My Year of Saying No

by Morrey, Maxine

  ‘And what about his family?’

  ‘Unfortunately, his marriage had paid the price, and for a long while he didn’t see his daughter either. I think the loss of that was what really broke him. But once he got sober, and found a purpose again, he was able to build on himself. He’ll never be who he was before he went to war. None of us will be. But he’s a good man. He’d lost touch with his ex, but the charity managed to make contact and explain the situation. I don’t think Angus held out much hope, but after giving her time to think, his wife contacted us again and asked to see him. She explained that she’d remarried and wanted him to know that beforehand, rather than just dropping it on him.’

  ‘It sounds like she cared for him very much.’

  ‘I think she did. I think she’d wanted it to be for ever too. But things don’t always go to plan, as much as you want them to.’

  ‘How did he take that news?’

  ‘Pretty well. I think he expected it to be honest.’

  ‘And the little girl?’

  ‘The little girl had grown up, but thankfully her mother had never demonised Angus. Obviously, it was always going to be difficult. But she made her own decision to see him and Angus gave her the space she needed, when she needed it. It was a massive thing for both of them really. But I’m happy to say it seems to have worked out. His daughter has her own baby now and, I tell you, I’m not sure you could find a prouder grandfather.’

  ‘I can imagine. I’m so pleased things have turned around for him.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘Thanks to you.’

  ‘Nope,’ Seb’s voice had a definitive, non-negotiable tone to it. ‘This is all down to him.’

  ‘But if you hadn’t seen him that day. Persuaded him to take that first step?’

  ‘Then I like to think someone else would have.’

  ‘Even you know that’s not certain.’

  ‘I do. So, I’m glad I saw him that day, yes. But the only person that can make a recovery – from anything – is the individual. Nobody else. I could have had the best doctors and nurses and physios – I did, in fact. I had a great team working with me. But none of them could help me walk again or get to the level of fitness I’ve got to without my input. I even proved that for a while by not giving it my all. Angus’s recovery is down to that pride and the drive that I hoped he still had somewhere deep inside him. Turns out he did.’

  ‘Well, I’m sorry to hear he’s had such a horrible time, especially having already had a difficult childhood, but I’m pleased he seems to be in a good place again now. Especially so if he’s going to be able to fix my car.’

  Up ahead, the breakdown lorry began signalling a turn.

  ‘If he can’t, I’ll eat my hat.’

  I leant over and fingered the soft wool of his beanie that he’d taken off earlier and tossed in the centre console space. ‘Then I really hope he can as I’m thinking that’s going to take some chewing.’

  Seb gave me that crooked grin and I felt a rush of warmth flood through me that had absolutely nothing to do with luxurious heated seats.

  13

  ‘OK, turn around.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Turn around. Please.’

  ‘Lottie, believe it or not, I have seen women’s underwear before. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen plenty of stuff that would make you blush. Just pick some.’

  We were standing in a twenty-four hour supermarket, in front of the ladies’ underwear section, stocking up on emergency supplies for me and I was desperately trying to get Seb to drop his usual nonchalant, nothing-phases-me attitude. Primarily because I didn’t possess the same one.

  ‘I’ve absolutely no doubt about that, but the truth of the fact is that one thing you haven’t seen is my knickers and I’m not about to have you add that to the list.’

  ‘Shame,’ he said, a smile that now looked positively devilish, making him appear even more good looking than usual, which really wasn’t ideal.

  I gave a head tilt. ‘Which part?’

  ‘Both.’

  Following the head tilt with an eye roll, I grabbed his arms and bodily turned him round so that he was facing away from the rows of knickers I was currently considering.

  ‘If you’re having trouble deciding, maybe I should just pick for you?’ Even without seeing his face, I could hear the smile.

  ‘That’s really kind, but you’re already putting yourself out for me enough this weekend, I couldn’t possibly ask you to do more.’

  ‘Really. It’s no bother.’

  ‘I’m done now anyway.’

