Coming Home to Seashell Cottage

by Jessica Redland

  ‘I don’t get why he’d want you to give Ma the baby,’ I said. ‘What was in it for him?’

  ‘The man was obsessed with me. I suspect that, after you were born, he was going to expect certain… emm… favours from me. Fortunately, he got sent to prison for fraud just after you were born. When he came out, he found someone else to hound.’

  I had to ask the question. I knew she was a nasty piece of work, but could she really stoop so low? ‘Did Ma know about Eoghan Doyle’s threats?’

  Ellen shrugged. ‘They were quite pally but I can’t be sure.’

  ‘What does your gut tell you?’

  ‘That he told her about you, they hatched the plan to get me to give you up and she asked him to make a few threats to make it happen, but that she had no idea how far he’d gone. She’s a nasty, bitter woman is Maeve, but she’s not evil. Not like the Doyles.’

  The Doyles certainly were evil but, in my eyes, so were Ma and Da. I smiled gently at Ellen. ‘I’m really sorry for everything you’ve been through. I know how it feels having your baby taken away from you. I’ve been given my second chance with Shannon and I’d love to have my second chance with you too. If you want me in your life, that is.’

  She pressed her fingers to her lips and tears glistened in her eyes. ‘I’ve always wanted you in my life, Clare. Always.’ Then she frowned. ‘Who’s Shannon?’

  ‘The baby I had when I was sixteen.’

  ‘But Pádraig told me she’d died.’

  ‘Ah! No. She’s very much alive although I’ve only recently discovered this. Not only are you a grandma but you’re a great-grandma too…’

  The doorbell rang about twenty minutes later. Ellen got up to answer and returned with Aisling and an attractive fair-haired man of about the same age.

  ‘I came to make sure you were all right,’ Aisling said, looking from me to Ellen. ‘Both of you.’

  ‘We’re grand,’ I said. ‘I’ve been finding out all about the skeletons in the family closet. ‘How’s Ma?’

  ‘Asleep. Dr Ellory gave her something.’

  I turned to her companion. ‘My sister’s being rude. This is Ben, a good friend of mine, and I’m Clare, youngest sister and trouble…’ I stopped and shook my head as I looked at Aisling. ‘Jesus! We’re only half-sisters.’

  ‘I don’t care how much blood we have in common, you’re still my sister and auntie to our children.’

  I looked at her companion again. ‘Our children? Is this…?’

  Aisling nodded. ‘This is Finn, my ex-husband.’

  ‘Lovely to meet you, Finn. Aisling didn’t say you were coming.’

  ‘That’s because I didn’t know he was coming, did I, Finn?’

  ‘I thought she might appreciate some moral support,’ he said. ‘And I had to see if the old bugger had really gone.’

  ‘I take it you were a big fan?’

  ‘Founder member of his fan club, so I was.’

  ‘Da had a go at him for not having the kids baptised immediately,’ Aisling said. ‘And for allowing me to work after I had the kids. And for bringing shame to the family by divorcing me.’

  ‘Not forgetting the lecture I got for permitting you to go on a hen weekend to Ibiza and leaving me with the kids, which was, of course, woman’s work.’

  ‘He never used to be like that,’ Ellen said, picking up the dirty mugs. ‘I know he didn’t always show it, but he really was a wonderful man. When you were babies, he was amazing with you all. He was like a mother and a father to you. She wore him down, though. He became tired and irritable. By the time he discovered you were pregnant, Clare, he was broken. He’d become nasty and bitter, like her.’ She shook her head. ‘The night he sent you away, he came to tell me what he’d done and why. I think he expected my support, but I was mortified. I demanded that he tell me where you were, so I could bring you back to live here and help you bring up the baby, or I could even bring up the baby for you, if that’s what you wanted. He stamped and swore and blasphemed. I told him that he could either tell me where you were or he could walk out of my house and never return. He never returned and I never did find out where you were. It was…’ Her voice cracked. ‘Who’s for tea and who’s for coffee?’ she asked, a little too brightly, darting into the kitchen before we could give our orders.

