Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds

by David C. Pollock

  In the end, the CEO almost lost the contract. It was only when tom, who was an ATCK, urged the CEO to visit these potential business partners in person and to take him along as cultural interpreter that the business deal got back on track.2

  Perhaps it’s obvious from this story why an ATCK’s experience in very different cultures and places around the world can be helpful in the global work-force. ATCKs also often find themselves particularly qualified not only for the corporate world, but for jobs or situations such as teaching or mentoring. In these days when developing “global awareness” among education majors is a major emphasis in universities, ATCKs who go into this field are already well equipped in this area.

  When a magazine for teachers asked ATCK Fran to write on global awareness in the classroom, she happily wrote about all the TCKs and other ccks the teachers needed to consider as a hidden diversity among their students. After all, she had been doing many seminars on how teachers needed to realize those around the globe had come to them, particularly in the form of ccks. Fran worked hard and sent it in to the magazine.

  The editor didn’t reply for a few days. When she did e-mail back, she said, “i’m sorry, but we didn’t want you to write about the students; we wanted you to write about global awareness in the classroom.”

  Fran, of course, thought she had! in the end, she had to enlist the help of her copy-editor friend, sally, who was born and bred in the U.S., to help her understand what it was the magazine wanted. When sally explained that they wanted to emphasize how it was good for teachers to travel so they could begin to understand that others had different outlooks, or to see the sights they were going to teach about, Fran had to laugh at herself. Talk about a cultural misunderstanding! she and the editor used the same words with totally different understandings of what they meant. If worldview is the lens through which we see and interpret the world, then it was apparent they had two different lenses. Fran realized what they were asking for was so basic to her as part of her life experience that it hadn’t occurred to her it was something teachers would have to learn!

  Why is it that this innate global awareness can be such an asset to ATCKs in a profession such as teaching? First, it helps them understand the students better. The fact that most TCKs have attended schools with a wide variety of cultural learning and teaching styles gives them firsthand insight into their students’ struggles with language, spelling, and conceptual differences, whether those students are from a local ethnic subculture or have lived in another country. ATCKs, of all people, should be willing to allow for differences in thinking, writing, learning, and language styles.

  Second, ATCKs can well use their 3-D view of the world. They have firsthand stories to augment the facts presented in geography or social studies textbooks. They may be able to bring life to the textbook’s chapter on how the Netherlands reclaimed its land from the sea because they have walked on those dikes. Maybe they have seen the prison cells in the Philippines where American and Filipino POWs were held during World War II. From whatever countries where they have lived or traveled, ATCKs can bring their students fresh and personalized ways of looking at the world.

  Most ATCKs have gone to school in places where there were a large variety of races and cultures in their classrooms. As teachers, ATCKs can bring a vital understanding in helping their students see how they share common feelings and humanity with their peers from various backgrounds, even when circumstances may differ.

  Nilly Venezia, an ATCK who is founder and director of Venezia institute for Differences and multiculturalism, works with both Jewish and Palestinian children in the gaza strip. She has designed storybooks for children to help her students focus on their shared humanity rather than the political issues in their environment. The stories may be set in different cultural or geographical places reflecting where the students come from, but the focus will be one that all students can relate to, such as the fear of a bully, visiting grandma’s home, or sharing jokes with friends. Nilly believes that “emotions are the universal language” and that if we can help children connect in areas where they are alike, we can go a long way to establishing positive connections between very different groups.3

  Because of their own experiences, TCKs and ATCKs can be effective mentors for new students coming to their school or community from different countries or cultures or even other parts of their own country. They know what it is like to be the new kid on the block and how painful it can be if no one reaches out to a newcomer and, conversely, how wonderful it is when someone does. In so many areas, they can effectively help others settle in more quickly—and less traumatically—than might happen otherwise.

  Sometimes TCKs can be connectors or mediators between groups that are stereotypically prejudiced against one another.

  Francisco is a black Panamanian TCK. At age six, he moved to the United States while his stepfather pursued a military career. Initially, Francisco lived in the predominantly white culture in the community surrounding the army base. Here he learned firsthand the shock of being the target of racist slurs and attacks. Later his parents moved and he went to a more racially diverse high school where he became a chameleon who apparently fit perfectly into the african American community. Eventually most of his friends saw him as Francisco and forgot, if they ever knew, that his roots were not the same as theirs.

  One day, however, a heated discussion erupted among his black friends about why “foreigners” shouldn’t be allowed into the country. Finally, Francisco spoke up and said, “You know, guys, what you’re saying about them, you’re saying about me. I’m not a citizen either. But foreigners have flesh and blood like me—and like you.” then Francisco pointed out how this kind of group stereotyping was why he and they as black people had known prejudice. Francisco reminded them that he—their personal friend, a foreigner—was living proof that people of all backgrounds, races, colors, and nationalities were just that—people, not statistics or embodiments of other people’s stereotypes.