  Seb turned and I tucked the couple of pairs I’d chosen behind my back. He shook his head and caught my arm. ‘Come on. I need to grab some milk while I’m here. What do you eat in the mornings?’

  ‘Whatever I find in the cupboard, really.’

  ‘Cereal? Toast? Eggs?’

  ‘Seb. You don’t need to go to any extra effort for me. I’m already descending on you unplanned. Whatever you have is fine. In fact, even better, I could take you out for breakfast to thank you.’

  He hooked a carton of milk from the metal trolley it was stacked in and we began heading towards the tills. ‘OK. One, you’re not descending, I invited you, and two, you don’t need to thank me for anything, much less take me anywhere. Besides, nothing can beat my cooked breakfast, so unless you have any objections, I’ll just do that.’

  We got to the till and, distracted by the thought of sizzling bacon and the like, I swiped my items through the self-service till before grabbing the milk from Seb and putting that through too.’

  ‘I’ll get that,’ he said.

  ‘Done now,’ I said, flashing my supermarket loyalty card at the machine before paying and stuffing my purchases in my handbag.

  ‘Thanks,’ he said, leaning over to grab the carton. ‘Nice pants by the way,’ he added, winking as he did so.

  I felt myself blush but couldn’t help laughing too. There was something about Seb Marshall that made me relax, even when I thought I should be tense. And he was right, he probably had seen – and even done – plenty of things that would make me blush. I tried not to think about those right now and instead gave him a nudge with my elbow as we turned and left the shop.

  * * *

  Seb’s house was one of six fairly new houses off a country lane, not far from town. Each had a neat front garden and a drive, mostly with two cars parked on them in front of the garage door. The houses curved around so that none overlooked the other and the back gardens, although fenced, each had a gate, allowing access to the woods that lay behind them.

  ‘That was a key attraction as I knew I wanted to get a dog as soon as I was able to get my fitness up,’ Seb explained as he pulled up on to his drive, passing my car that was now parked on the road in front of his house.

  ‘Saves faffing about with the car, I’m sure, if you can just open the back gate and go,’ I replied, grabbing my bag and opening the door.

  ‘He’s excited to meet you. Scooby, I mean’

  I laughed. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m coming.’

  ‘Yeah, but you know what dogs are like. They sense things.’

  ‘So, he sensed my car was going to break down again tonight? Perhaps you could train him to let me know beforehand next time.’

  ‘It’s a thought. Of course, then that would have meant I’d miss out on being able to help out and the chance to spend more time with you, so maybe things are best left as they are.’

  I glanced up at him, his words about spending more time with me taking me by surprise, but he was busy unlocking the front door, his eyes away from mine, instead concentrating on the large mass of excited canine now charging down the hallway towards him.

  ‘Calm,’ he said in a voice that was firm but not intimidating. At this word, the barrelling lab slowed down, or at least made the best attempt he could on laminate flooring, and slid to a halt in front of us, his tail thumping fast on the floor and his whole body humming with exc
itement at the return of his master.

  ‘Wow. That’s impressive,’ I said, as Seb closed the door behind me and offered to take my coat.

  ‘He’s a good lad, really. Just gets a bit excited sometimes and I didn’t want him sending you careering over.’

  ‘Oh, I’m fine,’ I said, watching as Seb bent and gave the dog the greeting and cuddles he was clearly waiting for.

  Scooby pushed his whole body against Seb’s leg and made satisfied groans as his owner found the sweet spot under his chin to rub.

  Standing back, he spoke to the dog. ‘Right, Scooby. We’ve got a lady in the house now, so we need to behave. No lounging about in our pants this weekend. We need to at least pretend we’re civilised.’

  Scooby looked at his owner, cocked his head, gave a little whine and then sat in front of me, his wagging tail moving so fast he was sliding slightly from side to side on the shiny floor and inadvertently polishing a small patch of the pale wood. I crouched and he shoved his big, square head at me, which I rubbed and snuggled against until Scooby’s excitement and weight tipped me onto my bum.