  45

  The four of us moved to the village pub for a late lunch, leaving Ellen with her memories and the huge news about the family she had no idea existed. I promised to see her again before I returned to England and she was keen to visit as soon as possible to spend some quality time with me and to meet Shannon, Callum and Luke. I already liked her and I suspected we’d become kindred spirits, united in having our daughters taken away from us, then being reunited with them years later.

  I couldn’t quite get my head around Ellen and Da being an item for twenty years. How hypocritical could one man be? After all the accusations he’d hurled at me about sinning, it turned out that Da had been the biggest sinner of us all! And what the hell had a lovely woman like her seen in him anyway? I didn’t get it at all. That phrase about love being blind could be the only explanation.

  ‘It was very lovely of you to rush to Aisling’s side in her hour of need,’ I said to Finn, after our plates had been cleared and we’d got another round of drinks. ‘Not many exes would do that.’

  Finn shrugged. ‘She’d had a challenging relationship with Pádraig, but I knew she’d still be upset. I wanted to be there for her.’

  I watched a tender look of adoration pass between them. My head might have been slightly fuzzy from a couple of afternoon drinks, but the love was definitely coming from Finn’s direction as well as Aisling’s. If I raised the subject, maybe they could both open up about their feelings. I thought about her meddling in my relationship with Ben based on non-existent looks. Well, this time there were definitely meaningful ones. Before I had time to think about the consequences, I said, ‘You wanted to be here for her, or you were after another weekend of friendship with benefits?’

  Finn nearly dropped his pint. ‘You told her?’

  ‘Yes. No. Yes. She’s the only one who knows, though. I promise.’

  ‘Perfect set-up you’ve got going there, Finn. Get to see the kids and have a shag every month or so, and date who you like in between. Whereas Aisling remains hopelessly—’

  ‘Don’t do this, Clare.’ Tears pricked Aisling’s eyes. Bollocks. I wasn’t trying to upset her; I was trying to help her. But what did I know about love, anyway? I’d refused to let it in after Daran.

  I smiled reassuringly. ‘Sorry, both of you. Feels like it’s all been about me for the last few days, so I’m resorting to dirty tactics to divert the attention.’

  ‘Don’t be doing it again,’ Aisling muttered. ‘Life’s complicated enough without anyone else meddling, so it is.’

  There was an awkward pause while everyone took a sip of their drinks. ‘So,’ Ben said, ‘at the risk of keeping the attention on you a little longer, I have something you might like to see, and this is the first opportunity to show you.’ He dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen a few times. ‘Let me just turn the volume up. Here we go.’

  He handed me his phone. A close-up of Callum filled the screen. ‘Hi, Clare,’ he said. ‘I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. Shannon and I wanted to tell you that we’re thinking of you, and there’s no need to, like, rush back from Ireland. Luke’s fine. We’re getting all the help we need at the hospital so you take your time and do whatever you need to do over there.’ He grinned and gave a thumbs-up into the camera.

  ‘She’s going to think we don’t want her to come back,’ came Shannon’s voice.

  Callum turned away from the camera. ‘I didn’t say that. I just said not to rush back. I didn’t say don’t come back.’

  ‘Well, she might think we don’t want her to rush back and she might stay forever.’

  ‘I hardly think she’s going to—’

  ‘Just give me that thing.
’

  Everything went blurry and I heard Shannon muttering, ‘If you want a job done well, do it yourself.’ Her face then appeared on the screen. She smiled and waved, ‘Hi, Mum!’

  I grabbed Ben’s arm. ‘Rewind it.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I think she called me Mum.’

  He fiddled with the phone and handed it back to me.

  ‘…well, do it yourself. Hi, Mum!’

  Tears pricked my eyes. ‘She did! She called me Mum. She usually calls me Clare.’

  Aisling reached for my hand and squeezed it.

  ‘What Callum was trying to say is that we know what happened and…’

  I turned to Ben, eyes wide, my heart racing. ‘They know?’

  Ben shook his head. ‘No! Not that. They know your mum had a go at you and asked you to leave the wake. That’s all they know. I hope you don’t mind.’

