointed look in her eyes. And I didn’t miss the way it made me wonder if he liked hanging out with me as much as I liked hanging out with him. But that thought was basically irrelevant. I was here to clear my head and then I was leaving for Biola.
My gut tightened, and I motioned toward my lodge. “I should go change for dinner.”
“Yeah.” His lips parted and it looked like he was going to say something else, but he didn’t.
“See you in the morning if I don’t see you at dinner?” I asked.
“I have an appointment tonight, so, I’ll probably just be in and out down there. Meet me at the cafeteria tom
orrow morning.”
“I’ll be there.” I swallowed, and toed the clump of grass between us before I lifted my eyes to focus on him one last time. “Have a good night.”
“Yeah. You, too, Emery.” Something glowed in his eyes, making my heart quiver a little.
I forced myself to head to my lodge, looking forward to another day learning the maintenance ropes. Trying to ignore how much I was looking forward to another day with Tucker.
-Tucker-
Showered and dressed, I headed up to Pastor Gregg’s house, and knocked on the screen door.
“Come on in, Tucker,” I heard from inside.
The screen creaked as I opened it, stepping into his spacious house. Ornate rugs covered the bare wooden floors in the sitting room on my left, a deer head hanging over the top of the kitchen entrance on my right. A clock ticked somewhere behind me, reminding me of home. Mom’s clock in the kitchen ticked louder than any clock I’d ever heard. When I told her it was annoying, she told me time was precious, and every second counts. She said it was a good reminder.
Pastor Gregg approached from the hallway straight ahead. “Tucker. Good to see you again.” He stopped and motioned toward the door behind him. “Come on in and have a seat.”
I followed him down the hall, and sat in the leather chair in his office. He took the seat behind his desk and grinned. “So, I spoke with a few of the department leads, and it looks like there’s a couple openings in the Boathouse. There’s an opening in the cafe’ as well, which might be a good option . . .” He glanced down at a note on the desk in front of him.
Working the Boathouse would be interesting, and I’d done it before, but I might be too exhausted after Maintenance every day. And people’s lives could be on the line out there on the lake. As for the cafe’, Lauren worked in there. It wasn’t like we couldn’t be mature and figure out how to work together, but it wouldn’t be optimal.
“And, that’s about it.” He drew his pen from the surface and wrote something else. “Although, when I spoke with the HR department, it sounded like they’re on the lookout for another year-round employee. They said they need someone with good management skills to help out with the administration side of things. I told them I think I have just the guy.” He cleared his throat, returning his grey eyes to mine. “If you’re interested in a year-round position, that is.”
Man. He’d consider me for a year-round position up here? I wouldn’t need to think about finding a job back home after summer ended, and I honestly loved the idea of management. Being Maintenance lead was like finding a side of myself I didn’t know existed, and I felt like I was good at it. It was a lot like being a coach, and the crew was my team. I could do teams.
“I’m not sure what you prefer, but, like I said, I’d like to help you out.”
I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath. “I’m seriously interested in the year-round idea if it’s a good fit. But do you know what the difference in pay is?”
He glanced back at his notes and nodded. “Looks like you’d be getting a five dollar an hour raise.”
Five an hour. It wouldn’t make me rich, but my room and board would be taken care of and I’d get to be at Bridgeport longer, which was always a plus. I ticked my finger on my knee, trying to curb my excitement. It wasn’t a done deal yet.
“Of course, you’d need to finish out your duties in Maintenance for the summer, but I think with your being a second-year lead, we could manage a three-dollar an hour raise in the meantime.”
“It’s a deal.” I nodded, and stretched my hand across his desk. “I appreciate it, Pastor.”
He gripped my hand, smiling, as we stood. “I think it’ll be a good fit for you, Tucker. I’ll get the paperwork going on all of that. You keep me updated on how things are going at home, though, okay?”
“Yes, Sir.”
He walked me to the front door and opened the screen, holding it for me.
“Thanks again,” I said stepping out.
“Not a problem.” He cleared his throat, staring at the floorboards beneath him. “Oh, and Tucker?”
I turned to look at him over my shoulder. “Yeah?”
“Be careful. It’s easy to backslide when life gets out of control. Be sure to lean on the Lord now, and be watchful of your old vices.”
I swallowed, trying not to let that thought terrify me. “Thank you. I will.”
“Take care, Bud.”
“You, too, Sir.”