  ‘Scoobs, mate. What did I just say?’

  ‘Oh, don’t be daft,’ I said, waving Seb’s concerns away as I made to push myself back up off the floor.

  Seb put an arm down and hauled me up with minimum effort. I guess those muscles weren’t just for show then.

  ‘Let me show you your room,’ he said, his hand still holding mine for a brief moment before he dropped it, indicating for me to go up the stairs.

  I bent quickly and pulled off my heels, standing them next to a pair of expensive-looking hiking boots and some slightly battered trainers.

  The guest room was gorgeous. All soft greys and luxury textures offset with a gentle accent of soft cream in the fluffy cushion on the chair and a vase of silk flowers that looked so real I had to double check.

  I turned to see a hint of Seb’s crooked smile focused on me. ‘What?’

  ‘You.’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘Let’s just say you wouldn’t make a very good spy.’

  I drew myself up a little. ‘I might. I’m average, and unobtrusive and—’

  ‘Your emotions are written all over your face.’

  ‘They are not!’ I blustered, really hoping that wasn’t true as there’d been some moments in the past I really wouldn’t have wanted him to know what I was thinking.

  Seb’s smile widened. ‘Yeah, Lottie, they are. Also, I don’t know where you got the idea that you’re average from, but that’s rubbish too.’

  I did a head wobble that indicated I wasn’t totally on board with that statement but let it pass for now. ‘OK, Mr Psychic Mind Reader, so what am I thinking?’

  Seb sat on the end of the bed and stretched his leg, his expression shifting slightly as he did so and I wondered just how much pain he was in right now. If I asked, I knew he’d dismiss it, but it wasn’t in my nature to ignore things. And the fact was, I cared about him. Maybe more than I should, but that was a worry for a different day.

  ‘Is it sore?’ I asked, taking a seat next to him on the end of the bed.

  ‘A bit. Nothing too bad. Sometimes the cold makes it ache more.’

  ‘Yes. I don’t suppose that helps. And then I made you sit in the freezing cold waiting for a breakdown lorry tonight when you could have been at home in the warm resting.’

  He reached across and gave me a squeeze. ‘Lottie. You didn’t make me do anything.’

  ‘But you should have just come home. I could have waited for the guy on my own.’

  ‘And where would the fun have been in that?’ he asked.

  ‘That,’ I said, pointing at where his other hand was gently massaging his leg, ‘doesn’t look like fun.’

  ‘Stop worrying. I was happy to wait with you. And, if I’m honest, as much as I know your car breaking down is a pain in the arse, the fact that we get to spend some more time together isn’t something I’m complaining about.’

  I met his eyes, wondering where this was going.

  ‘We’ve been colleagues and then friends for what feels like an age now. I can’t believe it’s taken us so long to actually get together. Now that we have, I’m really enjoying getting to spend the time with you and building on that friendship. It’s really nice to just be able to go for a meal, spend time with someone and relax without any expectations, don’t you think?’

  ‘Absolutely!’ I said, brightly, pushing myself off the bed and going over to peer out of the window. If Seb was right about the fact he could read me, then it was probably best if I made sure my traitorous face was pointed away from him. Even taking into account the reflection from the window, it was still an improvement on facing Seb head on. ‘So, this psychic talent you reckon you have?’ I said, calling Scooby, who was hovering at the door, over to me. ‘Oh, sorry,’ I pulled a face. ‘Is he allowed in here?’

  Seb smiled. ‘It’s his house as much as mine. I don’t have him on the beds, but apart from that, he’s got free rein.’

  ‘Don’t ever get together with my sister. She’d be changing that in a moment.’

  ‘Yeah, that probably wouldn’t work then. I’m kind of from the love me, love my dog school of thought.’

  ‘I agree. And she doesn’t dislike them. She just is very particular about her appearance and clothes. Admittedly, quite a lot of them cost a bloody fortune, so I can understand her point.’