  ‘That’s grand. I just wouldn’t want Shannon to know… other stuff. Sorry, Ben, can you rewind? I missed the rest.’

  ‘…what happened and we hope you’re okay. I’ve had a lot of thinking time while you’ve been away and I’m really sorry I’ve given you a hard time. Your mum sounds like a right cow, and I should be grateful that it’s not hereditary and that you’re really nice.’

  ‘Really, really nice,’ Callum shouted in the background.

  A tear slipped down my cheek at that point.

  ‘Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to make a special effort not to be so stroppy when you get back and you have permission to send me to the naughty step if I am.’

  The camera moved away from Shannon and focused on Luke asleep in a cot next to her bed. ‘Luke misses his grandma,’ Shannon said, ‘and apologises that he fell asleep before he could tell you himself. And I miss you too.’

  ‘So do I,’ Callum cried. The phone turned around and focused on him giving the camera a stupid grin, then returned to Shannon.

  ‘If you need a few more days or even a few more weeks in Ireland, we understand. We know you have things to sort out. When you get back, there are things we want to sort out. We still want to get married, but we don’t think we need to run off to Gretna Green this time. We’d like something small and I’d like you to give me away. We also need to decide where to live. I hear that Whitsborough Bay comes highly recommended. Neither of us has been so there are no guarantees, but if we do decide to make our home there, we’d like you to join us. If you want to, that is.’

  Callum snatched the phone off her. ‘What she meant to say is that you’re still welcome to join us even if we don’t move to Whitsborough Bay.’

  ‘That’s what I said.’

  ‘No, it isn’t! You said that she could join us if we decided to make our home there, which implied she couldn’t join us if we settled anywhere else.’

  ‘Bollocks!’

  I giggled at the sound of Shannon using my favourite expletive.

  Shannon snatched the phone back. ‘Okay, so Mr Pedantic here has clarified things. I hope you’ll join us wherever we settle. And we don’t mean as a live-in babysitter or anything like that. I’m sure you’d want and need your own space. We just want you to be around. Luke needs his grandma and I need my mum.’

  ‘Only if you want to,’ Callum called.

  ‘Yes, only if you want to. Which we hope you do. But, like, there’s no pressure or anything. Well, not much.’ Shannon looked to her right and frowned. ‘Sorry. Got to go. Tablet time. Say goodbye, Luke.’ The camera panned onto Luke, still fast asleep, then onto Callum.

  ‘Thanks, Ben, for coming to visit and filming this. Give Clare a big hug from us all when you see her. Keep us posted.’

  They both chorused, ‘Bye,’ then the video stopped.

  I wiped at my cheeks, but I couldn’t speak. They liked me, they wanted me to live wherever they lived and Shannon had called me Mum. After a very shaky start, today was shaping up to be the best day ever. I’d discovered that Ma – the woman I hated – was no blood relation to me; I’d discovered that Ellen Shaughnessy – a woman who’d always been friendly, despite knowing what I called her – was actually my mum, and I’d discovered that my daughter – the one who’d resented me all her life – actually wanted me around. I bet Daran was looking down and smiling.

  46

  ✉︎ From Elise

  I’m so sorry. Melody had a temperature spike and I haven’t touched my phone for days. She’s fine now, but I’ve only just heard your voicemail. I’m sorry about your dad. I hope he was kind to you at the end. How were the wake and the funeral? I’ll check my texts intermittently but I’m not able to answer my phone on the baby unit. Thinking of you xxx

  I put my mobile back in my bag as Ben drove us back to the hotel that evening.

  ‘What did Sarah say?’ Ben asked.

  Shite!

  ‘You didn’t call her, did you?’ Ben said, when I didn’t answer. ‘You left a message with Elise but you didn’t call my sister. I don’t understand.’

  ‘It wasn’t deliberate. Elise had texted me with a Melody update so I rang and left a message on Tuesday night. I didn’t think to call Sarah. You’re annoyed with me, aren’t you?’

  ‘Not annoyed, but I am disappointed. I asked you to call her a week ago.’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot on.’

