Don't Break (The Reluctant Heart Book 1)

by Jeannette Winters

  “She told you that?” Billy asked.

  “No. She didn’t need to. She’s too…nice to say something mean or offensive.” Even when it’s true.

  “What do you think she hated? Because from what you’ve told me, the two of you have really hit it off.”

  “That’s a fantasy, Billy. Shanda wasn’t comfortable there at all,” he said.

  “Hell Kenneth, I have money and I’m not comfortable there. Do you remember when Krissy and I attended some charity event that your mother hosted at her house?”

  “I do. You didn’t stay very long.”

  “No we didn’t. Krissy and I actually went home after and got into a huge fight. We almost broke off our engagement because of it.”

  Kenneth had no idea. “Over my parents?”

  “Not exactly. It was more that she was afraid she would need to change, to try to fit in. I love her for who she is. If Krissy had changed, I wouldn’t have wanted to marry her. It took that argument for me to really know what I wanted out of life. That’s when my life really changed. I like money and I enjoy fine things, but I love my wife,” Billy said. “Maybe tonight was good for you and Shanda. It is time for you to think about what you want.”

  “I know what I want, Billy,” he snapped.

  “Do you? Or are you holding on to what you wanted in fear of losing what used to be important to you? Because as your best friend, I think I can say this, your priorities are all fucked up. But it’s your life. You can go to bed and count gold bars in your sleep or you can spend your nights awake holding a woman who seems to make you happy.”

  He hadn’t called to hear how this was his issue. Kenneth had expected Billy to agree that what he was feeling had been because of his parents, and not because his own emotions were in turmoil. “When did you get so fucking wise?” he said sarcastically.

  Billy laughed. “When Krissy decided to love my stubborn, dumb ass, anyway. If it weren’t for her, I might still be like you.”

  Before meeting Shanda, Kenneth would’ve taken that as a compliment. Now, he had mixed feelings. Unfortunately, the confusion also included what he felt about Shanda. Was this love? How could it be? They’d met less than two weeks ago. That was not long enough to even consider changing an entire way of life. It was lust, desire, and yes, he liked her, a lot, but that was it. Kenneth couldn’t deny who he was. I’m always going to be a Heart. It’s all I know.

  “I think some distance will help the situation,” he said.

  “By help, do you mean let her down gently?” Billy asked.

  “I don’t want to stop seeing her, but I don’t see any other way to avoid hurting her.” Shanda might be a strong woman, but he could see the sensitive side of her as well. Billy was an only child, Kenneth wasn’t. There was more than just his parents for her to deal with; there were five brothers as well. And we’re all the same. Assholes.

  “Hey, I might just finally win a bet. I told Krissy that you might love Shanda, but you were too fucking stubborn and would get in your own way. I was actually hoping I’d lose this one,” Billy stated.

  I wish you could too. “Maybe now you two can find some other hobby besides my personal life.”

  “If you blow it with Shanda, trust me, there won’t be anything that interesting to talk about anymore anyway. I just hope you do the right thing,” he said.

  I just wish I knew what that was.

  Kenneth ended the call and headed home. It was definitely going to be a sleepless night, because he did have a lot to think about. He couldn’t picture how she would fit into his life, but he also couldn’t imagine what it would be like without her, either.

  And this is why love can bring down a country. You fucking lose no matter what.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Stop crying. I can’t understand a word you’re saying,” DeeDee said while stroking her back.

  “He…I…it…was horrible,” she sobbed.

  “What was?” DeeDee asked.

  Shanda pulled away and wiped her cheeks, then pulled out another tissue and blew her nose. “The dinner. They…hated me,” she sniffed. “I sat there without anything…to contribute. I’m so…stupid,” she sobbed.

  “Wait one damn minute. Did Kenneth say you were dumb? Because if he did, I’m going to go to Boston and—”

  “No. He didn’t,” she sniffed.

  “Did his parents call you stupid? I mean, I respect my elders, but I have no problem telling them off.”

