Paradise Lodge

by Riina Y T

  Luke rolled his eyes. “The sister I would have had if my parents hadn’t stopped having sex after I was born, then.”

  Parker chimed in, “To be honest, we were pretty worried about you guys. The way you two acted had already affected our songwriting, as well as put a strain on our band in general, whether you want to admit it or not. And after our last meeting, well, let’s just say, it hadn’t gone past Lucy and everyone; we knew something was up.”

  “I appreciate your honesty,” I said. “We probably could’ve figured this out and resolved it some other way, but as you can see, your plan did the trick.” I glanced at Azariah. He smiled at me. I added, “Azariah and I talked.”

  “I’m sure you did more than talk,” Luke said, snickering.

  Just then, Lucy barged into the room, effectively ending Luke’s teasing. “Guys, let’s touch base quickly before the party gets started. With these new revelations,”—Lucy said as she glanced pointedly at me and Azariah—“I’m sure we have a lot of catching up to do.”

  BY THE TIME the party was in full swing, I was feeling Azariah’s absence as if we hadn’t seen each other in years instead of a few hours. He’d spent the night catching up with Parker, before goofing off together with Parker’s girlfriend, Christine. Meanwhile, Lucy had quite a lot of band business to discuss before allowing me to mingle with the rest of the group. It wasn’t a lot of fun watching the others play beer pong and video games all night. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to be left alone, confused by this strange somberness filling me.

  After getting a bite to eat, I left Luke playing Twister with Lucy and some guys from our staff. With a drink in one hand, I held up my smartphone to check the time, but before I could unlock it, the display lit up with a Twitter notification. It was Azariah. I’d subscribed to the guys’ accounts, as well as a few other people I followed and didn’t want to miss out on status updates.

  azariah☠@AzariahBell

  There is no Wi-Fi in paradise. I know because that’s where I spent all week. I regret nothing.

  That guy! I felt floaty and melty and was probably grinning like a goof. Lucy had brought along the knowledge of how to activate the Internet connection up here, and I realized I hadn’t missed it as much as I thought I would. But then again, I never was as addicted to the cyber stuff as my friends. It was fun to share silly photos of the guys every now and then, but I didn’t constantly tweet and document every meal or gym trip like Luke. The guy was obsessed with social media.

  I sought out Azariah’s styled dark hair and found him leaning against the back of a rustic sofa in the corner of the room, head bent over his own phone. At my whistle, Azariah looked up. Instantly our eyes met, and a shy smile appeared, chasing away the serious expression I’d glimpsed.

  Azariah walked up to me, his gaze never leaving mine. I felt a little dizzy, probably shouldn’t have had a second pina colada. I was such a lightweight.

  “Hey.” Azariah nodded. I raised my cocktail glass and clinked it against his half-empty champagne flute.

  I said, “Cheers,” and took a step closer, catching a whiff of flowery perfume.

  “Come with me,” Azariah said and touched my arm. Silently, he led me toward the cabin door. I put my glass on the table we passed, Azariah doing the same. Then we left the loud chaos behind, and I welcomed the darkness of the night, the chill in the air refreshing.

  “Sweet tweet,” I said and held up my phone before putting it away, sliding it into the back pocket of my pants. “You’re a dork.”

  Azariah leaned against the wooden porch railing and grinned at me, his white teeth on display and brown eyes sparkling. “Can I be your dork?”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t know.” I met his eyes. “Can you?” I touched his hand, and a thrill raced through me. I also felt a little queasy, trying and failing to sort my racing thoughts. “What are we going to do? I mean, I guessed come next week it’s back to how things were before,” I said, and internally cringed. It had all sounded better and easier in my head.

  “Doesn’t have to be, right?” Azariah searched my face. There were twinkling little fairy lights strung all over the patio, bathing Azariah in a pretty yellow glow. “We can give this a try, can’t we?”

  Yes, yes, yes!

  I wanted to scream with excitement.

  It would suck so bad to have to go back to how everything had been one week ago. I didn’t want us to be just friends again. Could I give up the privilege to hug, touch and kiss Azariah however and whenever I wanted?

