Channel Kindness
Page 11
Complicating matters was the fact that in my community, depression and other mental illnesses were not widely accepted topics of conversation. Not only that, but it’s my sense that mental health services are not properly illuminated in minority communities, and especially not in communities of color. As an African American girl, I’d been raised to think that having depression simply wasn’t an option—at least, it was never brought up or mentioned as a possibility.
An ongoing inner dialogue didn’t help:
What’s wrong with me? Am I just weak or too emotionally incapable of dealing with stressful situations?
Depression, I discovered over time, can be eased by learning new coping mechanisms—say, meditation and yoga. Awareness of the issues and triggers can be helpful. I’ve had to embrace the truth that I’m on a journey toward accepting myself without having to prove to others that I’m always—and only—a happy, bubbly go-getter.
Things have gotten better. While my situation is still not ideal, I’ve learned to accept that I am not perfect but I am good enough. I learned that year—which I did survive—to accept that I was a seventeen-year-old African American girl living with depression. And going forward, I can continue to learn to live my life simply as is.
The most liberating lesson happened in a moment when it dawned on me that I wasn’t alone in this quest. That awareness, combined with my growing self-acceptance, inspired me to create a social movement with a mental wellness component. The social movement is simply called As Is.
As Is wants to see mental health at the forefront of societal issues. In recent years, there has been a record-breaking increase of mental illnesses in young people, which includes depression, eating disorders, and anxiety, among other illnesses. While it is evident that mental health is a pressing issue in today’s world, its stigma slows down widespread reform. Therefore, As Is works to expand access to mental health services for the average American, to recognize and address the intersectionality of mental illnesses. What that means, for example, is understanding how factors such as race and gender bias, or other forms of exclusion, impact minority communities when it comes to getting help. The goal is to provide appropriate accommodations for mental health patients in a professional and/or academic setting and, ultimately, eliminate the stigma of mental health issues.
In this piece, Perri writes about how empowering it can be to share your mental health story, and I want to celebrate her bravery for doing so. I have found so much healing and community when I share my own journey. Please remember that there is no shame in saying you’re struggling; as I’ve said many times, it’s okay to not be okay. If you’re still surrounded by mental health stigma (as far too many of us are), check out the Seize the Awkward campaign to get the conversation started, and for more information as to how to learn to talk openly and honestly about your mental health with your friends and family, visit The Jed Foundation.
The beauty of a social movement is that it grows from the roots up, through word of mouth. Soon after I began to articulate my vision—in person and online—I heard from dozens of people in my community who wanted to be part of an As Is movement. We have been growing organically ever since. Our vision is based on the notion that with greater and necessary attention toward mental health, we will see a fairer and healthier country.
Our movement is open to all, and I encourage you to join the crusade to make mental health conversations more prevalent in society. Don’t shy away from discussing mental health–related topics at the dinner table. Educate yourself on different mental illnesses. Take a mental health “first aid” course. Use your networks and social media contacts to spread the word, adding a hashtag for #AsIs. Do as much as you can to try to normalize the prevalence of mental health challenges. This will only make the mission of As Is more achievable.
Together, we can illuminate the issues of mental health for a better, more accepting, kinder world. Mental health awareness is always “in.”
If I’ve learned anything, it’s the wisdom that accepting ourselves for who we are, as we are, takes bravery and even some risk. We don’t have to focus on what’s wrong with us when we can choose to embrace what’s right with us.
And guess what? Not everyone has to think you’re awesome as is. Only you do.
25
THE HELPING HANDS OF YOGA
JESSICA ZHANG
Why didn’t I see the signs? What could I have done to help? How could this happen? Why didn’t anyone reach out before it was too late?
Those are only a few of the heart-wrenching questions asked by the friends and loved ones of a person, especially one so very young, who has chosen to end their life. For those of us in our teen years, the news that one of our own has died by suicide is devastating and confusing.
When a childhood friend of mine died by suicide in our high school years, I fell into despair, asking myself all those questions and more. Of course, I tried to avoid blaming myself, but I couldn’t shake the thoughts of what she must have been thinking and feeling in her last desperate minutes.
From what I understood, my friend had been suffering from severe stress and depression, although most people didn’t know it. Mental health issues aren’t commonly discussed in my community. Besides, in this competitive culture, it’s been ingrained in us to disregard people who casually talk about self-harm and depression. The demand to excel in not only academics but also extracurriculars is extreme—from societal, romantic, and familial pressures and, obviously, from peer pressure.
When I talked with other friends, I was reminded that many of the typical symptoms exhibited by someone who is suicidal also occur with what many people see as just being stressed. Still, that didn’t keep me from thinking, If only I’d supported her more, if only I’d let her know that I cared for her, she wouldn’t have had to resort to such extreme ends.