  Shanda shook her head. “No one called me anything. It’s just the truth. They all spoke about things that I had no idea what it all meant.”

  “What does that have to do with your intelligence?” DeeDee asked. “Oh wait, nothing. So what you don’t know everything? Neither do they.”

  “DeeDee, I didn’t even go to college and they are all so…successful.” Very successful.

  “That’s just money. It doesn’t mean someone is intelligent, or better yet, a good person. You are both. If they couldn’t see that, then they’re the dumb ones,” she said firmly. “Now tell me what Kenneth thought, because really, that’s all that matters.”

  “How can you say that? When you marry someone, you marry their family. If the family doesn’t like you, you’re doomed for sure,” Shanda stated.

  “I won’t tell you it’s easy, but you still make it work. Look at Larry’s brother Carl. His in-laws can’t stand him. But he and his wife have been married for almost ten years.”

  “I’m not sure that is a good example. Carl is a pain in the ass,” Shanda said, wrinkling her nose. “Remember when we had that cookout and he got drunk and decided to take a leak in Mom’s planter on the porch?”

  DeeDee chuckled. “God that was hilarious. Well not really, but seeing Mom’s face turn like, four shades of red and never even utter a word, well that was great.”

  “She didn’t need to talk. Dad picking him up and dumping his drunken ass in a barrel of ice water was enough.” Shanda couldn’t help but smile just thinking back on it. “I don’t think he’s come to another family event since.” They both laughed.

  “Don’t think he’s been invited. But they are still married.”

  Is that a good thing?

  “Kenneth and I are different. He’s so…professional,” she chose not to say rich, “and I’m so…casual.”

  “You own a business. That is very professional.”

  “I live in the country and he lives in Boston.” In a penthouse.

  “Is it the commute that you’re worried about?” DeeDee asked.

  Shanda shook her head. “No. It’s our lifestyle differences. I don’t fit in his any more than he fits in mine.”

  DeeDee looked at her long and hard, and then said, “You’re judging him. He’s not judging you.”

  “I’m not judging. I’m stating facts. There is a huge difference. It would be naïve of me not to acknowledge it,” she defended herself.

  “And it is also a great way to put up a wall so that you can’t get hurt just in case things don’t work out. Am I right?” DeeDee asked.

  “It’s not if, it’s when. Things have moved too fast with us to be real. It’s like we’re caught up in some fairytale and you know I don’t believe in those.”

  “Love is wonderful, but it is also work. You only get what you put in. What are you willing to put in Shanda? Is he worth your time, your effort, your heart?”

  Yes. I’m just not sure I’m worth his.

  “DeeDee, he could have any woman in the world. Why would he want to be with me?” I have nothing to bring to the table.

  “Oh, let’s see. Maybe because you bring something that is lacking in his life like…happiness, or maybe fun. From what you’ve told me, he definitely doesn’t sound like a boring, stick-in-the-mud guy.”

  At first, Shanda had shared everything but the intimate details with her sister. Now she was glad she had. She needed someone to talk to who knew a little about their connection. “I just wish you had gotten the chance to meet him.”
>
  “You’re talking like it is over between the two of you when in reality it is just beginning,” DeeDee said.

  “And that’s why it should end now, before it gets any…harder,” she admitted.

  “I know the guys you dated before. Never before have you ever cared if they came or went. Kenneth is different.”

  “I know that. And that’s why we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” Because it already hurts and I don’t like it at all.

  “Shanda, promise me you won’t do anything rash. Give it a few days. I’m sure if it was as bad as you think it was, then he needs time to think as well.”

  “Time won’t change anything. We are from different worlds. I knew it the moment I walked into that house.” I’ll never be good enough for his mother.

  “This isn’t about status. It’s about feelings. The two of you need to discuss this. One shouldn’t make the decision for you both,” DeeDee said.

  “You know, you’re starting to sound a lot more like Mom,” Shanda said.

  DeeDee laughed. “Us old married couples have to stick together.”

  “Old. You’re only thirty and haven’t even been married a month,” Shanda corrected.

