Times Like These

by Laura Carter

  ‘Huh.’

  He leaned back in his chair and hung an elbow loosely over the back, tugging at the smart shirt he had put on for her after coming home to find her in a dress. His dark, firm skin blended with her wine to make her feel intoxicated by desire. It was the first time in months that she had felt like she wanted to tear at his clothes – the first time she hadn’t been feeling truly exhausted.

  ‘Babe, I may just be the jock from high school but I’m not an idiot.’

  ‘I’ve never thought of you as an idiot. Please don’t say things like that.’

  ‘Well, are you going to let me in on the secret?’

  Hannah steadied herself. ‘Okay, here goes. Andi was sleeping with Rosalie’s dad. I told Rosalie and Andi fired me. Wait, let me finish. Andi and I have made up and she paid me six months’ salary but when she offered me my job back, I turned it down.’

  ‘You’re unemployed?’

  ‘Temporarily,’ she said quickly. ‘Andi said she’ll write me a reference to do whatever I want. In reality, if I can’t find anything before the money runs out, she’ll take me back. But I don’t want to go back.’

  Rod leaned back into his chair, waiting for more of an explanation.

  ‘It’s time to hear me out, Rod, about some things I should have said years ago. Now, I shouldn’t have hidden things from you, I know that, but I also shouldn’t have felt like I had to hide things from you. That’s partly my fault for putting so much pressure on myself but it’s partly your fault, too.

  ‘I made a mistake, I hurt my friends and I got fired, deservedly so. I made an even bigger mistake when I didn’t tell you right away.

  ‘But here’s the thing, Rod, I’m not infallible and that’s okay. I’ve realised that I’ve been trying to look after this family almost entirely on my own for as long as I can remember. I’ve been trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I’m better than my own mother, that my kids will always come first, that the young girl who fell pregnant in college could raise a child without any help.’

  ‘Hannah, you’re not alone. You never have been alone.’

  ‘I think I’m only just appreciating that. And I recognise my fault in that, I do. But you also need to start realising that we are in this together. I never got pregnant on my own. It wasn’t my fault that your football career didn’t work out. And, Rod, you’re really just a little bit lazy.’

  He opened his mouth to protest, then twisted his lips shut without retort.

  ‘We’re a team, Rod, and I need you to start playing for the team, instead of coming off the bench in the final quarter. Understand?

  ‘I want to work and do something more than I have been doing but I need your support in that. I love the music industry and it might take me a little time to work out what I’m going to do but I’m on it, I promise.

  ‘When I do find something, I need you to start pulling your weight. No more staying behind for work drinks without consulting me. No more leaving your shit around the house expecting the magic fairies to swoop in and clean up after you. And no more leaving the effing toilet seat up.

  ‘I need your help, Rod. There, I said it. I need your help. And I shouldn’t have to ask for it because you should want to be here for me, and the kids.’

  Rod stared at his wife, seeming to process her words. ‘Is this how you’ve been feeling? For what, years?’

  Hannah nodded sadly.

  ‘Babe, I thought you liked running around after us all.’

  She raised one eyebrow in question.

  ‘Yeah, okay,’ Rod conceded. ‘Who would like picking up after my shit, right?’ He scratched his head almost comically. ‘Look, Han, you’re my world. I’m sorry if I take you for granted. I guess if I’m honest, I know I do. But I’d be nothing without you and the last thing I want is for you to be unhappy, okay? So I can do those things. I can do more. Or I can certainly try. But you’ve gotta keep talkin’ to me, babe. Yeah? That’s how we work. We might not be perfect but I’ve loved you, girl, since you were nineteen years old. That’s never going to change. I’ve got your back, no matter what. You hear me?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Well, all right, then. Tell me this, how long until that main course is ready?’

  Hannah’s lips curved up mischievously. She stood, moving to the cooker and turning down the heat. ‘Long enough,’ she said.

  Then Rod was upon her, kissing her roughly, growling into her neck and pulling down the straps of her dress. When she laughed, he placed a hand over her mouth. ‘Do you really want the zoo to come down here?’

  Laughing, she shook her head. He picked her up and carried her to the table, stepping between her legs.

