Coming Home to Seashell Cottage

by Jessica Redland

  ‘Hi, Melody Hope,’ I whispered, gently touching her image with my finger. ‘You be a good girl now and grow quickly so you can go home with your parents.’

  ✉︎ To Stevie

  Beautiful name for a beautiful baby. Congratulations to you both. Send my love to Elise. Can’t wait to meet Melody xx

  I finished folding the washing then slumped back on Ben’s sofa. What a day! Shannon finally speaking to me. Elise having the baby. I hadn’t realised I’d been so tense about those two events.

  The sound of a key in the lock startled me.

  ‘Were you asleep?’ Ben asked, poking his head round the door.

  I rubbed my eyes and sat up, ‘I must have been. I swear I only closed my eyes for a moment.’ I looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Bollocks. I’ve been out for forty minutes. I’d better check on Luke. He’ll be awake any minute.’

  ‘I’ll do it. I need to go up to get changed anyway.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I rolled my stiff shoulders and checked my phone for any more messages but there was nothing.

  ‘He’s still asleep,’ Ben said, when he reappeared in a fresh T-shirt and jeans ten minutes later. He sat down beside me on the sofa. ‘How was today? Is she still refusing to see you?’

  ‘No. I was finally granted an audience.’

  ‘Oh my God! How was it?’

  ‘A bit awkward at times, but it was such a relief to see her. She looks—’ I rolled my eyes as a loud squawk filled the room. ‘No rest for the wicked. I’ll tell you later. Have you got any plans tonight?’

  ‘I’ve got to Skype Lebony at seven, then I’m all ears.’

  As I made my way upstairs, I thought about my conversation with Aisling when we’d visited Whitsborough Bay. She absolutely had it all wrong. Ben messaged and Skyped Lebony on a regular basis. He was just as committed to making their long-distance relationship work as he’d always been. I was just a friend. In fact, I was almost certainly more like another sister to him. Aisling probably just liked to fantasise about happy-ever-afters for other people, given that she couldn’t have her own, thanks to her little obsession with Finn.

  ‘Has your Auntie Kay sold Seashell Cottage yet?’ I asked Ben, after we’d put Luke to bed later that evening.

  ‘I spoke to her at the weekend and she’s had two viewings but no offers. The housing market’s slow at this time of year. What makes you ask?’

  I shrugged. ‘I’m probably jumping way ahead of myself here. I was talking to Callum about what happens when they’re both recovered. He said they’d like to settle in a town or village in the north and that Shannon fancies somewhere coastal. I suggested Whitsborough Bay.’

  ‘You’re thinking they might want to buy Seashell Cottage?’

  ‘Not them. Me.’

  Ben’s eyes widened. ‘You’re leaving Leeds?’

  ‘I’m jobless and I’m homeless. It’s not like there’s anything to keep me here, is there?’

  ‘Thanks a lot.’

  I shoved his leg. ‘Don’t sulk. You know I don’t mean it like that. If I were to copy your sister and write the pros and cons on some Post-its, seeing you would be top of my reasons to stay in Leeds. Problem is, I’m not sure there’d be any other Post-its on that column. It’s an amazing city but my priorities have changed. If they’ll let me, I want to be where my family is and, from what Callum’s said, Whitsborough Bay would seem a sensible place to settle.’

  ‘Do you want me to have a word with Auntie Kay?’

  ‘Not just yet. I don’t want to be my usual impulsive self, put plans in place, then discover that by “north”, they actually mean Scotland, or that they don’t want me with them.’

  ‘I’d miss you,’ Ben said. ‘You and Luke, that is. I’ve got used to having the little man around.’

  ‘We’d miss you too, but it’s not like we wouldn’t see each other again. You are, after all, his step-granddaddy, or whatever lie it was we told the nurse on that first day.’

  ‘We? What’s with the “we”? I think it was you, young lady, who were the big, fat fibber that day.’

  I laughed. ‘I can’t believe it was only four weeks ago. So much has changed in such a short space of time.’

  ‘Feels like longer.’

  ‘It certainly does.’

