Erik's Absolution

by Kristine Allen

  Damn if he wasn’t fast though. He grabbed my arm, spinning me around and pulling me against his body before I made it to the door. His breath was hot on my face, and I struggled to get loose, even though I knew it was pointless. He was too strong. The pounding continued on the door, and I tried to reason with him, but his hands were all over me. Touching, squeezing, groping. My struggling only seemed to turn him on as I felt the evidence of his arousal pressing into my hip.

  He grabbed the flimsy gauze top I had tossed on before stomping over here, causing it to rip down the front. At first, he seemed surprised by what he had done, but quickly the lust in his face overtook the surprised expression. He grabbed my breast, cruelly twisting my nipple in his hand. In pain, I cried out and struggled franticly in his arms. Oh God, I prayed. Please don’t let him do this to me. No.

  “Stop fighting me, Sparkle!” I tried to knee him in the balls, and he backhanded me, knocking me to the side. In desperation, my hands flailed to grab something, but I was too far off balance and I fell to the ground, landing hard on my side. By this time, I was sobbing and trying to crawl backward from him, but he was still faster. Never in my life had I thought I would be raped. Nothing prepares you for something like that. When he straddled my legs, holding them together with his and sitting on my knees, my hands took over, swatting and scratching wildly. It felt like a savage animal had taken over my body, and I was in a feral mode for survival. He was stronger than me, but I wasn’t giving up.

  My sobs were violent and uncontrollable by this time, and I had begun to resign myself to what was going to happen. Despite the initial fierceness of my struggles, I was no match for him and he was overpowering every move I made. It made me feel more helpless and alone than I had ever felt in my life. He was pressing into the center of my legs, trying to get them apart as he laid fully on me, crushing the air from my body.

  “Shhhhh, I didn’t want it to be like this the first time, Sparkle, sweetheart, but you didn’t give me a choice. I’m going to make love to you, and maybe then you will realize how much I love you and how good we are together.” His face was pressed tight to the side of my head, his lips next to my ear. My tears were running into my wig. In a detached manner, I thought how strange it was that my wig hadn’t come off in the struggle.

  The next thing I knew, he was off me with a surprised shout and there was a loud thud and multiple grunts. My body reflexively curled into a ball on the floor, and I cried as I stared blankly at the texture of the wall. Tremors racked my body, and I curled tighter.

  Gentle hands touched me, but I instinctively began screaming, kicking and fighting as if my life depended on it.

  “Baby, it’s me! It’s Hacker! Kassi, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

  I don’t know if it was my name from his mouth, the actual sound of his voice, or maybe just his smell that registered with my brain, but my wild eyes focused and found his face. My hands clutched his leather vest, and I buried my face in his chest as my body shook and sobs inundated my body.

  Through it all, his hands pulled the pins holding on my wig until it was off and his fingers combed through my hair in a soft, calming rhythm. His lips occasionally brushed my head, and he soothed me with soft words like one would a scared colt. My hands clung to him long after my sobs eased to sporadic hiccups.

  “Coming Undone”—Korn

  THE NEED TO KILL the asshole that had been assaulting Kassi was still heavy on my mind and body. I was afraid to ask her how far he went because she was just starting to calm down. His pants were undone and his dick was out, but I wasn’t sure, and I hated fucking thinking about it. For the millionth time that night, I cursed that I didn’t have keys to all the private rooms, and I had to wait for Bo to find the right one to open the door.

  It was pure chance that I had even found out she was even in there with someone. I had gotten up to piss, and as I passed the hall to the private rooms I saw her go in, then seconds after, some guy followed her in and the door closed and locked.

  At first, I was just pissed that she would willingly go into a room with someone after she told me she didn’t do that. So, I beat on the door without thinking. When I thought I heard a muffled scream through the door, I had pushed through the crowd to get to Bull where he stood by the bar, surveying the crowd. Then it took Bo what felt like forever to find the key ring to the private doors in the junk drawer. Why the fuck they weren’t kept with the bouncers, I didn’t know either, but that was going to change.