  ‘I know you have, but she could really use a friend right now.’

  I twisted in my seat so I could see his face, albeit only occasionally lit by the street lighting. ‘Seriously, Ben, stop it with the cryptic stuff. What’s going on?’

  ‘I’m not telling you. Call my sister.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll do it now.’ I held the phone to my ear. ‘Switched off.’

  ‘Try again later.’

  ‘Yes, sir!’ I saluted him.

  ‘Sorry. I don’t mean to lecture you. I’ll shut up about it now. What do you fancy doing tonight?’

  ‘I could do with a long, hot bath, then a lie-down on the bed with a film.’

  ‘Do you want some company? I mean, for the film, not in the bath!’

  I laughed. ‘Just as well. The bath’s not that big.’

  ‘Do you think the hotel will be full, with it being a weekend?’

  ‘I doubt it, but why?’

  ‘I need a room.’

  I nudged him. ‘Don’t be daft. It’s pointless you shelling out when I’ve got a king-sized bed. I think I can trust you for another night. I might even let you sleep under the duvet this time.’

  A bath, followed by room service and a movie, was exactly what I needed. It felt more like our usual weekend together: safe and predictable. It would have been even better with an Indian or Chinese, but burgers and fries made a pretty good replacement. They came with gherkins, which Ben hates, so I challenged him to eat his and mine without gagging, vomiting or even pulling a disgusted face. All credit to that man. He rose to the challenge. I didn’t mind passing the king back to him on the day I’d won it, because it felt good to be exchanging him for something light-hearted again.

  I really needed that evening of stupidity, banter and a complete avoidance of talking about anything complicated, like my family or the rape. I knew I would need to address questions around Shannon’s parentage, but I didn’t need to do it at that moment. I already knew that I was going to seek the professional help that Ben had suggested because I suspected that, when I fully recovered from the shock about Ma and Ellen and everything that meant for my family, the rape would be the only thing I could think about. And it could destroy me. I didn’t want to be that person. I wanted to get through it and I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

  The following morning, the bedroom phone rang as Ben and I were packing.

  ‘Ms O’Connell, it’s Cara on reception. There’s a visitor for you. She says she’s your sister.’

  Aisling. ‘Grand. I’ll be down in five minutes.’

  Only it wasn’t Aisling in reception. It was Nia.

  I cringed at the sight of her left arm in a sling.
‘Nia! Hi.’

  ‘Is there somewhere we can talk?’

  ‘I could take you up to my room, but Ben’s there. The bar’s empty.’ I indicated the entrance. Nia nodded and let me lead her to a table in the corner.

  I winced at her black eye too. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Sore. Not the first time. Won’t be the last.’

  ‘Nia! You’re not taking him back, are you?’

  She fiddled with a tassel on her scarf. ‘What choice do I have? I’ve no job and no skills or experience, so who’d take me on? I’ve no home. The house is Jim’s and I’ve no money of my own. I wouldn’t want to move back in with Ma, not that she’d let me. I’ve no friends. Jim pushed them all away. I’ve got nothing, Clare. Jim says that, if I drop the charges, he’ll keep a roof over my head and he promises not to hit me again.’

  ‘Do you believe him?’

  Nia didn’t answer.

  ‘Nia! Do you believe him?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. I’m scared of him, Clare. Really scared.’ She looked up, her large, frightened eyes meeting mine. ‘Were you scared?’

  ‘I’ve never been so terrified in my whole life.’

  ‘Did he hurt you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘A lot?’

  ‘Yes.’

  She pressed her fingers to her lips. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I knew he had a crush on you at school. He used to make out that you liked him too and he’d turned you down, but I knew you couldn’t stand him. He said things about you over the years. Cruel things. Looking back now, they make sense but, you have to believe me, I had absolutely no idea that my husband had… I’m sorry, I can’t even say the word. He’s such a bad man.’ She shook her head and lowered her eyes again. ‘I’m so ashamed.’

  ‘What are you ashamed for? He’s the one who raped me. He’s the one who should be ashamed. Unless… Jesus Christ! Did he rape you too, Nia?’