  Observational Skills

  TCKs may well develop certain skills because of the basic human instinct for survival. Sometimes through rather painful means, they have learned that particularly in cross-cultural situations it pays to be a careful observer of what’s going on around them and then try to understand the reasons for what they are seeing.

  One TCK received the “nerd for life” award when, on his first day of school “at home,” he carried his books in a brand new attaché case—just like the one his dad took to work. The attaché served a most utilitarian purpose—keeping books together in an easily transportable manner. But in this new school, a backpack slung over one shoulder (and one shoulder only) served the same purpose in a far more socially acceptable manner.

  Through such experiences, TCKs learn firsthand that in any culture these unwritten rules govern everyone’s acceptance or rejection in a new setting. In addition, they have seen how behavior unnoticed in one place may cause deep offense in another. Something as seemingly insignificant as raising a middle finger or pointing at another person with your chin can have vastly different meanings depending on the culture. Mistakes in conscious and unconscious social rules—whether eating style, greetings, or methods of carrying schoolbooks— often send an unwanted message to people in the new culture. Observing carefully and learning to ask “How does life work here?” before barging ahead are other skills TCKs can use to help themselves or others relate more effectively in different cultures.

  Mariella, a German ATCK who had grown up in India, took a job working for an NGO Hospital in Ghana. It wasn’t long before she heard complaints from the expatriate staff that the patients often threw their prescriptions away immediately after exiting the doctor’s office. That seemed odd to her as well, so Mariella began investigating.

  She soon noticed that when the new doctor from Germany dispensed these prescriptions, he always sat sideways at the desk. The patients were on the doctor’s left side as he wrote notes on their charts using his right hand.
Whenever the doctor finished writing the prescription, he would pick it up with his free left hand and give it to the patient.

  This process probably would not have caused a second thought in Germany, but Mariella knew from her childhood in india that there the left hand is considered unclean because it is the one used for dirty tasks. Giving someone anything with that hand is both an insult and a statement that the object being offered is worthless. She wondered if that might be the case in Ghana as well and asked her new Ghanaian friends about this. When their replies confirmed her suspicion that using the left hand in Ghana had the same connotation as she remembered from her childhood in india, Mariella understood why the patients didn’t fill the prescriptions! She suggested the doctor turn his desk around so all the patients sat at his right and that way he would naturally give out the prescriptions in a culturally appropriate manner. He followed her advice and the problem disappeared.

  Social Skills

  In certain ways, learning to live with the repetitive change that often characterizes their lifestyle gives many TCKs and ATCKs a great sense of inner confidence and strong feelings of self-reliance. While not always liking change—and sometimes even hating it—TCKs do expect to cope with new situations. Many have moved in and among various cultural worlds so often that, while they may not know every detail of the local culture, they can see beyond that to the humanity of the people in front of them.

  When commentators marveled at the ease with which President Obama connected with various racial and social groups throughout his 2008 presidential campaign, it seemed they had no comprehension how his TCK/CCK childhood had shaped him to enable him to move with ease across these traditional boundary lines. His story transcends not only typical racial boundaries but also economic, social, and cultural boundaries. Growing up as the son of a single Mom who needed food stamps at one point, moving to indonesia with his mother and stepfather where he attended the local schools with indonesian children, going with his mother to the local American embassy on weekends to eat hamburgers with other Americans, and returning to the mixed cultural milieu of hawaii and his white grandparents all formed in him this comfortableness of moving into various communities with ease. It allowed him to ascend to the heights of the social ladder during his time as a law student at harvard but then return to the inner city of chicago to be a community organizer. This type of fluidity to move and function with quiet confidence in various cultural worlds is common for many TCKs—even those not running for president!

  It seems many TCKs and ATCKs can also generally approach various changes in their life circumstances with some degree of confidence because past experience has taught them that given enough time, they will make friends and learn the new culture’s ways. This sense that they’ll be able to manage new situations— even when they can’t always count on others to be physically present to help in a crisis—often gives them the security to go take risks others might not take.

  This type of confidence comes out in various ways. It may involve believing you are able to work with others to solve the world’s problems or it may manifest in simpler ways. Helga, a Belgian ATCK, planned to go alone on a five-week trip to Australia and New Zealand. Some friends were shocked.

  “Do you know anyone there?” they asked.

  “Not yet,” she replied.

  “Well, how can you just go? aren’t you scared to stay with people you don’t know? how will you find them at the airport? What kind of food will you eat?”.