  Joker arrived in no time, with Soap to take over for me. I had told Bull to call Snow and have him send someone to replace me, after I beat the dog snot out of that piece of shit that was on top of her. Thinking about it again made me see red, and I was fighting to keep myself calm.

  “Hey, man, just get her home safe. We’ll take care of shit here.” Joker wasn’t living up to his name because he almost looked as pissed as I felt. Not that I was overly surprised because we tried our best to keep the girls safe and run a clean establishment. When one of them got hurt, we felt responsible.

  “Thanks, bro. I appreciate it.” Tossing my keys to Soap, I told him to make sure my bike got taken back to the clubhouse, and I would get it tomorrow. Then I nodded to both of them and carried Kassi out of the room with her face hidden in my cut and behind the curtain of her long, tangled hair. At least no one would know who she was if they noticed us. Instructing Bull to quietly get her things, I cut down the hall to the door back by the backstage dressing area.

  Kassi’s friend, Cinnamon, came running out with Bull, and I wrapped Kassi in a blanket that Cinnamon grabbed from the office. Fiercely, I told Cinnamon not to mention a word of this to the other dancers, and if anyone asked where she was, say she had gotten sick. Placing her gently in the passenger seat of her car, I literally had to peel her hands from my cut, her fingers were so tightly clenched in the leather. She whimpered, and I crouched down to hold her close until she was calm again.

  “Baby, we need to take you to the hospital to make sure… uh… he didn’t hurt you or anything.”

  “No! No hospital! I’m okay. He didn’t. He wasn’t able to actually… Oh God… Just get me out of here. Please!” Her sobs started again and nearly broke me. Dammit, I wanted to go back in and punch that fuckwad a few more times. The problem was, I was so angry that I didn’t trust myself not to kill him. That was the last thing the club needed coming down on them right now.

  “I’m going to take you back to my place then, okay? I don’t want you to be alone right now. Or would you rather go home? I can take you to your place, if that’s what you want.” Her head shook back and forth rapidly, and she sniffed as she sat with her hands curled in her lap and her head bowed, her hair a dark curtain.

  Jesus, I fucking hated seeing her that way. The Kassi I knew was strong and vibrant, not browbeaten and afraid. Placing a kiss on her head, I made sure she was buckled in and tucked out of the way of the door before I closed it. Then I rushed to the driver’s side and climbed in. Shit, I had to slide the seat all the way back and lay it back a little so I wasn’t hitting the roof with my head and the dash with my knees. Damn small fucking cars.

  The drive was silent, with only the occasional sniffle from my passenger as she lay with her head resting against the window. After we pulled in my driveway, I got her in the house and settled in my guest bedroom with the covers pulled up against her ear as she lay on her side. Not sure what to do, I was sitting on the edge of the bed stroking her silky, dark-chocolate hair and alternately smoothing the blankets across the top of her arm and shoulder.

  Never having dealt with anything like this, I wasn’t sure what the best course of action was for her mental well-being. Part of me felt like I should get up and leave her in peace, but the other part of me didn’t want to leave her alone. The problem was, I wasn’t sure which she wanted and what was best for her. I knew what I needed, but that didn’t play into this situation at all. What I wanted was to gather her up in my arms and never let her go
, but I didn’t think that would be good for either of us really. Her sniffles had ceased, and her breathing was even once again, so I assumed she finally fell asleep.

  With a sigh, I stood to leave the room, telling myself I would check on her throughout the night. Pulling out my phone, I called Snow to give him an update. After I hung up, I prepared myself for a long sleepless night. The first thing I needed was a shot. I had thought about giving her one to calm her nerves and help her sleep better, but first I didn’t want to leave her side, and then she was sleeping.

  Fuck. This was not good.

  What the fuck happened tonight? She never did private dances, and one of the bouncers was always supposed to be stationed outside the room in case a dancer hit the panic button. Of course, with the clusterfuck we experienced trying to get the door open, that wouldn’t have done much good anyway. Jesus, we needed to change things at the club. After all the trouble we’d been having there lately, we needed to be better prepared for whatever trouble may arise.