  ‘Oh, and Rod, one more thing… I want you to have a vasectomy.’

  26

  Andrea

  Andrea had suffered a restless night’s sleep, tossing and turning. It was no wonder, since most things in her life were falling apart. She had slept alone in her own apartment because Tommy was in Los Angeles for a pre-recorded chat show interview about his solo work and wasn’t coming back until later that day. All that had been going through her mind for the last four days was that Sofia hated her. And she had no idea if she could ever repair her relationship with Rosalie.

  But on top of that, she had experienced stabbing pains in her lower abdomen. At three a.m. she had made herself a hot water bottle, which had eased the pain enough that she had managed to settle into a short sleep before her alarm sounded its wake-up call.

  She had just ended a terse meeting with her executive board and was now pacing the floor of her office, trying to walk off the pain that was now a constant ache in her stomach. Was it wind? Had she eaten something?

  She was trying not to be melodramatic but had decided to give things until lunch time and if the pain hadn’t subsided by then, she would put in a call to her obstetrician and confirm what kind of painkillers she was allowed to take whilst pregnant.

  She was startled by the entrance of Bryant Matthews – the man who had been gunning for the position of CEO and thought he was a shoo-in for the role ahead of Andrea – as her office door was opened so hard it clattered off the adjacent wall.

  ‘Were you born in a barn, Bryant?’ Andrea chided.

  ‘What the hell kind of presentation to the Board was that?’ he quipped, ignoring her remark.

  Before she could retort, a stabbing pain struck Andrea’s stomach and her mind went blank as she breathed through it, trying not to let her weakness show.

  ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to expand on that,’ she told Bryant, forcing herself to stand upright and not fold forward.

  He pushed his hands into the pockets of his suit pants defiantly. ‘You presented a load of nothing, Andrea. Since you took the position of CEO, Stellar’s books are down. That’s a pretty impressive rate of profit destruction, wouldn’t you say? Then you have the audacity to sit in that meeting and give us nothing – no way forward, no plans. What happened to your promise of luring in new stars, big-hitters? What happened to acquiring high-performing indie labels?’

  Another strike of pain hit Andrea and she moved to her desk, leaning on it for support.

  ‘Bryant, we need to do this another time, I have a meeting.’

  With another wave of pain, she bent forward, gripping the edges of her desk, unable to hide any more as she sucked air through her teeth.

  Bryant came to her side. ‘Andrea? Are you okay? What’s wrong?’

  She shook her head, still gripping the desk with one hand and holding her stomach with the other. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘The hell you are,’ Bryant said.

  What happened next was a blur. There was a flurry of shouting and activity around her but Andrea heard nothing distinctive because her eyes were fixed to the tears of blood that came from underneath her skirt and rolled down her legs.

  No. No, please, no.

  * * *

  ‘Shhh, let yourself go to sleep,’ Hannah said as she stroked Andrea’s temp
le and held her hand at the side of her hospital bed. ‘Close your eyes.’

  ‘Hannah, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything,’ Andrea said, grateful for her best friend.

  ‘I know you are, sweetie. I am too. Just rest.’ Andrea watched as a tear fell from Hannah’s eye. ‘I’m here.’

  Andrea’s breath hitched as she tried to breathe in. She had been given painkillers, antibiotics and fluids but the intravenous plug in the back of her hand was currently empty as she lay in the small grey room.

  She barely remembered the trip in the ambulance, what the doctors and nurses had been saying to each other and to her, she couldn’t remember who had called Hannah from the office and at what point she arrived at the hospital. All she could see when she closed her eyes was the blood. All she could hear when the room fell silent was the absurdity of the doctor who told her she had ‘lost’ her baby, as if she might find it again some place.

  ‘This is my fault,’ she said, her throat hoarse. ‘I deserve this for everything I’ve done.’

  ‘Hey! You stop that, right now,’ Hannah chided. ‘This is awful, Andi. So, so sad. But it is not your fault.’

  Andrea’s chin quivered. She didn’t bother to argue but she knew it was her fault. It was her penance for sleeping with a married man, for causing her sister to hate her, for firing her best friend, who, despite everything, had rushed straight to her bedside.