  Actually, she hadn’t thought of it. She’d just presumed one way or another it would all work out. As a teenager and university student, she’d often traveled halfway around the world alone to see her parents during school vacations. Customs and language barriers were no longer intimidating. Lost luggage could be dealt with. She had a great time.

  But there is a flip side to this type of confidence as well. While TCKs develop feelings of confidence in many areas of life, there are other times or situations in which they may be so fearful of making mistakes they are almost paralyzed. Paul, the American TCK who grew up in Australia whom we mentioned earlier, moved once more as a teenager—a critical age when peer approval is essential. Here’s what he said about that move.

  I changed worlds once more at age fourteen when my dad’s company moved him from Australia to Indonesia. But the consequence of switching worlds at that age is you can’t participate in the social scene. Everyone else seems to know the rules except you. You stand at the edge, and you shut up and listen, mostly to learn, but you can’t participate. You only sort of participate—not as an initiator, but as a weak supporter in whatever goes on—hoping that whatever you do is right and flies okay. You’re always double-checking and making sure.

  Just as true chameleons move slowly while constantly checking which color they should be to blend into each new environment, so TCKs can appear to be socially slow while trying to figure out the operative rules in their new situations. To avoid looking foolish or stupid, they retreat from these situations in such ways as overemphasizing academics or withdrawing in extreme shyness. Even those who have been extremely social in one setting may refuse to join group activities in the next place because they have no idea how to do what everyone else already can. Maybe they have returned home to Sweden from a tropical climate and have never learned to ice skate, toboggan, or ski. They would rather not participate at all than let anyone know of their incompetence.

  Insecurity in a new environment can make TCKs withdraw even in areas where they have knowledge or talent. It’s one thing to join the choir in a relatively small international school overseas, but quite another to volunteer when you are suddenly in a school of 3,000 students. Who knows what might be expected? Who knows how many others are better than you? And so the TCK holds back to wait and watch, even when it might be possible to be involved.

  While these TCKs are trying to figure out the new rules and if or where they might jump in, people around them wonder why they are holding back. If the TCKs do jump into the fray, it’s easy for them to make “dumb” mistakes and be quickly labeled as social misfits. This can lead to another problem. Because TCKs often don’t feel a sense of belonging, they can, as did both Paul as mentioned in this chapter and Ginny in chapter 7, quickly identify with others who don’t fit in. Unfortunately, this is often the group that is in trouble with the school administration or one in which scholastic achievement is disdained. Later, if the TCKs want to change and make friends with those more interested in academic success, it may be difficult because they have already been labeled as part of the other group.

  Linguistic Skills

  Acquiring fluency in more than one language is potentially one of the most useful life skills a cross-cultural upbringing can give TCKs. Children who learn two or more languages early in life, and use these languages on a day-to-day basis, develop a facility and ease with language unlike those who learn a second language for the first time as teenagers or adults.

  Bilingualism and multilingualism have advantages besides the obvious one of communicating with various groups of people. For instance, Jeannine Heny, an English professor, believes learning different languages early in life can sharpen thinking skills in general and actually help children achieve academically above their grade level.4 Learning the grammar of one language can strengthen grammatical understanding in the next one.

  Strong linguistic skills also have practical advantages as the TCK becomes an adult. Some careers are only available to people fluent in two or more languages. One American ATCK works for a large international company as a Japanese/English translator. She learned Japanese while growing up and attending local schools in a small town in Japan. Another American ATCK works as an international broadcaster using the Hausa language he learned as a child in Nigeria.

  Even if a career isn’t directly involved with language, opportunities to take jobs in certain countries may require language acquisition. There’s no doubt that a job applicant who already speaks the country’s lang
uage will see his or her resume land a lot closer to the top of the pile than those who will have to spend a year in language school. Even when the language required isn’t one the ATCK already knows, the fact that he or she is obviously adept at learning more than one language improves job opportunities as well.

  Along with the many advantages, though, there are some precautions to take in a multiple language environment. Speaking another language, and knowing it well enough to think in it, are not the same, and that difference can be critical. During a seminar in Asia where many of the expatriates were in cross-cultural marriages, this issue of multiple languages in the home came up. Teachers from an international school told the following tale.

  A few years ago, we had three children from the same family arrive at our school. To be honest, we thought they were all developmentally delayed. They spoke adequate English but something didn’t seem quite right. We eventually discovered that their parents were from two different cultures and neither of them spoke one another’s mother tongue, so the family used English at home. Unfortunately, the parents’ English wasn’t very good, and therefore their children had never experienced any language deeply enough to think in. Once the children were in an environment where they could learn language for concepts as well as facts, they did well in school.