  Quietly, I went upstairs to the kitchen to pull down a shot glass and my bottle of Crown from the cupboard. I set the glass on the granite with a clink, unscrewed the bottle cap, and poured a generous shot. Looking at the clock to make sure it wasn’t too late, I pulled up Hollywood’s number on my phone. As it rang, I downed my drink.

  “Hey, bro, Snow just messaged everyone telling us what happened. You got Sparkle there with you?” His voice sounded shocked. But then again, no one knew she and I had some history. My life stayed pretty private from everyone.

  “Yeah, man. She’s pretty shook up. I’m not sure what to do for her, but she didn’t want to go home.”

  “She’s a good girl. I can’t believe that shit happened to her. What the fuck, bro? She never does private dances. She may keep to herself, but everyone knows that. I’m actually a little surprised you of all people stepped in to take care of her. Of course, we could all tell you had a fascination with her, but truthfully, what gives?” I could hear Becca in the background. “Bec wants to know if you need anything for her.”

  “Nothing gives, I was the one on watch, and I just felt responsible for her. She wouldn’t let me take her to the hospital. She claims he didn’t….” The words stuck in my damn mouth. Clearing my throat, I continued, “He didn’t, um, you know… and nah, I’m good. She’s sleeping in my guest room right now. I’ll take her home in the morning.”

  “Did you call her brother? He’ll be worried as shit if she doesn’t come home tonight.” Brother? Awww hell. The guy at her apartment. Fucking-A, I felt like a dumbass. Especially considering I never clarified it the whole time we were screwing each other’s brains out. Probably because I didn’t want to admit she might be capable of two-timing someone.

  “Didn’t know she had a brother. How’d you know?” No way would I admit it grated on me that Mason knew something about her that I didn’t. Of course, I could have found out every detail of her life if I wanted, but I wasn’t going to invade her privacy like that. It was killing me not to know everything about her, but I still didn’t want to do that.

  “Becca ran into her at Fareway, and she was with her brother. I guess Sparkle recognized her from when that shit went down at the club with her. Bec said she’s a sweetheart, nothing like some of those bitches from the Shamrock.” Becca murmured in the background again.

  “Bec says just give her some time, and let her talk if she wants. She said she could give her the number for the lady she talks to about her shit. I’ll text it to you.” God, he hit gold with her. He better not fuck it up.

  “Thanks, bro, and tell Becca I said thank you. I’ll pass it on to her tomorrow when she gets up. I’m gonna go check on her, then try to get some sleep. Later.” Setting the phone down on the counter, exhaustion was creeping in.

  Pouring another shot, I took a deep breath and inhaled her scent clinging to me from carrying her close. Tipping it back, I enjoyed the sweet burn before setting the glass down and leaving everything sitting on the counter as I made my way back downstairs.

  First, I rummaged in her bag to find her mobile. Hoping her brother had a photo attached to his contact info, I rifled through her recent calls until I saw a pic that looked like it could be him. Once again, I could easily go up to my computer and find every fucking thing about her brother, but honestly, I was tired as hell and didn’t really want to go back upstairs to my computer room.

  Opening the text messages between them, I saw him refer to her as “sis” and knew I was good. I wasn’t sure what she would want him to know. So, I shot off a text telling him she had to close and was going to crash at one of the girl’s places close by because she was too tired to drive. Little sequential dots ran through the bubble showing he was typing.

  Matt: K. U sure ur ok? Need me to get a ride there and drive u home?

  Me: I’m good. See you in morning. Luv u!

  Matt: K. Luv u 2!

  Geez it felt weird to type as a chick. Shaking my head, worried I was messing up but too tired to care, I dropped into my recliner in the family room area. Needing something mindless, I turned on the TV, lowering the volume until it was barely audible. I didn’t want it to wake her. I flipped through the channels one after the other, but I wasn’t really paying attention to what was on, so I just left it on a random channel and stared blankly at the screen. My head dropped back to the chair, and I closed my eyes for a minute.