  “Can you see it happening?” I asked. “You want us to be together? For real and everyone to see?” The other night, I asked him why he never mentioned being attracted to guys. The four of us spent so much time together I figured something so significant should’ve come up at one point. Learning he lacked the confidence to broach the subject of his sexuality with his closest friends hurt a little, but more so, I was sad he’d been afraid to tell us, despite how accepting everyone had been of my bisexuality.

  Azariah assured me it wasn’t only fear of “making it real” by putting his sexuality into words that held him back, he also never saw the need to come out to us—as pansexual, in his case—since there weren’t many people who caught his eye anyway. None of his relationships had been with guys, and he wasn’t the type to brag about past or present hookups.

  “And you know, it’s not like you wake up one morning thinking, ‘Oh, hey, I’m pansexual! Woohoo, mystery solved!’” Azariah had told me. “Figuring this shit out is a lot more complicated and it takes time; at least it did for me.”

  “So, you’re pansexual?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool.”

  And that had been it.

  By now, I knew Azariah well enough to understand he didn’t give his heart away easily; he needed someone he could trust completely before he was comfortable enough to make himself vulnerable for that person. I felt happy, and lucky I could be his someone. Having been friends for so long, I wanted Azariah happy. I promised myself I’d do everything possible to ensure he would be. Seeing him smile always made my day.

  “Absolutely.” Azariah sounded so sure, like no matter what would happen he’d stand by me. It warmed my heart.

  “Have you thought this through though? I mean, it might get rough with the public; we could lose fans, sponsors even, and we might end up fighting again and then what?” Would it be possible to stay friends, continue with our music as if nothing had changed while our lives would turn upside down? Could we navigate through the changes that would certainly come, guided by our love and friendship, without losing direction?

  “Aren’t I supposed to be the one who worries too much? You always tell me to take more risks and try to see the positive side of things.”

  “I know,” I said, my heart racing. Azariah pushed into my space, his sweet scent filling my nose. I inhaled deeply, loving the way he smelled. “Just want to make sure we’re on the same level, and while I might worry, I want to give us a chance. I want to be your boyfriend, and because that would be so awesome, I want everyone to know.” I grinned. “I need someone I can always count on and trust completely to have my back when shit hits the fan; you know how awful people can be, and I think you and me? I think we can make it work.”

  “Thank you for believing I can be that person for you. I don’t want to do anything half-assed when it comes to us.” He ran his fingers across my cheek, then his thumb traced my lower lip. I shivered.

  “I hoped you’d say that,” I admitted, kissing the tip of his finger. “You know it won’t be a walk in the park, every decision we make will affect the band in some way, so—”

  “Don’t worry too much, Ky,” Azariah cut me off. He tugged me by my hand and pulled me against his side. I wrapped an arm around his waist and held on. “Life taught me not to want too many things, and I’ve been doing quite well… But this— I want this. I want this, with you, so much it terrifies me. But you know what? This is you and me we’re talking about. We�
��ll do this right, and it will be incredible.”

  Then he kissed me.

  I knew it was easy to get caught up in how good everything between us felt at the moment, but sooner or later, things might go sour. I never wanted that for us. Neither of us had made a lot friends outside of Moving Insignia; it wasn’t easy connecting with people when you were constantly on the go. It’s been Luke, Parker, Azariah, Lucy for so long, losing either of them would wreck me. Since predicting the future was impossible, and sometimes risks had to be taken to gain something amazing, I was sure we were making the right decision.

  “It’s not midnight yet.” I tried to keep a straight face as I teased, “Aren’t we supposed to wait with the kissing?”

  “Naw, don’t worry, “Azariah whispered against my lips. He kissed my cheek. “I have enough kisses for you to last us forever. We’ll just make out until the fireworks start, then make out some more.”

  So, we did, and it was wonderful. I barely felt the chill in the air, so lost in Azariah and those intoxicating kisses. I groaned when Azariah pulled away just as the door opened and Luke called out to us, “Stop sucking face, and come inside and watch the countdown with us, it’s almost midnight.”

