Times Like These

by Laura Carter

  All the people Hannah passed looked carefree. There was a part of Hannah that was loving her days off with TJ – she adored spending time with her kids. But the overwhelming feelings she had were guilt – guilt because she was lying to Rod; guilt because she had spent six bucks on a coffee and a biscotti when she was no longer contributing to the family finances – and a general sense of being out of sorts. She had no routine, no goals, no purpose.

  She had thought that trying to work alongside having a family was exhausting. In fact, sleepless nights due to not working were worse.

  Taking a seat on a park bench, she unstrapped TJ from her chest and bounced him on her knee, tickling him until he giggled.

  ‘You know I love you, buddy, don’t you? But this just isn’t me.’

  TJ gurgled.

  ‘Why? Well, I’m used to… being needed, I suppose. In a different way to how you and your brothers need me.’

  She pressed her nose to his. ‘And you, mister, have been the neediest kid so far. All that yucky sicky. That’s right, you laugh at Mommy.’

  She kissed his brow and bounced him on her lap again.

  ‘Aunty Andrea will come around. She’ll give me my job back, I know she will. She needs me.’ Her stomach twisted with the thought of Andrea facing her pregnancy alone. It terrified her that Andrea might consider aborting her baby. She felt immeasurably horrible that she had been the one to bring Andrea’s affair with Hunter out into the open. And now she had ditched her best friend. True, Andrea had fired her but Hannah hadn’t put up much of a fight. Andrea had been the one person Hannah had been able to depend on when her own parents turned their backs on her when Luke was a baby and Rod was still at college. When it came to Andrea and her first pregnancy, Hannah had walked away.

  TJ screeched as she bounced him more vigorously, making her laugh, too.

  ‘The thing is, I don’t know if I want my job back, Teej. I don’t know. I mean, we need the money, and I like the structure. I miss the girls, so much. And, you can’t understand this, but I’m the most me I can be when I’m in the city. I’m not Mommy or a wife. I’m Hannah.

  ‘But it’s exhausting. And when I’m at work, I miss you guys. I hate not being home when your brothers get in from school. I hate that there’s a chance I’ll miss your first steps because I’m working.

  ‘Your dad… he tries, I know he does, but he’s equivalent to having another child in the house; a very large, hairy child.’

  At that choice moment, TJ belly laughed. ‘Is that funny? That Daddy is a big hairy monster, does that make you laugh?’

  She turned TJ, bringing his back against her stomach, and she leaned her head back, lifting her face to the sun’s rays. And she was struck by a stark reality – Hannah really had no idea what she wanted because she had never truly put herself first. Since she fell pregnant in college and dropped out, since she took a job with Andrea and followed her to XM Music Group to make sure that she was okay, because everything she did was led by thoughts of Rod and her children and the money their family needed.

  She was in her late thirties, with three kids, one of whom would be looking to college very soon. If she didn’t do something for herself now, would she ever?

  She thought about Andrea and how alone she must be feeling. Assuming Hunter was the father of the baby and he didn’t want anything to do with it, Andrea wouldn’t be alone generally but when it came to home life, she would.

  Her heart panged for her friend, despite everything.

  And she realised something that she had been overlooking for a very long time. She wasn’t alone. She had a husband and maybe it was time for her to stop being a martyr.

  What do I want, for me? she thought.

  Working out the answer to that question was her number one priority. Right after she had faced the music and confessed to Rod that she was unemployed.

  23

  Andrea

  The sight of a Range Rover with blacked-out windows escaped Andrea’s attention as she walked past it, heading home from the office. It had been a long day of figures and administration, all of which, she realised, took a heck of a lot longer without Hannah, which meant she had spent her Sunday in the office, alone, working through a backlog of tasks.

  The sky was dark, despite it being June, which told her without needing to check a device that she had been in the office late into the evening. Her stomach growled with hunger, since she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. All she really wanted to do was crawl into bed but there was something the size of a small vegetable growing inside her that needed to be fed.

  As she crossed the street toward her apartment building, the door to the Range Rover opened and the person who stepped out of it made her pause in the middle of the road.