A feeling of hopelessness and dejection settled over me as the weeks went on. The reality is that mental health crises ending in suicide happen in schools all over my district and in other cities near Silicon Valley, where I’m from. The fact that her death wasn’t an isolated tragedy continued to trouble me. Worse was the fact that the pattern kept repeating itself. During my sister's junior year of high school, a student she knew died by suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.
The same questions had been asked: Why didn’t anyone see the signs? We heard that, in her case, not unlike many others, my sister’s friend had become too burdened by doing well in school and in outside academic competitions.
After my friend died by suicide, I looked for a way to process my feelings and release the negative energies that seemed to grip my body and my being. The practices of yoga and mindfulness gave me a much-needed outlet, allowing me to suddenly feel more clear-headed—with a new desire to make a change. Every day at home, I began to practice at 6:00 a.m., before getting ready for school; every night, I meditated before I went to sleep. Whenever a problem or obstacle came my way, instead of holding in my emotions or reacting to stress, I developed a routine that let me breathe the concerns out and imagine them gently floating away.
In all candor, I had once seen yoga as a relaxing sport, more or less. After settling into a routine with my practice, I realized the true reason others seek out the ancient practice of yoga—for solace, healing, and renewal. As I grew stronger and more knowledgeable about different forms of yoga, I couldn’t help wondering whether I might be able to share the benefits with others in my community.
In particular, I had to believe there was a way to disrupt the continual cycle of kids thinking it’s okay—because they assume it’s the norm—to constantly be stressed. Experts tell us that the level of pressure young people are combatting is not normal at all and that there is an urgent need to end the vicious cycle of suicide among teens and young adults.
Instead of waiting for the next tragedy and wondering what we could have done to prevent it, I founded a traveling yoga studio with my sister, a certified RYT 200
yoga instructor (as well as a teacher at Yoga Alliance). We were similarly motivated, having both lost friends to suicide, having both seen and experienced firsthand how it feels to be a student in a high-pressure community, and having both observed how the community seemed, to us, somewhat indifferent just weeks after the incidents.
Knowing we wanted to expose children and teens to the practice of yoga by volunteering in schools and communities in and around Silicon Valley, I started the effort by teaching elementary school students basic yoga poses and breathing techniques. My sister and I tried our best to turn the rowdy, mischievous kids whose energy was positively infectious into quiet, calm individuals—not always successfully, especially when they were in the final resting pose of Savasana. Then we brought the free yoga classes to our local library, where people of all ages in the community could participate in yoga and mindfulness trainings.
Our nonprofit, Yoga4youths, has opened so many opportunities for us to create lasting collaborations with different schools and community hubs in our area. As we tackle a range of problems that plague our community (not only mental health issues), we have redefined “youth” by inviting people of all ages, races, socioeconomic backgrounds, religions, genders, sexual orientations, and beliefs to our free classes.
As soon as they walk through the door, they’re given a safe haven where love and unity give them permission to leave their emotional baggage—and their shoes—outside the studio. We cultivate an atmosphere that is personal and welcoming for all levels of yogis but especially for beginners who have never tried yoga or mindfulness before.
Our mission, as Yoga4youths grows, is to remain a student-run nonprofit that teaches free yoga lessons to economically disadvantaged elementary, middle, and high school students, with the ultimate goal of operating across the nation. In addition to using yoga as a tool to address the mental well-being of young elementary students ages five to eleven by teaching them yoga, another priority is to mobilize teenagers to exercise more and gain the leadership skills of teaching younger kids.
My sincere hope is to never again have members of my community or others bury a young person who took their own life and ask, Why didn’t we do more? By teaching yoga to young people, I believe we are giving them the tools to combat stress—arming their young minds to step onto the mat and learn how to be strong, both mentally and physically.
Our motto, “Minds Over Mats,” can influence the next generation to be mindful and more clear-headed in their decision-making, from monumental, life-altering opportunities to the everyday choices.
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On our mats, we can educate one another on the very fundamental need of the human experience: love, which is the opposite of hate, stress, anxiety, loss, depression, insecurity, and fear. We can let go of demands on ourselves to be perfect at everything and simply aspire to be good, kind, and brave.
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In whatever way possible, I’ll continue to use my role as a teacher to share the message that every life is precious and everyone is worth fighting for. No matter what difficulties and obstacles you may face, whether they’re predetermined or born out of your environment, they can be remedied through less drastic or permanent measures than suicide. And although it may not seem like it, you never have to go through difficult times alone, because there are always people who want to be there for you, talk to you, and support you.