  After I reached for Azariah’s hand, we followed Luke back into the cabin. The music had died down and everyone stopped their games, all eyes on the television. We found us a cozy spot on the sofa next to Parker and Christine. Since we didn’t have our own fireworks up here at the lodge, watching the New Year’s Eve Ball Drop on Times Square was the next best thing, I supposed.

  When it did, I took Azariah’s face in both hands and pressed a lingering kiss on his chapped lips. Not satisfied, he deepened our lip-lock and kissed me until my spine tingled and my chest tightened and I could barely breathe. All noises faded away; I felt like I was stuck in another universe. One without gravity or concept of time, nothing but Azariah and me.

  Pressing my palm into his, enjoying the warmth of his skin, I tangled our fingers together. When Azariah lifted his head, our gazes colliding, I thought I might be the luckiest guy in the whole fucking world.

  Epilogue

  JULY—SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA

  AZARIAH

  I was humming while sorting through the shirts and accessories I bought in the early hours of the morning in Dongdaemun—one of Seoul’s biggest shopping districts, where shops are open until the middle of the night—when Ky came up behind me and wrapped himself around my back. He rested his chin on my shoulder and squeezed my waist. I felt him inhale, then exhale before he spoke.

  “Guess what? Luce gave us an unexpected morning off. Wanna go exploring?”

  “No kidding?” Hopeful, I turned around in Ky’s embrace.

  He grinned and kissed me, and I sank into his arms, reveling in the warmth of his body. Gods, he was always so warm and cuddly; it made me want to stop time and just be. Wrapped up in Ky, nothing else seemed to matter.

  “What about the cable car thing and radio show? I thought we were leaving in an hour or so?”

  “Still happening, but we’re not expected back here until one o’clock. Change of plans, I guess.” Ky grinned and my heart skipped a beat. “So, wanna go hit a coffee shop or something?” Squeezing me, he added, “See what’s out there?”

  Awesome! I’d been thrilled to discover our schedule for the next couple of weeks didn’t appear to be as tight as it had been in Europe and back home in America. We’d be having almost five hours to ourselves now? Man, that would totally kick ass. I could do with a break; the traveling and lack of sleep was starting to take its toll on me.

  After we’d arrived from Amsterdam yesterday afternoon, we barely had a chance to adjust to the time difference, let alone catch up on sleep. We’d barely finished checking into our hotel when Lucy had rushed us to interviews with various teen mags and TV stations, followed by a long-ass band meeting over a traditional Korean fried chicken dinner. At one point, I could have sworn I’d fallen face-first in my side of kimchi. The fact we’d managed to squeeze in a swim in the hotel pool and a midnight shopping trip still surprised me. I did feel it today, though, and even the promise of breakfast hadn’t done its trick— I hadn’t wanted to move from where I’d been wrapped around Ky’s lovely body!

  The past half year had been wicked crazy. In between concerts, we’d had a lot of promotional appearances, radio interviews, and TV performances. When we weren’t rehearsing, we were posing for photographers, sitting for hours upon hours giving interviews or playing acoustic versions of our new single “Homebound” here and there. It was great keeping busy and all, but the amount of hours we spent repeating ourselves to the media made my head spin and it was damn exhausting.

  “Hell, yeah! I looooove when Lucy is being nice to us for a change,” I told Ky with a grin and, bouncing on my toes, pulled him into another kiss. As I melted into him, I wished we could just stay in and spend the next few hours in bed, but I knew from experience we wouldn’t be undisturbed for long…

  Reluctantly, we untangled, and I went to the drawer where I’d been organizing my recent purchases. I grabbed the silver ring and leather bracelet I had been unable to say no to and put them on. Turning to Ky, who was sliding his hands through his backpack straps, I said, “What about the others? Are they coming?”

  Just then, Parker poked his head through the open door connecting our bedrooms, his sharp eyes zeroing in on us immediately. I grinned. He’d dyed his buzzed-hair pink on our last day in Amsterdam. It made him look funky as hell, even more so when combined with the short-sleeved white leather jacket that showed off his tattoos and the ripped jeans he rocked.