  Tommy.

  She was rooted to one spot, watching him close the door and fold his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the vehicle.

  ‘It’s been repaired,’ he said, gesturing at the front of the Range Rover.

  She suddenly felt extremely weak, her legs drained of energy. In the middle of the road there was nothing to hold onto and she swayed.

  ‘I’m sorry about that,’ she managed, still unable to take her eyes off Tommy and unable to get a handle on the tightness in her chest and stomach at the sight of him.

  It had been just over a week since her trip to The Hamptons, since her car accident, since three pregnancy test kits gave her a positive result, since she ditched the damaged car with Tommy’s security guy and left without explanation.

  It felt like it had been much longer. Her body yearned to go to Tommy, to throw itself into his arms. Her mind reminded her of every fear she had – that he had no idea she was carrying a child, that she didn’t know who the father was, that there was a chance she had been stupid enough to get pregnant with Tommy when things had maybe, possibly, had a chance of working out between them.

  ‘I’m not bothered about the car, Andi. I’m here because I’ve given you more than enough time to get in touch and explain why you ran out on me, again.’

  He stood straight, taking his back off the car. ‘Could you please get out of the road?’

  At that moment, a cab came hurtling toward her. Her eyes widened but she didn’t move as the cab passed so close by her, the force blew her hair back from her shoulders.

  Instinctively, her hands covered her tummy. Sorry, Bean. I’m sorry.

  Tommy’s concerned gaze moved from Andrea’s face, to the hands covering her unborn child, and back to her face. His eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed, but he said nothing as Andrea crossed the road toward him, thinking she had to face up to him at some point. Now was as bad as any time.

  ‘Come up?’ she asked, moving beyond Tommy and opening the entrance gate to the apartment block.

  ‘Can I get you a drink of something?’ she asked, stepping into her apartment ahead of Tommy and flicking on the lights.

  ‘You tell me,’ he said, folding his arms across his chest, again, and coming to lean against the lounge wall as Andrea set down her bag and work papers then removed her jacket. ‘Will I be here long?’

  She sighed. ‘Could you at least try not to be a dick? I’ve had a long day and an even longer week.’

  Flicking on her record player, the last vinyl she had been listening to started to play. It was an EP from a relatively up-and-coming indie artist whom she had an eye on to bring over to Stellar. Her lyrics were so beautiful they were almost poetic. Her voice was soft but she could rock out in a chorus and spice up a key change.

  Hazarding a glance at Tommy as she headed past him and into her kitchen, she found him stone-faced. How in the hell was she supposed to start this conversation? How did she reveal the truth of everything?

  As those questions made her mind spin, her body’s lack of energy made her sway. Gripping the kitchen countertop, she closed her eyes, willing the room to still around her.

  ‘Andi? Andi, are you okay?’

  Tommy’s arms came around her waist
and she felt a stool press against her legs. Taking a seat, she came back to herself and felt like a damsel in distress – pathetic.

  ‘I just need to eat something,’ she said. ‘I’ll be fine in a minute.’

  She tried to stand but Tommy pressed down gently on her shoulders. ‘Stay. I’ll fix you something.’

  ‘There’s bread by the refrigerator,’ she said, in no position to argue.

  Tommy set a glass of water in front of her, hung up his leather jacket, and set about making noise and mess behind her.

  Andrea turned on her stool to watch him move around her kitchen, overwhelmed by a sense of homeliness that she had never felt in her apartment before. Those pregnancy hormones were no joke.

  Tommy didn’t speak as he set about cracking eggs into a pan and toasting bread. She wondered if he was also struggling for the right thing to say.

  ‘I’m sorry for leaving the way I did,’ Andrea said. Tommy stilled momentarily, his back to her, then continued going about his business in silence. ‘I’m also sorry about the car.’

  Then he glared at her and she got the point that he really didn’t give a crap about the damage to the car. He started to chop a pepper Andrea hadn’t even realised was in her refrigerator. Boy, he’s a tough audience.