  ‘What kind of baby would have chosen me?’

  Hannah ran her thumbs under Andrea’s eyes for what felt like the millionth time in the last hour. ‘Andi, one day, you are going to be an incredible mommy. I promise you that.’

  Andrea turned her head on her pillow and looked at her friend, whose honest, good eyes told her she meant those words. But Andrea had nothing to say in return.

  Behind Hannah, the pastel-pink-coloured door to the room was gently pushed open. Tommy saw her and was instantly at her side, lifting her to him and cradling her head against his stomach, where Andrea was happy to be held.

  ‘I’m going to get a coffee,’ Hannah said.

  When Andrea heard the door close, her heart broke a little bit more and she wept in Tommy’s hold. He shuffled her over on the bed and climbed on top of the white cotton sheets next to her. With her head cradled against his chest, she heard his heartbeat rise and she heard him sniff back his own tears.

  They had decided to be a family, no matter what. And they had only had four days to enjoy that together.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she told him over and over again. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  He pressed his lips to her head. ‘You’re killing me, Andi. What can I do? I need you to tell me how to make this better, baby. We’ll try again. We’ll try again. I love you so much.’

  ‘I’ve messed up everything, Tommy. Sofia hates me. She hates me. I don’t want to be at Stellar any more. I’ve screwed up so badly with Rosalie. It’s a miracle Hannah will even speak to me.’

  He held her tighter against him. ‘Nobody hates you, Andi. We all love you. You’ve made some mistakes. That’s life. Losing the baby…’ His voice broke. Once he had gathered himself, he continued. ‘It’s nothing to do with anything else except really shitty luck. It just wasn’t your time. But it will be. It will be our time.’

  She wasn’t sure how long they lay like that but in Tommy’s arms, she finally felt like she could drift to sleep. ‘I just want it to be like it used to be,’ she murmured, before everything went dark.

  27

  Hannah

  Sofia had been at the studio when Hannah called her on the way to the hospital. As Hannah knew she would, despite everything going on between them, Sofia had dropped whatever she was doing and rushed straight away to be at Andrea’s side.

  So now she, Sofia and Seth, who had driven Sofia to the hospital, were sitting in the waiting room, for Hannah and Sofia’s parts, waiting for Tommy to come out of Andrea’s room so that they could visit their best friend and sister.

  Hannah was sitting in a leather chair next to Sofia, nursing what was now a cold coffee, staring out of the window at the stillness of the blue sky beyond. It seemed strange that it would be such a nice day outside. Even with her first pregnancy, as surprised as she was, Hannah had loved her baby before it was even a foetus. She just couldn’t imagine the pain Andrea would be going through.

  ‘I can’t believe I never even got around to congratulating her on being pregnant and now this,’ Sofia said. ‘I told her I hated her. I was evil.’

  Hannah broke from her own thoughts, reaching out a hand to take Sofia’s.

  ‘She knows you don’t hate her, Sofia. You love her. She knows that. I’m sure it hasn’t always felt like it and I know she has gone the wrong way about some of the things she’s done but Andi has always, always had your best interests at heart, Soph.

  ‘She screwed up with Hunter and she knows that. Believe me, she’s punishing herself more than anyone else could about it. But the stuff with XM Music Group and Jay, those things she truly thought she was doing in your best interests. Now, I’m not saying there weren’t some perks for her along the way but just hear me out.’

  Sofia looked to Hannah and nodded.

  ‘Andi despised Jay, you know that. She never thought he was right for you. But when you decided to marry him, she realised you had made your decision and, whether she liked it or not, it was not her choice to make. She didn’t want to become embroiled in admin and finance tasks when she went to Stellar, Soph, but it was a good opportunity and she thought that the only way she could let you live your life with Jay and not fall out with her, would be if she left Sanfia Records.’

  Sofia’s brows furrowed as she seemed to process Hannah’s words. ‘She left Sanfia so that Jay and I could run it together?’

  Hannah nodded. ‘Don’t get me wrong, the lure of Stellar was big for her but she only considered taking a meeting with them about the move in the first place because she knew something had to change at Sanfia.’