  “Luke and I are gonna go to the dollar store before we head out. You guys want anything? They have those weird pizza chips and peach soda we got last night!”

  “Sure,” Ky said and bent down to tie his sneakers. “And some gum, please.”

  “Will you bring back something sweet for me. Anything with—”

  “Chocolate,” all three of us said at the same time.

  Parker and Ky shared a look then burst out laughing. Funny guys. I rolled my eyes. Grabbing my sunglasses, wallet, and phone, I shoved Parker and Ky out of the hotel room and closed the door behind me, grinning all the way to the lobby. By the check-in counter, we met Lucy and Mark Spencer, our photographer and friend. He’d been with us for a couple of years now, and besides documenting almost every moment of our lives, he also directed and filmed all our music videos and tour diaries. Luke came bouncing down the stairs not a minute later. After high-fiving everyone, he joined Parker, Lucy, and Mark. We said goodbye to the four of them as we parted ways.

  Outside the hotel, the inner-city streets were busy with locals and tourists, and the heavy traffic made it difficult to move around. I spotted a bus stop right at the curb, but we decided against it in favor of exploring the neighborhood on foot, passing small brightly lit boutiques, lively restaurants, and countless local chain stores. It was a mix of cheerful colors and dull grays, rundown businesses among well-patronized places, sprinkled with what I guessed were new openings.

  “Had I known we’d get to take a look around today, I would have scouted for some cool places to check out in the area,” I told Ky after a few minutes. We were just walking by what appeared to be an office block, the glass door entrance sprawling with men and women in suits.

  “This is fun, though, isn’t it?” Ky was looking through a shoe store display when a young guy pushing a mountain bike walked past us.

  “Oooh. Look at that ass,” I whispered and nudged Ky. “I’ve never appreciated biking shorts more than right now.” They were light blue and skintight, mouthwateringly so. They left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

  Ky poked my cheek. “What? Are you checking out other guys already?”

  “Just enjoying the sights.”

  Ky snorted. “I thought you only had eyes for me.”

  I grinned and stuck out my tongue. “We both know you’d look good in bike shorts.”

&
nbsp; Ky leaned in and whispered, “And you’d look good out of biking shorts,” making me laugh.

  Despite everything we’d seen, done, and shared together over the past years, I blushed, my heart racing. Holy shit! I finally understood why people in relationships got so crazy. I’d never felt like this.

  Being with Ky taught me to learn and listen in new ways, and sometimes it seemed like he opened my eyes and heart to a new world, while for my whole life I’d been going through the motions in some kind of alternate universe, never knowing what it was like to really be with someone.

  Ky and I bring out the best in each other, we give and take, and sometimes we bicker, but we’ve learned when to put our egos aside. Most of all, we love. With Ky, I was flying, and it was the best I’d ever felt. I wanted him to take me higher, to soar into the sky, and to never touch the earth again.

  Taking my hand, Ky squeezed my fingers and said, “I’m glad we get to hang out together before the crazy continues.” Dating Ky hadn’t changed anything, we still were the best of friends, and I enjoyed nothing more than wasting time in his company.

  “Me too. Can you believe we’re in Seoul right now? I’ve always hoped we would be touring Asia and look at us! We’re in freaking South Korea! Isn’t it amazing?” I sounded as excited as I felt, like I was drunk on life. My cheeks hurt from how hard I was grinning, and my skin buzzed with anticipation.

  “I know, this is surreal,” Ky agreed. “What’s next on our agenda? Tokyo, Nagoya, Bangkok, Hong Kong…”

  It was difficult to have a conversation out here; groups of kids pushed past us left and right, and the shop’s speakers were booming with K-pop music. How these clerks didn’t suffer from the world’s worst headache was a mystery to me.

  Like a dazzled teenager, I couldn’t keep my eyes off Ky. I couldn’t stop smiling either. Gazing at Ky, everything around us, including the noise, seemed to fade into the background. He looked adorkable. On his nose sat a pair of red retro sunglasses, one of those groovy round ones with light brown shades. He wore a short-sleeved dress shirt in light gray with tiny pink octopuses all over.