If you do spot problematic signs from a stressed-out friend or someone feeling overwhelmed, you might encourage that person to join you on the mat. I know yoga is not the cure-all for suicidal thoughts or depression, but it can be a good start in helping us all become more aware of these thoughts and feelings both in ourselves and in others. You will be amazed at the different kinds of people you’ll meet right next to you, doing the Downward Dog pose or the Warrior Stance or just smiling with tears of release and relief falling from their eyes.
JESSICA ZHANG
Our mental health is just as important as our physical health, and they go hand in hand—we cannot have one without the other. I am so proud that Jessica is helping others remember that message through yoga and meditation; two practices that I have found very useful in my own life. If you’re in the Silicon Valley area and want to learn more about Jessica’s organization, visit Yoga4Youths, and for resources on how to be kind to your mind, check out Mindful. And if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
26
CANINES FOR COMMUNITY
JESSICA MORALES
As a native of Coral Springs and Parkland in Florida, I know every member of my community was forever altered by the February 14 school shooting that took seventeen lives, turning a sunny Valentine’s Day morning at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School (MSD) into the deadliest high school shooting in United States’ history. Though time has moved on, grief remains. Yet, through the tragedy, we as a community came together in powerful, unforgettable ways to help one another with the healing process.
The day that students, teachers, and staff returned to school, two weeks after the shooting, first responders and many from the community were present to offer support. Also out in numbers was a special brigade from the Humane Society of Broward County (HSBC). The HSBC’s Canines for Community Resilience Program in Fort Lauderdale seeks to provide joy, healing, and love by bringing therapy animals to those in need. Partnered with almost every organization in Broward County, the Canines for Community Resilience Program works directly with the school board, hospitals, rehab facilities, nursing homes, and libraries and offers specialized volunteer and dog team programs for new potential therapy animals.
As a youth reporter for Channel Kindness, I had the honor of interviewing the canine program’s manager, Marni Bellavia, an avid animal lover whose sidekick in life is Karma, her miniature Australian shepherd. When I sat down to interview Marni—with Karma sitting patiently at her side—I asked how the dogs had become so closely connected to MSD. Marni explained that when experts began to organize a safe return for those who would be coming back (not everyone chose to return), she was immediately moved to get the Canines for Community Resilience dogs involved in welcoming the students back to campus and helping to heal a shaken community.
“Within just a few blocks of MSD, there are several elementary and middle schools,” she reminded me. “Because they didn’t catch the shooter right away, students as young as five and six years old had to evacuate the same way—with their hands in the air, on shoulders—and had to hide underneath desks. It’s a very traumatic situation for the teenagers, let alone for the young elementary school students.”
The dogs seemed to understand the gravity of the moment as they waited together to be among the first new faces students encountered while returning to MSD and the surrounding schools. The dogs were taken as well to help heal the first responders, the 911 dispatchers, and those injured at hospitals, and they also provided comfort to grieving families at funerals and vigils for the seventeen lives lost. Some MSD students who were at first too traumatized to talk about the incident gravitated toward the dogs and found themselves talking to the dogs about their experience. Others, who couldn’t open up, silently grieved, with the therapy dogs comforting them at their sides or sitting in their laps. Some of the human guardians of the dogs remarked that sitting in laps wasn’t something they normally liked to do.
Animals, understood to have heightened powers of emotional intelligence and empathy that we have yet to fully measure, play a key role in healing for trauma survivors attempting to move forward. Without words, they provide unconditional love and devotion. They make it okay to grieve, to be quiet and still.
HSBC’s Animal Assisted Therapy Program is not only limited to providing therapy dogs. Cats, birds, ferrets, guinea pigs, rabbits, horses, donkeys, and pot-bellied pigs are also part of the program. The HSBC proudly sent an emergency response team of twenty Canines for Community Re
silience dogs, free of charge, to every school, organization, or group that was in need after the MSD tragedy.
“You feel really good about having somebody say, ‘Thank you for bringing your dog. Thank you for letting that dog provide comfort for us in a time where the thought of healing is so far away that you can’t imagine ever being okay again.’ To be able to bring in the dogs and interact with the grieving community made me feel like I was part of healing the community, even if it was momentarily,” Marni explained.
A year and a half later, fourteen dogs had become a regular part of the MSD campus life—even earning a page in the yearbook the following year. Some were dressed up in doggie bow ties, all fluffed up from the groomers, while some just came as their own shaggy selves to sit for the yearbook photo shoot. Looking into the camera, they almost seemed to grasp their special place in the school’s history.
You never think a tragedy like this can happen in your community—until it does. It’s unexpected, it shakes you to your core, and for the students and their families, healing can sometimes seem impossible. However, Marni and the Canines for Community Resilience are helping them heal.
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We will rise above,
but we will never forget.
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