  “Time means nothing. And remember that. Just because you and Kenneth haven’t been together long, doesn’t mean it’s any less real. Sometimes love sneaks up on you,” DeeDee said.

  “And feels like a cast-iron pan to the back of the head,” she sighed.

  “Oh yes. Love hurts at times, but there also isn’t any other feeling that compares.”

  She hugged her sister. “DeeDee, I’m so glad you came over. I don’t think I would be able to make it through the day if you hadn’t.”

  DeeDee smiled. “Shanda, you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. I’m not near as independent as you. That’s probably why I went from living with Mom and Dad to living with Larry. Maybe it’s time for you to learn something new and lean on someone. Lean a bit on Kenneth. Who knows, maybe you’ll like it.”

  That’s what I’m afraid of.

  When DeeDee left, only then did Shanda pull herself together and head to the shop. She never opened late, but today she really didn’t care. If she was there and crying, what good would that have done? Customers wouldn’t have stayed. And worse than that, the entire town would be talking about her. It was the only bad thing about Hope Valley. Everyone knew each other.

  Maybe that’s why whoever I dated didn’t work out. They were all from here.

  Shanda knew there was a lot more to it than that, but she wasn’t ready to admit that Kenneth was special, that he was the one. It scared her. Like DeeDee said, she’d never leaned on anyone, trusted them to be there, for the good times and the bad. What if alone was how she was meant to be and that’s why she was so independent?

  Or maybe I’m independent because I have no choice.

  Her cell phone vibrated with a text. Please be Kenneth. Before she even looked, she’d already changed her mind. She wasn’t ready to talk to Kenneth. Just in case it was going to be something she didn’t want to hear, Shanda opted not to check her messages.

  I’m busy. I’m working. I’m…chicken.

  She opened the top drawer of the counter and tossed it inside. Whoever it was, she’d respond after the shop closed. Right now, she had a manager she needed to think about hiring. And since she and Kenneth spent more time making love, than talking business, she had no idea where to start.

  She flipped open her laptop and did the only thing she knew how to do. Okay Google. How to you hire a manager?

  Kenneth had tried texting her twice and she didn’t respond. Should he just take the hint that she didn’t want to speak to him? He’d blown it last night. Shanda was the one who had to suffer through dinner. To him, it was normal, but for her, she probably found it hell. An apology was in order. One way or another, he was going to talk to her.

  If she won’t answer me, then I’m going to see her.

  He grabbed his keys when his phone rang. The number wasn’t familiar to him, but it had a Rhode Island area code. Maybe it was Shanda calling from Home Blown instead of her cell. “Hello, this is Kenneth.”

  “Hi, this is Shanda’s mother, Paula. You don’t know me, but I wanted to—”

  “Did something happen to Shanda? Is she okay?” he asked in fear that she’d been injured. It’d explain why he hadn’t heard back from her.

  “She’s fine.”

  Thank God. He couldn’t handle it if something happened to her. “Good. Is there something I can do for you, Mrs. Morris?”

  “Yes. You can call me Paula and you can come to dinner tonight.”

  He looked at the clock and it was already after five. Driving from Boston at rush hour wasn’t an easy or fast drive. “Paula, I’d love to but I don’t live close by.”

  “I’m aware of that. We were thinking maybe eight. I know it’s late so if that time is inconvenient we can do it another time,” Paula said.

  “That time is perfect. If you don’t mind, all I need is your address,” Kenneth said. He jotted it down, and then asked, “Is there anything you would like me to bring?”

  “Just your appetite. We look forward to meeting you tonight,” Paula said before ending the call.

  Shanda said she would get him back. He didn’t think it was going to be this quick, but at least he was going to get to see her tonight. That’s all that mattered to him.

  As Kenneth expected, the traffic was fucking horrendous. Not only was it rush hour, but there was a rollover on the Pike and road construction on Route 95. He arrived on time, but barely. When he pulled up the long driveway, he was surprised not to see Shanda’s van parked there already. Should he call and check on her? Maybe her parents had picked her up and he’d be the one driving her home.