  ‘It had been a really rough day,’ she continued, turning her water glass between her fingers in her lap.

  Finally, Tommy spoke. ‘I’d like to think we were maybe getting to a point where we would share a rough day with each other.’ His tone was curt.

  Oil spattered as he dropped the cold peppers into a hot pan. For as long as it took Tommy to turn out an omelette and two slices of toast and set them down on the countertop in front of Andrea, the pair remained silent.

  As Andrea tucked into what was a surprisingly tasty plate of food, Tommy pulled up a stool on the opposite side of the counter.

  ‘Who is this singing?’ he asked.

  She covered her mouth of half-chewed food with her fingertips and said, ‘Her name is Hayley Pearce. Do you like her sound? She’s indie and I’d like to work with her.’ She scoffed once her mouth was empty. ‘Not that I get to do much with artists these days but I’d like to bring her to Stellar.’

  ‘She’s good,’ Tommy said. Then he clasped his hands and leaned his forearms on the countertop and asked, ‘Do you want to be with me, Andi? Like, forget anything else, just answer me, right not, just you and me, nothing and no one else. Do you want to be with me?’

  She swallowed the mouthful of food she had, almost choking.

  ‘Look, I know I’m not the world’s finest prospect,’ he continued. ‘I know that we’d have to work through schedules and touring. I have a past and I’m sure me telling you I’ve changed isn’t enough to scratch that. But I’m asking you, in this moment, if you want to try?’

  ‘Tommy, I—’

  ‘Do. You, want to try?’

  His eyes bored into hers and she knew, honestly, if there was nothing and no one else, then, ‘Yes.’

  He hung his head and sighed. His unexpected relief was enough to bring tears to Andrea’s eyes.

  She set her empty plate aside and reached out for his hands, wrapping hers around them. ‘But, Tommy, it isn’t that simple. I need to tell you something.’

  He slipped a hand out of hers and took something from the back pocket of his indigo jeans, then set it down on the counter between them.

  ‘Is it anything to do with this?’ he asked.

  She peered down to what was a receipt for three pregnancy test kits, her mouth opening and closing but not forming coherent words.

  ‘It was in the car when you returned it last week. Andi, are you pregnant?’

  With his words, came the stark reality that she had been paying lip-service to as far as she could. Warm tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. ‘Yes.’

  Tommy exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. ‘Mike found this when he was cleaning up the car. I’ve had it for a week. And I’ve played out every scenario in my mind. You found out you weren’t pregnant. You found out you were. It’s my baby. It’s not my baby. I’m going crazy, here, Andi.

  ‘But today, I asked myself what I just asked you – Do I want to be with you, regardless of anyone and anything else? The answer is yes. So, I need you to level with me. Tell me what I need to know, Andi.’

  She wasn’t sobbing, yet her tears kept rolling down her cheeks. ‘I don’t know whose baby it is, Tommy. I’m so sorry. I’m so ashamed, for me, for you, for the baby. It could be Hunter’s. It could be yours. I can’t find out for another couple of weeks. And I’m sorry that I ran but I was afraid. I’ve never thought about having children. I’m pretty sure I’d be a disaster as a mom. Then, I thought it must be Hunter’s and I told him…’

  Then she was sobbing. ‘He threw his credit card at me and told me to fix it.’

  Tommy moved his stool so he was sitting next to her and tugged her into his chest. It was uncomfortable and… terrifying. She had never sobbed on anyone’s shoulder since she was a girl being comforted by her mom. But she was broken and in Tommy’s arms, she fell apart. She wasn’t the CEO who had her shit together, she wasn’t the quasi sister-mom-wife she had been forced to be for years, she wasn’t the friend who kept things together for others. She was just a woman, scared and in need of someone else to prop her up.

  When she calmed in his arms, she realised Tommy was pressing his lips to her head, over and over, as he sang to her barely above a whisper.

  Sitting up, she wiped her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, I think you just got thirty years of repressed tears.’ A short sombre laugh escaped her.

  ‘I’ll take all of your tears, Andi, as your partner or your friend. Do you hear me?’