  We sat in companionable silence for a while, listening to the clock tick and sipping on our drinks.

  ‘Seashell Cottage?’ Ben said, after ten minutes or so. ‘I always imagined you’d choose to settle in a swanky apartment with a shiny kitchen, white walls and minimalist décor like Orion Point.’

  ‘So did I. It had a spectacular view and it was a practical option for me when I was travelling but it never felt like home. Somehow it always felt like I was living in a hotel room whereas Seashell Cottage felt like home from the first time I stayed there when Sarah moved back to The Bay. I must have a thing for older properties because I get that same feeling of home here too.’

  ‘Is that why you stayed here while I was in Birmingham?’

  I gasped, as colour rushed to my cheeks. ‘Jesus! How did you know that?’

  ‘The old lady next door, Mrs Astell, asked if you’d moved back in or if you’d just been house-sitting while I was away.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. I meant to say something. It was after I got the letter and told Elise everything. It was such a huge thing for me, opening up to someone after so many years of silence. I couldn’t face going back to the flat on my own. I should have asked, or said something afterwards, but things went a bit crazy.’

  ‘I’m not mad at you. I’m glad you like it here. I just wish I hadn’t been away that weekend so I could have been here for you.’ He smiled at me and his dark-brown eyes twinkled with warmth. For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of something. No! Aisling couldn’t be right about him, could she?

  ‘You’re a good friend,’ I said, placing a slight emphasis on the word ‘friend’.

  ‘Any time.’ He was still looking at me tenderly. Arse. I had to nip this in the bud.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper male friend before,’ I said. ‘Any male I’ve got pally with has always turned out to have another agenda of getting into my knickers, so it’s so refreshing that we can have this, knowing that it will never be more than friendship.’

  Ben grinned. ‘You think I fancy you, don’t you?’

  I blushed again. Where the hell had that come from? I’d never blushed before and now I’d done it twice in one evening. ‘No. It’s just that—’

  ‘It’s just that your sister’s planted the idea in your head and now you’re overanalysing every comment, every glance and every touch.’

  Realisation dawned. ‘She said something to you too?’

  ‘She quizzed me about it when you were in the shower one morning.’

  ‘I hope you told her she was way off and you were very happy with Lebony.’

  ‘What do you think?’

  ‘Phew! I can relax again now.’

  ‘Am I really that undesirable?’

  I threw a cushion at him. ‘Stop fishing for compliments. I suppose you’re not too bad-looking, if you’re into that whole “boy next door with sad puppy-dog eyes” kind of thing.’

  ‘Ooh, don’t push it with the praise.’

  ‘What about me, anyway? How come you’ve never tried it on with me? Am I really that undesirable too?’ I playfully flicked my hair and pouted. ‘I thought I was irresistible to all men, women and small furry animals.’

  Ben laughed as he stood up and reached for my empty mug. ‘Just as well I’m immune to your charms then, isn’t it?’

  ‘How can that be?’

  He shook his head at me, grinning. ‘Look, you know I think you’re gorgeous but I have a girlfriend, so let’s just say that I can enjoy looking at the goods, I just can’t sample them – which works out perfectly for everyone. No friendships are tested and no partners are made jealous. Win-win. Night, Irish.’

  ‘Night, Saint Ben.’

  As I
lay in bed shortly afterwards, gazing across the room at Luke sleeping peacefully in his cot, I thought about my conversation with Ben. What must he have thought when he’d discovered I’d stayed for the weekend? How embarrassing! And even more embarrassing was the revelation that Aisling had interrogated him about his feelings for me. I didn’t like to dwell on what she might have actually asked him. I’d be having words with her when I next spoke to her. What was her game? It could have gone horribly wrong, because I couldn’t have continued to live with Ben if I thought he saw me as more than a friend.

  34

  ✉︎ To Sarah

  I’m coming over to visit Melody this afternoon. I can’t stay long as I need to be back for Luke. I know it’s a Saturday, but do you have time for a coffee late afternoon?