  It didn’t matter, because the screen door on the porch opened and a woman stepped out waving for him to come inside. He shut off the car and did as she asked.

  “I’m glad you found it. I was getting worried,” Paula said.

  He wasn’t late, yet he was cutting it close. “Traffic was heavier than I anticipated. Has Shanda arrived already?”

  Paula smiled and said, “No. She wasn’t invited. We wanted to speak to you alone.”

  Fuck. Not the night he’d expected. Maybe the one he deserved. No matter how dinner went, it had to be better than at his parents’ house. Once inside, he was greeted by her father, who shook his hand.

  “I’m Roger, Shanda’s dad. I’m glad you agreed to come and talk to us.” Paula snickered and Roger asked, “Paula, you did tell him why he’s here, right?” Paula shook her head and Roger glared at her. “We’ll talk about this later.”

  Kenneth didn’t want them to argue on his behalf. Whether he was here to get his ass chewed out for hurting their daughter, or just to explain what his intentions were, Kenneth wasn’t going anywhere.

  “I would’ve come no matter what. I know how much Shanda means to you both. It’s time I tell you what she means to me,” he said.

  Roger raised a brow and said, “Kenneth Heart right?” He nodded and said, “I think we’ll let you start the conversation and we’ll do the listening.”

  Paula added, “We can do all that over dinner. I have a roasted chicken and potatoes that are going to get cold.”

  As they sat and ate, Kenneth knew Roger was waiting for him to start. He just didn’t know where that should be. Without speaking to Shanda, there was so much he didn’t know.

  “As you know, I’ve been seeing your daughter lately. She’s an…amazing woman. I believe we have a lot in common. Unfortunately, there are also things that we don’t share.”

  “Like what exactly?” Roger asked.

  “I’m from a family that is…focused solely on business.”

  “Solely? What about family and children?” Roger asked.

  “I don’t have either.” Yet.

  “And do you love my daughter?” he asked.

  That was the one thing he had no ans
wer for. And even if he did, it would be Shanda who heard it first. “Our relationship is still in the early stages, but I do care very much about her.” That was honest and from his heart. But Kenneth knew it was more than just care.

  Paula said, “I do have a question. You seemed shocked that Shanda wasn’t here. Why is that? Didn’t you tell her you were coming?”

  “I’ve texted her, but she was busy today. I mistakenly assumed you had. But I’ll call her on my way home tonight.” For an explanation pulled out of his ass, it wasn’t half bad. And in a way, it was almost true. At least the part about him calling when he left. Hopefully she picked up his call.

  “That’s good, because I wouldn’t want to think we are going to allow you to help her, when she might get hurt,” Roger said.

  “Help?” He was puzzled.

  “She told us that you were providing guidance as to what to do with Home Blown. She spoke very highly of your knowledge. We just wanted to have you over for dinner so we could get a better understanding as to what that meant. What your plans are for Home Blown. I am…surprised to learn that it isn’t the business that has your attention. It’s our daughter,” Roger said. “She is more precious and will always be more important to us than Home Blown. We hope you feel the same way.”

  Her parents hadn’t invited him down to talk about Shanda? They wanted to ask about Home Blown? Oh, he could kick himself. There was no reason for him to divulge his feeling to them. It was on the table now. No going back. The truth was out. “I couldn’t agree with you more. Shanda is one of a kind.”

  “Would you like some coffee and dessert?” Paula asked.

  Roger said, “I think he has someplace to be, if I’m right.”

  Kenneth nodded. “I do. Thank you again for dinner. I hope you both have a wonderful evening.”

  Roger said, “I’ll walk you to your car.”

  Kenneth knew that meant he was about to get the ‘don’t fucking hurt my daughter’ talk. Not that he’d ever come close to even having received the warning before. Kenneth would’ve actually needed to be involved on a more personal level with someone to have ignited such a reaction. Roger had good reason to be leery of Kenneth’s motives. Hell, if Kenneth had a daughter, he wouldn’t want someone like him anywhere near her. I’m not even close to being good enough for her.