  She exhaled an unsteady breath. ‘Quit being so nice to me, Tommy. I’ve made a mess of everything.’

  ‘Do I need to give you a biology lesson, here? Academia isn’t my strong point but I do know about the birds and the bees.’ She laughed. ‘It takes two people to make a baby, Andi. Talk to me.’

  ‘Well, it turns out the dates mean that the baby could be Hunter’s or yours.’ She shook her head and looked down to her lap. ‘At first, I was adamant I didn’t want it but the obstetrician told me I needed to decide for myself whether I want a baby, no matter who the father is and, Tommy, I do want him or her. I’m frightened but I can’t get rid of my baby.’

  He held her chin and encouraged her to look at him. ‘And I want you. So, how about you stop being your usual self and let me take care of you?’

  ‘I…’ Her tears fell again, as if she had an endless supply. ‘What if it isn’t yours?’

  ‘Then I’ll love it because I love you and I want you to be my family. We’ll all be a family.’

  Her stool screeched against the floor as she stood and took his face in her hands, pressing her lips to his. ‘I so want it to be yours.’

  He kissed her again, more fiercely. ‘It will be.’

  * * *

  Andrea woke on Monday morning wrapped in Tommy’s arms. She had no idea what the future held, how she would deal with it or how to prepare for it. But she also knew that Tommy was going to be by her side. For the first time in her life, she was not alone. She was going to have a family of her own, to love and be loved by. She would have a partner she admired and respected and who would test her and push every one of her buttons – she would expect no less of a man like Tommy.

  There was every chance she could end up hurt one day but the risk would be worth it.

  As she lay peacefully, trailing her fingers up and down the strong arm across her chest, she wondered what Sofia was doing. For the first time, she understood that she didn’t have all the answers, nor did Sofia, and she couldn’t plan Sofia’s life for her.

  Not everything had to be perfect. That was a revelation to Andrea. And she knew, in that moment, how wrong she was to have meddled in her sister’s life. She had to tell her, before Jay got out of rehab and told Sofia himself, that she had offere
d to buy out Jay’s share of Sanfia Records if he agreed to file for a divorce.

  In doing so, she would find out whether news of her affair with Hunter had made its way to her sister, yet.

  Then, she needed to speak to Rosalie. Who would probably refuse to ever speak to her again.

  ‘Stop. Over. Thinking,’ Tommy mumbled, pulling Andrea tighter against him and nuzzling her neck.

  She desperately hoped her baby was Tommy’s.

  * * *

  Andrea’s heart was pounding and her legs felt unsteady as she neared Sanfia Records. She played over and over in her head how she was going to tell Sofia what she had done. The deal she had offered Jay to walk away from Sofia and Sanfia Records.

  She came to an abrupt stop as she rounded a corner and turned on the sidewalk outside of the terrace house that her own father had once transformed into a recording studio. Outside, Billy, Frankie and Seth looked deep in conversation, pausing to look up when they saw her.

  ‘Andi, it’s been a while,’ Frankie said.

  ‘Hi guys,’ she said, loosely holding up a hand in greeting as she neared them. ‘Is Sofia around?’

  ‘Probably best to hold off for now, Andi,’ Billy said.

  ‘Jay is here,’ Seth added.

  ‘Jay? I thought he was in rehab for another week?’ she asked. But the evidence spoke for itself as Jay broke from the building, storming past Andi and deliberately crashing his shoulder into hers, almost knocking her from her feet.

  Then there was an almighty bang from inside the building.

  ‘What happened?’ Andrea asked Seth, who happened to be the closest person to her, and the first to reach out a hand to her elbow to steady her on her feet.

  Before he could answer, the door of the studio was flung open again and in the open doorway, stood Sofia – red-faced, mascara-stained eyes and undeniably livid.

  ‘Isn’t it enough that you tried to steal my label?’ Sofia yelled, dragging all eyes to her as she strode toward her sister. ‘That plan failed and so you go after my best artist. You are fucking unbelievable, Andrea!’