  ‘Yep. Different beliefs suit different people. It’s what makes the world interesting, I guess. To a point. Obviously, some of those people take things to extremes…’ he left the sentence unfinished, but there was no denying the prosthetic elephant in the room.

  I snuggled my face against Scooby and wrapped my arms around his big, solid body. He gave a sigh of contentment and slid his bum across into a puppy sit next to me.

  ‘You know that thing I said about you being easy to read?’

  ‘Hmm,’ I said, keeping myself occupied with the dog, which was far easier than reminding myself how delicious his owner was.

  ‘You’re doing it again.’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Pretending you’re fine when there’s clearly something on your mind.’

  I steeled everything I could into nonchalance as I came out from hiding behind the dog. ‘Maybe your skills have slipped a bit because you’re kind of off base this evening.’

  Seb watched me for a moment. ‘Am I?’ he asked. In theory this was a question, but the way he said it told me he felt he already knew the answer and that answer was a big fat nope.

  ‘Yes,’ I said, pushing myself up from where I was sitting. ‘Admittedly, I was a bit surprised that this room is quite so lovely.’

  ‘Because?’

  ‘Because you’re a bloke who lives alone and this looks like something from a boutique hotel. But, of course, there are decorators and designers and even ex-girlfriends who might have been responsible for it, so perhaps it’s not so surprising after all.’ I gave a grin that was definitely verging on the side of sheepish. ‘As various people have said, maybe I just need to get out more.’

  Seb remained sat on the bed, his damaged leg stretched out. Scooby had now padded over and slid down to sit at his feet, or rather, had draped himself over Seb’s other one like a shiny, but very heavy, rug. ‘Then I think various people should perhaps mind their own business. You get out plenty. As for the other, no, no and definitely no. This was all my own fair hand.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I did ask for some advice from my sister-in-law, but that was once I’d chosen everything, which was probably a bit of an arse-about-face way of doing things, but still. Luckily, she felt I was pointing in the right direction and encouraged me to just go ahead.’

  ‘Apparently you have an eye for design then.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He stood, gaining a height advantage over me. ‘Are you going to tell me what unsettled you earlier when I said about building our friendship and no expectations? Did I say someth
ing wrong?’

  I forced that nonchalant face back on and prayed to god Seb bought it. ‘I honestly don’t know what you mean. I’m fine and agree, it’s been lovely to meet up. I just still feel like I’m imposing a little.’ Maybe if I gave some sort of possible reason, Seb would stop sniffing around for any others like Humphrey did when he knew I had treats in my coat pocket.

  He gave me a long look and I could tell he had his doubts, but, in the end, he decided not to push it and let it pass.

  ‘OK. Well, you’re not. Let’s get that established once and for all. Deal?’

  ‘Deal,’ I said, sticking out my hand and feeling like I’d dodged a bullet. However, as Seb took my hand within his own large one, he met my eyes and I knew I hadn’t dodged it at all.

  14

  Seb gave me a quick tour of the house, Scooby trailing us the whole time, and talked to me about the improvements he’d made and those he hoped to make in the future.

  I took a seat at the breakfast bar as he made us hot chocolate. No powder and microwave here, as was my general procedure, but the full works, with hot milk and proper chocolate melted slowly in, his hand moving rhythmically with the whisk as we continued chatting, relaxed in each other’s company.

  I knew Seb still felt I was hiding something, but I was really enjoying the time I was spending with him. Not just because he was gorgeous, but because I had always felt, from the first moment I’d met him, that I could be myself with him and that wasn’t something I wanted to lose, even putting aside the fact that he was my best client. He was fun and kind and entertaining. And, bonus, he had a great dog. I’d managed this silly crush well enough in the past and I could get past it now. Admittedly, it wasn’t quite as easy as I’d hoped, knowing now that he was even better in real life than he was on a screen, which made the process a good deal harder, but there we are. It was still totally doable.