  * * *

  ✉︎ From Sarah

  Would love to see you but Cathy & Jade are away for the weekend so I’m really short-staffed. I’ve had to send Briony home with a high temp and Josh isn’t very experienced yet. Mum’s here but we have a 60th birthday party to prepare for so I might not be able to give you much time. Sorry

  * * *

  ✉︎ To Sarah

  Sounds chaotic. I won’t add to it. Catch you soon x

  ‘She’s absolutely gorgeous, Elise. Congratulations, both of you.’ I hugged Elise and Stevie, then gazed into the incubator again. ‘I’m not convinced that the tube-up-the-nose fashion she’s currently sporting will catch on, but she’s working the look pretty well just now.’

  Elise laughed. ‘With us as parents, I don’t think she’s ever going to be fashionable, is she?’

  ‘Can I get you a coffee, Clare?’ Stevie asked.

  ‘You’re a legend. Black, strong, no sugar, please.’

  When he left the room, I turned to Elise. ‘Does the twat know?’

  Elise rolled her eyes. ‘Daniel?’

  ‘Unless there’s a list of twats who could be the father?’

  She shook her head. ‘One’s enough, thank you. I texted him yesterday.’

  ‘Any response?’

  ‘What do you think? Kay and Philip stopped by this morning with some gifts. Philip says Daniel’s still going for the “it’s not mine” approach. If that’s the attitude he still wants to take, it’s fine by me. As far as I’m concerned, Stevie’s Melody’s dad.’

  ‘What if Daniel wants to be in her life later?’

  ‘The door will always be open for him, but I’m not going out of my way to try and get him involved. I don’t want or need any money from him so that should make things easier.’

  Stevie returned with the coffee and I took a grateful gulp. Luke now only woke up twice a night for a feed and settled quickly afterwards, but I didn’t. My mind would start whirring. Sometimes it was worries about the future, sometimes it was a list of chores I needed to do and sometimes it was a song or TV theme going around my mind on a loop. I never used to struggle to sleep. What was that all about?

  ‘I come bearing gifts, as you might have noticed.’ I unknotted a bin liner to reveal a shiny, pink ‘It’s a girl!’ helium balloon, then handed over a packed gift bag.

  Elise smiled widely. ‘Thank you, but when have you had time to go shopping for all of this?’

  ‘Luke and I went to a retail park for a spot of late-night shopping on Thursday. I’ve got all the receipts, if you don’t like anything or already have it. Apologies that nothing’s wrapped.’

  ‘This is too much, Clare,’ Elise said when they’d seen all the gifts. ‘You must have spent a fortune.’

  ‘It’s grand,’ I said. ‘I’ll admit I might have got a bit carried away, but it was exciting. It was quite therapeutic buying things for a baby girl when I didn’t get the chance to do it for Shannon, and boys aren’t quite as much fun to buy for.’

  Elise started to carefully place everything back in the gift bag. ‘How’s it going with Luke?’

  ‘I’m still a bit worried I’m going to break him when I change him but I don’t feel as completely clueless as I did before.’

  ‘I think most first-time parents are clueless,’ Elise said. ‘When my sister’s twins came along, I realised I’d had hardly anything to do with babies. I could confidently hold one, but I didn’t know how to change a nappy or make up a feed. Our Jess made sure I had plenty of practice on the twins.’

  ‘Same here,’ Stevie said. ‘I’ve never been round babies either. The first time I held one of Jess’s twins, I thought I was going to drop him, and I was convinced that I was going to hurt him when I tried to change his outfit one day. I’m still learning but I feel a lot more confident now.’

  So it wasn’t just me being an incompetent eejit? I’d assumed Elise would be a natural at it all, like Callum and Ben. I finished my coffee and dropped it into a nearby bin. ‘So, have you had any other visitors?’

  Elise nodded. ‘Our Jess came yesterday afternoon and her husband dropped in that evening. My boss and his wife nipped in very briefly this morning before Kay and Philip, but that’s it. Dad’s flying over on Tuesday or Wednesday.’

  ‘No Sarah?’

  Elise glanced towards the incubator and shook her head. ‘No. No Sarah.’