Pastor Gregg had been like a father figure to me since I started working up here. He knew my history, and now he knew the pressure I was under this summer. He was wise to call it the way he saw it. I’d already felt the draw a few times when Lauren was around. Apparently, she had a new boyfriend, but judging by the nostalgic looks she’d been shooting me over the past couple days, and the way she was hounding Emery about it, she wasn’t that attached to him. I’d fought it hard, and succeeded so far. I didn’t want a fling. I was content living the single life for now. And when I felt like it was God’s timing, I’d get back out there again. But, I was done with the whole summer thing. I wanted something real.
And eventually, I wanted something permanent.
THIRTEEN
-Emery-
The next morning, Tucker assigned me to powerwash the patio myself while he cleaned the windows on the Snack Shop and the Boathouse. Afterward, we headed for the cafeteria line and he told me about a new position he was going for in the fall. One that would make him a year-round employee. I don’t know why, but it sparked a flame of jealousy in my chest.
I couldn’t imagine how amazing staying up here year-round would be.
I moved through the cafeteria line beside him and loaded my plate with pancakes, sausage, and eggs. “That’s awesome, Tucker.” I smiled at him and drizzled syrup over the top of my pancakes.
The syrup spilled over onto my eggs and he grimaced. “I think there’s plenty, if you need new eggs.”
I frowned and followed him up the stairs leading to the staffer hall. “It’s good. I don’t mind syrup in my eggs.”
He faked a shiver, opening the door for me, and waved me in before him. “After you.”
“Thanks.” I walked into the hall, stopping in my tracks the second I saw Nick in front of the cereal dispensers ten feet ahead. I’d held out hope he’d leave last night. Obviously, he didn’t.
Tucker followed behind me, nodding toward a table off to the left, where we could avoid Nick completely. I started in that direction after him, but not before Nick caught a glimpse of me, and poked out his bottom lip. “Can we talk?” he mouthed. He set his bowl down and started in my direction.
The urge to run popped up, but I ignored it. I came here first. If anyone needed to be the one to go, it was him.
He stopped in front of me. “I feel like we hit a bad note yesterday.”
“I’m not really in the mood to talk right now, Nick. I’m on the job.”
He looked at the clock on the wall. “What time’s your break?”
I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, not missing the way Tucker stiffened at the table to the left. “I don’t think it matters.”
“Look. I know you’re over it.” He drew a deep breath, shrugging. “But I’m not happy with the way we left it, Ems.” His eyes found mine again, full of a pain I wished I could unsee. “I just wanted to come and say I’m sorry. About everything. Mostly about hurting you the way I did.” His eyes glossed over. I wanted to believe him.
My fingers tingled, begging me to touch his face, to press my brow to his and whisper it would be okay, like I would’ve a couple weeks ago, but I couldn’t.
Not now.
“I can appreciate that,” I said, ignoring the way my heart pounded out of control, aching like it was homesick. But, Nick wasn’t my home anymore. “Thank you.”
A wave of his cologne hit my nose, deepening the heartache.
Don’t cave. Stand strong. You’re here for you.
He shook his head, green eyes
piercing mine like they had a thousand times before. “I was wondering if I could buy you a coffee, or something . . . just as friends? If it’s really over, I think we need better closure.”
My throat thickened, the million times he’d pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair replaying in my memory. His whispered words of comfort after a hard game, or a bad day at school, or another grinding practice.
“Meet me at the cafe’ at ten,” I heard myself saying, even though I was silently chanting to forget about him. “I have a fifteen-minute break.”
A glimmer of hope passed through his gaze. “Yeah?”
“Closure’s fair.”
I had no idea what closure looked like between us, but we weren’t there yet. And if he was really ready to hear me out, I could at least give him the answers he needed to be able to move on.
After breakfast, Tucker took me out to the bridge at the south end of the lake. We replaced a few planks and made sure all of the railing was still in good condition and we headed back to camp for our break.
I called home to check in with Mom. She filled me in on everything I’d missed, which honestly wasn’t much, but it was good to hear her voice.
“Have you heard from your coach at all? He wanted you to call back in a few weeks, didn’t he?”
My gut tightened. “Not yet. And it’s only been a week. I told him I needed some time.”
“Well, don’t wait too long, Emery. You don’t want to lose your spot, do you?”
I sighed. “He told me I had three weeks. I’ll call him then.”
“You know, it wouldn’t hurt to touch base with him now. Just to remind him you’re still committed, and everything.”
“He knows I’m committed and he cleared me for three weeks. I don’t want to call him and give him false hopes that I changed my mind already.” I caught a glimpse of Nick heading into the cafe’ across the street and I cleared my throat. “Oh, hey. I have to go, Mom, but I’ll call again later.”
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