  I must have dozed off because I startled awake by an almost inhuman scream. Jumping up, I rushed into the room to find her screaming and thrashing in the bed. Shit. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I gently shook her to wake her, speaking slow and calming words. She woke swinging, but thankfully I was pretty good at ducking punches. With the shit I had seen in the Marine Corps, nightmares were no novelty to me.

  “Oh my God, Hacker, I’m so sorry!” She must have finally realized what she was doing, and she covered her face with her hands. She cried silently into her palms briefly before I sat on the bed and gathered her close. Not sure what to do, I did my best to soothe her with my hands on her back and soft-spoken words of comfort. It should have been awkward to me, but consoling her seemed to come naturally. When I tried to pry her hands from my shirt to get her to look at me, she slipped her arms around my torso and squeezed me in a death grip with her face buried in my shoulder.

  “Easy now, I need to be able to breathe, you know.” She let loose a laugh, which ended in a soft, hiccupped cry. Her face was still pressed tightly to my shoulder, so I stroked the back of her head again. “You all right? It was just a bad dream. You’re safe here, baby. I promise.”

  “Please stay here with me and hold me?” Oh fuck. No way could I do that. She was fragile right then and my body was already on high alert having her breasts pressed tightly to me and her scent weaving around me in every direction. For Christ’s sake, I was a twisted asshole to have urges like that toward her after what she had just been through.

  Damn.

  “Baby, I don’t think that’s a good idea. After what you just went through, I think it’s probably best that I just sit back out in the family room. I’m only a few steps away. Not far at all.” God knew, I needed some distance between us.

  “No! Please. Hacker, I need you to hold me. I need to know I’m not alone. Even though he wasn’t able to actually… Well, you got there in time, I mean. I’m just shaken up, and I want you to hold me so I know I’m safe. Please?” Her hands had loosened from around my back, and she framed my face with them. She was shaking, and her hands were freezing despite the warmth in the house.

  Those ice blue eyes of hers seemed to mesmerize me, and before I knew it, against my better judgement, I was climbing on the bed to pull her back to my front and wrapping my arm around her. She took my hand in hers and laced her fingers with mine as she tugged it tight around her body and up between her breasts.

  Fucking Jesus. My eyes rolled in my head.

  “Erik.”

  “Huh?” she whispered as she lay clutching my hand.r />
  “My name is Erik. I figured since I’m going to be laying here to protect you, you should at least call me by my real name. Right?” I chuckled softly in an attempt to lighten the mood.

  “Erik.” She said it almost as a question. Like she was testing the feel of it on her tongue. When she snuggled her ass into my crotch, I felt myself harden. Proof positive that a cock had no emotions nor empathy. Shit. Not now. She didn’t pull away, and she seemed to relax. Thank God I had left my jeans on. The next thing I knew, she was letting out soft little snores. Who would have known that would be cute? On her it was fucking adorable.

  Before I knew it, I was dozing too, and plagued by X-rated dreams of the beautiful brunette snuggled up close to me.

  True fact: I was going to hell.

  My dreams were so damn vivid, because not only could I taste her sweet kisses, but I could feel her hand running over my jeans along my cock. My mind was starting to go fuzzy in that half-dream state. Not wanting to wake and lose that fucking amazing feeling, I kept my eyes closed and forced myself to stay sleeping. When my hands filled with soft breasts, and I felt small teeth sink into my neck, I jolted awake only to find my hands exactly where I had dreamed they were, and Kassi was indeed stroking me and her leg was entangled with mine.

  Trying to calm my raging hormones, I whispered her name, sure she was sleeping.

  “Kassi, baby, wake up. You’re dreaming, and if you don’t stop, I’m going to make a complete and utter ass out of myself.” She didn’t stop, and her sleepy eyes looked deep into mine when she raised her head.

  “Please, Erik. I need this. Please don’t leave me with the memories of his hands on me as my last memories of a man. I need you… just for now. I promise I won’t pressure you after this. Just please give this to me.” Her desperate, whispered plea left me so incredibly conflicted. On one hand, I wanted her worse than anything. On the other hand, I was barely awake and neither was she. We were in no condition to decide something like this.