  ‘She’s texted,’ Stevie said. ‘She replied to the group text about Melody’s arrival to say she was thrilled for us and hoped Melody would be home really soon but there was no mention of visiting. Are you going to see her while you’re over?’

  ‘I texted to say I could pop in after visiting time but I got this gibberish response about staff being on holiday, off sick or inexperienced. Who’s Briony?’

  Elise shrugged. ‘Not heard her mentioned before.’

  ‘Me neither,’ Stevie added.

  ‘Well, apparently Briony is ill, whoever she is. It seemed to me like she didn’t want me there, but she didn’t want to say it outright so there were all these excuses. You know how she babbles when she’s nervous? Well, she was babbling on her text message, if that’s possible.’

  Stevie shook his head. ‘I don’t know what’s going on with Sarah lately. I invited her to start running with me again but she’s had an excuse every time. I’ve suggested cinema trips but she’s turned those down too. I’ve hardly seen Nick, either.’

  I looked towards Elise. ‘Have you seen or heard from her since the awkward hospital visit?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. A couple of texts to ask if I was okay but nothing more.’

  ‘There’s something going on,’ I said. ‘Under normal circumstances, I’d drive over to the shop and drag it out of her, but I have too much going on at the moment and I don’t have the energy to keep asking her what’s wrong.’

  ‘I feel the same,’ Elise said. ‘We’ve got bigger things to worry about right now and it’s a bit easier for Sarah to come and visit us, rather than the other way round. I understand that a Saturday is difficult because of the shop but if she doesn’t show up tomorrow, I’ll be very unimpressed.’

  A young nurse opened the door. ‘Sorry to interrupt, but you have another couple of visitors and I’m afraid we only permit two at a time, plus parents.’

  ‘Sarah and Nick?’ Elise asked, sounding hopeful.

  ‘Gary and Bob, I think they said.’

  ‘Gary and Rob. Okay. Thank you. Could you ask them to wait a moment, please?’

  The nurse nodded, then closed the door.

  Stevie hugged Elise. ‘She’ll come soon.’

  I picked up my bag. ‘I’m sure she’ll visit soon too. Gary and Rob have perfect timing because I need to get back to Leeds. I’ll try to get over again soon.’ I blew a kiss in the direction of the incubator. ‘Bye, Melody. Hurry up and get out of that incubator so Auntie Clare can have hugs.’

  In the car, I reflected on our conversation about Sarah, and how I was more likely to pick up the phone to Elise or Ben these days rather than her, despite that huge heart-to-heart we’d had. How had that happened? Had I pulled away from Sarah or had she pulled away from me? If Elise was feeling it too, surely it was the latter? Bu
t did I have the time and energy to do anything about it? No. Did that make me a useless friend? Did it mean I was taking her friendship for granted again – something I’d sworn I wouldn’t do?

  Could there be something going wrong with the shop or with her marriage already that she didn’t want to face up to? Surely not. The shop was thriving, and she and Nick were besotted with each other still, weren’t they?

  An uneasy feeling settled over me as I joined the A1 towards Leeds. I was being a useless friend. I was all wrapped up in Shannon and Luke, and full of criticism for Sarah for not being more supportive, but what if she was facing something even bigger in her life that she needed my support on?

  I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. What could be going on in Sarah’s life that was bigger than me discovering that my daughter hadn’t really died at birth, that her father had been killed in the tsunami, that she’d been in a serious car crash and that she had a son who needed my care?

  I pressed my foot on the accelerator. Sarah had occupied enough of my thoughts. I’d make another attempt to find out what was going on but I’d wait until next week. She knew where I was if she really needed me. Why should I be making all the effort?

  35

  I had no idea where the next two weeks went. Well, actually I did. They flew by in a frenzy of hospital visits and babysitting.

  Callum’s immune system was so low that he picked up another infection which wiped him out so he was on strict bed rest and hooked up to a drip. Meanwhile, Shannon continued to improve. Dr Kaur was very impressed with her. They’d got her up and about surprisingly quickly after they’d woken her up, but she still had a broken ankle and arm, which meant she was limited with her movement.