  ‘She never told me that,’ Sofia admitted.

  Hannah gave her a sad smile. ‘That’s not Andrea’s style. She’s always tried to play the silent angel.’

  ‘It doesn’t excuse what she did with Jay. She tried to poach Sanfia.’

  Hannah shook her head. ‘I was hoping that you and Andi might have talked through this at some point and, again, Andi knows that she shouldn’t have stepped in when she did. That was why she was coming to speak to you the other day at the studio. She’s sorry for the way she went about things and she wanted to explain that. Of course, no one expected that Jay would sign himself out of rehab before his thirty days were up.’

  ‘But Jay said…’

  ‘I don’t know exactly what Jay told you but here’s the truth. Andrea and your dad were worried about you. You were exhausted, Soph, and when you got that black eye… Andi went out to New Jersey to see your dad.’

  ‘She did?’

  Sofia was right to be surprised, since Andrea never made the trip out to visit their dad. Hannah nodded. ‘They talked and they both knew, in their hearts, that even if you were unhappy, you would never leave Jay.’ Hannah smiled and gripped Sofia’s hand tighter. ‘You’re too loyal for your own good sometimes. You always have been.’

  ‘Funnily enough, I’m not feeling loyal at all today.’

  ‘Andi asked Jimmy to try to convince Jay to go to rehab. She offered to pay anything that insurance wouldn’t cover.’

  ‘I didn’t realise that.’

  Hannah shrugged, as if to say, Well, that’s Andi for you. ‘Jimmy stuck to his end of the deal and, though he didn’t know exactly what she had planned, Andi figured her role was to give you the chance to break free of Jay and have a chance at something, someone better.’

  At that moment, Tommy Dawson stepped into the waiting area, dragging a hand roughly through his hair. His eyes were red and Hannah knew in that moment that she had never misunderstood how much Andrea and Tommy had felt for each other in the times they had briefly been seeing each o
ther in the past.

  Hannah stood. ‘How is she?’

  Tommy tried to speak but his face contorted with pain and he shrugged. Hannah wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek, trying to convey her thanks that he was there for her best friend and that she was sorry for their loss.

  Tommy brought his hands around her waist and as he held onto her, he said, ‘She loves you, Hannah.’ Then he pulled back and looked to Sofia. ‘Sofia, she loves you so much. Please go to speak to her.’

  Sofia stood and inhaled deeply, nodding. ‘I will.’

  ‘She’s sleeping now but they’ll let her out tonight. Maybe you could speak to her before then.’

  ‘I will,’ Sofia repeated.

  Tommy seemed to notice Seth in the room then. He dragged in a breath, composing himself, and moved to Seth, holding out his hand. ‘Hey, I’m Tommy.’

  Seth stood and smiled sombrely. ‘I know. Seth. I’m sorry, Tommy. I don’t know what else to say.’

  Tommy patted Seth on the arm. ‘Listen, I was hoping you and I could talk?’

  The look of confusion on Seth’s face was a match for Hannah’s and Sofia’s but in that moment, it seemed neither of them had the energy to ask questions or worry about anything other than Andrea.

  ‘Ah, sure,’ Seth said.

  The men left Sofia and Hannah, who went back to their seats next to each other. ‘You were going to tell me about Andi visiting Jay,’ Sofia said.

  ‘Right. Well, Andi wanted to buy Jay out of Sanfia. What she actually wanted was to buy him out herself but she couldn’t because she is contracted to Stellar and has restrictive covenants. So, the only way she figured she could make it happen would be to have Stellar buy out Jay’s share of the business.’

  ‘So, it was never about her taking Sanfia over to XM Music Group?’

  Hannah shook her head. ‘No. Obviously, it wouldn’t have hurt Andi’s reputation at Stellar and that’s partly why she wanted to explain everything to you before you found out from someone else. But I saw the deal she had drawn up, Soph. If Stellar had bought out Jay’s share, she was going to make sure that you were still able to run Sanfia as you wanted to do. But the part Jay didn’t tell you was that Andi made the deal conditional on Jay filing for divorce.’